Broken But Alive To Live Again~


1. Life as it is~

I stared out the window in shame... What's wrong with me? Why am I so fat? Ugly... Worthless... Nobody wants me... I remember I was having a great day one time, not letting a single thing bother me, but my mother took a picture... That just ruined it, I didn't wanna see my fat body in the pic.... I was wearing my favorite black converse, still have them by the way, and all in all I loved the whole outfit... The tights and the shorts... But my mum just had to show me the pic... Shame on her. She knows I can't stand pictures of myself. I'm too ugly to be in a photo...but she knows

I clutched my necklace and tears came falling and streaming, I couldn't help it. Gosh! Why are you so weak?!? I couldn't take this last straw I ran towards the bathroom and found the sharpest thing, of course a shaver... I took the little sharp disc out.. I stared at it a while.. "I never cut" I whispered to myself... I was on too much pressure, nobody even remembers my name, they see me though, they look at me oddly... I took all the pain I was caused back in the little community I used to live in.... That's it, I cut four slices on my wrist, letting the blood flow out like a river, and let it consume my thoughts to focus on the pain... Or was I the pain? My salty tears dropped on the cuts and stung worse than it was when I cut my wrist... "Gosh dang it!" I said to myself. If I was gonna cut, I should've cut my thighs or legs! Now I have to wear stupid longer sleeves... What if I clean them? They'll be turn out fine.... Then I realized... The first time I've cut.... That's just life as it is.. When pain consumes you, and you just can't let go of any past memories... It just sort of becomes you...

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