1. naked

Ever felt empty and like everything you do is wrong.? Well i have, My name is Bonnie im a 16 year old and i am telling my story about how my life was or atleast how i allways saw it.

It all hit my by surprise here i was waking up like a normal teenager and going to a normal highscool when Lana and i decided to have a discussion. Sometimes when im with her i feel like everythig i do in life is wrong and that she doesnt appreciate everything i so. She sometimes doesnt even see it and thinks i dont improve. It really broke my heart, anyways i went to school i was so depressed that i felt that i could be rude to anyone in my way it was the worst day if my life. So thats when it all came to me starting with when my grandmother told me i was adopted and so was my sister Alanis. Alanis still doesnt know by the way that were both adopted. Anyway back to my story. What hurt the most was that my parents werent the one to tell me i had to hear it from my grandmother only because supposly inwasnt behaving good with my parents.!:( Then after that Lana and Jai decided to divorce and it hurt me allot especially when i was sitting at their bed when the bathroom door was open and i saw both of them yelling and screeming at each other faces. Then me and Lana werent the best if friends in a way. We moved to aguada with Alanis. Everything was working fine when Lana started hitting me and hurtin me in a way. I thought it was dicciplin but i got really tired i felt abused i dint like to be hit Jai never hitted me ever.! So theres this one time where i was so sad that i ran to the living room and said that i wanted to kill myself so Lana called me in her bathroom and she asked me what i said i told her and she slapped me accross my face and i had a black lkne close to my eye it was sk noticabble everyone at school my friendz asked me and my councelor but ofcourse i lied. Thelle belive i hit myself with the door. When it all happened we ended up going to family child services and what really hurt me and i will never forgive Lana fir this is that she lied that she dint do this and ofcourse im always hoping that Lana lied to keep me and protect me do better. But then after all of that started the hitting and me hating her wich i hated the most because shes the love of my love i love my mother. Lana and i argued over such stuped things that i just coulndt bare living with her as much as it kills me... i wanted to suicide myself i wanted to not exist no more...Lana asked me a few weeks ago that how many times i thoguht of that and why and i lied i cant talk to Lana it is just not possible she doesnt u derstand me nobody does i just want slmethn that i can brake and get all my pain away and not think about it all. I thoguht if killing myself more than once. One thing i havent told Lana is that i keep record of all the times ive wanted to kill myself or run away and honestly its allot. Most of the reasons is because i think of my past and i feel depressed. Mostly due to the fact that my birth parents where such idiots who decided to have sex and then get pregnnt and not care about her daughter! I wish they are in hell and are enjoying themselves i really want to know them especially now that i figured out this summer that me and Alanis are from the same dad different mothers. So basically our birthdad is a man whore. I hate him for doing this to my mom and not even caring about me i feel left out likr nobody wanted me. Especially since according to my grams my mother died at the hospital but when i ask about thwm i feel like Lana and Jai are allways going to lie about them. Thats why i dont ask but when im 18 my first prioroty is to look for my birth parents know who they are and what they look like and what happened. Ive never told anyone but everynight i end up listening to the song "Yo Te Extra?are" is my song dedicated to them its one song that i can relate with them. Its one if my favorite songs. i want to go back on time and want to get so see them and hugg them and never let go. Other than that i am grateful that i have an eccelent family like the one i have now.! This is my life expirience!!:)

Hope you enjoy

Live, Brandy:)

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