Just a friend

" do you like him?"

" no, he's my best friend"

but the more I thought about the question the more I hated the real answer, Yes.


17. avoid your feelings

I heard the little buz of my phone alarm go off next to the bed. I sighed reaching over, turning it off, then making it a point to throw my phone to the floor.

I took a shower, straightened my hair, and got dressed. I put on old faded jeans, a white tank top with a studded cross in the center, and to top it off, a black jacket and black combat boots.

I did heavy eye liner and mascara around my eyes. And had to put loads of foundation on to cover up my tiredness from lack of sleep.i huffed looking at myself in the mirror. I didn't look bad, I just didn't look myself.

I ran over to my pen and pad ripping off a piece of paper and writing to louis were I had gone ( the park) I took my bag, stuffed my drawling pad, pens, my phone and wallet in then walked off.

I got to the gates of the park, jogging over to a huge tree with low branches and climbed up. In the past month that we've been here, I've made this my thinking spot. I always find one, I'm a girl what can I say I get emotional.

I pulled out my drawling pad and a black pen. I doodled for awhile, nothing special. Lodes of cartoons. My phone started ringing, I carefully pulled it out of the bag, balancing my pen and pad on my lap.

Louis' caller ID popped up and flashed on the screen. I felt stomach aches thinking about talking to him. I bit my lip leaning against the tree and letting it ring. I felt bad but, I couldn't help it. It's hard to talk and hang out with someone the same when you start to like them.

A minute or so later Liam's caller ID came on my screen along with the same ring. I pulled it up to my ear " hello"

I heard a sigh of relief " you scared us" Liam breathed "why didn't you answer any of louis' calls or texts?"

I bit my lip " um.... Li I don't really think I can talk right now"

" why what's wrong" he fired. I had to come up with an excuse. I looked around " uhh.... I'm in a tree right now" I trailed off.

" sky why are you in a tree" he huffed, tipical behavior for me, he doesn't like it very much though, he thinks it's unsafe. "just..... Um.... Ill call you later Li, just tell the boys I'm fine and I'll be home later..... Ok?" I didn't wait for his answer, just hung up.

I shoved everything into my bag and climbed down the tree. When I got to the bottom I looked around the park until I found it, the boulder, just behind it is a long, narrow path that leads to an abandoned farmers shed.

I pulled out my phone and shoved in my earphones. I turned on 'bullet' by HollyWood Undead, I love this song because I used to be suicidal, honestly my family wasn't so good growing up. My dad left, and my step dad came to stay with us. He never really liked me much but was obsessed with Harry. But I'm not anymore but that's because of this song. Instead of doing the the things I'd think about, I'd sing about it. (Listen to the song, it's dark but good)

The song repeated about 3 times by the time I got to the shed. I jogged up to the building, opening the rusty latch and slipping in. I coughed as dirt and dust filled the room.

I searched through the old gardening tools until I found a pair of old rusty hedge sheers. A little smirk plastered on my face as I reached down and picked them up, damn they were heavy.

I walked outside and started destroying the vines the were growing up the sides of the shed. Singing 'bullet' the whole time. I honestly don't care how much I play it, I will always love that song.

" my legs are dangling off the edge, a stomach full of pills didn't work again, I put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone" I sang as I swung,

When I was done and out of breath I threw the sheers to the ground and turning on my heel. There behind me stood a scared Harry starring at me with glassy eyes.

My eyes went wide as I stared back "what was that" he mumbled, I turned and looked back at the shed, it didn't look pretty anymore, a wreck actually.

" sky" he yelled sending my attention back towards him. I knew why he was scared, he knew how I used to be, he knew everything, especially the song.

I bit lip and felt my heart sink " it wasn't like that, I didn't do anything" I whispered. Looking at my feet. "Show me" he demanded.

I went over to him, he ripped up both my sleeves and stared at my arms, nothing. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me holding me close. I knew he was gonna watch me like a hawk now, he always does when I sing that song.

He pulled away from the hug. And pulled me back to the park, there stood louis pacing around and looking really worried. My stomach got this weird bubbly feeling in it as he turned to us.

" sky" he yelled and ran up to me and Harry, grabbing me and wrapping me up in a tight protective squeeze. I closed my eyes tight trying to avoid everything I was feeling, it wasn't working.

" don't scare me like that EVER again, you hear me" he said. I nodded as he pulled away from our hug. I felt a slight relief in my stomach now we were separated.

Harry took no time pulling me back into a his grip. " sky what happened?" Louis starred directly at me. I looked at the ground, avoiding his gaze because that feeling came back. Well actually got stronger, when he's around it never seems to go away.

" sky" Harry snapped me back into reality, guess I zoned. " nothing happened" mumbled so low it was barely audible. I starred at my shoes, they were so small compared to the boys.

" come on, I'll drive you home" louis said reaching for my hand. My stomach did flips and spins inside me. " no" I yelled pulling my hand back "I wanna walk"

I kept my gaze towards the ground, I knew I just hurt louis, BAD. By the horrible silence that fell over us. I pulled away from Harry and pushed past louis.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I am probably the worst person alive. " I'm going with you" he shouted from behind. I shook my head and walked faster " I wanna walk alone" I'm going to hell.

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