Story Of My Life

This is my story. Well i changed parts of it, as Liam, Zayn, Niall, Louis, Harry and Justin aren't my best friends :(
My story is about selfharm, eating disorders and suicidal thoughts.


4. The Dressingroom

After the tv-show, Justin and I went back to the dressing room. "Justin, do you know where I can find the bathroom?" "No, i guess its on the hallway." "Okay, i'll take a look." "Wait i'll come with you, we will look for it together." "No I can find it myself." "But.." "Just stay in here!" I raised my voice and left. "Didn't know you would get upset." He said to himself with a sad voice.

I found the toilet, there was another girl doing her make-up. "Hi" she said. "Hello" i replied. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes started watering, my belly started hurting and my knees started shaking. "Are you all right?" The girl asked. She had her beautiful blonde hair in a messy bun. She had a flawless face and beautiful blue eyes. She looked worried. "Yes, I'm fine. I just need a little water, thank you." I said. I drunk a little water and washed my hands. "Be carefull" the beautiful girl said. "I will, goodbye" i said, and she left.
I was still staring at myself in the mirror, wondering how I got this fat. I used to be a skinny girl but now I'm fat. I lost 17 lbs but I didn't see the difference. I hated myself because i tried so hard to loose weight and I just failed. I looked down to my belly and legs, my eyes got wet and a tear drop fell on the floor. I turned around and opened the door of the toilet. After I closed it, I kneeled down to the toilet and the tears streamed down my face. I smashed my hand against the toilet. I felt the pain but it wans't enough. I foreced myself to throw up and smashed my hand against the wall. I was so mad at myself i didn't realise i broke the wall. One of the tiles on the wall broke in two, and some others broke in more pieces. I grabbed my hair and pulled. I pulled so hard that i pulled some of my hair out. I cried even more, because i got even uglier. I hated myself. I stared at the toilet, placed my finger in my mouth and vomited once more. I flushed the toilet, whiped the tears of my face and opened the door. I looked at myself in the mirror, again. Washed my hands and removed the mascara under my eyes. Smiled to myself, grabbed my bag and left the toilets.


I opened the door of the dressing room and saw Justin. He was sitting on the sofa with his earphones in and his back facing the door. He didn't see or hear me coming in. I sat down on the sofa as well, he didn't seem to have noticed me. I saw a tear falling on his phone. I looked at him, but i couldn't see his face. One more tear fell on his phone. "Did I do this?" I wondered. I reached for his and and touched it. His head turned around and his painful eyes looked at me. I saw his pain, and it hurted me as well. My eyes filled with tears and took the earphones out of his ears. "Justin, what's wrong?" I asked with a shaky voice. "I'm fine, thank you." "Justin, you're not fine, you're crying. Let me help you." I said and kissed his cheek. "No i'm fine, just tired." He said. "Sweetie tell me what is wrong, don't lie to me." "You tell me you're fine all the time, i can see there is something wrong with you. I wanna help you but you don't let me help you. It hurts Rose, it feels like you don't thrust me anymore and i wonder if you ever did."

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