You changed me, almost.

A year and a half has passed and I am trying to cope with my twins. They have changed me,Almost.
I may still be the same girl inside but I am fighting to be a good mum.

It is my birthday in 2 weeks and my dad's tour ends in 1 week. They are coming home to see me. It will be the first time the have seen me in a year and a half. It will be the first time ever they have seen my children.


21. Fight

I woke up and pushed Jem off my chest. She let out a little cry as she hit the floor.
"Sorry baby girl sorry" I said picking her up.
I changed into the outfit I picked out yesterday and I slid on the heels I chose. I stumbled into my daughters rooms tripping over Jem every step I took. I Pulled Devon out of her crib and changed her into a black dress with a teal strip around the waist and black shinny shoes. I placed her on the indoor swing and pressed the start button. It was an automatic swing, I had two. I changed Faith into the same outfit only hers had a red strip. I Put Faith in the other swing and hit start. I walked out the room and ran down the stairs.  
"Louis no one uses that kitchen upstairs can we change it into something else?" I begged.
"Only because no one uses it." Louis said sternly.
"Thank you so much, dad" I squealed and hugged Louis.
 "We will talk to everyone about it when they wake up" Louis said.
Liam, Danielle, Perrie, Zayn and Harry were still asleep. Niall was playing table football with Dean in the games room. I was walking into the living room with my orange juice when I hit my foot  and spilled my drink over the white fluffy rug that was near the sofa. 
"Why is this here?" I screamed pointing towards the suitcase.
"Dean is leaving" Louis replied casually.
"Why?" I asked.
"We only need him to help us settle in and keep people away for a bit." Louis replied.
"No I want him to stay." I spat.
"But he can't so get over it." Louis said picking the rug up.
"No. I want him to stay" I said stubbornly.
"Why do you want him to stay so badly?" Louis asked.
"Because apart from you guys and Jersey he is the only friend I have." I answered.
"You can make other friends we are here for good." Louis said.
"That's not the point. I don't wanna be here." I snapped.
"MIA he is leaving end of" Louis yelled.
"Fuck you" I shouted and stormed out of the front door.
I heard Niall and Dean asking Louis what happened but I decided to leave. I walked down to the play house my heels clicking against the concrete path as I did. I sat down on the make shift bed. I had turned this into a place for me to go to calm down. There was a blow up mattress with a pillow and a blanket, chair, table and a mini fridge which had two bottles of vodka, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, all which I took out of Zayn's room. I laid down and pulled my phone out of my bra, I yanked the case off of it and threw the case against the wall. I closed my eyes to stop myself crying. I wanted Dean to stay but I didn't want to stay here. 


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