Camp Truidine

The epic comedy, Camp Truidine (Troo-ih-deen) is a novel about a semi mentally unstable goofball named Maezee who finally decides to get back at her school with a massive prank. After pulling the prank she is punished by her mother and is sent to a correctional camp, Camp Truidine. At the camp she meets a special love interest, but he is not what you might think he is. Trouble brews in the camp with cliques that are trying to become rulers once and for all. Maezee in her friends have to work together to stop this madness and bring forth the real leader of the camp, Truidine.


5. Ma's Wrath


            Ma is what Maezee dreaded. The pure thought of what Ma would do almost made her want to die.  Walter’s family gave her a ride home and stopped for ice-cream on the way. His family then thanked Maezee for her bravery in helping Walter. She felt very guilty about this and wanted to confess, but she just couldn’t. If she did, she would no longer have a friend and she would also be in more trouble than she already was in.

            They finally reached her house and dropped her off.  Maezee walked to her front door, fearing what her mother would do.  She put her hand on the door-handle and counted to three.  She walked in and smelled an awful odor and she knew at once that her mom was cooking. Ma didn’t cook that often because she preferred KFC.  Maezee sat down at the table and sat there with a sickly face, waiting for her mom to say something.  Ma was wearing a apron with the body of a woman in a bikini on the front, an unlikely dream of hers.

            Without turning around, Ma said, ”Anything you want to tell me?”

            “I went to jail for pulling a prank and school and then I pushed Walter and he went to the hospital and he’s fine now, but I feel really bad and.. and..!” Maezee said nervously and quickly.

            “Whoah, what the heck?”, shouted Ma. “I was just wondering why you left the toilet seat up and didn’t flush! And what? How could this happen Maezzee? I expected better of you. Ha if I were you I would’ve robbed a bank too, but… yeah.”

            “Wait…,” said Maezee. “You’re not going to make me wax your hairy back and go to my room and ground me from Cheetos and dancing for a year?”

            “Nope, I’ve got something even better,” said Ma. “You’re going to Camp Avalanche. I’ve been planning this for quite a while and now I feel like this is the time to tell you. It’s a correctional camp for kids like you…”

            “Well anything is better than here in Slugbottom!”, Maezee yelled while she started to cry.

            She ran to her room and slammed the door and plopped on her bed and began to cry. After she calmed down, she read from her favorite book, How to Kill a 6-foot Tall Midget, written by the one and only Minerva Swine.

            Ma came into her room and sat at the foot of the bed. Maezee ignored her.

            “Dinner is ready,” Ma said. Maezee still ignored her.

“Ugh, listen. I’m not mad at you. I did way worse things when I was your age and I don’t regret a single one of them, because if I didn’t do them, I wouldn’t be the tramp I am today!”

            “But, I don’t want to be a filthy fat tramp like you!”, said Maezee.

            “Gosh, thanks for adding in the filthy and the fat!”, said Ma.

They both laughed. “I’m going on vacation with my gambling girl Rhonda and her sister D’rhonda. We’re going to Vegas, so I thought that you could use a fun place to go to.”

            Maezee had no comment and smiled. “No let’s go eat dinner,” said Ma.

            Ma fixed porkchops that were so bad they the both vomited in the toilet for half an hour. Ma ordered KFC and they both watched a movie.

            Ma sat down on the couch and the other side of the couch shot straight up. Maezee put in a movie and they both watched, laughing their heads off.

            Ma always got really attached to movies and would yell ferociously at the different characters.

            “You jerk! How dare could you divorce her without buying her KFC first?!”, Ma shouted. Maezee sat on the couch too and laughed with Ma.  At the end of the movie, The man divorced his wife and then his son who was three years old, moved off and got a job as a salad packager. Ma cried hysterically through the last parts of the movie whenever the baby died from salad poisoning and the long-lost mother came back and got run over by a semi-truck.

            Ma was in a screaming rampage due to how sad it was when suddenly there was a knock the door.

            “Who the heck is there?!”, Ma yelled, waddling like a penguin up to the door and flinging it open. There stood a little man, much smaller than her in only his underwear. His hands were tied up and he had lipstick kisses on his forehead. He was about fifty and smelled like fish.

            Ma put her hands on her hips and said, “Little man, you’ve got some problems coming to a fat woman’s house wearing only your undies.

            “Me and my wife are trying to have a candle-lit dinner and you won’t stop your stupid screaming; so if you could please shut..” Before he finished his sentence, Ma thrust her fist at his skinny face and knocked him out cold.

            Ma and Maezee went back inside and ma pulled out her computer and googled “Camp Avalanche”. She clicked the top result and on the front page there was a picture of a girl in a lawn-chair with two child burglers sneaking up behind her to mug her. The caption read, “Got a bad child? Need help? Can’t do it on your own? Then send him/her/it to Camp Avalanche! The highly renowned correctional camp for boys, girls and others!”

            “Wow,” Maezee said.

            Maezee looked over and saw Ma’s head drop back. She started to snore incredibly loud. She took the computer out of her lap and looked through the website. There was food, dancing, Cheetos and poker. Maezee liked that. She read that there were 5 star exquisite houses for the camp members and that every camper is given luxury treatment 24/7.  Maezee was so excited about this and immediately though, “What if Walter could come to?” If Walter were to come, they could finally do bad things without getting into trouble. “Each student is given 15 slaves to boss around as you please.”

            “Oh, my, gosh!”, she screamed excitedly. “This is the best camp ever!”

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