Through The Dark.

I've always been alone. I've always shielded myself from the world. I've always pushed those closest to me, far, far away. The fear of being hurt, if I ever let myself be vulnerable, held me back from ever loving life.
And whenever I look in the mirror, all I see is a worthless girl staring back at me.
But all of that is irrelevant when I'm with him.
He, without even knowing it, was helping me through the dark.


2. ~Chapter Two~

October, 2011

He smiled at me. I blushed and smiled back. I heard a nearby holler and turned to see a boy cupping his hands to his mouth, screaming our names. I turned my palms over. Sebastian “Bash” took the opportunity and held them in his palms, which were calloused yet gentle, and as he does, it sets off fireworks of butterflies in my stomach.

"Ignore them." I nodded, looking at him. I couldn’t, could I? He wouldn’t, would he? My eyes fell to his lips, bitten and slightly chapped, but then I tucked the notion down deep, burying it under mounds and mounds of fear.

"You okay?" He asked out of the blue, his evergreen eyes showing unease.

"Yeah, I’m just really tired,” I replied, trying to reassure him, feeling upset that I was upsetting him. I never liked it when my dark emotions affected those around me…I wasn’t worth their worrying. “Do you want to come home after school to work on AP Psych?"

His smile brightened. “You bet,” he answered. “See you then, Evie.”

My stomach somersaulted when he said my name and I almost fell into the abyss of happiness. I stepped back from the cliff in my mind and held my sad gaze on the ground, trying to distract myself, with thinking about the time when Sebastian and I started being so unwaveringly comfortable with each other. We had met when we were hardly five years old, just beginning to wonder about the world we thought our bubbles were.

"Someday you’re going to have to grab him and kiss him or I will."

I turned around, startled. Rory stood there, her lithe body shadowed by the large oak tree I was nestled beneath. “Oh, like you have the balls, Aurora.” 

She flipped me off, but smiled. “I don’t know, sometimes you never know what’s going on down there.” She pointed to the hem of her skirt and I push her away.

“Oh shut up.” I muttered, letting my hair cover my scarlet blushed cheeks.

She sits beside me, shaking a fallen leave from her hair, catching a few red strands in her fingers. “But honestly, it’s been eleven years. Get a move on.” Rory winks, standing up as quickly as she had sat down, offering me a hand. “Come on, sixth hour is about to start.”

The classes passed by in a blur, just a mix of numbers, letters, and foreign tongues, and then I found myself walking home. The back door of Sebastian’s apartment was unlocked and empty when I walked in.

I caught my reflection in a mirror as I passed it by and I felt my lungs tighten. My phone chirped and when I took it out, a message read, “Smile!”

Just on time, like the message always was. Rory had set it up on my phone. I still yet had to figure out how to disable it. It was unnecessary and helped none.

I stepped into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water and rummaged through my bag until I found the small bottle of pills. I slipped two onto my tongue and wash them down, feeling as if two bubbles were being pressed against my throat, after I set the glass down.

Sebastian wouldn’t be home until I was asleep, his bar shift running past the time I’d go to sleep, so I could get up early for my college classes. I headed upstairs, sitting on my bed, feeling myself being swallowed up by the fuzzy comforters.

"Not today. It’s been three days. It’s been my longest holding record. Not today," I whispered to myself and then I darkly laughed. As if I could ever deter my brain from a decision already made.

I felt myself stand, dropping my books and rushing to the bathroom. Tears welled in my eyes but the poison had already been drunk and there was no turning back now. The blade stung for a moment, but then it was quickly gone, a release left in its place. I pressed a section of toilet paper to the bubble of blood, watching as the red ate away the paper, like how lightning swallows the sky.

"What are you doing?"

I whirled around, horrified. Bash “Sebastian” stood there, his eyes worried and his jaw slack. I began to come up with a hundred excuses, but I couldn’t even utter one of them.

Not to him.

He looked at my arm, the forest of raised skin and red rivers, taking it gently between his fingers. “Why are you doing this to yourself? And don’t bullshit me, Evie. Just tell me the truth.”

"I-I didn’t mean to at first. It was after the bullying started. I just needed some way to let it out, make the pain go away—"

His expression darkened. “So it’s been three years? Three damn years and you never told anyone? Not even Rory or Sam?” he asked with the horrifying realization that he’d never been able to pick up on my faint cries for help. “Or me?”

I felt the tears threaten to leak, burning through my eyes until all I see is the wrong of what I’ve done, the knowledge of it tearing me apart. “I didn’t want you to look at me like I was some lost puppy, exactly the way you’re looking at me right now.”

"Evie, what else am I supposed to think? You’ve been hurting yourself and instead of trying to help you through it, I’ve been trying to find the right way to ask you out."

I froze, the razor that I had been holding, fell like an anchor, clattering into the sink with a sharp loud echo.

“W-what?” I stammered. Bash simply nodded and when he does, I can see tears skirt his kindhearted eyes.

"Yeah, I thought today was going to be the day. It especially seemed like it, when you wanted me to come over and help you with Psychics,” he whispered as he sat down, his eyes losing the last positive emotion in them. “But it was obvious. I mean, come on, you’re the best in the class and you could give a rat’s ass about some stupid project."

I felt hollow, as if he could see right through me. And yet he wasn’t running, wasn’t turning away, disgusted, like how I had been feeling for the past three years. “I want you to promise me something.”

"I can’t make a promise that I know I can’t keep," I replied without hesitation. This conversation was too familiar…was spoken too often. The words broken as I remember all the times I tried to stop, to forgive, but couldn’t.

"I want you to promise to try to stop. I’ll help you. Please.” I watched as he smiled, the movement of his lips melting my heart, sending butterflies whispering throughout my stomach.

I nodded and he did something I never would have thought of him doing…especially for me. He kissed my wrist, just below where the fresh cut was. It was something…so gentle and sincere; I couldn’t believe it was definitely real and not the phantom of a dream.

"I promised," I said, and for the first time I hear reality burrow itself in the words, the sentence finally true.

I laughed just as the tears fall and I realized they were happy tears. I know it was stupid to think that I could blink and be recovered, that it all changed in an instant. But I genuinely felt better. And the weight that had been choking for past three years was slowly lifted off my heart.

And in that moment of weightlessness, I didn’t see him lean in, until his lips were on mine. I hesitated at first and then kissed him back, my world shifting, as if it was clicking into place after years of disrepair, dust settling on its gears before they were jump-started into life once more.

We broke apart, time seeming as if had paused, particularly for us, and we were both breathless.

But I had enough air to say one more thing.

"Thank you."

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