Heart Break: The Story of My Life


1. Heart Break

My life was perfect, not too perfect but it was tolerable. I was about six when it started to get bad. I was in first grade I was the only first grader who knew how to read really well, and enjoyed it. I was the odd one, cast out because I was smart. But in reality, I struggled, struggled with everything. I couldn't get math down, I just couldn't understand why we would bother combining these numbers, I just got down counting correctly. But I could read, and I was happy enough with that. I had a couple of friends enough to get by.


Then in the spring my first tragedy in the family struck. My grandmother had been battling cancer for as long as I had lived but she finally lost her battle with the horrible disease. My parents, personally pulled me out of the classroom, and strapped me into my car seat and we drove to my grandparents house. To my grandmother's death bed. My father believed that it would be a good idea to let a six year old watch her grandmother die. She went peacefully, I guess; where she wanted to pass on, she wanted to go at home, in the living room under the giant window. I didn't understand what was happening I just knew it was bad, and she wasn't moving. I don't remembering crying until her mother, my great grandmother Schurr started screaming that she was gone. Dead, my grandmother was dead. I couldn't process it, process that she was never going to hold me when the thunder boomed outside, or make me cookies when I felt sad. Tell me funny stories about my dad, and let me brush her hair, file her nails, and help her bake in the kitchen. Never again would I see her smile or feel her hugs. Or smell her perfume. 



I think my father took it the hardest, out of all his brothers. I don't know why exactly because he was a very intorverted man, and didn't show much of the feelings, he bottled up inside. His anger, confusion, love, hatred, and sorrow. Nobody could reach him. Soon he was just a shell. I couldn't remember the last time he actually participated fully in my life. He started to pull away. I knew it wasn't because of me, or my sister. I later found out it was because he just wasn't happy in the relationship he had with my mother. Granted they did marry when they found she was pregnant the first time with my brother, who unfortunately didn't live long enough to meet me, the middle child. We're nine monthes apart or should've been. I didn't notice anything because they kept their fights secret.



When I was in fifth grade my parents decided to separate. My mother had found a town house up on a hill, it was nice community with a playground and plenty of children our age, and we were going to move in a month. My father at the time was a closet alcoholic  and was not exactly fit to have us in his care. Unfortunately no one knew this. So we had to visit him every other weekend. When we came the house was a mess, our dog, that we had left behind, had left feces all throughout the house because he wouldn't to let her out, the lawn remained unmowed and the kitchen was a mess. His neglect of the house led to a small house fire, created from an alarm clock, an overcrowded plug and outlet, and a Ferby. He was so far gone that he was kind of insane. Well in my personal opinion, medical speaking he was sane. He was so depressed and illusional he believed that my mother had an affair with his best friend. But in reality it wasn't consented and he spread lies throughout the town, and made my mother lose all of her friends, which sent her into a depression of her own. He was dating two women at the same time. A psycho stalker and my mother's former friend and co-worker. In this story she'll be the Wicked Witch that ruined my life. 


My teachers thought I would sprial downward after the divorce but in reality I shot upward. I used to be on a IEP but I pushed myself to get rid of anything that had anything to do with my old 'perfect' life. I was so wrong about it being perfect. I was happy yes. But my life was far from perfect. My family had secrets. That I still don't know about. I made the merit roll two times that year. I was proud of myself. I was getting used to the fact my parents lived in separate houses, but the same town, no longer loved eachother, but stood to speak to one another. Then he dropped the bomb that he was moving, with the Wicked Witch who ruined my life to Nashville, the home of Country Music. At that time I was going into sixth grade, and had met my best friends brother, he will remained un-named. I was using him to learn how to love again. He was sweet, kind, smart and caring. It wasn't hard to fall for him, especially in the state that I was. I did fall for him, hard.



My father moved and I grew to love un-named more and more, and finally it esculated to where I wanted to tell him how I felt. I was in seventh grade just starting out, I had liked him since fifth grade I thought it was the perfect time to tell him. So I wrote him a heartfelt letter, explaining how I had fallen for him, reasons why we should get together, and told that his sister approved. The problem was that he was two years older than I was. I didn't care, I liked him for who he was, not what he looked like(he's pretty dorky looking) and he writes back to me in one paragraph that he didn't like me that way, he would never like a girl that way, and probably would never get married, and that he wasn't gay. I took it in stride. Didn't cry for the longest time, until I re read what it said, and then I collapsed. Thinking that yet another man had deserted me. I was never going to be loved. I tried to avoid him for the most part. It was hard because well my best friend was his sister.


Finally eighth grade came and I had finally sort of moved on, and I was crushing on a different boy, the same age as me. He was shy, and cute in his own way. Then my mom told me that Un-named had found himself a girlfriend. I didn't cry, I laughed but on the inside I was screaming profanities towards him. He told his mother that he loved me, but not in the way I would like. Bullshit, he loved me he just didn't like the fact that there was an age difference and I was his sister's former best friend. He told her he felt bad for said girlfriend because she didn't have a prom  date. There was an age difference between them, he was a sophomore, she was a junior. But why should he care? He already tore my heart out, why not break it as well. Stomp on it and flaunt that he had lied to me. I was crushed and wished that I could die, or could go back in time and tell myself not to get involved with him. But I couldn't so I suffered through it.


Instead in freshmen year I found a junior who knew him very well, and didn't like him all too much. He helped me get over him completely, well for a little while, and then he broke my heart because I fell for the new guy. I just couldn't win. Finally I gave up on liking anybody, because I was tired of getting hurt. I had a guy best friend, three best friends and many acquentinces. I had all I needed to survive. I was getting good grades and was an honor roll student. I was completely off my IEP but chose to get help. My father didn't contact me for the most part and I didn't unless I was forced to. I was happy.  It was true I was happy.

 The summer I was to be a sophomore turned out to be the worst summer of my life. In mid July, I was sleeping on the couch when I heard my mother crying. I opened my eyes and listened, discovering that she was talking on the phone. Then I heard,

"You're sure?"

"He's dead."

"What am I going to tell the kids?"


At first I thought something happened to my father. Then I heard,

"Chris can't be dead."

"No Heather don't blame yourself." I quickly placed my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. I was in shock, I couldn't comprehend what was happening. My mother came in and she saw that I was awake and had tears in my eyes. She said quietly,

"Your uncle is dead, he passed away last night in a car accident." I didn't say anything I didn't cry. She knew I was in shock so she left me with my best friend(Un-named's sister). She came over to me and tried to comfort me, but at the same time it had sunk in as to what 'passed away' and 'car accident' meant. My uncle was dead and he wasn't ever coming back.

I blamed my aunt for kicking him out, I blamed the hospital he was in, I blamed the world and the saddest one of all, I blamed myselt and God. I lost all my faith after my uncle passed. He was the light in my life, he inspired me to do better to best whatever my dad had accomplished in his pathetic life. He pushed me to start writing, he believed in me, in my mother and stood by our side, even if it meant sacrificing his relationship with his brother, my father. You see my father's family could see through the web of lies my father had woven and knew he had bought off the 'family pet' to claim my mother had consensual sex with him. All because he was too cowardly just to divorce her, no he had to ruin her, sleep with all her friends and turn them against her. He had to leave her with nothing. But he didn't he left her with me, and my sister. I saw through his lies, I saw what he was doing. I was mad at him. I am still mad at him.


Then my third best friend decided to break up with my guy best friend and turned around and said that we would make a good couple. I let myself look at him in a new light. A light with 'RELATIONSHIP' in neon blinking rapidly. But we both denied the fact that maybe we would, because we had so much in common. But I kept to my agenda of not liking anybody and it worked. They got back together for a few months then they broke up, she left school, started homeschooling, started cutting, and cut me out of her life. COMPLETELY. No texts no nothing not a single word. I didn't care, I had him and she didn't. It was her fault. She wanted to go out with the TWELVE YEAR OLD she was SEVENTEEN!  



In sophomore and junior years nothing exciting happened per say, I started talking to my father more, but my heart still beat erratically whenever I thought about him in anger. I made more friends, dropped some friends and carried on with my life. In junior year I'm now taking college courses but of course my grades have dropped. Because my little pact with myself fell through. I allowed myself to fall for my guy best friend. He has a new girlfriend started going out with after I asked him to go to prom with me. WHATEVER. He's still my friend and I shouldn't let it get to me.



My heart breaks haven't ended, but so many have already happened. I don't know how much more I can take. My poor heart. It feels like it been bruised, torn and sewn back together numerous times. People often wonder why I'm so bitter, why I'm so quiet. I don't want to get attached to someone just for them to go away. It seems that everyone in my life does that, leaves me behind when I need them the most.


Later on in Junior year my guy best friend started to pull away, but it was okay because to me he'll still be Willow Tree. I met another friend, someone who likes reading just as much as I do, I can talk to her about anything, the future, sex, anything and she'll be there to be a rock someone I can vent to. She's a senior and she's getting married soon, she won't desert me that's for certain she's loyal and its not in her nature to be mean to anyone she may look tough(like me) but she's really a shy butterfly. Anyway with prom coming up and everything, everything's been different. This is really my present. I should be telling more of my past.


My past though isn't much to speak about, I hardly remember any of it anyway and besides I've moved on.


The story of my life is not over. It will not be over until my last breath but don't expect an update on this story because in all honesty I don't think my life is over-ally interesting.

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