[Mock-Fiction] V - Fures Misericordiam

Note: Please read the Formal Notice movella. It should be on the list on the right hand side.

Aye. Tis me again.

Cover by Secrets Unfold


28. 26 – History Literal’d

“Ahoy, Mari!” Edward called her from the deck below, “Hope you haven’t fallen asleep!”

Mariqah stood up, frowning and wrinkling her nose at her journal before stowing it away and calling back, “’Allo, Edward,” she climbed down the lookout’s post, “what news?”

“We’ve docked,” he said, helping her down, “won’t you come to Kingston with us?”

She hesitated, “I… uh… um.”

“Have I done something wrong?”

“No, Edward. Um… It’s this heat. It’s mighty intense.”
“Come on, Mari,” he laughed, “as soon as we get on that shore, you won’t even notice it. Or perhaps you want a swim, eh? You ever seen water more blue?”


“Aye… aye, I think I’ll take a swim, then,” she said, “You go on about your business without me. I’ll catch up,” she began to walk off.

“Where?” he called.

She stopped in her tracks, “I’m sorry?”

“Where? Where should we meet? Back at the Jackdaw?”
“No, um. In the tavern, up there,” she indicated past the harbour.

“I thought you didn’t like the company of drunkards.”

“I don’t,” she said, standing on the banister, “but you do.”
“Alright, Mari,” he snorted.


She dived into the cool blue water, and swam some way off.

“Curse me,” she said, “Urgh, curse me! How do I always get myself into these situations? Going to places I want to be, but can’t be?” Mariqah swam her way to the golden beach and stretched herself there, letting the blazing sun dry her. A passing-by gave her a lustful wink, which she returned with a snide scowl, “Oh, I am screwed if I mess this up.”


* * * * *


Mariqah climbed up the old tavern, the rickety tiles on the roof making her slip more than once.

I can’t be in there, she thought, No, not until… not until that segment is over.

She found herself a cosy spot and made a small hole in the roof, just enough to see by. Mariqah observed as Edward sat by, drinking a flagon of rum pensively. The lyrics of the Literal trailer came to her:


This is the longest he’s ever gone without killing anyone.


He wonders if his future son,

Will carry on the tradition,

Of killing everyone he sees –


A hand grabbed his shoulder and he turned to find Adewale standing behind him, smiling,

It’s his lunch-break luckily!

They raised their flagons and then Adewale moved off a little,

Toast of Equality!

Hurry with the toast,

There’s a drunken hot girl walking to the right,

Bet she’d love to see a fight.


The tavern doors opened, and three men in yellow livery stepped in – one wearing a large-brimmed, feathered hat,

Bad guy music begins

As the ponytail twins

Barge in.

Look down on the people that you’re better than.

Ominous orchestral note –

They strode up to a table and cleared it of flasks and people alike, before sitting down,

Time to let the patrons know:

Happy Hour’s over.

Time for everything to suck.


Edward peered at them from beneath his cowl,

Mysterious hooded man watches

(From a distance),

Take a moment to sober-up

(Low tolerance) –

Target confirmed,


Hooded man turns.

Edward nodded to Adewale,

Bandana man – sees hooded man’s subtle arm-movement-signal,

Which tells him to go make a toast with the people,

Adewale cheered and met with another table, raising his cup and toasting,

And then he lets all of them know…


Suddenly, Adewale took a man’s head and slammed it down onto the table. Chaos broke out among the drinkers,


(Shouldn’t toast before you know what the toast is for).


Bear hug,

Head bash,

Bottle smash,

Slow-mo person pass,

Stab face!

Again and again and again and again.


Another wine bottle pass in slow motion.

Edward walked among the chaos, grabbing the wine bottle and smashing it against a man’s cranium,

Hooded man feels good,

Someone grabbed him from behind and pulled his hood off. Edward crashed his elbow into the man’s throat,

(Hey!) Don’t touch the hood.

The man with the feathered hat advanced, his sword drawn. Edward took him head on,

If you try to stab the hoodless man,

He’ll stab you in the abdomen, man!

And steal your wallet. Duh.




“Mari?” said Edward, as Mariqah approached him, “Where have you been?”

She ignored the question, “What the hell happened here?” she asked, trying to sound surprised.

Shouts of alarm began to approach. “No time for that now,” said Edward, rising, “To the brig!”


* * * * *


The Jackdaw sailed away, Edward steering her out of port. Mariqah watched from her lookout post as the officers tracking him approached the dock,

Colonial Running Shoe commercial.

They thought they could catch the boat,

Not even close…

Captain walks to the edge of the dock,

SNAP, turn, let’s go chase that freakin’ boat,

Sailed by Heath Ledger’s ancestors.


The pirates hooted in triumph on deck,


Sail into the sunset,



* * * * *


A few days later, a ship tailed the Jackdaw. Mariqah called out to Edward from above, “I think your brawl has come back to haunt you, Edward!”

She saw him shrug and grunt, leaving the wheel to Adewale, taking up a spyglass to observe the pursuing ship,

Captain’s not about to let the bird-bow-boat get away.

(Gimme that telescope, give it!)

Use the mini telescope,

Aim a cannon at the boat…


Sharp cracks echoed throughout the open sea,

Shoot four, only two go through –

Maybe two were blanks?

Strike a pose,

Edward turns the boat.

Red-cloaked captain probably should have let that bird-boat go–

More cannons fired and hit their target,

OH NO! Cannons not shooting blanks anymore.




Grapple-hooks flew into the sky and landed, latching onto the opposing ship,

Murder-hood goes on.

Inception Bwaaaah!

Someone’s splinters and second-hand smoke.

I’m just saying be carefu–


You shoulda listened!

Edward wants to ascend.


Edward turned to the mast and pulled out his gun,

Shoot your gun to cut the rope,

Just to make it difficult.

The taught rope, now broken, pulled him up. He leapt onto the approaching ship mast,

Flying up to run away,

No more murderin’ today –




He fell on two of the enemy crew, using both of his deadly Hidden Blades to end them,

Can’t believe they bought that!

Same thing goes for all the hats.

I prefer my murder-hood –

People die cause I look so good.


Edward appeared through the smoke, like a phantom from a fevered dream. Mariqah could see the enemy crew cower at the sight of him. She watched him fight like a devil – as he’d been known to do,

Drop the pistols, throw a stick,

His friend makes sure his death is quick.

Guess I’ll do the same for you

(Assuming you want me to).


He stepped towards the red-cloaked captain,

This is gonna end badly for you,

It already has for your crew.

They engaged in combat, the captain leaping on him with his cutlass. Edward seemed to purposefully allow the captain to attack,

Listen, I’ll give you some free ones:



Convincing enough?

The sword dropped out of Edward’s hand. He stood with his arms spread,

Look you disarmed me,

Now I am completely defenceless–

The captain swung, for the coup-de-grace, thinking this would be the end of Edward Kenway. Edward deflected the attack with his Hidden Blade, and pushed the captain over,


The captain fell, his head stuck under the steering-wheel of the ship,



Edward held the wheel and paused,

Last words:

Port or Starboard?

He smashed the spoke into the captain’s immobile head.


Mariqah watched as the enemy crew surrendered and the pursuing ship was looted…

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