BRUTAL [Draco Malfoy]

Jessie Brinx was a powerful witch. She was kind and loving, but fierce and vicious. She was as smart as Hermione Granger, but still as humble as Dumbledore. She was probably the nicest girl in Hogwarts. But she was in Slytherin… That makes no sense at all, right? But she is. As you would suspect, she had several encounters with Draco Malfoy. But in each encounter, something in her stomach lunged. Her heart would pound and she would think about him for the rest of the day… Does that mean she fancies him? If so, what if he doesn't like her? She's not that into getting her heart broken…


1. Prologue


He kicked his white bedroom door closed with all his strength and whimpered when his foot started to ache. He could be using a spell to throw things around, taking out all his anger on magic. Instead he's inflicting pain on himself. After all, that's what he needed, that's what he deserved. He needed to feel pain. He needed to punish himself for letting this happen. It shouldn't have happened. 

The room was dark, white bedsheets and pillows being the only thing that seemed to glow as the moonlight radiated past the black curtains and into the now inky and depressing room. This room use to mean something to Draco. It use to be their room. It was the room where she had slept in, more times than once. The room where they had got in arguments and she stormed out, only to return minutes later and apologize, even though it wasn't her fault. But now it was nothing. He sat on the grey wool carpet she use to lie on when she was bored and stared at the large wardrobe she use to hide in when she wasn't allowed to be in his room. The large portrait on the black wallpaper-covered wall of him and her, dancing together in the living room of her house on the day of her 16th birthday, moved. As their bodies swayed to the song that was playing, she giggled, ocean eyes staring right into the room, while Draco admired her, his taller height causing him to look down at her, grey eyes lighter than usual, happier than usual. He was beaming when he was with her… The room use to resemble something so merry and exciting. But now, all there was, was him, Draco Malfoy, punching furiously at his door while he mourned.


It shouldn't have happened.




I should have stopped it. 




I'm such an idiot!




Why wasn't I there?




Why isn't she here?




Why did she have to die?




He fell to the floor in utter weakness, his body growing frail as he let the wet moisture pour from his stormy eyes and dampen his snow white skin. His bleach hair hadn't been fixed since the fight and he was still wearing the same clothes. "She's dead." His heart broke. "He killed her." Now it felt like it was slowly tearing. "The Dark Lord killed her." Almost there... "My father killed her." Rage erupted through his body. "Why wasn't I there?" The words repeated in his head like someone yelling in a cave, painfully screaming and screeching in his ears and head. He sat there and leaned on his bedroom door for who knows how long, sobbing so hard, he could barely breath. Mind you, even if he wasn't crying, he felt like all the air was sucked out of him and hidden away so he couldn't find it. He felt like his heart had stopped working and his brain wouldn't function just quite right. She was everything to him and now she's gone. He spent their last days together pretending to hate her… He told  her he hated her. Even when she cried and begged him to stop, pleaded for him to stop, he wouldn't. But he didn't know… He didn't know she was going to die… 


All he wanted was to see her body, kiss her lips for the last time, just one time and tell her he loves her more than his own life. Just once. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was and how, if he could, he'd go back in time and run away with her, just like they planned. He'd kiss her again, so hard, so passionate, as if his love and his passion would bring her back to life. But they wouldn't let him see her. They wouldn't even let him in the room. He understood though, he did fight with the wrong side. But he had no choice… She would have understood that. She would have let him in. She would have told them that he was a good guy, that he deserved a second chance. Thanks to her, he's had more than a few second chances. More than he cared to admit. He told them she wouldn't want them to keep him away from her, but they didn't listen...


**At Hogwarts**

**15 Minutes Earlier**


"Jessie! Jessie! Where are you?"


Draco called out, pushing through everyone as he searched for her. She had to be alive… She said she wouldn't die. She said she wouldn't! He reached the Grand Hall's doors. Bricks were scattered all around him, bodies lying limp, as they were dragged away. Smoke rose to the sky and mourning spread throughout the school. His parents left in a hurry, but he stayed. He needed to take her with him. He needed her with him. Just as he was going to open the doors, London appeared.


"Draco. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with your parents?"


Though London and Draco were friends now, they were still bitter towards each other. It was only now Draco had wished he could have done things better. Been a little nicer to London and his friends. Treated everyone as if they were the same. But it was too late now.


"I'm just looking for Jessie."


Draco replied, hoping he'd let him in. London looked back into the Grand Hall and seconds later, Nyah and Kane appeared.




London asked, throwing deadly daggers towards him. Draco wanted to huff and throw threats towards them, but he didn't. Jessie wouldn't want that.


"Because I want to take her home."


Draco struggled to hide his frustration. His expression anxious as he tried to peak behind the three stubborn friends of Jessie. But he couldn't see her walking around. He couldn't see that mop of blonde hair, tied up into a ponytail, as she rushed around to help all the injured. That didn't mean anything good.


"She is home."


Said Kane. Draco frowned.


"No. Home is with me. I'm her home. Just as she's mine. She needs to come home."


He argued.


"You can't, Draco."


Said Nyah. Draco was getting exasperate now, they had no right to keep her away from him.


"Why the bloody hell not?!"


His voice practically echoed around the soundless hallway.


"Because she's dead, Draco."


His heart sank. Everything around him seemed to go hazy, but somehow he was still able to focus. Then he panicked. He tried to push them, but they wouldn't move.


"Let me see her! I need to see her!"


Draco yelled at them. London and Kane were holding him back, bravely fighting against him, as Draco was going through the first stage of mourning.


"No. You've done enough, Draco. This wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you. She stayed because of you. She would have left, if only you weren't such a fucking Dick to her! She would have left."


London said with absolute heartbreak. They were telling the truth. London was on the verge of crying, very rarely did he cry. Draco believed them… But he still wanted to see her.


"Let me see her. Let me say goodbye. She wouldn't want you guys to keep me away from her. She'd want you to let me see her."


Draco pleaded. It was the first time he had actually pleaded them and they knew that. Still, they shook their heads, finally letting him go. Each one of them had a disappointed and heart broken look on their facials, but they didn't move. They just watched as Draco struggled to wrap his head around everything that was happening. He just found out the love of his life died and he can't even see her. I'd rather die, he thought bitterly to himself, I should have let The Dark Lord kill me. He looked up, eyes begging the three in front of him.


"Just leave, Malfoy."


Said Kane. On the verge of crying, Draco left without another word.


**Flashback Over**


He stared at the wooden drawers that still had some of her clothing lying in it, as well as her muggle books and music, which Draco didn't agree to at first. My parents are going to kill me if they ever found out! He had said to her. They won't. I promise! I've got a special spell on the muggle stuff. No one can find it unless they know the password. She had encouraged him. What's the password? He was curious at the time, but he didn't get the answer he wanted. Her only reply was; If you have to ask me, you don't know me all that well. At the time he didn't understand… But now... He felt stupid for not realising it before. He pulled out his wand and aimed it at the drawer, as if he was expecting it to show him the answer. Then he dropped the wand with a tired and saddened sigh. He was way too exhausted and way to depressed to do anything right now. So he did the one thing he knew would make him feel better.


"Jessie baby…"


He murmured as he knocked his head on his door. He knew she probably couldn't hear him, but he hoped she could.


"I'm so so so sorry… I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I did it all so you wouldn't get hurt. But I ended up hurting you anyway…" He sighed "You always said I had a thing for fucking things up. Well, I did it again baby… I fucked up. I wish you were here to tell me it's not such a big deal. I wish you'd tell me we could fix this together... But I can't fix this. Not without you. My father's probably going to Azkaban, my mothers might as well go crazy and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life crying over you. I'll talk to you like a crazed man or I'll be like that old man we met who took a photograph of his dead wife everywhere and talks to her. I'll be like that and act like you're still here with me. I'll probably never marry and I definitely wouldn't have anyone else's children."


He chuckled at the thought. Three years ago, Draco would have never imagined feeling this way over a girl. Especially over a girl like Jessie. But what he had with Jessie, was more than he expected and he loved and hated the feeling at the exact same time.


"I'm going crazy already… I'm talking to myself!"


He exclaimed letting out a half laugh at himself. He thought about what Jessie would have said and laughed a little louder and fuller.


"Stop it, Draco! You're gonna embarrass me! I don't want everyone to think I'm dating a mad man!"


She'd say to him with a fake scolding look, followed by that angel like laugh of hers. Draco would laugh with her and kiss her soft lips. Then he'd whisper a cheesy thing like,


"You've already made me a mad man, baby. I'm madly in love with you."


Then Jessie would giggle and kiss him again, putting all her love into that simple kiss. Then she'd pull away and lean her head against his, making sure to softly brush her nose on his and she'd say,


"Well I'm hopelessly in love with you. So I guess I'm hopeless.", 


where he would reply with,


"Hopeless and Mad. The perfect combination."


Draco smiled at the thought. He brought his hand up to brush his hair back, but stopped midway to look at his knuckles. They were bloody and cut. Now Draco could feel the stinging in his hands like a sudden wave of pain had surged through his hands. He imagined Jessie cleaning his messy and injured hands, taking her time to dab the alcohol on his knuckles. Instead of using her wand, she'd make him pay for inflicting pain on himself. He imagined the smirk on her lips as he winced and whimpered with every action she would make.


"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?"


He'd ask, with an upset frown. She'd just smirk and dabb the alcohol a tad bit harder, making him bite his bottom lip to prevent a whimper.


"I am."


She'd say with a hint of humor. Draco would scoff and roll his eyes, but she'd just push harder, causing him to wince and let out a small -almost- inaudible whimper.


"Gee, I'm so glad watching me in pain makes you happy."


Jessie would chuckle at his sarcasm, dabbing his knuckles a lot softer than before.


"Well maybe if you would stop purposely hurting yourself, we wouldn't be in this situation, now would we?"


Draco would roll his eyes and let her continue, admiring all of her movements, even if he was still in pain, nothing could distract him from the beauty that would be in front of him. If Angels even existed, Draco imagined Jessie to be one of the glorious types. One of those Angels that were admired by all the other Angels, who looked after everyone and encouraged the bad ones to do better, while other Angels would be afraid of the bad ones. He often wondered if, in the other life, if they were so utterly in love, just like they were on earth. Maybe he wasn't such a bad guy in the other life, maybe that's why Jessie was so in love with him. Because she knew he wasn't a bad guy, even if it was deep, deep down inside.

It was that humor and that honesty, that attracted him to her. The way she would never let her hair out, the way she always had it in either a bun, ponytail or a side plait. It was the way she'd scold him when he was doing wrong, or the way she'd whack his arm when he was being stupid. It was how she hated wearing make-up because it made her feel awful and how she loved her "sexy mess" hairstyle and her "rock star/ pop star" look. It was the way she had convinced Draco that not all families were corrupt and violent, and the way she got her parents to accept him, no matter who he was and where he was from. It was the way she looked after children and teaching Draco how to care for children, so that one day when they had children, he'd know what to do if she weren't there. Those and more, were the reasons he fell in love with her. Those were the reasons he couldn't bare spending more than 2 minutes without hearing her voice, seeing her face, or even feeling her presence. She was like a drug to him and he was the addict. Like alcohol to an alcoholic, but instead of making him a bad man, she made him one of the best men, well in his opinion. He was a better man with her. A better person. Now she was gone and he had no idea who or what he was.

"I just wanted to let you know… You're always on my mind, wherever you may be. My heart belongs to you. No matter how vicious and dangerous my heart is. You still took it, knowing all the dangers it possessed. For that, I owe you everything. I'm sorry for telling you I hate you. I don't. I actually love you from the end of this universe till the end of eternity. I'm sorry I got you into this war. You shouldn't have been in it. It was my fault you were in this terrible fight. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. All the pain I put you through. Most of all…" He drew in a breath. "I'm sorry for making you love me. I know it isn't what you planned. I know I'm not the kind, loving, intelligent and charming young lad that stole your heart from the very beginning. I know I'm not the guy you imagined marrying, then having 3 kids with and living in an average house, where you spent all your family time together. Enjoying your happy family life. But instead you fell in love with me, the horrendous, troublesome boy from Slytherin and though I am forever grateful you did. I'm sorry I let you love me. It only caused you pain. I should've made you hate me… Baby, I'm so sorry... "


He stood up, took a breath, let the sobs come out with that breath and closed his eyes. He saw her face. Her ocean blue eyes and golden blonde hair. He imagined feeling her perfectly soft skin against his body. Her lips on his lips, her arms around his neck and his around her waist. He imagined the way their lips moved perfectly together and with a final sob, he punched the door and this time it broke.




He saw the hallway outside his room, but there was no one out there. It was mutely empty. With a sad and lonely sigh, he turned around, picked up his wand and pointed it at the wooden drawer again.


"I love you Jessie..." He whispered. "More than anything in the whole world."


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