Fifty Shades Of Grey: My Years With Elena *Warning - Explicit Content*


'Picture this, an adolescent boy looking to earn some extra money so he can continue his secret drinking habit. So, I was in the backyard at the Lincolns', clearing some rubble and trash from the extension Mr. Lincoln had just added to their place. Elena - Mrs. Lincoln appeared out of nowhere and brought me some lemonade. I made some smart-ass remark...and she slapped me. She slapped me so hard. She then seduced me and I became her submissive for six years.'

And this is my account of what happened.



August 1998


I pour another wheelbarrow of rubble into the dumpster in the Lincoln's back yard and scuttle backwards hurriedly, before the dust plume hits me in the face.

Damn Carrick. This is all his fault.

I angrily grab my t-shirt that I had thrown on to the half-built brick wall and wipe it around my face and neck. Sweat is pouring off me in rivers and the summer heat is almost unbearable.

But I will not give up.

I'm not going to give Carrick or that butt-wipe Elliot, the satisfaction that I caved. Besides, I need the money or I can't buy any more booze.

I sigh disconsolately and sit down on the warm bricks.

God, what I would give for a bourbon right about now. Or a few beers. Yeah, a few ice-cold Budweisers would really hit the spot. FUCKING CARRICK! Why couldn't the son of a bitch just give me an advance on my allowance like I asked? I bet fucking suck-ass-golden-boy-Elliot would have gotten an advance.


I grab a stray pebble and hurl it in frustration at the dumpster. It makes a satisfying clanging noise against the metal. I grab another one, as Carrick's harsh words come back to haunt me.

'You want more money boy? Then go earn some. Your mom and I aren't subbing you any extra money - not after all the trouble you've caused. If you can't look after your finances, that's your problem. Your allowance is more than enough to cover extra treats. What the hell do you spend it all on, anyway?'

On booze and porn if you must know, I scream at him in my head. It pays to have friends in low places.

Besides, it was their fault I now need porn and booze. I was quite happy venting my frustrations with my fists on anyone who pissed me off, but that wasn't good enough for the high and mighty Grey family! Well, they took one venting outlet off me, it's only natural I had to replace it with something else.

I run my hand through my sweat-damp hair. I fucking HATE my hair, it never stays in place. I've half a mind to just shave the fucker off, especially if this heat wave continues. I grin wickedly. That would really piss Carrick off! But mom and Mia would hate it...

I sigh again. I really wouldn't give a fuck if I didn't see Carrick or butt-munch Elliot ever again, but I know it would break mom's heart if I left. I couldn't bear to see that pain in her eyes again. I can still recall it from that God-awful night when I first met her in the ER. I was so hungry, dehydrated and traumatised, that when she arrived, dressed all in white with her blonde hair, I'd thought she was an angel. And so she turned out to be. My very own guardian angel. She saved my life. I have no doubt I'd be dead if it wasn't for her, or at least living on the streets or in some shitty foster home. I want so much to make her proud of me, to repay the faith she showed in me - not only in saving my life that night - but also taking me into her home and loving me as if I truly was her son. I shake my head sadly.

But all I seem to do is screw things up. Why am I such a fuck-up? Is it really all down to the bad start I had in life? The more I try, the more I end up being a fuck-up like...her. She who still haunts my dreams. The lady whose name I cannot say out loud.

The crack whore.

My birth mom.

I shudder as my body involuntarily breaks out into a cold sweat.

You'd think after living in the lap of luxury for three quarters of my life, I'd have moved on. But I just keep reverting back to type. Being a loser like her. Or him. Who was he? A boyfriend...a client...Another pimp? I screw my eyes closed and fight the tears.

I have tried and tried to remember through various therapy sessions if she ever mentioned him or if I ever met him and so far I keep drawing blanks. The only men I can remember, are various random men that that bastard pimp brought round to fuck her, or the pimp himself. I shudder again.

Sometimes, when I wake at night I can still smell the stale cigarette smoke on his breath...

...Still feel the butts burning into my skin...

I shudder again and run my hand over my clammy face.

Maybe it would be best if I just left. Stop being such a disappointment to them and bringing disgrace to their good name.

But there's another reason I can't leave. The one good thing in my life. My rock. My sweet, beautiful, pain in the ass, darling little sister.

My Mia.

Just thinking about her makes me smile. I love her with every ounce of my being. I have done since the first moment she arrived as a tiny, dark-haired little baby. She was so tiny, so perfect and the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was totally fascinated and enchanted by her. Elliot, on the other hand, was totally unimpressed. That had made me so happy because that meant Mia was just mine. She was the first thing I ever wanted as my own and I wasn't going to share her with anyone, especially not with dumbass Elliot. Mom was delighted that I was finally showing an interest in something and took every opportunity to have me involved with her. I helped bathe her, dress her, pushed her in her pram, played with her...and she asked for nothing in return. She just lay there and looked at me with those beautiful dark eyes of hers and smiled. The first time I said her name, I didn't even realise I'd said it out loud. It had gone round and round in my head for that first day she was with us, then the following morning I leapt excitedly out of bed to go and see her. I ran into the nursery where mom was sat rocking her, chanting 'Mia! Mia! Mia!' Mom looked at me horrified and I had stopped dead in my tracks, thinking I was in serious trouble for busting into the nursery. But mom held her hand out to me as tears fell down her cheeks. I was so confused. Then Carrick had come in with Elliot, and mom told him she was crying because I'd finally spoken and she was so happy. She asked me to say it again, so I did, and she laughed and Carrick applauded me and told me what a good boy I was. I smiled in genuine pleasure for the first time since arriving at the house. I looked over at Elliot and he just scowled and poked his tongue out at me. But I didn't give a fuck what that loser did from that moment. Carrick and mom were finally happy with me and I had a wonderful, new baby sister.

Beat having a suck-up older brother.

Mia and I were pretty much joined at the hip after that. My language continued to develop with the help of school and a private tutor and soon I had even started to learn the piano. I'd always loved to hear mom playing on it, so I was more than happy for her to show me the basics. Then I got the cool Miss Kathie as my teacher. I would sit and practice my scales, whilst Mia sat in her high chair watching and smiling. I even taught her to clap along as she got older. had saved me, but Mia is my salvation in that house. And the reason I can't leave.

I made her a promise.

I'd woken up in the middle of the night four or so years ago to Mia curled up in my bed beside me. I'd shaken her awake thinking something was wrong with her, only for her to tell me she'd heard me screaming and had run in to see if I was okay. Unable to wake me from my night terror, she'd snuck into my bed and held onto me until I'd calmed down again and then she'd fallen back to sleep. I'd thought about lying to her, but I've never lied to her in my life - she's impossible to lie to, she's like a Goddamn dog with a bone when she thinks she's being kept in the dark about something. So I told her I sometimes had nightmares about my life before being adopted and swore her to secrecy, but she promised to keep it a secret, only if I promised to always look after her.

So my baby sister has me over a barrel. But she helps me with my nightmares - even if I do end up carrying her back into her bed in the early hours! She says she always only plans to stay until I calm down, but she somehow always ends up falling asleep! I think she doesn't like sleeping on her own any more than I do.

I've not told my asshole shrink she does that. He'd probably think I was some kind of Paedo! I seriously can't stand the fucker; he is a total waste of time and money. I have told mom and Carrick that he's useless and not worth the money they pay him, but they think I'm trying to get out of going to see him, which technically, I am. But it's not because I don't want to go -it's because he's a total prick, doesn't understand me and therefore totally useless at trying to help me. Goddamn Mia has been more helpful! I sigh and run my hands through my hair again.

Well...I think I better start shifting more of that fucking rubble again, now I've had a bit of a rest, before Mrs. Lincoln gets on the phone to mom and complains I'm not doing a good job.

It was mom that took pity on me for not getting any more money out of Carrick and found this job for me. Mrs. Lincoln is an old friend of hers, who mom sometimes socializes with. I saw her briefly this morning, whilst she told me what she wanted doing, and she's pretty hot for an older woman...




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