Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


98. Party

Lily's POV

I swipe the last layer of mascara onto my eyelashes before I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. I chose a matching floral crop top and shorts and decided to leave my hair down in loose waves. I keep my makeup simple, partially because I would be too lazy to wash it all off later. I put on my comfortable, flat sandals and then make my way out of my room and into El's.

I sit on her bed and patiently wait for her as she finishes getting ready.

"You look great, Lily. Love your outfit."

I smile at her through the reflection on the mirror.

"Thanks. You, too."

She's wearing a black crop top and faded jeans. As she continues to put on her makeup, I take out my phone. Harry's probably still asleep right now. They had their first show last night and I'm sure that he's exhausted from it. Before we ended our call yesterday, I wished him good luck, telling him that I wish I were awake during the show. But seeing as how it was six in the morning for me when they would go on, I wasn't able to.

He did text me saying that he would call me when he wakes up and he would tell me all about it. I didn't want to text him back since I was worried that I would wake him so I just wait for his call.

I'm glad that we worked things out. I'm finally starting to really feel that he truly does trust me now, at least more than he did before. He's not constantly asking me about guys and he's not mysteriously asking me who I'm hanging out with.

I know he's going to be worried about tonight. We discussed it on the phone yesterday that I would stay with El at all times, even when I'm going to the bathroom. Louis is still protective of El when it comes to parties so she's kept the same promise to him.

Others may see it as controlling but I don't. I like that Harry's still worried. I don't expect anything else. I'm just glad that he's not forbidding me to go or making me tell him what I'm doing every second that I'm there.

He told me to have fun and to call him if I need him.

They're flying out to Lima, Peru later but it's only a three-hour flight and will be resting for the rest of the night in their hotel. I'm not sure how tonight's going to be. I'm sure it's going to be more fun than the ones I went to with Marcus last year but I do still wish that Harry were with me.

I'd love to see college-party-Harry. I know he would be by my side the entire night but I'd actually enjoy that. He'd get a little drunk and be cheeky like he always is and he'd just make the night better in general.

I wouldn't even mind if he called me during the party just to check up on me. Maybe he would even tell me how their concert went.

All in all, I just wish he were here.

"You ready?" El asks, snapping me from my thoughts.

I look up at her. "Yeah, let's go."

I grab my mini cross-body bag containing my wallet, phone and car keys and we head out. We decided that I would be the designated driver tonight since it is El's friend's party and since I didn't really feel like drinking tonight.

One of us has to stay sober, not just because one of us has to get us home, but because one of us has to make sure that the other is safe. I also texted Marcus and he said that he was going to be the designated driver, too, since he's going to be driving Milly home afterwards.

At least I'll have someone else with me that'll be sober.

We arrive at the party ten minutes later and we link arms as we make our way inside. The party is already going strong, the room completely filled with people. The music is blasting through the walls and I can feel the bass vibrating through my body. El keeps her hand clutched with mine as we make our way through the crowd to look for her friend. She finds her and she introduces us before we head to the kitchen so she can get a drink.

I allow El to catch up with her friends as I look around the house for any familiar faces. I smile as I see Marcus, Milly, Matti, Leo, Collin and Chloe in the living room and wave to them when they see me.

I turn to El. "Hey, I'm just gonna go over to Marcus and the others. We'll come find you after. Don't go anywhere without me, okay?"

She smiles at me. "Don't worry, I won't."

I know that she'll be safe since she's with her friends and she's within eyesight of where the others are. I walk over to them and give them each a hug.

"Wow, Lily, you look great," Matti compliments. I blush as everyone looks at me and my outfit.

"Thanks," I mutter. "You, too. Have you guys been here long?"

"Nah, we just got here like 20 minutes ago," Marcus answers. I know that he picked up Milly and Matti along the way.

"And we got here half an hour ago," Leo adds, referring to himself, Chloe and Collin.

I nod. I look over at Collin, who I was trying not to look at this entire time, and see him looking at me with an unreadable expression. I smile, knowing that I've been rude, but he just gives me a small smile and a short nod.

So, the party goes on, Marcus and Milly dancing, as well as Leo and Chloe, who I have now assumed are together. Even though I know that Matti and Ed may be having something going on, I was hoping that Collin would take interest in her.

But no, he stands to my side and Matti talks to someone who I recognize from our English class.

"How are you enjoying your first college party?" Collin asks me.

I turn to look at him. "It's fun. And loud."

He laughs and I actually join him. Maybe I should stop being so on edge with him. I'm judging him for that one time he flirted with me and I think I was just making it worse since that was the time that Harry and I weren't talking.

Maybe I need to give him a second chance. He seems nice and he hasn't been trying to flirt with me that much anymore.

"How about you?" I ask, trying to keep the conversation going.

"It's alright. They're not really my thing. I just went since you guys were going and I didn't have anything else to do on a Friday night. Well, actually I do. I have a paper due on Monday that I haven't started yet so I should be doing that."

I laugh again. "You're not a true college student if you don't leave your paper until last minute."

"Very true," he chuckles. We just stand there, watching the others drink and dance the night away. We talk about school and our families and I'm actually having fun.

"You're not drinking?" I ask. I just noticed that he's only had a bottle of water in his hands the entire night. I thought that he would be drinking with Leo.

He shakes his head. "Not tonight. Need to stay sober."

I'm about to ask him why when a guy in front of us gets shoved right into me, spilling his drink all over me. I gasp at the cold liquid and I jump back. I can feel it all over my legs and feet and I know that I'm going to be sticky for the rest of the night.

Just as I look up, I see Collin grabbing the guy in the collar.

"What the hell is your problem? You just spilled your drink all over her."

I watch as his back tenses as he continues to stare the guy down.

"Now apologize to her and get out of here."

The guy is absolutely frightened as he looks at Collin but then he looks over at me.

"I-I'm sorry," he stutters.

I'm about to say that it's okay but Collin shoves him away before I have a chance to. The guy quickly walks away without looking back. Collin stands in front of me, looking at me with worry.

"Are you okay?"

I look away and nod. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just gonna go clean myself up."

"Did you want me to go with you?"

I shake my head. "No, it's okay. I'm gonna ask El to go with me."

I find her and quickly make my way to her, not looking back to see if he's following me. I mean, I'm glad he stood up for me but it was unnecessary. It was an accident and he acted like the guy punched me or something.

I walk up to El and lightly grab her arm. She looks over at me and smiles.

"Hey, do you mind going to the bathroom with me? Someone spilled a drink on me."

She quickly nods. "Yeah, sure. Let's go."

She takes my hand and leads me towards the hallway. There's a small lineup for the bathroom but it's finally our turn shortly after.

"Are you okay?" she asks as I start to wet some paper towels. "Here, give me your shoes and I'll clean them."

I hand her my shoes before I start to wipe off the stickiness from my legs and feet.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was an accident."

I decide to leave out the part about what Collin did to that guy, knowing that she'd grow concerned and might even confront him.

Luckily, I get off all of the drink from my body, only a small part of my shirt left with a little bit of beer as I can still smell it on myself.

"Hold on. I need to get more paper towels to dry off your shoes. Stay here. I'll be right back."

I nod before she leaves the bathroom. I sit on the toilet as I wait for her. I jump when I hear someone knocking on the door.

"Are you almost done in there? Some of us really need to pee?"

I start to panic, not knowing what to do. El told me to stay here but there's probably a bunch of people out there waiting to use the bathroom.

Knowing that I'd be safe with everyone around me, I open the door and walk out but not without a small glare from the two girls waiting in line. I ignore them and walk down the hallway. I expected El to be in the kitchen looking for paper towels but she isn't there.

"Hey, have you seen El?" I ask a girl I saw talking to her before we went to the bathroom. She's definitely drunk since she's slightly swaying in front of me. I see her flick her eyes over my shoulder but she quickly looks back at me.

"Yeah, I saw her go upstairs to get something. She told me to tell you to find her there."

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

Why would El tell someone to tell me to find her upstairs? She told me to stay in the bathroom.

I look around the room and still can't find her. Maybe she is upstairs. I thank the girl and turn around as I make my way to the stairs. No one is allowed up there so as I walk up, the music starts to fade.

"El?" I call out. "Are you up here?"

No answer. All of the lights are off so she might not even be up here. That girl was definitely drunk. I turn around, about to head back downstairs when I bump into someone. I look up and see a guy I've never seen before. He's giving me a scary smirk as his eyes roam up and down my body.

I try to walk around him but he stands in front of me and blocks my way, amusement present on his face the entire time.

"Excuse me," I squeak.

He doesn't move. I try to move away but he just follows my moves.

"What's wrong, baby? You don't want to have a little fun with me?"

I can feel myself start to panic. I start to shake and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I try to walk around him again but this time, he grabs my arms and pulls me to him.

I gasp as I try to pull myself out of his grasp but he's holding on tightly.

"Let go of me."

His smile widens and he does the opposite of what I told him to do as he pulls me into the dark room beside us.

"Stop! Let me go! Help!" I scream but he slams the door and pushes me against it. I try to push him off but he's pushing himself against me, trapping me against the door.

"Don't worry. You'll enjoy this. Just relax."

By now, the tears have formed in my eyes. It's pitch black in the room, I can't see anything. I can hear the loud music coming from downstairs and as much as I scream for help, I know that it's going unnoticed by everyone here.

"I've been watching you for a while now. With your sexy outfit and fit body. I knew I had to have a little fun with you. And it just went so perfectly that you talked to my friend and she helped me out."

So that's why the girl told me to go upstairs. And now I know why she looked over my shoulder before then. She was signaling him about what she was going to do.

He pulls me from the door and turns me around before he pushes me and I land on a bed. I quickly try to roll away but he traps my arms against the bed as he hovers over me.

"Please, stop," I cry. "Please."

My attempts at escaping are futile against his strong body but I don't give up. All I can do now is just scream for help.

"Help! Someone, please, help me! HELP!"

I yelp when he presses his body against me, my tears rushing down my face furiously as I continue to sob.

My skin crawls when he touches the side of my body and down my legs. I just continue to kick my legs and move my arms as much as I can, hoping to get a good shot to hit him but he's too strong against me.

"Help! HELP!"

His hand is now crawling up my shirt and I start to cry even harder.

"NO! Stop! Stop it!"

I can feel his lips against my neck and I try to move away from him. Just as his hand is about to reach my breast, the door slams open.

I look up and see Collin and Leo standing at the doorway. The guy on top of me quickly stands up but I just continue to lie there, sobbing as the shock still prevents my body from moving.

Leo grabs the guy and pulls him out to the hallway, out of sight, as Collin walks over to me and crouches down on the bed beside me.

"Holy s.hit, Lily. Are you okay?"

He carefully brushes his hand over my cheek and that's when I can finally make myself move. I quickly sit up and Collin wraps his arms around me. I cry even harder as he sits down on the bed before holding me closer against him. I can hear people entering the room but I don't look to see who it is.

"Lily? Oh my god. What the hell happened?" El says from somewhere beside me. I know that she's directing the question to the others in the room and not at me.

"I don't know," Collin answers. "I was looking for her after you two went to the bathroom. I saw you but I couldn't see her. I thought she was in the bathroom but I saw other people coming out. I tried looking for her everywhere and I asked some people if they saw her and one of them told me that he saw her going upstairs. Leo and I went to find her and we saw that douchebag on top of her."

"Holy f.uck. Is she okay?" El asks. "S.hit, I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have left her. It's all my fault."

I wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault, that it was mine for leaving the bathroom when she told me not to. It was my fault for going upstairs when I should've known that she wasn't up there. But I couldn't. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak.

"Should we call her boyfriend?" Collin asks.


"I...I don't know. Maybe not right now. We should get her home first. Would you be able to drive us back?" El asks.

"Yeah, no problem. Let's go."

Suddenly, I feel him pick me up bridal style but I'm still in too much shock to even care. I let him carry me out of the room.

"Is she okay?" I hear Matti's voice say.

"I don't know," Collin answers. "El and I are gonna take her home but we'll let you guys know."

I keep my eyes closed as I'm carried out into the hallway.

"Where is she?"


"F.uck. What the f.uck happened?" he asks in anger.

Collin explains once again what happened as I feel us going down the stairs.

"Where's the f.ucker now?" Marcus shouts.

"Leo's taking care of him. I'm sure he's gone now."

"He should be going to f.ucking jail!"

"Hey, mate," Collin says. "I know you're upset right now but Lily needs some quiet. El and I are going to take her home. You're more than welcome to go with us. You just need to relax and stop yelling."

I hear Marcus sigh. "Alright. I'll meet you guys there. Be safe, okay?"

"I will. See you later."

I shiver slightly once we step outside and I snuggle closer to Collin's warm body.

"We'll take Lily's car and I'll have Marcus drive me back here to get mine," Collin tells Eleanor.

"Okay, sure."

I hear doors opening before I'm being placed into the back seat. I feel my head resting on someone's lap and I open my eyes slightly to see El looking down at me with a worried expression.

"I'm so sorry, Lily. I shouldn't have left you."

All I can do is grab her hand and shake my head, hoping she understand that I'm trying to tell her that it's absolutely not her fault.

I close my eyes again as I hear the car turn on. The car starts moving and I curl up into a ball as I start to shiver again.

"Here, put this on her. She's probably freezing."

A second later, I feel something being placed on top of me. I smell Collin's cologne before I open my eyes and see his jacket covering as much of my body as it can.

I want to thank him but again, I can't do much right now.

I feel my eyes start to droop and then I feel something vibrating in my bag. My phone. My brain is still disconnected to the rest of my body. I can't move. I can't think.

I actually fall asleep on the way home, even though it's only a short 10-minute drive. I wake when I feel someone carry me out of the car and inside what I'm sure is our flat. Everything seems to go in fast forward as I find myself on my bed in what feels like a second later.

"I can take it from here." I can tell that El and Collin are standing right by my bed as they converse. "Thank you so much for everything. For finding her. I don't know what I'd do if..."

If things had ended up much worse.

"No problem. Just...let me know how she is later. I know she's still in shock but she should recover once she's gotten some sleep. Are...are you going to call her boyfriend?"

No! Please don't call him!

I can hear El sigh. "I don't know. I know I should but I don't want to worry him. He's going to lose his mind. I wouldn't be surprised if he came here as soon as he finds out. Maybe I'll just wait until she wakes up and she what she wants to do."

"Sounds good. She needs some rest. He'll just keep trying to call her if he finds out."

"You're right. Yeah, I'll just see what happens tomorrow. Thank you, again, Collin."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad I got to her in time."

"Me, too."

I can hear them walking away before my door is closed. Silence is all I can hear but I hear the front door opening a few times, hearing multiple voices including Marcus'. I know he's checking up on me but my bedroom door doesn't open for the rest of the night until who I'm assuming is El, comes in and tucks me in under the blanket.

As soon as she leaves, I hear my phone vibrating again from somewhere in my room but not another second passes before I fall asleep.



Soooooooo do you think Lily's going to tell Harry what happened???

35 votes and 15 comments! :)

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