Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


148. New Year

Lily’s POV

“What’re your New Year’s resolutions going to be?” I ask Harry as we have his driver take us to Niall’s for the New Years party.

He puckers his lips in thought. “Well, I was actually thinking of starting a charity for children with cancer and other end-stage illnesses. I know there are already a lot of charities out there but it’d be nice to start one and manage it myself.”

I look over at him in awe and amazement. “Wow, Harry. Usually people say they’re going to go to the gym more or take up gardening or something. You’re making us all look bad here.”

He shoots me a smile and chuckles. “I know it seems like a lot but, honestly, it’s the least I could do for them, you know?”

“I think it’s amazing, Harry. And I can definitely help out in any way I can.”

I squeeze his hand that’s placed in my lap and he returns the gesture by rubbing my skin with his thumb.

“I’m already so proud of you, babe.”

“Thank you.” He smiles at me and I lean over and give him a quick kiss.

“So, what else do you have on your list of resolutions?”

“Well, I want to try to spend more time with my family. And you, of course,” he adds, glancing over at me as he places his other hand on my thigh. “And I definitely want to write more songs. For the band and for other artists, as well. And…I kinda wanted to try acting. I mean, it’d definitely have to be when we go on break but I’ve always wanted to try.”

I just smile in adoration at my boyfriend as his mind goes off into all of the ambitions he has for the next year and for the rest of the future.

“But…” he continues. “The thing I want to accomplish the most…is to make my girlfriend happy every single day.”

I roll my eyes but blush at the same time, a warm feeling spreading across my body.

“Good luck with that. I’m hard to please sometimes. And the whole year? We’ve been together for only four months and I wanted to rip your head off about 50% of the time. I’d love to see you try for an entire year.”

He raises an eyebrow at me. “Challenge accepted. I know many ways to please you.”

I chuckle lightly as I lean towards him and bury my face into the crook of his neck.

“How about you?” he asks. “What are your resolutions?”

I keep my head rested against his shoulder as I look out in thought. I’ve thought about it lately and I’ve been too shy to talk to Harry about it but now that he’s shared his resolutions to me, I don’t feel as silly.

“Well, the obvious one is record an album and…if it falls through, release it and…maybe go on a small tour. I…I know it’s seems like I’m hoping for too much but-”

“You’re not,” he interrupts me. “I think that’s a perfectly reasonable dream. It’s better to dream big than not big enough. It means you really want something out of life. It means that you want to work hard for what you really want. And I know you, and I’ve heard you sing. I know you can do it.”

My smile stretches across my face, my heart growing as he rubs my arm and back as he talks.

“I honestly think that you’ll be able to accomplish that much more easily that my resolution to make you happy all year.”

We laugh together as I lean back to look up at him, his eyes meeting mine.

“You know that’s not true. Even when I’m mad at you, I still love you. And when I’m in love with you, it means that I’m happy.”

His face softens, his eyes flitting back and forth between my eyes and my lips. Silence fills the air around us as we just stare at each other, Harry pulling me closer as we close our eyes and rest our foreheads against each other’s.

“I still think you can do it, baby,” he whispers. “I know you will. You’re meant to be up on that stage sharing your music.”

My lips twitch slightly into a small smile, not moving from my spot. Suddenly, I feel the car slow down until it comes to a full stop. The driver surely must have looked at us from the rearview mirror because he doesn’t interrupt us. However, Harry and I pull away, our gazes lingering for a few seconds before we look out the window and see Niall’s house. All of the lights are on inside and outside the house, the party surely already going strong.

Harry thanks the driver as he opens the door and helps me out. I fix my dress, pulling it down to its correct place. Harry then takes my hand and leads me up the walkway to the front door. Harry lets himself in and we’re met with loud music and even louder people. A lot of people are already here, already drinking and having the time of their life.

We look around for anyone we know and Harry is the first to spot Liam and Louis in the living room and I see El not too far from them and my smile immediately widens. I haven’t seen her since the day of our last exam. Living together, it’s weird not seeing her every day.

She spots us just as we reach them and she gives a small scream before she walks up to me and hugs me.

“Lily! I missed you!”

“Missed you, too, babe. How are you?”

We pull away, huge smiles on our faces.

“I’m good. Just been enjoying the break with Lou. You?”

“Same here with Harry. It’s been really nice.”

Even though I had talked to her about Harry and I getting back together after our “break”, I can see how happy she is for me in her smile.

“But I’ve missed you like crazy,” I add, not wanting to get into it and start getting emotional. “It’s not the same without my partner in crime.”

She smiles as we turn around and see Harry, Lou and Liam catching up. I walk up to Lou and Liam, greeting them and giving them a big hug.

We all catch up, Niall eventually joining us already half-drunk.

“Lily!” he shouts. “You need a drink. It’s against the rules not to have a drink tonight.”

“Alright!” I laugh as Harry rests his arm around my shoulder. “We’ll get one now.”

I wrap my arm around Harry’s waist as we head to the kitchen to get drinks.

Even though it makes me uncomfortable, I can’t hide the fact that I can feel a few guys’ gazes follow me as we walk up to the drinks table. I keep my eyes away from them and tighten my grip around Harry. I can tell he notices them too because I feel his arm tighten around my shoulders. I start to regret wearing such a tight dress but it was honestly purely for Harry. I wanted to look good for him today. This is our first New Years together.

Seeing as Harry won’t let go of me, I decide to pour our drinks for us. His hand trails down to my waist, gripping it for a quick second before he moves it to my bare back. I hand him his beer and, just as I pick up mine, he swoops down and crashes his lips on mine. My free hand slides up to the back of his neck, pulling him closer as I kiss him back.

I know he’s doing this because of the guys looking at me but, to be honest, I’m glad he’s doing it. His cup of beer rests on my back and I flinch slightly at the coolness before I feel a shiver run down my spine.

Finally, he pulls away, fire strong in his eyes as he looks down at me.

“Thank you for the drink,” he says with a small smirk.

I roll my eyes with a smile as we turn around and head back to our friends. Throughout the night, we just catch up with the others, meet new people, play a few drinking games, all the while, drinking without worrying about the hangover we’re for sure going to get tomorrow.

Harry is louder than normal, laughing at everything, dancing and singing along to the music and I’m just trying to keep from falling over as I keep my arms around him.

“Let’s go dance,” he shouts, placing his cup down and taking mine and putting it on the table beside his. He takes my hand and we wobble to the middle of the dance floor. He takes my waist and we sway to the beat of the loud bass, pulling me closer until we’re pressed against each other.

I rest my hands on his chest, biting my lip as I look up at him.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he slurs. “You know that? I mean, I know that. And those twats in the kitchen probably know, too, but you’re mine. I hope they know that, too. If it weren’t illegal, I’d show them that you’re all mine right here, right now in the middle of this room.”

I release my lip as my breathing picks up, a wave of pleasure rushing to my stomach and in between my legs. I should be appalled by what he’s saying, slapping his across the face for what he’s trying to say but, honestly, his words are just getting to me. It must be partly the alcohol to blame but, right now, I don’t care.

The way he’s holding me, moving his hips against mine, the words he’s speaking to me, I wish he could take me right here, right now in the middle of this room. Minus all the people, of course.

I’m about to ask him to take this to another room but the music suddenly stops.

“One minute to midnight!”

We keep our eyes locked as people start crowding around the big screen TV tuned into the New Year’s Eve special. People are cheering around us and we pay them no mind.

Harry only pulls me closer, our faces only inches apart as everyone starts to count down.


“I love you, baby,” he says, leaning down to give me a quick kiss.


“I love you, Harry.”

“I can’t wait to spend the next year with you. I’m lucky to be able to spend it with you. I know it’s going to be the best one yet.”

All I can do is smile as I slowly rake my fingertips along the skin of the back of his head.

“10…9…” we start counting down with everyone else, the smiles growing on both of our faces. “8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Without waiting another second, we both lean forward and meet in a kiss. We sway slightly, Harry’s hands slowly gliding all across my back as I tangle my fingers in his hair. Every is cheering around us but we only deepen the kiss, pulling each other closer.

The excitement from right before the countdown started is slowly building up again as the kiss gets more heated, as our hands start pulling harder. Harry’s tongue swipes across mine, his teeth nipping against my bottom lip as he pulls away, only to crash them back even harder.

“Get a room!” someone shouts from beside us, the voice belonging to someone I don’t even know but it doesn’t even stop us even for a second.

“Fuck, I want you so bad right now, baby.”

We pull away, completely out of breath, lust bright in both of our eyes.

“Let’s go home,” I say.

He shakes his head. “I can’t wait that long.”

To be honest, I couldn’t either. But I honestly don’t know if I’d be able to do it here in Niall’s own home.

“Niall has a separate den out back,” he says. “I’m sure he won’t mind.”

My brain was only getting more and more fuzzy, making me less likely to behave like a civilized human, meaning that I was already agreeing with his suggestion.

Taking my silence as an answer, he takes my hand and we maneuver our way through the crowd and towards the patio doors. Harry looks around quickly, making sure that no one is watching before we slip through the doors.

Seeing as it’s the middle of winter, I shiver from the below freezing temperature and the light snowfall. I’m about to take a step but then I realize that there’s half a foot of snow on the ground. I’m about to protest but Harry picks me up bridal style, making me squeal. Surprisingly, he reaches the den without dropping me or slipping on the snow.

“Open the door,” he whispers.

I open the door and he quickly walks in before closing it with his foot. He walks across the dark room until he places me down on the sofa. He walks away to lock the door and close all of the curtains and walks right back to me, sitting on the sofa before he tugs me to straddle his lap.

His hands move down to my thighs, squeezing gently before he slides them up, slipping my dress up to my hips. I crash my lips onto his, sucking, biting and licking as his hands rest on my bum and kneads the skin. He gets a good hold of me before he pulls down, making me press my core against his jeans over his hardening length.

I tug on his hair harshly before my hands impatiently move down to his shirt, unbuttoning halfway before I lean back to pull it off of him. I start to move my hips back and forth on his lap, feeling myself get wet through my panties.

Harry’s about to move his hands to the middle of legs but I stop him.

“Wait,” I say breathlessly. “I…I want to pleasure you this time. You’re always doing it for me but I’ve never been able to return the favour.”

I remember the amazing time we had when we had sex in his car when we went to visit my parents. I remember him pleasuring my brains out with his mouth and fingers. I had wanted to return the favour but he was too eager to be inside of me that he didn’t let me.

Now, I wanted to. Now is my chance.

“Fuck, okay,” he breathes harshly.

I slide off of his lap onto the floor in front of him and between his legs as I start to undo his pants. He keeps his eyes on mine as I tug them tug down and take them off completely, not wanting anything in my way.

I move closer to him, resting my hands on his thighs before I lean forward and give a gentle lick to the tip of his length, his already hard member twitching at my touch.

He hisses in pleasure, his eyes closing as his head moves back.

Finally, I wrap both of my hands around him, one around the base and the other covering the rest. His abdominal muscles twitch as I twist gently in opposite directions before I lean forward and wrap my lips around the tip.

He gives a loud moan and arches forward when I lick my tongue around the head and along the slit. I remove my hand that’s wrapped around the middle of him, bobbing my head up and down, slowly taking more and more of him into my mouth. I continue to twist my hand that’s still wrapped around his based as I take my now free hand and massage his balls.

I hollow my cheeks, sucking harder as I continue to pleasure him with my mouth and tongue.

“Fuck, baby. Your mouth feels so fucking good. Go faster for me, baby.”

I do as told, taking my hand off of his base and resting it on his thigh as I go faster and go deeper.

“Fuck!” he moans, as I take all of him inside my mouth, feeling him at the back of my throat and my lips reaching his pelvis.

I keep him there for as long as I can, pressing my tongue against the underside of his length as I suck hard as I pull back, earning an animalistic moan from him. I pull back until just the tip is left before I go in for the kill, moving up and down faster than before, as deep as I can.

“Lily! Fuck! Don’t stop!” His moans don’t stop. They only get louder and louder the more I go. I squeeze a little bit harder on his balls, feeling it tighten in my hand and I know right away that he’s almost there.

Suddenly, I feel both of his hands grab the back of my head, taking a good hold of my hair and he guides me in the speed and deepness he craves for. I let him take control, realizing that it was only turning me on more.

I moan around him and it causes him to start thrusting his hips against my mouth. I rest both of my hands on his thighs now, letting him take complete control as he starts to thrust faster, letting him now basically be the one fucking my mouth instead of me pleasuring him, even though I know that he must be on cloud nine right now.

He holds my head still, going faster and harder. And I let him, loving the affect it’s having on me. I feel him twitch inside my mouth as he starts to grunt, his hands tightening around my hair.

“Fuck, get up here,” he says, completely out of breath. “I want you inside me when I come.”

Not needing to be told twice, I shakily stand up. Harry stops me for a second to grab the sides of my panties and slowly tugs them down until the drop on the floor. I step out of them and drop back onto his lap as he takes my dress and slides it off of me, his lips immediately finding my breast and wrapping around my nipple.

I release a breathy moan as I wrap my arms around his head, pulling him harder against me as he licks and nips, sending tingles straight to my core.

My hips start to move against his length, feeling my wetness spread across him. I arch back, pushing my breast even harder against him. I squeal when he pulls back with my nipple in between his teeth, only for him to attack my other breast.

“Fuck, baby!” I exclaim, moving harder against his lap. “Baby, I need you now.”

His one arm wraps around me, lifting me up as he takes his length in his hand to guide it to my entrance. I lock gazes with him as he grips my waist, letting me be the one to sink down around him, the both of us releasing a content moan.

I keep still for a few already amazing seconds before he pulls me up, only for him to slam me back down with a loud smack of my bum against his thighs.

“Oh!” I moan, feeling him deep inside of me, my nails scratching down the scalp of his head. “Fuck…wait. I want you to just relax.”

He looks at me in confusion but he listens, leaning back against the couch and resting his hands on my thighs, waiting for my next move.

I lean back slightly, resting my hands behind me on his knees before I push myself up until just the tip before I slowly move back down.

Harry and I moan together, his eyes closing slightly before he forces them back open, knowing that he wants to see what I have planned for him.

I continue to go at a slow pace, teasing him but wanting him to feel every inch of me as I move around him.

When his stomach starts to twitch, that’s when I move back up, only to slam back down and, this time, not stopping. I move up and down his length hard, our skin slapping and the sound of my wetness loud as he moves in and out of me.

“Oh, fuck!” I start to moan out loud, not being able to keep quiet. “Oh, yes. Harry, Harry, Harry!”

“Shit, baby. Fuck! You feel fucking amazing! Fuck, fuck, fuuuuu…”

I go harder, moving up and down on his lap harshly and I open my eyes to see his glued onto my, my face, my bouncing breasts and then down to watch me move easily up and down his glistening length.

“I want you to come, baby,” he growls. “Come for me.”

I scream when his thumb presses against my clït, rubbing harshly as I try to maintain my movements. I start to pant, my stomach twitching as I feel the pleasure grow in my core. I can feel myself reaching the edge but when he thrusts up hard, that’s when I finally explode, screaming his name as I come hard. I flinch forward, the pleasure becoming too much for me as I clutch onto him. I pressed myself as deep as I can, feeling him press against the most delicious spot as my örgasm only grows.

“Harry! Oh! Fuck. Yes!”

Harry thrusts up gently a few more times, riding out my high before I finally come down. I didn’t realize that Harry hadn’t come yet until he gently moves me from his lap, guiding me to go on my knees and support myself on the back of the couch, my back facing him as he stands behind me.

I’m still trying to catch my breath as I rest my head on the back of the couch, a few aftershocks shaking me as I try to calm down. I gather enough strength to look behind me to see Harry standing behind me and I feel him press against my bum, twitching slightly as his length brushes against my slit.

“Now it’s your turn to relax, baby. Let me do the work now.”

I can’t speak. I can’t even move my head to nod. So, I just move my hips back slightly to show him that I’m ready for him.

Without wasting any more time, he moves his length along my wet slit a couple of times before he moves it to my entrance and slams himself deep inside me, making me moan out loud.

I can already feel another örgasm building up and I know that Harry’s definitely close to the edge. So I’m not surprised when Harry grabs onto my hips, his fingers gripping hard before he pulls back and slams forward, this time not stopping.

We both moan out loud, the sound of my slickness moving around and smacking skin echoing around the room.

He drills into me, his powerful thrusts relentless against my heat as I feel him pressing against my favourite spot every time.

“Fuck, harder, Harry,” I moan.

I didn’t know if it was possible for him to go harder, seeing as he’s already pounding into me but he suddenly spreads my legs wider before he rests his one foot on the couch beside me, his grip on my hips tightening even more before he’s relentlessly hammering into me, making me scream the loudest I ever have, Harry’s grunts and groans joining me.

“Shiiiiit! Harry! Keep going! Don’t fucking stop!”

I can feel him twitch inside of me and I know he’s almost there, just like I am.

“Baby, I’m almost there. Come for me.” He suddenly grabs my arms, pulling me up against him. I turn my head to give him a sloppy kiss as his one hand squeezes my breast and the other one trails down to my clït, furiously rubbing it in circles, bringing me closer and closer to my end.

He continues to thrust into me, making me moan against the kiss. I move my hips back to meet his thrusts and when he takes three fingers to rub my clït, I finally explode.

I remove my lips from his to release a loud scream, coming harder than ever.

“Harry, Harry, Harry!” I chant as wave after wave of pleasure moves through my core.

He gives a few more powerful thrusts before he takes both hands and moves them down to my hips, pressing them hard against him as he slams deep inside of me, stopping there as he twitches and spills inside of me.

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Lily, fuck!”

He comes harder than he’s ever had, coming inside of me more than I’ve ever experienced with him. We both twitch in the aftershocks, the pleasure pulsing each time as he keeps himself inside of me.

We’re both breathing harshly, as we both crash on the couch, Harry sitting down and pulling me with him.

We sit there in silence, waiting until the high comes down enough for us to think clearly.

“Fuck,” he whispers. “That was amazing.”

All I can do is smile but I turn my head to place a kiss on his sweat-covered shoulder.

“I have no idea where that came from,” he says with a small laugh. “I thought that all we’d be able to handle was missionary seeing how drunk we both are.”

This time, I laugh with him as I turn in my spot to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“That’s cause we’re amazing.”

“We definitely are. And I guess I’m doing well so far in my resolution to make you happy this new year.”

I laugh, realizing that it is indeed the new year now. And he definitely made me happy.

“You’re doing very, very well. Keep it up and I’ll be the happiest girl in the world.”

He smiles at me, giving me a lingering kiss before he pulls away.

“Challenge accepted.”

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