Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


112. Never Apart

Pretty please read A/N at the end of the chapter :)


Lily's POV

"This calls for a celebratory glass of wine," I say.

Marcus, Milly, Matti and I all walk out of the exam room and I can literally feel the entire weight of the full week of exams falling off of my shoulders. We had just written our last one today and we are now meeting up with the others who also finish their last one.

This entire week, I've been locked up in the library or my room, studying from morning to night. I have never been more stressed in my life and I've been waiting for this day, especially for it to be over.

However, I still make sure that I talk to Harry at least once every day. He'll always leave me a 'good morning' text to read when I wake up, along with a few words of encouragement for a whole day of studying he knows I'm going to have. I wake up dreading having to study but then I read his text and some anxiety fades away, especially when I think about that fact that I'm going to finally see him when this is all over.

Even though his morning texts are more than I could ask for, I always call him right before I go to sleep. I always look forward to it because I forget about the stress and anxiety that I carried throughout the entire day. I just hear him say 'hi' and I forget about everything and just focus on the sound of his voice.

He'll ask me how studying went but then he'll start talk about something completely different to get my mind off of school, even if it's just for a few minutes and I love him for it. He'll talk about the city he's in, the shows he's just played, or even the crazy antics that him and the other boys get into.

My favourite was definitely the boys celebrating their last show of their South American leg of the tour by having a food fight on stage. He had told me about all the times he caked the others in the face but then they had all ganged up on him and threw enough cake at him that he slipped on the ramp three times trying to get up.

He then sent me a video that a fan had taken and I had laughed for ten minutes straight as I replayed it over and over again. Harry didn't even get upset that I was laughing at him. He said that he enjoyed watching me laugh my ass off, even if it was at his expense.

I love sharing those kinds of moments with him, telling each other about our day, even the embarrassing parts. I love talking to him. There's just something about it, the way he truly focuses on what I'm saying, like he's taking in every single word and completely appreciating it. And I love just watching him when he's speaking, especially the way his lips move around the words, even though it's through a computer screen. I also love the sound of his voice, it's soothing and so attractive and sexy. It's mesmerizing and I could literally watch and listen to him talk the entire day.

And now, I finally get to see him tonight. It's Thursday today and we all have the day off tomorrow since we had our exam for that class today. Harry lands later tonight after their show in Dublin and El and I are going to wait for them at the airport.

This week had gone by agonizingly slow but it's finally over and tonight, I finally get to be with him again.

"I could definitely go for a drink," Marcus replies.

"Let's all go for dinner with the others," I suggest. "They should be done soon. I'll tell them to meet us at the restaurant."

"Sounds good," Matti says as everyone else nods in agreement.

We all head to the restaurant as I send a text to El, Leo, Collin and Chloe to meet us there when they're done their exam.

We wait at the bar and order a drink - an iced tea for me since I'm driving - as we wait for the others but it's not long before they all finally arrive and we're seated at a big table.

We all discuss how our exams went and the consensus was that we're all glad it's finally over.

"By the way, are you guys free this weekend?" I ask everyone. "Mine and El's boyfriends are having a party in London on Saturday. We'd love it if you guys could go. And they also have a show here tomorrow night, if you guys want to watch them."

"Yeah, that'd be awesome," Marcus answers for everyone as he looks around at the others around the table. They're all nodding so I'm assuming that's a 'yes'.

Harry had told me to invite anyone I wanted, specifically Marcus and Leo so he can finally meet them. I knew he was being serious but I'm sure that he'll completely forget about it once we start partying. Even if he did meet them, I know he'll be polite and the true gentleman he is.

Suddenly, a waiter appears beside us. We order drinks and our food and then we just relax and converse in small groups as we wait. I also give them the details about the weekend and telling them that Harry is going to rent out a few hotel rooms for them to stay in for the night of the party, knowing it would be rude to either make them go back here to Manchester the same night or even making them pay for a hotel. The party will be held in the party room at the actual hotel, the same one that the other boys are going to stay in, so it'll be easy for them to go to sleep right after.

I had suggested to Harry that they could just sleep over at his house, knowing that he has enough room for all of them but he quickly shot the idea down, bluntly telling me that his house will be just for the two of us after the party.

I knew right away from the suggestive tone of his voice that it would definitely be better if they stay at a hotel.

When we're all finished eating, we all decide to head back to our flats, knowing that we're looking forward to going home and getting a much deserved full night's sleep. Except for El and I. We're going to go home and relax before we leave for the airport. It's eight in the evening now so the boys are about to go on stage.

El and I say our goodbyes to the others before we walk arm-in-arm to my car. We had driven together this morning since our exams started and finished around the same time.

"Are you excited?" she asks.

"So excited. I can't wait."

"Me, too." We reach the car and we hop inside. I turn it on and head home.

"Oh, by the way," El says. "I'm sure you and Harry won't mind but I'm going to be staying with Louis at his hotel room tonight so you two can have the flat to yourselves."

I glance over at her and see her smirking at me. I roll my eyes and smile, a faint blush heating my cheeks.

"Oh, please, you and Louis are worse than us."

"Excuse me?" she asks. "You two do it three times a day when you're together.

My eyes widen as I look over at her. "We do not! Who told you that?"

She grins and shrugs her shoulders. "No one. It's just from what I can see when I observe you two. Okay, you may not actually have sex three times a day but you guys basically do when you two just look at each other. You're basically eye-banging."

My mouth hangs open but I still laugh. Trust El to be completely and brutally blunt.

"You're crazy," I laugh, shaking my head as I focus on the road again (A/N: See what I did there LOL)

"You know I'm right."

"Okay, El," I say sarcastically.

"So, are you excited for Marcus and Leo to meet your lovely boyfriend?"

I sigh. "I honestly think I'm the only one that knows that he's not actually going to do anything. Harry wouldn't hurt a fly. He wouldn't even swat it."

"He would if that fly scared you or landed on your arm or something. He's so protective of you. It makes me sick at how adorable it is."

I laugh. "Okay, I think you had one too many glasses of wine tonight."

"I'm just saying, meeting two guys - especially one being your ex - will definitely not be good for his ego. Don't tell Louis I said this but those two are quite nice on the eyes. Harry will have a complex when he finds out who you're hanging out with almost every day of the week. And add in Collin, I can't wait to see Harry's reaction."

I know that she's right about them being handsome but I also know that Harry will look past that and remember that I only have eyes for him.

"He'll be fine. And if he doesn't, he'll be getting an earful from me if he let's that ruin our time together."

El laughs. "I would love to see that, too."

Again, I roll my eyes and smile. We arrive at the flat and we go to our own rooms to change into our lazy clothes, deciding that we'd watch a movie to pass time before we leave. I change into a pair of sweats and Harry's black shirt and let my hair down.

Before I leave my room, I sit on the edge of my bed and take out my phone, deciding to leave Harry a quick message before the show starts.

*Have a good show, babe. I can't wait to see you tonight. Call me before your flight and when you're free. I love you <3*

I stand up and head out of my room, walking out to the living room to see El already sitting on the couch in front of the TV. I sit down beside her and see her navigating through Netflix to find a movie.

"I'll make popcorn," I say, standing up and walking over to the kitchen.

As soon as I put the popcorn in the microwave, I hear my phone receiving a text. I take out my phone and see that it came from Harry.

*Thanks, baby. I can't wait to see you, either. I hope I'll be able to concentrate on the show tonight ;) I'll call you as soon as I can when it's done. I love you more <3 <3 <3*

*Kick ass for your show tonight. And no, I love you more*

The microwave beeps so I place my phone on the counter and pour the popcorn into two bowls. Harry hasn't replied but I have a good feeling that he's preparing to go on stage. I put my phone in my pocket and grab the popcorn, taking them out to the living room. I sit down on the couch beside El and hand her her popcorn.

"How about How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?" El asks.

"Yeah, sure. I love that movie."

"Same. I've watched it a million times and I never get tired of it."

We watch the movie, laughing and even reciting the lines that we know together. It's only ten o'clock by the time it ends so we decide to watch another movie. The boys' show doesn't end until 10:30, 11:00 at the latest and their flight isn't supposed to land until one in the morning. We still have a few more hours to go and we can fit one more movie before we leave for the airport.

"Let's watch The Roommate!" El exclaims.

I groan. "No. It's so scary. She's so creepy."

El doesn't listen to me, immediately starting the movie.

"Is this your way of telling me that you're in love with me and that you'll kill everyone who gets in your way?" I joke.

El snorts and shoves me on my arm. "Shut up and just watch the movie."

I sigh in defeat and slump into the couch as I focus on the TV. I've watched this movie before back when I was still with Marcus. I covered my face half the time and I was mad at him for the rest of the night for making us watch it. I was at my parent's house at that time so I didn't even have him to keep my company during the night.

I remember some parts of the movie as it goes along so it's not as scary but some parts still make me jump and some even make me scream. Now it's the scene where the main character is walking through the dark apartment. Just as she opens the door, the sound of my phone pierces through the living room and along with the vibration I feel in my pocket, El and I scream bloody murder and I jump a foot into the air.

El pauses the movie as I close my eyes and clutch my chest, feeling my heart pounding like crazy.

"Holy s.hit," I say shakily. "This is why I hate watching scary movies."

El chuckles at me and I glare at her as I pull my phone out of my pocket. I see Harry's name flashing across the screen and it lightens my mood slightly.

I slide my finger across the screen, answering the phone.

"Hi, babe."

"Hey, how are you? Did I wake you?"

"No, El and I are just watching a movie to pass time. You're done your show now?"

"Yeah, we just finished. We're gonna head to the airport soon."

"I can't wait." I smile, the thought of Harry finally coming home truly sinking in now.

"Are you sure you're okay with picking us up? You can just wait for me there. I don't want to bother you. I mean, I can just go walk into your room and find you sleeping and I'll just climb into bed beside you and cuddle you and finally get the sleep I've been wishing for."

I laugh. "Of course it's okay. As lovely as that sounds, I've been looking forward to picking you up at the airport. It's like we're in a movie."

Harry laughs. "Alright, if you're sure. I know you had your last exam today so I was just worried that you'd be tired."

"I'm fine. I thought I would be but I think I'm too excited to see you."

"I'm excited, too. Anyways, I have to go. I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"I'll be at the airport waiting."

"I can't wait. I love you."

"I love you, Harry."


"Bye." I hang up and place my phone on the couch beside me. I look over at El, about to ask her what time we should leave but I shut my mouth when I see her passed out beside me. I had noticed that she was nodding off throughout the movie but she would always wake up, especially when I scream at a scary part.

I decide to let her sleep for a bit, knowing that she's tired from the exams. I guess she's also used to the feeling of excitement of picking up Louis at the airport. She's most likely done it many times that she's used to it now. For me, I'm like a little kid waiting for Christmas morning.

I'll just wake her up when we have to leave for the airport. I get up and decide to clean up the place to pass time again. No way in hell am I going to watch the rest of the scary movie by myself, even with El sleeping beside me. Plus, I know I'd wake her up when I most likely scream at every scary part.

I clean up our popcorn bowls, wash the dishes in the sink, clean up the kitchen and the dining room before I head over to my room.

I clean up a bit, picking up clothes from the ground, throwing out the multiple water bottles I have laying around and then I clean up my books and notes. I decide to change my bed sheets, wanting it to be fresh for when Harry and I sleep here tonight. I know that we'll both be tired from our busy day today but you never know...

By the time I finish, it's 12:30. Since it takes 15 minutes to drive to the airport, I decide it's a good time to leave. I grab Harry's sweater and put it on before I walk back out to the living room and approach a still sleeping Eleanor. I crouch beside her and carefully nudge her shoulder.

"El, wake up. We should go soon. It's 12:30."

She shuffles slightly and groans before she sits up and stretches. She slowly opens her eyes and I hold my hand out to her to help her stand up. We each get our bags and head out. Since El is going to stay in the hotel with Louis, we take separate cars. I lead the way to the airport and when we get there, we walk arm-in-arm inside.

Of course there's a few paparazzi and fans out. I've become used to them knowing the whereabouts of Harry and the other boys. With the day I've had and how late it is, I keep my head down slightly and don't answer the paparazzi's questions. Thankfully, Harry had a couple of bodyguards meet us and they immediately stand by our sides once we walk inside the airport.

I notice one of them as the same one that accompanied me after I dropped off Harry when he went to Paris.

"Hi, Tom," I say, remembering his name.

He turns to me and offers me a small and firm smile. "Hello, Ms. Benson."

"Ah, what did I tell you last time?" I joke.

His smile widens slightly. "My apologies. It's good to see you again, Lily."

I grin at him and nod. "You, too, Tom."

He focuses back on his job, keeping the paparazzi and the fans a safe distance from us as him and the other bodyguard lead the way.

The boys arranged for El and I to be able to wait for them in a private room that the boys can go to from luggage claim. We're led inside and El and I sit in the seats, seeing as how the boys would just be landing sometime soon and they would still need to go through customs and get their luggage.

It's just us two and the two bodyguards in the room so it's quiet. I can feel the tiredness creeping into my muscles, the comfortable seat making me sink into it.

My eyes droop a couple of times but I force myself to sit up straight and try to blink the heaviness from my eyes.

However, I perk up when I see Tom lift a finger to his earpiece.

"Yes, they're here with us...alright, I'll let them know."

He turns to us and nods. "They will be here soon. They just went through baggage claim."

I instantly smile and nod back. "Thank you."

I'm completely awake again. I stand up and start pacing, keeping my eyes on the doorway that the boys will be coming in through. El stands up a few moments later so I go to stand beside her. I can feel my heat pounding in my chest as I fidget in my spot. I can practically feel him getting closer and closer to me. I can sense him.

I have no more time to prepare because a couple of burly men dressed similarly to Tom and the other bodyguard walk through the doorway. My heart leaps in my chest when I watch a couple of other people I know to be from their management team walk through afterwards. Then it's the boys' band.

I know it would be polite to greet them but honestly, all I can think about is Harry. I bite my lip in anxiousness. I know he's here.

I jump slightly when El squeals and calls out Louis' name as soon as he appears from the corner. She immediately runs up to him and Louis' face is just absolutely beaming when he drops his bags and catches her in a hug.

I watch them embrace but my attention is immediately taken away when I see Liam walk through with Sophia.

Then Niall.


"Harry!" Not a second passes by before I sprint to him, the floodgates holding everything inside of me finally crashing. He immediately catches my gaze and I can't hold back my smile. He drops his shoulder bag and starts walking up to me, a huge smile spreading across his face. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I get closer and closer to him.

Finally, after five long weeks, I jump in his arms and he easily catches me. I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. His arms clutch my waist tightly as I bury my face into his neck.

Suddenly, I start softly crying. We still haven't said a word to each other but I know it doesn't matter right now. I'm still trying to take everything in. He's here. He's finally here.

I take in a deep breath, taking in his familiar and soothing scent. I tighten my arms around him as his one hand starts rubbing along my back. I take one of my hands and tangle it in his hair, letting the feeling that I've been caving for take over my entire body.

"Hi, baby," he whispers softly.

I tighten my arms around him one more time before I pull away, just enough to be able to see him as I keep my arms and legs wrapped around him. I sniffle as I let myself finally take a good look at him. I see the glisten in his eyes but his smile is still as bright as when we first saw each other.

"Hi," I finally say. I take my hand and brush it against his cheek. He leans into my touch and both of our smiles widen. We just stare at each other, not even caring about anyone around us. They must be used to this with the other boys because they let Harry and I have our moment.

Without yet another word, I pull him closer and place my lips on his. The kiss is gentle, lingering, soft, perfect. The moment that our lips touched, all I can see, hear, smell, and feel is Harry. All of those feelings just come rushing inside of me, spreading throughout my entire body like a fire. I want to deepen the kiss but it's already gotten me lightheaded.

It literally takes my breath away. I don't want the kiss to end. I keep my lips on his as long as I can until I pull away and gasp for air. I lean my forehead against his and I can feel his breath coming out in warm spurts against my face.

Unsure of whether Harry's getting tired, I loosen the grip of my legs around his waist and plant my feet back on the ground. But I keep my arms around him and my body pressed against his as he pulls me closer.

I place my face into his neck once again, breathing him in one more time. I feel him lean in and place another lingering kiss on my neck as his hands run slow circles on my back. I lean back again, the kiss he left on my skin making me crave the feeling of it on my lips. As soon as he lifts his head, I lean up and kiss him again. It's another gentle kiss, knowing it's all I can handle for now.

I pull away but as soon as I do, Harry leans down and peppers my lips with numerous kisses. In between each kiss, he'll lean back and open his eyes to look at me before he goes in for another. He does this for who know how long and I don't want them to stop. My smile grows bigger and bigger after every kiss until my cheeks start to hurt.

I pull him in for one more long kiss before I pull away and look up at him.

"Let's go?" I ask softly.

He gives me a soft smile as I see his gaze drop down to my lips when I return his smile with one of my own.

"God, I missed you. Especially this damn smile of yours."

His eyes linger on my lips and I have to bite down on my bottom lip in order to hold back my smile.

"I missed you, too."

His gaze leaves my lips but lowers down to the rest of my body.

"Wonderful choice for an outfit," he says, referring to his sweater I'm wearing.

His eyes grazes back up, finally going back to meet my gaze.

"I thought you'd like it. Plus, I sleep better with it."

"Well, I know I'm going to sleep better than I have in a long time tonight. Let's go."

He takes my hand tightly in his and grabs his shoulder bag.

And just like that, it's like these past five weeks never happened. It's like I had been with Harry this entire time and we had just gotten back from Peru. The lonely, painful, dreadful days without Harry are the last thing on my mind as we walk hand-in-hand out of the airport. Tom and the other bodyguard lead the way, Harry's suitcase in Tom's hand.

The other boys and El and Sophia are nowhere in sight so I'm assuming they've all gone home to get some much needed rest. I'll just see them tomorrow and greet them since I didn't have the chance to tonight.

I do feel bad that I didn't even say 'hi' to them but I'm sure they understood what I was going through.

I'll make up for it tomorrow. All I want to focus on right now is Harry. And that's what I do. I tighten my grip on his hand. I lean into him and he immediately takes his hand and wraps his around my shoulders, pulling me right against him. I wrap my arm around his waist and I look up, catching his attention. He leans down and places a kiss on my lips, smiling at me before he looks straight ahead again.

The paparazzi follow us the entire way but I pay no mind to them. We reach Harry's car and I unlock it, allowing Tom to put Harry's stuff in the trunk.

"I'll drive," I say, about to open the driver's side door.

"No, baby, I'll drive." He holds his hand out for the key.

I shake my head. "It's okay. You've had a long day."

He takes a step closer to me. "So have you. And I'm fine. I swear."

I playfully glare at him as he grins at me. Reluctantly, I hand him the keys and he swoops down to give me a quick kiss before I pull away and walk over to the other side of the car. I hop in just as Harry's turning it on.

He wastes no time in driving out of the parking garage and onto the road towards the direction of my flat.

And as soon as the thought pops into my head, Harry takes my hand in his and places it on my lap, just like he always does.

He pulls it towards him quickly, placing a lingering kiss on my hand before placing it back in it's proper place.

And just like that, just like he said, it's like we were never apart.


Yay they're back together! What do you think is going to happen next??

Alright, so I have a question for you guys. I've been thinking about splitting this story into two books. It's just that there are so many chapters. There's over a hundred chapters right now and there's going to be quite a bit more. I just feel that this actual book is too long and it might be better if I split it up.

I was thinking about having the first book end when Lily and El move to Manchester and the chapter ends with her opening the door and the person saying 'hi' (Chapter 69 - I know you guys know it's Harry already lol) OR I would end it when Lily and Harry get back together in Manchester (Chapter 72) OR when Harry first leaves for tour (Chapter 80).

The second book will start off right at the next chapter. So it'll be exactly how it is now but just be in two separate books. What do you guys think?

It will not affect the story whatsoever with me doing this.

So yeah, let me know what you think. And if you DO think I should split it up, which chapter do you think is a good place to end the first book?

That's it for now. So please comment in regards to this A/N as well as what you thought of the chapter.

40 votes and 15 comments and I'll post the next chapter which I've already finished writing! ;)

Thanks for reading!

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