Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


91. Memories

Lily’s POV

Somehow, Harry and I were able to wake up after only getting four hours of sleep, have breakfast, get ready and drive to Louis’ place to have lunch with everyone. With the night we had, I’m surprised we didn’t stay in bed the whole day.

We walk up to the front door and just as Harry’s about to ring the doorbell, I stop him.

“Wait. You have a bit of lipstick on your lips.”

Okay, we may have made out in his car for a few minutes but that was only because Harry wouldn’t unlock the car without a kiss. He’s been cheeky all day, waking me up with kisses, making me sit in his lap when we had breakfast, stealing my clothes when I was going to change.

It almost made us late but I loved every single second of it.

I wipe the lipstick from the corner of his mouth and fix his shirt before I nod.

Harry gives me a quick peck on the lips before he turns to ring the doorbell. A few seconds later, the door opens and Louis appears from the inside.

“Hey, finally you guys got here. What took you so long.”

“Traffic,” Harry replies easily.

I look up at him, trying to suppress my smile as Louis steps to the side to let us through. We walk in and we follow the voices coming from the living room. When we walk in, I realize that everyone is already here.

Harry and I really were almost late.

We go around and greet everyone. Harry sits down with the other guys and when I see El and the other girls head to the kitchen, I give Harry a kiss before I follow them.

El is by the kitchen counter putting food in serving dishes as El and Sophia are setting up the table in the connecting dining room.

“What can I help with?” I ask, standing across from El at the counter.

“You can bring these to the table,” she says, nodding at the food that’s already served. I take one and carefully bring them to the dining room, placing them in the middle of the table. I go back and forth, bringing all of the food from the kitchen and place them nicely on the table.

Once everything’s ready, we head back to the living room to call everyone else. I sit beside Harry and he immediately turns his attention from the TV to me.

“Lunch is ready,” I smile.

We wait until everyone stands up before Harry takes my hand and leads the way back to the dining room. He holds the seat out for me before he takes the one beside mine. And just like always, he takes my free hand in his and places it in his lap.

We already have our own process when Harry wants to hold my hand as we’re eating. He holds the food while I’m the one that scoops it out and places it on each of our plates. I would notice that Harry would pick the food that doesn’t need both hands to eat and sometimes, when I feel like teasing him, I pick all of the food that does.

However, since I’m leaving later today, I decide to be nice and pick the same food he’s picking.

Several different conversations are heard around the table. Harry talks to Liam and Niall on his side and I talk to Perrie on mine. We occasionally talk amongst just the two of us but he knows that I want to catch up with everyone. He just makes sure that I’m always on his mind as he continuously brushes his thumb along my hand as I talk to the others.

“You should definitely visit El and I sometime. We miss you.”

Perrie pouts. “I know. I miss you guys, too. I promise to visit when I have free time.”

“You better.” I playfully narrow my eyes at her before we both laugh.

And the instant that I laughed, Harry’s head snaps over to me, a smile present on his face. I blush for an unknown reason, causing me to look down at the table to hide my heated cheeks.

It’s like no matter what he’s doing, whenever he hears me laugh, it catches his attention and I always find him smiling at me.

The table is loud with conversation again as everyone finishes eating. I lean against Harry’s shoulder as he converses with Niall.

“Did you have fun last night, Niall?” I ask, deciding to join in.

He laughs. “Hell, yeah. You and Harry left right when the party really got going.”

“Sorry. I, um…I wasn’t feeling well,” I lie. Louis and El are sitting right across from Harry and I, and I look over at them and see them knowingly smirking at me. I blush and look back at Niall.

“That’s alright. I don’t even remember half of last night.”

I laugh. “I’m surprised you’re not hungover still.”

“Don’t worry. I’m the best at hangovers now. Got rid of it two hours after I woke up.”

 “Wow, that is actually amazing. You definitely need to tell me your secrets. I get the worst hangovers.”

He laughs. “Sure. But Harry can tell you. I’ve helped him out many times before.”

I look up at Harry and see him smiling and shaking his head at Niall.

Suddenly, El stands up. “Dessert time! Louis, come help me, will you?”

The two of them disappear into the kitchen and the rest of us continue to talk until they back come two minutes later with two trays in their hands. They walk around, handing each of us a bowl with ice cream inside and a piece of mocha cake.

Louis and El sit back in their seat but then El picks something else up from the tray.

“Does anyone want whipped cream?”

I freeze in my seat and I can feel Harry’s hand tighten. As the memories from last night play through my mind, when each of us ate a whole can of whipped cream off of each other’s bodies, I start to fidget in my seat and I can feel my cheeks heating up.

I bite my lip, trying to calm my breathing. I feel Harry’s gaze on me and when I sneak a peek at him, I see him giving me a small smirk. I quickly look away and start eating the cake. The whipped cream is passed on to Harry and I watch as he sprays a huge amount on his ice cream. I’m about to take the can from him but Harry leans over and sprays some in my bowl.

He passes it to Perrie and when he sits back in his seat, I see him take his finger into his mouth, licking off the bit of whipped cream that spilled on it, all the while keeping his gaze on mine.

Harry smirks when he sees my reaction but he should know me by know. I can always one-up him. That’s when I take my finger and scrape a bit of whipped cream from my bowl. I lock my eyes on his before I dip my finger into my mouth and teasingly lick off the cream.

I can see his pupils dilate and his chest starts to move a lot faster. I look away, trying to keep an innocent look on my face as I continue to eat my dessert without another word.

Harry should know that when we decide to tease each other, I always win.


“Harry, Harry, Harry! I have good news!”

I run towards his bed that he’s lying on and jump on top of him, causing him to groan at the impact.

He puts down his phone and looks at me with amusement as his arms wrap around me.

“What is it?”

“So, I talked to El and she said that we can leave later tonight. Yeah, we’ll be tired tomorrow at school but when aren’t we?”

El and I were supposed to leave at four, which is in two hours, but I talked to her and asked her if it was okay if we left a little bit later. She immediately agreed, telling me that she was wanting to stay longer, too, but was worried that I wanted to leave early.

So now, we’re leaving at eight at night.

That’s plenty enough time.

“That’s great,” he smiles. “So, what do you want to do today then?”

I smile wider as the idea I’ve had all day comes to mind. “Well…I was wondering if we could take a ride on your bike again? Maybe we can go to our spot and spend the night there and watch the sunset?

I grow nervous as I wait for his response. I’m worried that my idea won’t seem fun or exciting but I miss his bike. I miss our spot. And I just want to spend quiet time with Harry before I have to leave.

Just when I’m about to realize how stupid my idea is, a huge smile appears on his face, his eyes brightening as he looks at me.

“I love that idea. I can’t think of a more perfect way to spend today with you.”

“Great!” I slide off of him and stand from the bed. “We’ll get food along the way and we’ll have dinner there. Now, let’s go!”

Harry slumps back into bed and groans. “Come on, Lily. Let’s just lay here for a bit longer. We just got here. And I’m still a bit tired from last night.” That damn smirk appears on his face again and I roll my eyes.

I cross my arms and stick my bottom lip out. “Please, Harry. I don’t have a lot of time left.”

“Hm, what do I get out of it if I get out of bed now?” He grins and brings his hands up to the back of his head.

I raise an eyebrow at him. “Well, if you got out of bed, you would get to spend the rest of the day with a girl who loves you very much and just wants to spend every second with you in hers and yours’ favourite spot watching the beautiful sunset until she has to leave for an unknown period of time before she gets to see you again as you leave for tour.”

His eyes widen in amusement and that just makes me narrow my eyes at him, annoyed that he’s not taking this seriously.

“And if you don't get out of bed, she’s just going to go on her own and take your bike with her.” I point my chin in the air, challenging him and letting him know that I’m being completely serious.

He narrows his eyes back at me but a smile is still present on his face. “You don’t even know how to turn it on. And you don’t even know where the keys are.”

That’s when I smirk at him. “Oh really? I think I remember clearly when you had taught me how to ride your motorcycle. And…” I start to take steps backwards and I smile in triumph as Harry sits up on the bed, worry replacing the smirk on his face as he watches me walk away.

“I know that you keep your keys on the dish on the hallway table.”

I squeal and turn around, making a run for it when Harry hops out of bed and comes for me. I laugh as I run down the stairs, hearing Harry’s footsteps running close behind.

“Lily! Don’t you dare!” He laughs with me but I don’t dare look behind me as I turn the corner into the hallway, seeing the said dish with the set of keys on it.

I quickly grab it and run for dear life across the house, sprinting through the kitchen and living room, Harry right on my tail. I run through the family room and just as I’m about to run back to the foyer, I squeal when Harry grabs me from behind and throws me onto the couch beside us.

I laugh as Harry drops himself on top of me, crushing me against the couch. I hold the set of keys over my head, out of his reach. He starts to pushes himself up to reach the keys but I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him back.

“Lily! Give me the keys!” Even though I know he’s trying to sound intimidating, a smile breaks through his face and he’s having a hard time holding back his laughter.

“I’ll give it to you if we leave now.”

“Fine! Geez. You’re crazy.”

I laugh with him as I hand him his keys. He grabs it before he stands up from the couch and helps me up.

“You definitely know how to get your way. I swear, you could convince the Pope to dance to a Beyoncé song with that mind of yours.”

I take his hand and pull him towards the garage. “I’m going to take that as a compliment. Now, let’s go.”

We go to the garage and my eyes light up as his motorcycle comes into view. Harry opens the garage door, sunlight beaming in front outside.

I stand on my spot in excitement as I watch him hop on the bike and turn it on. The loud roar of the engine surrounds the entire garage but it’s music to my ears. I had so many great memories with Harry when it comes to this bike.

He slowly backs up the bike out of the garage and onto the driveway before he parks it and puts on the kickstand. I walk up to him as he hands me the other helmet and both of us put it on.

“You ready?” he asks, his voice mumbled by the helmet.

I just nod and take a step to the back of the bike, swinging my leg over and sitting down behind him. I wrap my arms tightly around his waist, remembering how exhilarating it was to ride on this thing.

He straightens the bike and takes off the kickstand before I watch him rev the engine. That familiar feeling in my stomach grows in my stomach as my excitement increases. He rests his feet on the step bars just as the bike lurches forward.

We just ride around the city, stopping for ice cream and then Harry said he had to quickly stop by the mall to just pick up an anniversary present for his mum and his stepdad. He told me to wait by his bike since he would just be a quick minute.

Of course, I take that opportunity to take selfies while I wait. When Harry comes back ten minutes later with a small gift bag in his hand, I put my phone away and step to the side as he puts it in the little compartment under the back seat.

“What’d you get them?” I ask. I couldn’t see the logo on the bag so I have no idea what he got his parents.

“I got them matching wristwatches.”

“Oh, that’s nice.”

Harry mounts the bike once again and I hop on right after. We stop by McDonald’s for food and we take it with us as Harry rides on the familiar route to our spot.

As soon as we turn onto the trail hidden in the forest, excitement grows inside of me once again. It’s been a while since I’ve been here. The last time I was here was when we had watched the sunset and I had fallen asleep on his lap. I also remember when I had tripped in the forest and Harry helped me clean it up.

That’s on my list of my favourite moments this summer.

I snap back to reality when Harry slows down, finally reaching the ledge.

Our ledge.

Our spot.

This place holds so many great memories. Our first dates. Singing and playing my guitar for all of London, just like he had told me. Harry giving me his ring as a necklace. Harry giving it back to me the first time I gave it back to him. Watching the sunset. Stargazing.

Just being together. Just the two of us.

I’m glad that we’re back here. This spot is a part of us now. I hope it always will be.

I know it always will be.

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