Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


87. Lumière, Darling

Harry's POV

"So far, Night Changes is my favourite," Lily says. "Oh, and 18, of course."

I smile at her through the screen. I wish she were right here beside me listening to the new album. I wish she were right beside me every second of every day.

I've played her every song on the new album and every song, she never hesitated to tell me her thoughts about them. Of course every comment was positive except that she wished that there were more songs.

However, there is one more song left. I purposely left this song for last because this song is the most special to me.

And I'm sure she'll know why...

"So, there's one more song left," I say, hovering the mouse over that particular song.

She bounces up and down on the bed in excitement. "Play it, play it, play it."

My smile just widens as I shake my head. I smile but inside, I'm nervous as hell. I've wanted her to hear this song since I first wrote it but I wanted to finish it before she did. I take a deep breath and click on the song.

I keep my eyes on her as the song starts. She just sits on her bed, her body slightly swaying to the music.

"You look so wonderful in your dress
I love your hair like that
The way it falls on the side of your neck
Down your shoulders and back"

"We are surrounded by all of these lies
And people who talk too much
You got the kind of look in your eyes
As if no one knows anything but us"

"Should this be the last thing I see
I want you to know it's enough for me"

I hold my breath and keep my eyes locked on Lily, a soft smile present on her face. She's oblivious to the fact that...

'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need"

...this song is about her.

Her head snaps up and she looks at me with wide eyes. I can see the gears working in her head, most likely going back and relating the lyrics in the beginning of this song to us. I just continue to look back at her, watching her every expression and reaction. Both of us remain silent as we listen to the rest of the song.

"I'm so in love, so in love
So in love, so in love"

"You look so beautiful in this light
Your silhouette over me
The way it brings out the gold in your eyes
Is the sunset by the sea"

"And all of the voices surrounding us here
They just fade out when you take a breath
Just say the word and I will disappear
Into the wilderness"

"Should this be the last thing I see
I want you to know it's enough for me
'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need"

"I'm so in love, so in love
So in love, so in love"

"Lumière, darling
Lumière over me"

"Lumière, darling
Lumière over me"

"Lumière, darling
Lumière over me"

"Should this be the last thing I see
I want you to know it's enough for me
'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need"

"I'm so in love, so in love
So in love, love, love, love,
So in love"

"You look so wonderful in your dress
I love your hair like that
And in a moment I knew you."

Tears started to fall down her cheeks during the middle of the song and she had wrapped her arms around her knees and covered her mouth with both of her hands. I turn off the music, silence quickly surrounding the both of us.

I look back up at her and wait for her to say something.

"Harry," she blubbers. She starts to cry again as she drops her hands and wipes the tears from her cheeks. "Is that..."

I just nod as she trails off and more tears rush down her face. I gulp, trying to swallow the lump in my throat as I try to refrain from crying myself. This is the moment I've been waiting for for a long time.

"It's beautiful, Harry."

She continues to wipe her tears but another one just follows right after.

"Thank you."

"When did you write it?"

"I started it when I first met you but I finished it while...while we were broken up. That's why I got the tattoo when I did."

Realization appears on her face as I see her eye flicker down to my arm, at the spot where the moon tattoo and the quote are inked on my skin.

All That You Are Is All That I'll Ever Need.

I was so close to blurting out that the quote was from this song that I wrote her but I wanted to wait. I wanted to wait until it was finished and I was waiting and hoping for this moment. I had hoped that we would be together again before I would show her this song.

" you're saying that that tattoo really is about me."

I bite my lip in nervousness. I don't know how she's going to react to the fact that I indeed get the tattoo for her, for us.

I nod and her face softens. She looks down at my arm again and I watch as she gazes at it admiringly.

" that okay with you?"

She looks back up at me and slowly nods. "I mean, yeah, it's going to take me a while to digest it but...I love that tattoo so I know I'll be okay with it. I kind of had a feeling that it was about me even though you said it wasn't. Well, I know it's not all about me but still. I love it."

I breathe a sigh of relief and my smile widens.

"Can...can you tell me more about the song?" she asks quietly.

Lily's POV

I'm so overwhelmed right now but it's more so happiness. The song was beautiful. The relation to the tattoo is beautiful.

"Yeah, of course," Harry smiles. "Well, the first part of the song, I wrote it about the night that I took you out for our first date. Your white dress that I love, the way your hair was that night, just how perfect you looked. I will never forget that night. It was one of the best nights of my life."

Of course, more tears fall down my cheeks but it's accompanied a smile this time.

"And then, the next part is just about how strong you were for not letting what other people said about you get to you, people who didn't know the real you. I just wanted you to be happy. I know you struggled with it at first but you learned to only focus on what made you happy. And...that made me happy."

I just look back at him, giving him the signal to continue since I am literally left speechless right now.

"I wrote the chorus after the night we went stargazing. I just remember looking down at you, with my ring around your neck and being able to hold you in my arms, I knew that if that was my last day, I would've died happy. Just everything about you, everything you did for me was everything I needed to be happy, to be myself. It was all I needed to know that I loved you with everything, my whole heart and nothing less."

I think back to that night, remembering how happy I was to be in his arms, underneath the moon and the stars. I remember him holding me and realizing that being in his arms felt like home.

"The second verse was just about how I felt every time I look at you, every time I was around you. You had this affect on me. I could always sense when you're near me. When I hear you, smell your perfume, see you, everything around me disappears."

Little does he know that he does the same to me.

"The lumière part...well, it was just a way for me to incorporate the moon into the song. I have a confession to make."

I see him start to grow nervous as he picks at his fingers. He looks down at his lap as I just allow myself to sit patiently for him to continue.

"All that stuff I told you after I got my tattoo, about the was actually you. I told you that I just needed to look up at the moon whenever I needed hope. I looked up at it to remind me of all of the amazing things that happened to me. But it was actually you, Lily. You're the one that I look at when I need hope. You're the one that I look at to remind me of how lucky I am. You help me remember all of the amazing things that happened to me after I met you. You're my moon, Lily."

My heart explodes in my chest and more tears well up in my eyes.

I notice that I started to pinch my fingers harshly at his words. I glance down at his arm around. The quote was a lot to take it but the moon?

I'm his moon. That moon on his arm is a symbol of me?

"That's..." I clear my throat and look back up to meet Harry's nervous gaze.

This was the last thing I thought would happen tonight. All I thought was that we would listen to his album and call it a night. I never thought that he would confess the true meaning behind his two newest tattoos. I loved them from the first moment I saw it. I still love them now.

"That's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said about me."

Harry's speechless for a second but then I see the dimpled smile appear on his beautiful face. I can see him visibly relax and it sparks the smile on my own face.

"You're really okay with it? I remember you almost having a near meltdown the first time you saw the tattoo."

I laugh and shake my head. "Yes, I'm okay with it. It's really flattering that you would be comfortable getting two tattoos for me. I love you even more now."

"I love you. So much."

I groan. "I really wish I were there right now. I'd kiss you forever."

"Well, I'll remember that for the next time we see each other."

I roll my eyes with a smile. "Okay. So, can you send me the whole album, pretty please?"

"Why, of course."

I see Harry start to click around on his laptop and I just allow myself to watch him as he concentrates.

"Sent," he says a couple of minutes later with a yawn. I look over at the time and see that it's almost midnight. "You should sleep. You have class tomorrow."

He's right. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a morning person. I definitely need to get as much sleep as I can get if I want to be at least half-pleasant tomorrow morning.

It's my turn to yawn now. "Okay but, um...could we listen to the song one more time?"

His smile widens, knowing exactly which song I'm talking about. Both of us lie down on our own beds, keeping our laptops in front of us. Harry plays the song and I find myself instantly relaxing as I hear the opening chords.

This is officially my favourite song. Not because it's about me but because Harry wrote it and it really shows his perspective on our relationship. It ties in so much of Harry and I. It's beautiful.

Even though I asked to listen to it only one more time, I persuade him to listen to it another two more times until both of us fall asleep.



Who wants to be my valentine??

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