Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


139. Kisses

Lily's POV

"By the way, I called my parents this morning and they said that we can visit them on Friday," I tell Harry.

He looks up from his menu, sitting across from me at the restaurant just across from the Eye. We decided to eat before we went to our spot.

"Sure. No problem. Are we just going for the day or did you want to stay for a night?"

I smile at him. "If you would like, we can stay for the night so I can show you around my hometown. I can show you where Ed and I went to school and we where we hung out. I can even show you where I had my first kiss."

Harry grimaces. "I don't really want to see where you had your first kiss with Mark."

I roll my eyes at him before I tilt my head and raise an eyebrow at him. "Actually, Marcus wasn't my first kiss. A boy named Benjamin was when I was six years old."

Harry laughed, shaking his head in amusement. "Started early, did you? And what happened after your first kiss with Benjamin?"

"Well, he promised that we would get married one day and we'd live in a chocolate house."

I smile with Harry and he reaches over and takes my hand, holding it in front of him as he plays with my fingers.

"Hm, maybe I need to find this Benjamin fellow and let him know that you're mine now. He promised you a chocolate house but I can get you two."

I laugh, resting my elbow on the table and my chin on my hand as I gaze at Harry.

"Well, seeing as how he kissed Suzie Mason the very next day and promised her the same thing, I'd say that you have nothing to worry about anymore."

He feigns sympathy, placing his hand over his heart. "My poor Lily, had her heart broken at the young age of six. You must've been devastated."

"Very. I was so angry that I coloured outside of the lines of my colouring book. It was a rough night."

Harry laughed loudly, catching a few people's attention but he didn't seem to care.

"My baby!" he exclaims, still laughing. "Did you still want me to find him and set him straight for breaking your heart?"

I playfully roll my eyes, biting my lip in an attempt to hide my smile. "I'm okay. I got over it when my dad took me for ice cream the next day. Plus, I have you now."

I bat my eyelashes at him and then he leans over and gives me a quick kiss.

"And now you just promised me two chocolate houses. I'm holding you that, by the way."

He chuckles as he sits back in his seat and takes my hand in both of his once again. Suddenly, he looks around our table and next thing I know, he's picking up his chair and putting it onto the left side.

I smile at him, linking my arm through his as he sits down beside me. He leans in and gives me another kiss and now that he's closer to me, he kisses me longer. Our lips don't move and when he pulls away, he only leans back an inch, our foreheads pressed together.

"I would make an entire chocolate city just for you."

My smile widens. "Hm, how about an entire world?"

He brushes his lips against mine, making my entire body tingle. "I'd make you an entire universe."

"That would be very hard to resist. I think I'd be enjoying my chocolate universe too much to pay attention to you."

"Then screw the chocolate universe."

I giggle as I play with the ends of his hair.

"How the hell did we even get to this topic?" he asks, pulling away slightly until I can look at him again.

I smile. "Well, we were talking about my first kiss and--"

"Okay, okay," he interrupts. "Never mind. I don't want to talk about other people you've kissed."

Suddenly, his eyes turn sullen and I look at him in confusion as to his sudden change of mood.

"What's wrong?"

He gives me a clipped smile, shaking his head tightly. "Nothing."

I brushed my hand against his cheek and rub my other against the back of his neck.

"Baby, tell me what's wrong."

He looks away, swallowing harshly before he takes a deep breath. "I...I just wish that...we were each other's last first kiss."

My hands freeze for a few seconds, taking in his words. I know that Last First Kiss is one of our songs but I know that Harry's confession goes far beyond that.

"And what's worse is that I caused both of it. I kissed Ivana even though I regretted it as soon as I did it. And if it weren't for Ivana, she wouldn't have made you kiss Ashton. I don't regret a lot of things in life but I regret those. I wish I could go back in time and change that. I know we said that us breaking up was good for us but I wish I kept you as my last first kiss and mine yours."

I continue to brush his cheek and his neck again, hoping it'll soothe him as I try to think of what to say. I take a deep breath and offer him a small smile.

"Harry, I understand how you feel. I wish we were each other's last first kiss, too, but...maybe we can just be each other's...last forever kiss."

I know it's lame but it's the best I can think of right now.

However, Harry finally returns my smile. "I like that."

My smile widens and I nod. "Good. It's so much more special than a last first kiss. We also get to have morning kisses, goodnight kisses, mid-sex kisses, shower kisses, polite in-front-of-your-parents kisses, and any second of the day kisses."

Harry's lips turn up in a grin and I know that I've finally cheered him up.

"I don't know which one of those kisses is my favourite," he says. "I guess it depends on my mood."

"And what's your mood right now?" I tease.

"Hm. Well, since you brought it up, I'd like some mid-sex kisses right now."

I playfully roll my eyes, already anticipating that answer. "Cheeky. You're going to have to wait, sweetheart."

He looks at me with adoration, his eyes drifting down to my lips.

"Are you okay now?" I ask.

He nods as his eyes trail back up to meet mine. "I'm wonderful now. Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

"Can I have an 'I love you so much' kiss right now?"

"You know you never have to ask to kiss me, especially that kind of kiss."

Without another word, he leans in and kisses me. Seeing as how we're in a public place, we keep it sweet. Our lips move gently but it's still just as powerful as a deep kiss.

He pulls away and we share a satisfied smile. "I think we should share a mid-sex shower kiss later."

Even though I roll my eyes, it's only to hide how his words have gotten me hot and flustered now. He only makes it worse when he places his hand dangerously high on my thigh.

"Behave for the rest of the night or you won't be getting any more kisses from me until tomorrow."

He smirks and I know already that he isn't going to listen to me.

"Just one more."

Before I respond, he leans in and crashes his lips against mine.


"Are you sure you want to stay here?" I ask. "We can just come another night when it's not so cold."

Harry had just parked the car by the ledge at our spot, the trunk open and facing the view. I stand to the side, watching Harry fix the multiple thick blankets inside. I cross my arms in front of me, the chilly wind making me shiver.

"It's alright. I'll leave the heater on and we can stay for a while."

He steps back, looking over his work one last time before he turns to me. He walks up to me and wraps his arms around me, instantly engulfing me in warmth.

"You okay?" he asks.

I smile with a nod. "Yeah. You?"

Instead of answering, he leans in and places his lips on mine. They're cold from the weather but they eventually warm up as he gives me a lingering kiss.

"I'm guessing that's a 'yes'?" I say with a small laugh after we pull away.

He takes a step back, taking my hand as he helps me inside the back of the car. He crawls in after me, leaning against the back of the seat before pulling me to sit in between his legs in front of him.

I release a sigh of relief, instantly getting comfortable in my spot as he wraps his arms around me and places a quick kiss on the side of my head. He grabs another blanket and spreads it out, placing it over the both of us and making sure it's covering us completely.

He places his arms around me again and I place mine over his. We just lay there in silence, taking in the beautiful in front of us as we try to keep warm. Harry leaves kisses on the side of my head every now and then and in return, I turn my head to leave kisses on his neck.

When we're both facing the view again, Harry suddenly tightens his arms around me.

"Do you remember the first time I took you here?"

I smile even bigger than I did when he had asked me the exact same question when we were on the Eye.

And just like that time, I think back to the first time he took me here.

"I don't think it was quite as romantic as the other times you took me here. I remember that you took me here to talk about our first kiss but I was so scared of you saying you regretted it that I completely ruined everything and said that it was a mistake. I mean, I know that our first kiss in the elevator wasn't exactly how I wanted our first kiss to be but I still think it was perfect."

"I am quite a good kisser."

I carefully nudge his stomach with my elbow, earning a groan and a laugh from him.

"If I remember correctly, you were the one that walked away after that kiss," I say. "What do you have to say about that?"

I turn my head to look up at him.

"Well, I left only because I would've done a lot more than just kiss you in that elevator if I stayed in there any longer."

He and I both know the real reason he left so abruptly after our first kiss but I'm not holding it against him. I understood that he left because he was worried about the consequences if Ed had found out back then.

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Oh, really? Before we even went on a date? What happened to my gentleman Harry?"

He grins at me. "He completely disappears sometimes when I'm around you."

"Oh, I see. So, again, it's my fault?"

"Hey, you said it."

I roll my eyes with a smile as I nudge him and he laughs as he pulls me closer.

"By the way," I say. "What did you mean when you were intimidated by me in the beginning?"

He chuckles softly. "Well, to be completely honest, I thought you were really fit when I first saw you. I mean, I've seen pictures of you from Ed before we met but they did not do you justice. I'm glad that Ed introduced me to you when we met because I actually forgot my name for a second."

I laugh, turning in my spot so I'm facing him.

"And then," he continues. "When we got to know each other a bit more, I saw how smart you were, how kind and humble you were, how strong you were. It intimidated the hell out of me. I honestly thought that you were way out of my league. I didn't know anything about you before we met and I told myself right away that you wouldn't even give me the time of day. I was even convinced that you had a boyfriend because - come on - you're you. I'm still damn grateful that you somehow ended up liking me."

"Hey, me liking you wasn't by luck or chance," I say. "You have to stop thinking that I'm better than you, Harry. Or that you don't deserve me. Even putting your career aside, I used to think that I didn't deserve you. Every day, I was so scared that you would find someone better than me. But you reassured me, multiple times a day, that you loved me. So, I owed it to you to stop thinking that way. I want you to stop thinking like that, too. You're a wonderful person, Harry. You need to give yourself more credit. You're mine and I'm yours. Neither one of us is better than the other. We deserve each other."

I search his eyes for reassurance and when he looks at my face in admiration, I know that I got it. His entire face softens as his eyes swipe down to my lips before returning to meet my gaze.

"We met at the right place at the right time," I continue. "I grew feelings for you because you were there for me. At the beginning, as a friend who helped me get over my fears. And then as my best friend and love of my life who has done so much more for me that I can never thank you enough for."

It's true. He's done so much for me and there's nothing I can do to show him how thankful I am but I know that I would spend the rest of my life doing that.

"You being with me is enough," he says softly.

I playfully roll my eyes but then he cups my cheek, forcing me to look back at him.

"I'm serious. You're all I need. I'd give up everything and I'd still be happy as long as I'm with you."

As always, even after all this time, my stomach flips at his words. When we have these kinds of talks, he always ends up giving me butterflies in my stomach.

"I'd only need you, too."

Slowly, I lean forward, closing my eyes as I carefully place my lips on his. His hand that was cupping my cheek slides back into my hair, pulling me closer as he deepens the kiss. I glide my hand from his chest to the back of his neck, pressing my body against his as closer as I can.

He turns his head to the side, deepening the kiss even further as his tongue enters my mouth, slowly caressing mine.

I moan against the kiss as his other hand slides underneath my coat, his warm hand smoothing over my skin. He digs his fingers into my skin, urging me to turn in my spot and straddle his lap with my legs on either side of his hips.

I take his face in between my hands as I sit down on his thighs and he instantly grips my hips with both of his hands, pulling me flush against him.

"If it weren't so damn cold, I'd be ripping your clothes off already," he mumbles against my lips.

I laugh quietly. "So romantic. You'll just have to wait until we get home."

"I can't wait that long." He leans and gives me a deep kiss and I reluctantly pull away.

"Sorry, sweetie. We'd both freeze our butts off if we do it here. Why don't we go home now?"

He playfully pouts and I laugh as I slide off of his lap. He gets out of the trunk and he helps me out after him. I'm about to walk over to my side of the car but he tugs on my hand, stopping me. I turn around and face him, seeing him looking towards the trees.

"What is it?"

He looks back at me with a smile and starts walking backwards, pulling me with him.

"There's something I want to do with you."

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion as I look at him and then at the trees and then back at him.

"I'm not having sex with you in the forest, Harry."

Harry laughs, still pulling me. "That's not what I meant...but we can keep that in mind once it gets warm again."

I roll my eyes as I let him lead me towards the edge of the trees until he finally stops at one.

"What are we doing?"

Without answering me, he pulls out his keys and holds one in between his fingers. He walks right up to the trunk of the tree and presses the key against it.

I stand up on my tiptoes and look over his shoulder to see what he's doing. I can see him carving something out on the bark but it's too dark for me to see. He continues to carve the tree with his key and I patiently wait off to the side. When he's finally done, he steps back to stand beside me, taking my hand as he puts his keys back in his pocket.

I squint my eyes, adjusting to the darkness as I try to make out what he drew. But once I realize what he's done, I see that he wrote something.


Our initials were written on the trunk and he finished it off by drawing a heart around it all. I smile as I lean against his arm, observing his work.

"I've wanted to do this for a while but we haven't been here in a while and I forgot the last time we were here."

"I love it, Harry. I really do."

This spot has always been special to us and since we've never encountered anyone here before, I feel like Harry and I are the only people that know of this place. Now that he's marked this spot with our names, I feel like this spot is truly ours and our only.

"I can't wait until we come back here when I can change your last name to mine."

I look up at him and see him already gazing down at me. I grasp the collar of his coat and pull him down to me to give him a lingering kiss.

"I love you, Harry."

"I love you more."

Suddenly, a gust of wind brushes past me and I shiver. "As romantic as this is, I think we should head back to the car. I'm freezing."

He gives me one more smile before he pulls me back towards his car. However, just before we reach it, he stops at the ledge and pulls me to stand in front of him, both of us facing out at the view.

"The moon's beautiful tonight," he says.

I look up and see the moon shining brighter than usual and, out of habit, I reach my hand up and stick my thumb out.

"Never bigger than your thumb," I say.

I'm about to pull my hand back but Harry's appears beside mine and pulls my other fingers open so it's spread out right beside the moon.

He brushes his thumb against the back of my hand and I just watch in silence and curiousity as to what he's doing.

"I can't think of anything more beautiful than what I'm looking at right now," he says.

I'm assuming he's looking at my hand beside the moon right now but I'm still confused as to why he's doing this.

"Well, actually," he continues. "I can think of one thing."

Before I can figure out what he means, his other hand appears, stopping right beside my still outstretched hand. When I see what he's holding in it, I gasp loudly, my other hand darting up to cover my mouth.

Catching the light from the moon, grasped carefully in between his fingers...

A ring.

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