Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


25. Hair Cut

Harry’s POV

The sight that I see in front of me the second that I open my eyes is enough to convince myself that I could wake up to this every day.

Lily is peacefully sleeping in my arms, her hand lightly resting on my chest. We spent most of the night talking until she started passing out. But I didn’t want her to sleep yet so I kept tickling her. But then she threatened to sleep on the couch so I let her sleep while I stayed awake and watched her.

And now, I’m looking at her again and it instantly wakes me up. I take a few moments just to take in every inch of her skin and her hair. I see her eyes moving slightly, letting me know that she’s dreaming.

After a while, I start to long for her eyes to open and meet mine so I lightly run my fingers through her hair. She stirs in her sleep until her eyes flutter open before she closes them again with a groan. She buries her face deeper into the crook of my neck and hugs me tighter.

“What time is it?” she asks, her breath against my skin giving me goosebumps.

I glance over at the clock on the side table. “10:30.”

“Too early,” she mumbles.

I laugh. “Oh, come on. I have a fun day planned for us since we have to tell Ed tomorrow and he possibly rip my head off.”

She giggles and then sighs. “Five more minutes.”

I sigh dramatically. “Alright.” I spend the next five minutes rubbing my arm across her arm and humming Last First Kiss to her.

Finally, she pulls her head up and rests it on top of her hand that’s placed on my chest. She looks at me with a smile.

“I’m awake now,” she says.

“Good.” I smile back at her before I lean in a give her a quick kiss.

“So, what do you have planned today?”

“It’s a surprise.”

She pouts. “Can you please tell me?”

I laugh and shake my head. “Nope.”

She groans before she sits up. “Fine.” She stretches and I take the opportunity to watch her exposed stomach as her shirt rises up.

“Eyes up here, you.”

I snap my eyes up at her face with a slight blush but she’s smirking at me, letting me know that she wasn’t upset about it.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” she says as she slides off of the bed. She stands up and stretches again and I use all of my self-control to keep my eyes where they should be. She goes over to her closet and pulls out some clothes and then starts making her way out the door.

“I’ll get the first part of my surprise ready while you’re in the shower.” I get up from the bed and stretch and I see her look over her shoulder to give me a smile.

“Alright, see you soon.” She goes into the bathroom and closes it behind her. I go into the kitchen and start pulling out the ingredients needed to make pancakes. I place them on the counter and then find all of the supplies that we’d need.

I decide to sit and wait for her until she finishes with her shower so I pull out my phone to pass time. I go on my Twitter and go through my feed for a while until I go to my interactions and answer some of the fans’ questions. I’m in a good mood right now so I even follow some of them.

I’m going through my feed again and some tweets catch my eye. A lot of them seem to be talking about Lily. Some pleasant, but most, not so much.

I know that Lily has some insecurities after she was cheated on so it bothered me that people were saying these things about her when they even didn't know her. I just wish that I could erase all of the hate so that Lily wouldn’t see them.

I remember her face when she was reading the hate from the Instagram picture that Eleanor posted the other day. It was painful to see her being affected by those words because I know that she doesn’t deserve it.

I decide to stop reading the tweets because I know that, eventually, I’ll snap. So I close my Twitter and take a deep breath.

Suddenly, I hear a phone ringing, realizing that it was Lily’s. She left it in her room so I quickly get off of the chair and run to her room to answer it. But, by the time that I grab it, it stops ringing. I look at the missed call notification and an unsettling feeling rises in my stomach.

Marcus called her.

A million thoughts came flooding into my mind and it was like that dreadful day all over again when I saw Marcus texting her.

But she told me that he was just asking for his stuff back so why is he calling again?

My thoughts are stopped when I see a text from him.

*Call me please*

I’m starting to slightly shake as I hold the phone in my hands.

Why does he keep talking to her?

Is he bothering her?

She told him multiple times that she wants nothing to do with him anymore. I remember when he called that one time and started begging her to take him back.

Is he doing it again?

She’s with me now and of course it bothers me that he’s still talking to her when, last I heard, she doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

I hear the shower go off in the bathroom and I start to panic as a thought comes to my head.

I unlock her phone. I saw her unlock it one time so I know her passcode and I know that I shouldn’t be using it but I need to.

I open her messages and click on Marcus’ new text. I breath a sigh of relief when I notice that it’s the only message in their conversation so I know that Lily deleted all of their past messages, confirming my thoughts that Marcus is still talking to her when she doesn’t want to.

My thumb hovers over the delete button and I notice that I’m shaking. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I tap on the phone and I open one eye to see that Marcus’ text is deleted.

I feel guilt fill my whole body but then I remind myself that I’m just helping her out. I keep reminding myself of this as I go to her call log and delete the missed call from Marcus from the list.

I hear the bathroom door open so I quickly place her phone back on the side table. I quickly walk to the door just as she’s walking in.

I almost bump into her because of my franticness so I try my hardest to hide the immense guilt that I’m feeling. However, she just smiles at me and wraps her arms around me, instantly soothing me.

I forget about what I just did as I take her in. She’s wearing a sundress and her hair is in loose waves like I’ve always loved. She smells like Japanese Cherry Blossom and the scent engulfs the air around me.

“So, what’s the first surprise?” she asks.

I pull away and take her hand, leading her to the kitchen. “We are going to make pancakes.”

A smile erupts on her face as she looks over at all of the ingredients on the counter. We stand side by side in front of the counter and we immediately start mixing the batter.

“I’ve never made pancakes before,” she said as she’s mixing the bowl.

I look at her, astonished. “Are you serious?”

She shrugs. “My mum did all of the cooking. I mean, I tried to make them breakfast one time but it was a disaster so my mum told me to never cook anything in her kitchen ever again.”

I laugh. “Wow…that’s…wow.”

She smacks me on my arm.

I start to clean up a bit before I go over to the stove to turn on the pan. Lily brings the bowl over and I pour some onto the pan.

“You want to try flipping it in the air?” I ask her.

Her eyes widen, making me smile.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Here, I’ll show you first.” I take the handle of the pan and raise it from the stove. “Swing it up and down a couple of times and then just throw it up. Make sure that you keep it straight so that the pancake will go up straight in the air. And then just catch.” I demonstrate for her and she watches in amazement. I hold it out for her and her eyes widen again. “Here, I’ll help you out the first time.”

I pull her to stand in front of me and, being the short person that she is, I can easily see over her head.

She grasps the handle with both of her hands and I cover them completely with mine with my arms around her.

“You ready?” I ask. She just nods her head in response.

I start swinging it up and down before I bring it up forcefully. Both of us watch the pancake rise in the air before we successfully catch it with the pan.

“Oh my gosh! That’s so fun,” she said enthusiastically as she laughs.

Her laughter makes me laugh along with her.

I take my hands off of the handle and step to the side so I can see her. She looks a bit more relaxed but she still has a hint of nervousness on her features.

“Let’s see if you can do it yourself,” I say.

She nods and sticks out her tongue to help her concentrate. She swings it up and down like I showed her before she swings it up one last time a little harder. She squeals as the pancake flies in the air. She seems to get scared because she moves the pan back and forth, not knowing where the pancake is going to fall.

She narrowly misses the pancake and it hits the side of the pan before it bounces onto the floor.

“Good one, Lily!” I tease.

I assumed she would be embarrassed but she wasn’t at all. She was laughing and she even takes a bow before she picks up the pancake and throws it out.

“Why don’t we just flip it with a spatula instead?” I say. She sticks her tongue out at me as I pour some more batter into the pan. She cut up some strawberries and she walks over to me.

“Open up,” she sings. I look over at her and I see her holding out a piece of strawberry to me. I grin and then I open my mouth before she feeds me the strawberry. I lock my eyes with hers as I close my mouth around the piece of fruit, making sure to lick the tip of her fingers before I draw back. She bites her lip before she breaks the eye contact as I smirk in triumph.

I place the last pancake on the pile that’s already made and bring it to the counter. Lily has already set up two plates and utensils so I go to the fridge to get us glasses of orange juice and the maple syrup. I sit down beside her and I serve us both with a couple of pancakes.

I drown my plate in syrup and she pours some on hers.

“Hmm, this is great, Harry.”

“Why, thank you. And I think you did quite well in the kitchen. I think I’ll still let you cook with me next time.”

“Ha ha, very funny. I didn’t burn anything so I think I did better than “quite well”.”

I laugh. “So, are you ready for the next thing I have planned?”

She finishes her orange juice before she turns in her seat to face me. “Yeah. What is it?”

“Have you ever cut someone’s hair before?”


“Harry, are you sure? What if I mess up? Your fans are going to kill me if I mess up your famous hair.”

She’s looking worriedly at me with a pair of scissors in her hands as I sit in the bathroom with a towel around my shoulders.

“You said you’ve cut your own hair before so you’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, I cut my hair. Cutting someone else’s hair is totally different. And don’t you have a hair stylist to do this for you. Someone who’s a professional and has been doing this for a long time?”

“You’re not technically cutting my hair, you’re just giving me a trim. And my stylist is away on vacation and doesn’t come back until we go to Paris. My hair’s getting long and I don’t think I can wait that long to get a cut. And I don’t trust anyone else with my hair.”

She raises an eyebrow at me. “So you trust me, someone who has no experience in cutting someone’s hair, someone who has the ability to mess up your precious hair?”

I smile at her. “Yes,” I say with confidence.

She narrows her eyes at me like she doesn’t believe me but then she seems to give up as she walks around me and stands at the back of my head.

“Don’t blame me if you end up getting a mullet.”

I laugh as she sprays my hair with water. She rubs her fingers through my hair, the feeling relaxing me as I close my eyes. I hear her take a deep breath before she holds a small area of my hair in between the length of her fingers. I hear a snip as she cuts my hair and I sit in silence as she works her way through the hair on the back of my head.

Then, she goes to my left and works on that side before she does the same with my right. Finally, she stands in front of me and I keep my eyes on her as she trims the front of my head. I can see her tongue poking out in between her lips in concentration and then she notices me staring at her.

She smiles. “Don’t stare at me. You’re making me nervous.”

I smile back at her. “You’re doing a wonderful job.”

She laughs. “You can’t even see what I’m doing. For all you know, I could be butchering your hair right now.”

“You love my hair too much to ruin it. I know how much you like my hair.”

She rolls her eyes. “Whatever you say.”

She puts the pair of scissors down and then crouches down in front of me. She takes strands of my hair on either side of my head and pulls them down to see if they’re even. She does this throughout the rest of my head until she seems to be satisfied.

“Okay, I’m done.” She stands up and brushes the cut up hair off of my shoulders. I turn around in my seat and face the mirror. My hair is still damp so I can’t really tell compared to how my hair normally is.

I see her plug in the blow dryer and she dries my hair using the roller brush. Surprisingly, she styles it to how I usually style my hair and I’m even more surprised at how well she cut my hair.

Of course, I had confidence in her but it was better than I thought it would be. It was now a little bit shorter and a lot of stray hairs from before are now gone.

“Wow, you did an amazing job, Lily.”

She smiles from behind me as I smile at her through the reflection.

“You’re just saying that.”

I turn around in my seat to face her and pull her in between my legs. “I’m serious. I would actually have you cut my hair again in the future.”

She smiles again. “Thanks,” she says quietly.

“No, thank you.” I pull her face towards me and kiss her as I wrap my arms around her waist. She’s taller than me right now since I’m sitting down on a chair but not by much. She rests her hands on my shoulders as she kisses me back.

She pulls away with a serene smile on her face.

“And now, for the rest of the day, we’re just going to hang out in your room and do nothing at all,” I say.

“Sounds good to me.”


How the hell did I get this lucky?

I’m gazing down at Lily as she lays down on the couch with her head on my lap. Her hair is sprawled out around her head across my legs and I’m absentmindedly running my hand through its softness. She has her journal in her hands and she’s feverishly writing across the page with a faint smile on her beautiful face.

I wonder what she’s writing about that’s making her look so serene right now.

I hope it’s me.

I want to be selfish and rip the book out of her hands so I can read her thoughts that she’s written in her journal but I know that the words written on each page is for her eyes and her eyes only.

So, I just watch her as she focuses on her writing and I find myself realizing that I could look at her for hours and not get tired of it.

She holds out her book away from her as her eyes move back and forth before she smiles and closes the journal. She carefully tosses it on the coffee table beside her and then she turns to me with her deadly smile.

“Hi,” she says softly.

“Hey.” I continue to run my fingers through her hair and she seems to be enjoying it. I just enjoy being in her presence.

This past week has been amazing. We spent every day together, me being the lucky one and not having work. We got to know more about each other, our childhood, our parents, even some embarrassing stories. This week went by too fast but I know that there’s going to be more to come.

But next week, when we go to Paris, is the start of a bunch of press and interviews. After Paris, we’re supposed to go to New York before we head back to London. Me and the boys are going to be a bit busy but I plan to making time to spend time with Lily regardless.

I’m excited to have her go with me to Paris and, depending on how it goes, I might even ask her to go to New York with me. I know she’d love it and I just want her to be there with me.

“Are you excited for next week?” I ask.

Her face lights up like a kid in a candy store. “Yes! I can’t wait.” She pauses and she pouts. “But I am not excited for tomorrow.”

“Yeah, me too. At least I’m not the one that has to tell him. Sucks to be the one who has to do that.” I give her a toothy grin and she rolls her eyes.

Even though these past few days have been amazing, we can’t help but remind ourselves about the looming day when Ed comes home and we have to tell him about the two of us.

“Who said I had to be the one to tell him? I just said that if I won the game the other day, that you had to tell him. It didn’t mean that you were off the hook.”

I chuckle and shake my head at her. “Well, then, how are we going to decide who’s going to be the one that tells him?”

She looks at the ceiling, looking deep in thought before she looks back at me.

“How about a good old game of rock, paper, scissors? Best out of five.” She sits up and turns to face me.

“Alright, sounds fair.” I hold out my fist in between us and she does the same.

“Okay…rock, paper, scissors.”

I make a rock with my hands and she makes scissors. She groans and I smirk before we both hold our fists in front of us again.

“Rock, paper, scissors.”

She opens her hand to make paper while I keep my hand in a fist. She smiles and wraps her paper around my rock.

“Rock, paper, scissors.”

This time, I make scissors, knowing that she thinks that I’m going to use rock again as she makes paper. I “cut” her paper and she pouts.

“Rock, paper, scissors.”

I can see how nervous she is but she beats my paper with her scissors.

“Alright, tie breaker,” I say.

She playfully narrows her eyes at me. “Rock, paper, scissors.”

“Yes!” I shout, throwing my arms up in the air. I won the game and Lily is visibly upset as she crosses her arms.

“You cheated!” she exclaims.

I laugh. “How did I cheat? I don’t think it’s possible to cheat at rock, paper, scissors.”

“I…I don’t know but…you just did.”

I wrap an arm around her and pull her to me. “Oh, come on. You and I both know that if you’re the one that tells Ed, he’ll be less mad than if it was me.”

She groans, knowing that I was right. If it was coming from Lily, Ed might realize that we really like each other.

However, if I were the one to tell Ed, he’d think that I was just trying to hook up with her, who he basically treats as a little sister.

I explained this to her the other day but I guess she’s still worried. In the end, one of us had to tell him so that we’d finally be able to go out of hiding. I just keep that thought it mind, knowing that I’d be able to hold her hand in public, kiss her, hold her, go on dates without having to have other people go with us.

Regardless of how Ed takes it, no matter what, we will still be together. It’s not like we need Ed’s permission, he’s not her dad, he doesn’t make decisions for her.

But Lily said that she still wants to talk to Ed about it.

I understand why she feels the need to do that, seeing as how protective he is of her, especially when he warned me to stay away from her when she first got here.

I’m not going to lie, I’m a bit scared of how he’s going to react. I remember when he told me to stay away from her and how he made me promise not to try anything on her.

But I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help my feelings.

I liked her.

I still do.

And now, as I look down at her, I think I may be slowly falling for her.




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