Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


107. Fire

Lily’s POV

“Harry, stop it!” I hiss quietly.

His wandering hands are moving higher up my thigh underneath my dress. The smirk on his face tugs higher, surely reacting to me taking my bottom lip in between my teeth. My eyes widen as I frantically look around us, relaxing only a little when I realize that we’re safe. For now, at least.

Since I’m sitting right by the wall in the corner of the restaurant, and with Harry sitting on my right, his little tease is completely hidden.

“Stop what?”

I jump when his hand moves yet another inch up my thigh and squeezing lightly. His hand is dangerously close to where I don’t want him - but at the least time, want him - to be. I squeeze my legs shut, clamping his hands in between.

“Nuh-uh.” He shakes his head and I watch him curiously until my eyes widen again when I feel him push his left leg in between both of mine, easily prying my legs apart enough for him to continue his gentle assault on the skin of my thigh. With the little room I have around my seat, I can’t move my legs anywhere.

I clench my jaw, partly in anger and partly in an attempt to calm myself down. I clasp my hand around his wrist and try as hard as I can to remove his searing touch from me but it’s not use. I can’t even move it one inch.

“Harry. Stop it,” I breathe. I gasp quietly when I feel his fingertips curl into my skin and I can’t help the flutter of my eyelids as they close slightly.

“Doesn’t seem like you want me to stop?” he teases.

I open my eyes again and glare at him. He’s not playing fair. All I did was tease him about the whole menu thing but he’s being completely unfair.

“Please stop right now and we can continue this later,” I beg.

He blinks slowly and stretches the smirk once again on his face. I exhale loudly when I feel his hand move back down my thigh. It’s back to it’s original spot but it’s better than it was just a second ago. At least now I can concentrate on anything else other than his searing touch.

I calm my breathing, setting my shaking hands back on top of the table. I avoid Harry’s gaze, again partly in anger and partly because I know I’ll just get wound up again if I look at him while I’m still flustered.

“I’m gonna hold you to that, baby.”

I take a deep breath. I can’t show him how much he’s affecting me, even with just his words. If he sees that, he’ll surely use that to his advantage when he takes me up on my offer later.

I need to even the playing field by the end of this dinner. I start by straightening my back and finally look up to meet his gaze. I almost falter right then but I force myself to keep my eyes locked on his as he peers back at me with an unnerving glint in his eye.

I hold back the smirk threatening to spread across my face as I take my hand and place it over his thigh. I can see his gaze falter for a second but he just as quickly recovers. I can feel his thumb still circling on my thigh but I decide to take it up a notch and circle my entire hand slowly along his.

I give him a seemingly warm smile but behind it, it’s driven by the slight triumph I feel at his subtle reactions.

I know we’re playing a game of who can tease the other more but I don’t want to spend the entire dinner doing so. I hope Harry decides to, too. That’s when I lean in and place a gentle but lingering kiss on his lips. He reacts quickly, his lips moving against mine slowly. He leans in closer, turning his head to the side to deepen the kiss.

I know that the sexual tension was sparked by Harry when he touched me. This is what it has led to. Of course I can’t resist him. I may have stopped him from touching me where I was now aching for him but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to kiss him.

I take my free hand and rest it at the back of his neck, increasing the pressure on our lips. The kiss is still slow, sensual, breathtaking, even as his tongue swipes against my bottom lip and tugs it between his teeth as he pulls away slightly. He allow the both of us to catch a quick breath before he attaches our lips once again.

I feel his other hand graze along mine that’s pressed onto his neck, his fingertips gently brushing along my skin as it slowly glides up my arm. The kiss starts to get more heated, more urgent, and when his hand on my thigh slowly starts to move higher once again, for a second, I don’t even want him to stop but we quickly pull away when we hear someone clear their throat.

I blush furiously when I look up to see Maria smiling down at us. I can see her straining to seem oblivious but I can see the awkwardness behind her smile.

“Sorry to interrupt.” She places our food in front of us and I look down at the table to hide my blush. “Two lomo saltado.”

I muster up the courage to look up at her with a smile.

“Gracias,” I say to her, hoping to make some of the awkwardness disappear.

“Yes, thank you very much,” Harry says from beside me.

“You’re very welcome.”

I relax slightly when I see her giving us the same friendly smile she had given us before.

“Did you need anything else?” she asks politely.

“No, we’re fine. Thank you.”

She nods once before she turns and walks away.

I release a deep breath and turn to Harry, who’s just grinning at me.

“I’m so embarrassed,” I whisper.

He starts to rub his hand soothingly on my thigh, although I know that he’s not doing it to tease me again. He can clearly see how absolutely mortified I am right now. So, with his touch and his sweet smile, I allow myself to relax slightly.

“It’s okay, Lily. I’m sure she sees this all the time.”

I take another deep breath. “Yeah, but it doesn’t mean she had to see us doing that.”

“Are you saying you regret kissing me?”

I look up at Harry and see him playfully pouting at me and that causes a smile to stretch across my face.

“Of course not. I…I…let’s just pretend she didn’t see.”

He chuckles lightly. “Alright. Now, let’s eat.”

I return his smile and nod before we start eating our food. Since we didn’t need to cut up our food, Harry keeps his hand on my thigh and I take my free hand and subconsciously trace my fingers along his knuckles.

“This is really good. Thank you for ordering for me,” Harry says.

I laugh and see him giving me a toothy smile.

“Any time.”

I take my hand and brush it along his hair once before I return it to trace along his hand once again.

“Can I say something?” he asks suddenly.

I’m slightly taken aback by his sudden seriousness, completely the opposite from how he was just a few moments ago. I narrow my eyes at him in wariness, thinking that this is still part of his teasing game.

“No,” I say with a smile. He closes his eyes with a smile and shakes his head.

“Lily. I’m being serious right now.”

I furrow my eyebrows in mock concentration. “Okay. Yes, Mr. Styles.”

He swipes his hand across his face once in slight annoyance but a smile is still gracing his face. I decide to take it seriously now as I lean in slightly and smile at him. He meets my gaze and I can see the way his green eyes are brighter than ever.

“Lily…you know that I love you, right?”

I furrow my eyebrows in slight confusion, wondering where this conversation is going to go.

“Really? Oh my, gosh! Harry, I didn’t know! I love you, too!” I say in playful excitement.

“Lily,” he whines with a short chuckle.

I laugh. “Yes, I know you love me. Where are you going with this?” I say with a sweet smile. I really was curious.

“I love you, Lily. So much. You know I’d do anything for you, right?”

My gaze never leaves his as I try to read his features, wondering where he’s going with this.

“Even let me ride your bike while you’re on tour?” I ask hopefully, even though I already know his answer.

He rolls his eyes with a smile and then it stretches into a smirk. I stare at his lips, confused as to what triggered it until I feel his dart his hand further up my thigh, underneath my dress.

“Will you please take this seriously? Or you’ll regret it,” he teases.

I gulp, his threat thoroughly wiping the smile off of my face. I nod and instantly relax when he returns his hand back.

“First, there’s something I want to give you.”

I watch in curiousity and excitement when he reaches inside his jacket pocket and pulls out a bunched up piece of cloth. He holds it on his palm before he takes his other hand, the one that was on my thigh, and starts opening it. I lean in closer to get a better look but he blocks my view when he picks something up that was inside. He stuff the cloth back into his pocket before he leans in closer to me.

“I saw this when we stopped by that jewelry stand yesterday.”

Finally, he shows me what was in his hand. A huge smile spreads across my face when I set my gaze on it.

“I thought it would be the perfect charm to add to your bracelet. I did promise you that I would get you one every time I see you during tour. And even though he might be trying to steal you away from me, I know how much you love him.”

I laugh as Harry grabs my wrist and attaches the charm of a teddy bear that looks exactly like Marshmallow onto my bracelet. When it’s securely clasped, he lifts up my hand, letting the charm swing lightly. Harry leans in and places his lips on the inside of my wrist and leaves a lingering kiss.

“He’ll keep you safe while you’re back home. Just pretend that he’s telepathically connected to the real Marshmallow and this charm Marshmallow will watch over you--”

“While the real Marshmallow watches over you,” I finish his sentence.

He smiles and nods. “Exactly.”

We both look down at the bracelet, Harry’s hand still lightly holding onto my wrist. There are now six charms.

The music note.

The moon.

The heart.

The one saying ‘H+L’.

The motorcycle.

And now, Marshmallow.

“I love it, Harry. I really do. It’s perfect.”

I look up at him to see him already looking back at me. I lean in and place my lips on his to leave a quick, sweet kiss. We pull away, huge smile on both of our faces as Harry interlocks his fingers through mine.

“Now, as I was saying. I love you, Lily. I know we’ve had luck on our side by being able to see each other a lot more than we thought we would these past couple of weeks but…I’m sure we won’t have much more after today, with you getting more busy with school and with me doing more and more shows and travelling a lot more frequently. I just wanted you to know that that isn’t going to make things any different than they are now. I’m going to stay true to my word. I’m going to try my best to be there for you, in any way that I can. Like I say, no matter what, I want you to always go to me for anything. No matter what it is, I want you to call me and I’ll always be there.”

My bottom lip trembles slightly as I try to hold back tears.

“Except when I’m in the middle of a show.”

I let out a mix of a sob and a laugh as Harry smiles back at me.

“Actually, it would be nice to FaceTime you while I’m in the middle of one,” he adds.

My smile widens and I take my hand and rest it on his face, my thumb gently brushing against his cheek.

“Harry, I love you. But trust me, I’ve always known from the beginning that you’ll be there for me. Nothing is going to change that. You don’t need to worry about that at all. I’m grateful for being able to see you these past few weeks. And, you know, you may be right about not being able to see each other a lot anymore for a while but it doesn’t change anything. I know we’ll talk every day, even if it’s just me complaining about school or having to wake up early for classes. You’ll probably grow tired of listening to me, if I’m being honest.”

He smiles and leans even closer to me, close enough for our noses to brush against each other’s. He takes his hand that was on my thigh and brings it up to wrap around the back of my neck.

“I would never get tired of hearing your voice,” he whispers, his breath coming out in warm spurts across my face. “I would spend every second of every day just listening to you. Since I won’t be able to see you, touch you, then hearing your voice will be more than I could ask for. I would talk to you until one of us has to sleep and then I would call you the second that I wake up just so your voice is the first thing I hear in the morning. And when you’re sleeping at night, I’ll just watch the videos I’ve taken of you just so I could hear your voice. And when I’m sleeping, I hope I can hear even more of you when I’m dreaming of you.”

My heart swells at every word until it feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest.

I’m surprised I’m not crying my eyes out right now. Apart from the more-than-sweet words he’s just said, his teasing game with his hand under the table, even the moment we had this moment in the hotel room before we were interrupted, I feel a lot of emotions battling inside of me, one in particular that I’ve been trying hard to control without help from Harry’s actions today.

“Let’s go,” I manage to say.

I feel the pressure of Harry’s hand increase on my skin at the back of my neck as his eyes dart in between mine in confusion. But the way he glances down at my lips lets me know that he has an idea of what my words mean.

“Take me back to your hotel room.”

I know for sure that Harry understands my words and the emotions I’m feeling right now, especially when I take my hand and rub it gently along his thigh. I can see him gulp, the movement of his throat catching my attention and only increasing the fire burning inside of me.

He pulls back slightly and I’m able to get a better look at him. I can see the desire growing in his eyes and I can see his thoughts trying to understand what’s happening and what to do.

“Wh…what about our food?” he asks. I can tell he’s getting antsy now, with my pleas, my touches. I know he’s starting to feel how I’ve been feeling all day, if he hasn’t been feeling it himself already.

“We’ll take it to go. We just really need to get out of here.”

His eyes dart back to mine and he looks down at my lips, as I’m now biting my bottom lip.

This feeling inside of me isn’t just purely lust. It’s passion, need and desire sparked by purely Harry and his words and his touch. These amazing past few days and with our parting tonight, along with the uncertainty of when we’ll be able to have this again, it’s all just added to these emotions brewing up inside of me, threatening to spill over.

I just need to feel the intense closeness I feel when I share intimate moments with Harry, knowing that we only get that pleasure from each other, not only physical pleasure but emotional, as well.

“Please,” I breathe out.

He seems to fully understand what I’m going through right now because something sparks in his eyes, seeming to get out of his thoughts. He sits up straight in his seat and sticks his hand up in the air, without even a glance over his shoulder.

Not a second later, Maria appears beside us.

“Is something wrong?” she asks curiously.

I struggle to break Harry’s magnetic gaze as I look up at her and shake my head.

“No, no problem at all. We, um…I just realized I need to be somewhere so we were wondering if we could have our food packed up?”

The concern written on her features disappears, surely pleased that nothing was wrong with the food. She nods and gives a friendly smile.

“No problem, sweetheart. I’ll pack them up right now,” she says as she starts picking up our plates.

“And the bill, please?” Harry suddenly says. I can see him trying to control his breathing that I had just now realized had increased in pace and depth.

She nods. “Of course. I’ll be right now.”

As soon as she walks away, Harry and I lock gazes once again and both of us lean forward and crash our lips into a kiss. The kiss is urgent, partly because of the fact that Maria could come back any second. My hand snakes up to rake through the hair on the back of his neck, just as his cups my face, pulling me closer to him.

“F.uck. I love you so much,” he growls against my lips before moving his against them once again. He swipes his tongue on my bottom lip and I turn my head to deepen the kiss, tugging gently on his hair before I reluctantly pull away.

Both of our chests move in and out harshly as we try to catch our breaths, our gazes locking once again. It’s all a blur when Maria comes back with our packed food and our bill. I don’t even bother complaining about Harry paying for the meal, knowing that both of us are just anxious to get out of here.

As soon as Maria leaves, we stand up and Harry grabs my hand and practically drags me away from the table. We weave through the tables, making our way to the front and we’re about to go through the front door when Harry abruptly stops in his tracks, making me bump into his back.

I’m about to ask him what’s wrong when he turns around and starts shrugging off his jacket. He holds it out open in front of him and it takes me a second to realize what he’s doing. I quickly turn around and slip my arms through the sleeves before I feel the warmth still present on the jacket enveloping my entire body.

I turn around and he takes my hand once again and just as he’s about to turn around, I grab his arm, stopping him and leaning up to give him a quick kiss.

“Thank you,” I say with a smile.

He returns my smile and he bites his lips when I see his gaze move down to my lips.

“You’re welcome. Now, let’s go.”



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