Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.


54. Car Wash

Lily’s POV

I arrive back at Ed’s flat with the biggest smile on my face. I lean against the door once I step inside and sigh.

Tonight was…perfect.

Harry and I watched the sunset but even after the sun disappeared, we stayed where we were. I stayed in his arms and he held me against him.


The stars are out now, the moon looming over us. All we can hear is the wind rustling the leaves and the crickets chirping. I don’t hear this in Ed’s flat and I wish I could hear it every night. It’s soothing.

Harry doesn’t make any move to remove himself from me and I don’t either. He continues to lightly run his hand up and down along my arm and I relish in the comfort it brings me. I never want to leave.

The soothing sounds around me, the scent of Harry’s cologne surrounding the car and the relaxation I get from his hand causes my eyes to droop. I try to stay awake so I can be here with Harry as much as I can but sleep pulls me under.

It’s not until I wake up after what feels like a couple of hours that I realize that I had somehow ended up with my head in Harry’s lap. For a second, I think that Harry’s asleep too but then I feel his hand run through my hair. I tense at first but then I find myself relaxing under his light touch.

I miss this. I miss the days when we would just lay in bed and do nothing. He would play with my hair until I fell asleep and then I would wake up to find him asleep as well. I would take that opportunity to study his face, his hair. I would run my finger lightly against the length of his nose, his lips, his jaw until he would wake up with a lazy smile on his face. He would then take my finger and playfully bite it.

I snap back to the present and slightly tense. I know he’s only doing this because he thinks I’m asleep. Would he still do this if I were awake?

I move around in my spot, pretending that I’m just waking up so he wouldn’t be embarrassed. He pauses for a second but then he continues to brush my hair. My heart accelerates. I take a deep breath and turn my head to look up at Harry.

He’s looking down at me with so many emotions playing on his face. Wariness. Hope. Longing. Happiness?

I sit up and fix my shirt.

“What time is it?”

He glances at his watch. “12:14.”

I nod, avoiding his gaze. “Sorry I fell asleep.”

“It’s okay. I fell asleep for a bit, too.”

I turn to look at him and he’s giving me a small smile. I return it with one of my own, finding myself less embarrassed about falling asleep.

“Did you sleep okay?” he asks.

“Yeah. You?”

His smile widens. “I slept wonderfully.”

As much as I want to stay here for the rest of the night, I know that we should be going.

“We should go home. It’s late.”

His smile falters for a second but he quickly recovers.

He clears his throat. “Yeah.” He gets out of the car but he turns around and helps me out.

“You don’t have to do that,” he says once he sees me folding up the blanket. “I’ll do that later.”

“It’s okay,” I say. I place it back in the trunk once it’s folded and Harry closes it afterwards. He leads the way to the passenger side door and he opens it for me.

“Thank you.”

Why does this feel so much like a date? Not that I’m complaining but I shouldn’t be this happy about it.

Harry’s quiet during the ride back to Ed’s flat and I can see him gripping tightly on the wheel.

“Is something wrong, Harry?”

He flinches slightly at my voice and he glances at me for a second.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says flatly.

There is definitely something bothering him. Is he upset that I suggested we go home? It’s late and I know that he has to work tomorrow. I decide not to bring it up but I know that I have to think of something to cheer him up.

“Did…did you want to do something tomorrow? After you finish working? Or we can hang out when you’re free.”

A smile erupts on his face and he bites his lip. Of course I stare at it again.

“Yeah, tomorrow sounds great.”

“Great. I’m busy in the morning but I’m sure I’ll be done by the time you finish working.”

“Yeah, sure. Just text me.”

And just like that, I’m already excited for tomorrow.

He walks me up to Ed’s door and we hug and say our goodnights. Butterflies flutter around in my stomach once I hear him say:

“Sweet dreams, Lily.”


It’s been so long since I heard him say that. It’s another thing that I miss about him.

I’m still leaning against the door with a huge grin on my face when a pillow comes flying out at me and hits me in the face. I see Ed smirking at me from the couch and I grab the pillow and throw it back at him but he catches it.

“How was your date?”

I groan. And just like that, Ed manages to ruin it.

“It wasn’t a date.”

I don’t elaborate any more as I make my way to the kitchen, Ed following close behind me. I grab water from the fridge and lean back against the counter.

“That was a date. Don’t deny it. Did you guys have dinner?”

Here we go.

“We got McDonald’s.”

“And then?”

“Then nothing. We just hung out.”

He raises his eyebrows at me. “Well, whatever you two did, I’m sure it was a date. And that stupid look on your face when you walked in confirms that. And the fact that it’s almost one in the morning.”

Why does Ed have to be right about everything?

“Why are you even up?” I attempt to change the subject.

“I was worried sick about you all night. I’ve been waiting up for you.” He laughs and I just roll my eyes.

“Actually, I couldn’t sleep. But I’ll be heading to bed soon. Oh, don’t forget that you have to do my laundry tomorrow.”

I roll my eyes again. “Yes, sir.”

“And then wash my car.”

What have I gotten myself into?

“Can I wash it at someone else’s house? I don’t want to do it in the front of the building.”

“Yeah, sure. You can ask El if we can do it at her place.”

I nod.

“Well, I’m off to bed.”

He leads the way to the hallway. He stops in front of his bedroom door and turns to look at me.

“Look, I’m glad that you had a great time with Harry but…just be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt again.”

I have no idea how to respond. I don’t want him to think that I’m hoping that something will happen between me and Harry but after what happened, I have a feeling that it was more than just two friends hanging out.

I tried to imagine doing the same thing with Ed, seeing if it would be the same.

It isn’t. With Ed, it would’ve been strictly friendly, even if he was brushing my hair.

But with Harry, it’s completely different. I can see that there’s still something there between us when he held me in his arms. Even when he had picked up me, I could see it, I could feel it. I had thought that it was just the excitement of being with Harry but then I felt the familiar feeling that I would feel back when we were together.

“Don’t worry. It’s not what you think. We’re just friends now.”

He gives me a nod and a smile before he turns and goes inside his room, closing the door behind him.

I know that he doesn’t believe. I don’t even believe it myself.


“You missed a spot.”

I groan and turn to Ed. He’s lounging on a lawn chair, an iced tea in his hand. El is inside making us snacks while I wash Ed’s car in her driveway. I had called her this morning asking if it would be okay and she immediately agreed saying that she was bored since Louis was working.

“Where is it now? You seem to be the only that sees these spots?”

He points towards the car and honestly, he could be pointing at anything. I squint, trying to find this “spot” but I can’t find anything so I just run the sponge in a huge circle.


I take the hose and start rinsing off the soap. Once I’ve circled around the entire car, I take a step back and admire my work. I actually did a decent job.

“Now you can dry it.”

I snap my head at him. “Hell, no.”

He just continues to lean back against the chair, not evening opening his eyes.

“You said you would wash my car.”

“Yeah, wash. I did not say dry.”

“Last I checked, washing a car consists of drying it as well.”

I grit my teeth and take a deep, soothing breath. He knows that I hate breaking promises. I always follow through on them so he knows that it’d bother me if I didn’t do as I told him I would.

I grumble some swear words directed at Ed, low enough that he can’t hear. I grab the cloth from the ground and start to dry the car. This is much more difficult than washing because I have to make sure that I get every damn water drop.

“Wow, Ed, you’re really working her hard, aren’t you?” El says as she comes out of the house. She sits down on the seat beside Ed and hands him the plate of cookies. I glare at him as he stuffs the entire cookie in his mouth.

“I think he’s just enjoying the fact that I’m suffering.”

El laughs and Ed gives me a cookie-filled grin.

I finally dry the last spot on the car and I throw the now damp rag onto the ground.


Ed looks up from his phone and observes his car.

“If you tell me that I have to wax it too, I’m going to throw dirt at it.”

He continues to observe the car, sweeping his eyes from the front to the back.

“You missed a spot.”

“What the hell? Where?” I furiously look around the surface of the car for the spot but I don’t see anything. It’s spotless.

“Right there,” he says, pointing again. “Above the window.”

I look closer and see a speck of dirt.

“Do it again.”

That’s when I lose it. Like hell I’m going to do it again. I grab the hose from the ground and aim it at Ed. He doesn’t react fast enough before I spray him with water.

El squeals and jumps up from her seat, standing off to the side. Ed is getting the direct fire so he has nowhere to move. He holds his hands out in front of him, thinking that it’s going to help.

“Lily! Stop! I was kidding!”

I knew he was kidding but he was enjoying himself too much and I just wanted to piss him off.

He finally stands up from the seat, continuing to accept the stream of water as he walks closer to me. I start to back away but he runs forward and grabs the hose. I don’t let go and attempt to keep it facing in his direction.

However, my hands are still slippery from the soap and he manages to turn the nozzle around in our hands and aims it at me.

I squeal at the cold water. “Ed! Stop!”

He aims the water from the top of my head all the way down to my feet. By this point, all of us are laughing with El laughing off to the side and it’s not until we hear a car pull into the driveway that Ed stops the hose.

I let go and look down at the water dripping off of my clothes and hair.

I groan. “Look what you did!”

He drops the hose onto the ground and shakes his wet hair out of his face.

“You started it.” He takes off his shirt and wrings the water out.

“What did we miss?”

I snap my head up to see Louis getting out of his car. I notice the two other cars parked in the driveway and see the other guys walk towards us. As they take in the sight before them of Ed and I soaked from head to toe, they start laughing.

Louis greets El and everyone else stands beside them.

“I was being such a good friend and I washed Ed’s car but he practically wanted me to lick his car clean.”

Everyone laughs.

“Come on, you can borrow some of my clothes.” El leads the way back into the house and everyone follows.

“I think Ed would like to borrow some of your clothes, as well.”

I hear the others laugh, proud of my joke even when Ed smacks me in the back of my head. I follow El upstairs, Louis right beside us. I wait for El outside in the hallway and both of them come out with clothes in their hands.

“Here, you can change in the bathroom. You can use the towel there to dry off.”

I take the clothes from her before she follows Louis downstairs to give his clothes to Ed. I go into the bathroom and change, wringing out my clothes as much as I can. I decide to hang it up on the shower rod, hoping to dry it as much as I can before I have to leave. I dry my hair with the towel but decide to let it air dry.

I head out of the bathroom and make my way downstairs to join everyone else. Ed is already changed into Louis’ clothes.

I take a seat beside El on the couch and look up at the TV. There’s a game on and all of the guys are focused on it.

El is on her phone and I find myself looking over at Harry sitting on the floor. He’s so focused on the game. His facial expressions are amusing to watch and I blush when he suddenly turns to look at me, catching me staring at him.

He stands up from his seat on the floor and walks over to me.

“Scooch over.” He plops down on the couch before I can even make room for him, his body landing on half of my body.

I laugh. “Harry!”

I manage to move over to give him enough space but with the two of us, El and Louis on the couch, there’s not much room. I’m squished right in between Harry and El that we’re all pressed up against each other. It’s comfortable though.

Harry focuses on the game again and I decide to take out my phone to check my Twitter. I’m just going through my timeline when I feel a nudge on my side, causing me to flinch.

I look up at Harry and he has that same cute look on his face as he did yesterday after he threw the fry at me.

I choose to ignore him, knowing it’ll annoy him. Just like I thought he would, he pokes me again. I keep my eyes on my phone, a smile spreading across my face. He pokes me again but this time, I poke him back, still not taking my eyes off of my phone.

We continue this poke war for a while until Harry grabs my hand just as I’m about to poke him back. I finally look up at him and see him smiling down at me. He lets go and takes out his phone. I look back at my phone and I’m about to poke him again when I receive a text from him.

*Did you still want to do something today?*

I smile before I look back up at him and see him staring at the phone as he bites his lip. However, I can see the smile threatening to come out.

*We’re already doing something, aren’t we? :P*

I immediately get a reply.

*Ha ha, you’re funny. I meant just the two of us*

*What if I don’t want to hang out with just you?*

*Don’t lie. I know you love hanging out with me*

I do. I really do.

*I don’t actually. I had a horrible time last night ;) I injured myself and almost bled to death because of you*

I hear him lightly chuckle and then I feel him lean slightly closer to me.

*That was your fault for being a klutz. So I guess you don’t want to go on the London Eye like I planned to*

I feel my heart skip a beat, excitement spreading throughout my entire body. Is he being serious?

*It’s okay. I’ve been there already. I don’t remember who took me but it wasn’t that great either*

He pokes me again, slightly harder this time and I giggle. I quickly send another text.

*Just kidding. I would love that :)*

*Too bad. I already asked Niall and he said yes. Maybe next time ;)*

I know that he’s just teasing seeing as how Niall has not taken his eyes off of the TV.

*I’m just kidding. Did you want to go soon?*

*Yeah sure. We can go when the game is finished*

*Sounds good :)*

I put my phone away and I try to focus on the game but I can’t. I’m too excited about going to the London Eye with Harry.

I have no idea what to expect for tonight. I know it’ll be great. I always have a great time with Harry. Well, at least most of the time.

The game finishes and Liam, Niall and Zayn stand up.

“I’m gonna head out and meet up with Sophia,” Liam says. Everyone else stands up to hug him.

“Did you want to go, Zayn?” Niall asks.

“Yeah. Perrie just finished work.”

I’m guessing he got a ride here with Niall.

We say goodbye to Niall and Zayn. Now, all that’s left is me, Harry and Ed.

“Did you want to go, Lil?” Ed asks.

I look up at him as he takes out his keys.

“Um, I actually have plans with Harry.”

Ed looks between me and Harry, an uncertain expression appearing on his face before he nods.

“Alright, I’ll see you back at the flat, then.”

He gives me a hug and bids everyone else goodnight before he leaves.

“Thanks for today, El. I’ll give you your clothes back after I wash them.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll just grab my clothes from the bathroom. I just let it dry for a while.”

I go upstairs and retrieve my clothes, heading back down afterwards. The three of them are waiting by the front door and Harry smiles at me once I reach them.

“Thanks again,” I say.

“No problem, babe. Have a good night.” El replies.

I hug her and Louis and Harry opens the door. I give one last wave over my shoulder just as Harry opens the door for me.

I can’t help feeling anxious about tonight as he drives to the London Eye.

I’m taken back to the night that he took me there for my first time. It was the night that I started having feelings for him. It was the night that I was starting to feel genuinely happy. I started to see the real Harry. He was sweet, charming, funny. He still is now and so many things more.

A part of me is scared about what’s going to happen and as we get closer and closer to the London Eye, I can’t help but feel the fear being replaced with excitement.




I finished this chapter a few days ago but forgot to publish it. I'm an idiot -.- LOL sorry for the wait! Hope you like it. Let me know what you think is going to happen next!

And congrats to the boys for winning 10/10 awards at the TCAs last night! Really wish they were there, the TCAs are boring without them.

Anyways, 10 more likes and 10 comments before the next chapter!

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