Find Yourself

I had no idea I'd even get through to bootcamp. Let alone find someone that I thought I was lost to. Let alone find myself. (Louis Tomlinson/One Direction)


2. Goodbye, Doncaster.

Goodbye, Doncaster





I sat up on my couch after a nap that definitely had a longer lifetime than I had planned. I rubbed my eyes and walked the huge 10 feet to my kitchen to get a glass of water.


The ripped bottoms of my sweats dragged on the cold wood floor. Honestly, I liked living alone. It's always peaceful and you don't have to try and be presentable. You can do whatever you want. It's a really nice feeling.

I grabbed one of the three glasses I had from the cupboard and filled it at the faucet. Surprisingly, for this time of year in England, it was actually quite warm. All you needed was a light sweater and you were comfortable. I drank half of the glass and set it back in the sink. That's another perk of living alone, no one judges you if you don't do your dishes for a couple days. I had to do a bunch of things for the remainder of the day. It was nearing 3:00 pm so I had to get into gear. I walked to my bedroom which was also very far away. Oh the struggle. After my tough three second journey to my bedroom, I walked over to my closet and picked out plain, casual clothes. 

I put on my clear-framed glasses and grabbed my bag, car keys, and mobile from the counter. I switched off the lights and exited my quaint little flat. I locked the door behind me and went down the stairs of the building. I went out to the parking lot and to my old mini cooper. It's quite old and it breaks down a lot but I prefer it over a brand new, shiny suv. 

I stuck my key in the door to unlock it and threw my bag and mobile in the passenger seat. First thing on my list, new guitar pick. I might have dropped my favorite old one in someone's tea without realizing it. They thought it was some sort of promotion because I also perform at the cafe but I was too ashamed to ask for it back. 

It took me a few tries to get the ignition to work but it always does, eventually. Technically, I live a tiny bit outside of Doncaster but its pretty much the same thing. I liked it here but I've always wanted to leave and actually make something of my life. I've always done the same old things but I want to do something important for once. Something that illuminates my soul and makes me a different person. I lie to myself a lot and say that I'll make it some day but I don't think i have enough potential in anything for that matter to be "soul-illuminating". Oh well. 

I drove slowly down the road to the little music shop a few miles away. It's a quiet town. Nothing big ever happens. Same old thing every day. The only thing that has ever happened to this town was Louis but that's pretty much it. 

I turned the radio on and it took me a while to find anything worth listening to. I finally stumbled on some old indie music that was bearable. I hummed along as I drove looking around at all of the little shops and such things. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel and got really into the song. But it soon ended like all other good things in this world. they always end.

I pulled up to the music shop and parked on the street. I carefully got out of the car, trying not to get hit, and grabbed my bag and mobile. I grabbed a few wooden acoustic picks and brought them up to the front desk/register. 

The guy that ran the register was probably a couple years younger than me and you would be surprised that he was in a place like this. He's so, like, preppy. 

"Can I get you anything else?" he said in a really creepy, lame-ass seductive way.

"No." I said sternly. I paid for them and exited out of the shop getting an instant gust of cool wind. It was quite pleasant. 

I drove around the rest of the day doing my various errands. I had to go to the cafe and tell Jimmy, my boss that I wasn't going to be around for a couple days to due a "family obligation". He knew I was lying because he knew I hated my family so he uprooted the truth and told me good luck and that he wouldn't tell anyone else, even though he would. 

I also had to run to the store to get some things. I didn't know when I'd becoming back so I just got a little excess of what I needed for my trip. I had already booked a hotel for 3 nights. I wanted to explore London a little. I had only been once when I was little and I barely remembered anything except some rude lady whose little dog scratched me. I remember telling Louis about it when we got back and he put a racecar bandaid on it. That's probably why I still use racecar bandaids.

All in all, it was around 7:30 when I finished everything and I ran to the Nando's in town to get some dinner. Yummy. 

I know, I'm kind of boring but I don't have much of an exciting of a life. Same thing, everyday. I'm so used to it, sometimes I forget how bland it is. BUt I'm going to change that. I have to change it.

By the time I got back to my flat, I was almost too exhausted to walk up the stairs, nut I still had to pack and sort out my audition song and eat. Oh the struggle. 

I locked my door behind me and set my things on the kitchen counter. I unpacked the things I had boughten and threw the plastic bags away. I put my food out and turned on my coffee machine so that I had some energy. I packed up all of my things and put them by the door so that I could transport them to my car in the morning. 

I made sure that I put my guitar, in it's case buy the door also. 


I mentally checked off everything I needed as I got undressed. I through a big t shirt on and climbed into my twin-sized bed. I pulled the chord on my lamp and sighed into my pillow. I hope that tomorrow brings something good into my life. I let my mind slide away into nonsense dreaming.







My alarm woke me up at 4:00 am and I forcibly got out of bed and stumbled over to my tiny loo. I switched the shower on and waited for the water to warm up. When the steam started to ooze out of the top, I stripped and hopped in. I washed my mane of hair and my body and shaved my legs, which was quite a task given the size of my bathroom. I rinsed of all of the soap and turned the water off. I squeezed as much of the water out of my hair as I could and stepped out. I wrapped my large lavender towel around my body and wiped the condensation off of the mirror.

I throughly blow-dried my hair and put a few curls in my naturally wavy hair. I tied back the two front strands and fluffed my hair accordingly. I did my makeup a tiny bit more organized than usual because, hell, I could be on the telly today. I had painted my nails nicely the night before, just plain black. I also had laid my outfit out to reduce my morning hysterics. I really liked this outfit and I purposely did that so that I could maybe feel a little more confident on that huge stage.

I still felt like I was going to vomit and I hadn't even left my flat yet.

I started to get really nervous and I took a moment to just breathe. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

I decided to sing one of my songs that I wrote a while back, just to play it safe. I seriously felt like I was gonna piss myself.

I grabbed all of my things and picked up my keys and mobile from where I had left them. The thing that scared me the most is that Louis had been able to escape this town this same way but I'm afraid that I can't escape like this. That I can't escape ever.
















Really short chapter but the next one will probably be up today anyways :)

-Katie :* (btw go to my polyvore @katieplourde to see a clearer image)

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