I Could Fly A Thousand Oceans

Michael wasn't immune to the wet patch forming on his chest. Jamie wasn't immune to the words she knew were hers.

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1. I Could Fly A Thousand Oceans

 

 

"You promised me you wouldn't cry." 

Neither was speaking, but Michael wasn't immune to the wet patch forming on his chest.  He knew Jamie playing with his fingers was her own way of coping, but he removed one hand from her grasp to comb through her hair.  He was finding it hard to cope too.  "C'mon Jay."

"I'm sorry."  It was barely a sniffle. 

All Michael could bring himself to do was press a kiss to his girlfriend's temple and rest his head on top of hers.

Luke, who was at the final stage of his quest to make Calum surrender his last doughnut using his feet, watched the two from the other side of the gate lounge.  It was hard for him to see his best mate and friend in so much pain, sadness, whatever you want to call the feeling of waiting for your heart to be torn from your chest by the power of an aeroplane, and he took it upon himself to do something.  In the end it was he who gave up first in his and Calum's mini battle, and Calum looked on in shock as Luke stood up - Luke never lost a mini battle.  When Calum realised what Luke was doing, he joined.  Luke sat next to Jamie, wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her close.  Calum did the same with Michael, and when Ashton returned from the toilet to see the four laying on top of each other, he went over and joined.  Nobody spoke, but the silence was enough. 

Michael didn't want to leave Jamie. Jamie didn’t want Michael to leave.  And Ashton, Luke and Calum didn’t want to see the two so hurt. 

 

 

When Ashton, Calum and Luke were saying goodbye to family - parents, siblings, friends -, Michael was hugging Jamie like his life depended on it (he had said his farewells to his family before the final call, persuading his parents to let him have this last ten minutes with his girlfriend).  Both had at this point forgotten their pact with each other to not cry, and were letting the tears fall freely into the other's neck. 

"I still can't believe you're going." 

"I know," Michael squeezed Jamie's hips slightly, resting his forehead against hers, "but we've known today was going to come since July, and I'll be back in not even three months.  It will fly by." 

Jamie leaned forward slightly, pressing her lips against Michael's before burying her face into his neck for the last time until February.  "I love you."

Michael held Jamie in front of him by her shoulders, thumb coming up to wipe a stray tear from her cheek.  "I love you too.  What have I told you since we got this chance?  It always will be you,"

"Wherever you are."  Jamie finished for him. 

They kissed lazily for the next few minutes, savouring the time they had left, until Michael was told he really needed to go.  He kissed his girlfriend one more time and walked to the boarding attendant.  The last words Jamie saw from Michael before he boarded the plane she would never forget.  "Wherever I am."

 

+

 

Michael and Jamie stayed true to their word.  For the next 2 months, they spoke to each other every day without fail (apart from that once mid-December when Michael didn't get back from writing until 2am and was so out of it he fell asleep in the middle of the kitchen floor, but he definitely made up for it the next day with a 3 hour Skype call just before Jamie went to sleep).  I t wasn't until the beginning of February (or there abouts) when Jamie realised things were going to start going downhill.

"Michael Gordon Clifford, there better be a good reason I'm up at 3am for you, and being horny isn't one."

Michael was so giddy that he didn't even notice Jamie use his full name, never mind scold her for it.  Jamie knew Michael was excited when she woke to the blaring of her phone. 

'skype skype skype'

'i swear jamie please come online'

'JAMIE I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!!!'

Michael would never text her when he knew she was asleep, so this must be important.

"Guess what guess what guess what!" Michael didn't even wait for Jamie to reply before he continued.  "You know I've been on-off dm'ing with Harry Styles.  Well yeah turns out Cal's been doing the same with Niall and we all ended up meeting and they asked us to support them on tour Jamie I'm going around the world with One Direction.  We're actually doing this Jamie." 

Michael was surprisingly not out of breath by the end, and the grin was still full on his face. 

Jamie just sat there, jaw dropped.

"We're doing the UK first - that starts in about a month-, then we come back home for a bit in May.  Then we're in America for two months and we finish back in Oz September/October time. How cool is that Jay!" 

"Yeah, super cool."  Jamie's voice was flat.  She only got her head around one part of that information:  Michael was going to be touring the world for 6 months, Michael wasn't coming home soon.

 

After that, well…  Michael was busy with practicing, and when he wasn't, Jamie was in school studying or at home asleep.  Their every day-phone call became every week when 5 Seconds of Summer finally got on the road, and Jamie felt like she hardly knew her own boyfriend anymore.  Even the other boys had stopped texting her, she had never felt so disconnected. 

3 months later, the boys were home to do a small 5 date Australian tour and spend a bit of time at home.  It was when Calum's sister asked how Jamie was that the guilt finally hit Michael.  They had been home for almost 4 days and he hadn't thought of her once, never mind gone to see her.

'hey, haven't spoken in a while- we're back home until sunday, fancy hanging out for a bit? I miss you, Mikey xx.'

 The thing is, Jamie was in Spain on a family holiday, and by the time she was home and received the text, Michael was already back in America.

 

It was the Term 2 holiday, so Jamie did what she always did when she wasn't with Michael: spent the day at home.  She was on tumblr (it was the one website that seemed to waste her time more than the others) when a picture caught her eye.  Jamie stopped scrolling immediately, frantically scrolling back up to try and make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her.  They weren't. 

"I swear Michael has a girlfriend?" There was Michael, her Michael, with another girl.  This obviously wasn't just a fan picture. There were 3 combined: one of the two hugging, one of their backs with hands obviously clasped together between them, and one with their foreheads touching.  That was how Michael used to act with her. 

The first tear had already escaped Jamie's eye before she had unlocked her phone.  She opened her and Michael's conversation as the second tear fell.  The last text from him was 5 days ago - 'i love you too .x'

So Jamie sent one more text before she began to cry herself to sleep.

'I don’t think this is working out, I don’t think we thought it through as much as we should've.  See you soon mikey.'

 

+

 

Jamie remembers the time exactly.  She even remembers what she was doing. 

Tuesday 24th September 2013 - 19:02. 

She had just gotten out of the shower, about to get ready to lie in her bed all night.  She was scrolling through twitter as she waited for her body to dry because she was lazy as fuck so let it dry naturally.  She mostly followed friends from school, but they all knew the boys which could explain the unusual amount from 5 Seconds of Summer on her timeline. 

['doing us proud lads #WhereverYouAre'

'don't be a stranger when you're back home, great song boys #WhereverYouAre' … just to name a few]

But that tweet caught her eye - '@Michael5SOS: Check out the new video we did just for our #5sosfam youtu.be/2GRtFC8nTag'

 

Three minutes and twenty four seconds.  That’s all it took for Jamie to break down.  She had been getting over Michael - slowly, but she was getting over him.  And then he goes and does this.  Jamie may be stupid, but she wasn't immune to the words that were hers. 

A sudden burst of anger swept through her, and she knew what she had to do.  2 hours later, a quick check of the internet and a half hour talk with her mum that consisted of 'I need to do this' and I'm 17 Mum, I can look after myself now' and she was on the two hour flight from Sydney to Adelaide.  She was so pissed off.

 

+

 

"Jamie?"

"Long story short, I'm out the front and some guy thinks I'm some psycho fan and won't let me in, can you tell him you actually know me please." 

"Wait you're outside the hotel?"

"Yes."

"But it's almost midnight!"

"I can see that."

"What are you doing here?"

"Look, Ash.  I'll explain later but I just need to come in, so can you help or not?"

"Um, yeah sure, gimme two minutes."

Jamie hung up and glared at the security man guarding the door.  When Ashton finally got to the door, he spoke to the man quietly and he stepped aside allowing Ashton and Jamie into the hotel.  He also pretended he didn't see Jamie give him the middle finger as she passed, but he did. 

Ashton was the first to break the awkward silence in the elevator.  "So… you gonna tell me why you’re here?" 

"I saw the video." Jamie couldn't help the slightly higher tone her voice reached.

"Oh." 

The awkward silence was back but Ashton was quick to wrap Jamie up in his arms.  "He misses you, ya know.  Cried for days when you broke up with him." 

Jamie squeezed back, forcing herself not to cry before she had even got the chance to speak to Michael.  Luckily for her, the doors opened before she had to reply.  Ashton guided her down the hall with a large palm in the small of her back.  Ashton stopped in front of a door halfway down the corridor and Jamie took in a large breath as he opened the door.  Just the sound of Michael laughing was almost enough to set her off. 

"C'mon."  Ashton nudged his head in the direction of the lounge room.  She stood in the doorway and Calum was the first to notice her.  The sight of Jamie was a shock to all three boys sitting on the sofa, but to Michael more so. 

"You two, out."  Ashton started at Luke and Calum.  "I'm sure Louis wouldn’t say no to a few rounds of GTA."  Both Calum and Luke's ears were pinched between Ashton's fingers as he pulled them out of the hotel suite, the sound of the door closing taking all of the sound with it.  

All of that anger Jamie had when she stepped onto the plane, all of the words she had rehearsed to scream at her ex boyfriend, they had all disappeared. 

"You can't do that to me." The words that were supposed to come out in a scream came out in a half whisper, half sob.

"Jay?  Why are you here?"  Michael was now standing, he looked tired.  Happy, but tired. 

"I saw the video."

Michael's eyes hit the floor, a rosy pink climbing up his cheeks.  "Did you like it?"

"You can’t do that to me, Michael!  You just can’t.  You can't let me be in love with you for over two years and then get famous with the boys and forget about me.  You can't get some American girlfriend when we're still officially together and only ever text me once every few weeks and not even tell me about her.  You can’t not speak to me for months and then release a song about us, lyrics that weren't even lyrics when you'd whisper them to me.  I can’t handle it Michael. "Jamie just cried, not having the breath in her to talk anymore.

"Wait, what girlfriend?"  Michael was also crying, but he had always been better at holding himself together than Jamie. "Jamie, you were my only proper girlfriend, you know that."

"I saw the pictures Michael.  I've been with you since I was fourteen and you just ditch me for some trampy American.  I thought you'd at least have the decency to tell me but no, I had to find out through the internet." 

Michael just stared at Jamie, confused, until a look of realisation crossed his face. 

"Oh my god, you're talking about Lucy." Jamie got even angrier when Michael started laughing.  "Jamie, Lucy is a fan we met in Las Vegas.  Me and Ashton helped her and her friend take some pictures for her photography final.  They were just staged.  Oh my god, is that why you broke up with me?" 

That look of realisation and humour turned into disappointment, hurt. 

"I- they looked real.  And everyone was saying they were!"  Michael just laughed even more, walking forward and grabbing Jamie by the hips.  "C'mon Jay, since when do you believe everything you read?"  Jamie pushed him away.

"Then why had you stopped talking to me.  I barely got a text a week, if I was lucky. I can’t even remember the last time we spoke on the phone!"

Michael dropped his head again, playing with his hands (a nervous habit he had picked up from Jamie).  "Honestly, I didn’t want to trap you."  It was Jamie's turn to be confused.

"I thought that because I was away for so long, then you might want to find someone else. I thought if I text you every minute I could then you would get bored of me, you'd want to move on, so I kept away for a bit."

"But I loved you Michael, you know I did." 

"But I had been gone for so long, I didn't know if you meant it when you said it anymore."

Now Jamie was laughing.  "I will always mean it."

Michael looked up hopefully.  "Even now?" 

"Always." 

The two just stood and stared at each other.

Michael said, "We're idiots."

And Jamie said, "Massive idiots."

"So, um," Michael started, nervously scratching the back of his neck to keep himself from looking Jamie in the eyes, "can I kiss you now or…?" 

"I would like that."  And then they were kissing.  Kissing as though they hadn't broken up.  Kissing as though this was their last ever kiss.  Kissing to make up for the past 10 months.

"Wait."  Michael pulled back, keep Jamie at arms length by her shoulders.  Jamie's face dropped at the sudden pause, thinking that he was having second thoughts about this whole getting back together thing,  if they even were getting back together.   "Did you really fly all the way here just to have a go at me?"

Jamie groaned, pushing her face into Michael's chest as he laughed and wrapped his arms around her.  "Ugh, it was a spur of the moment thing.  And I was angry with you, okay; people do crazy things when they're angry." 

Michael paused, swaying them slightly as he thought.  "Are you still angry with me?"  His words were muffled as he hid his face into Jamie's hair. 

"Only a bit."  Michael sighed. "But I'm angry with myself too.  We shouldn’t have had to go through the past few months like they happened." 

Michael didn’t reply and the two were quiet.

"I got you a present by the way."  Jamie stood back out of Michael's arms and waited for him to continue.  "You know you've always said since I first met you that you want to go to the moon someday,"

"Mm."

", and I always said I'll be the one to take you."

"Yeah."

"Well in August, on our anniversary actually, I was having a really bad day and Cal and Lou and Zayn and Ant and Liam and Karen well they all went a tattoo parlour and I kinda went with them on impulse and got this done." 

Jamie's jaw was already touching the floor before Michael had even rolled his sleeve up, revealing his 'To the Moon.' tattoo.

"Mikey."  Jamie breathed.  Michael's reply was a sheepish smile, a blush crawling up his cheeks.  "I don’t know if that the most stupid or sweetest thing you've ever done for me." 

The sheepish smile was replaced with a wide grin. 

"God, I'm on love with an idiotic cheese ball."  Jamie laughed as she returned back into Michael's arms. 

"That's me."  Michael grinned even wider. 

 

+

 

About an hour later, after Ashton, Luke and Calum had pressed their ears to the door for a good five minutes to make sure it was safe to enter (they thought Jamie's visit would end in two ways: them fighting or them fucking, and they didn't really want to walk in on either) they found their friends curled up in Michael's bed fast asleep.  For one, they were glad that there didn’t seem to be any fighting or fucking having taken place, but ultimately they were happy the two had sorted everything else.  They would deny taking pictures of the two in the morning, but at least they had some great blackmail if Michael ever pissed them off - he hated the boys taking pictures of him asleep because his face crinkled into a way that was far from adorable. 

 

+

 

The next morning, Jamie had to fly back home to Sydney and Michael still had another show in Adelaide.  Jamie said her goodbye's to Ashton, Calum and Luke before she left for the airport, where they made sure to tease her like crazy (but Jamie had been friends with them long enough to know just how to tease them back).  She was also introduced to Niall and Zayn from One Direction as they passed her and Michael in the hotel lobby.  Niall and Zayn made it their life mission to embarrass Michael in those 5 minutes, their conversation consisting of a lot of 'Oh so you're the famous Jamie' and 'aren't you the one that made Michael go into hibernation where he did a lot of crying and wouldn’t even come out for food?'   Whilst Jamie laughed along with them, she felt and unbelievable amount of guilt that Michael had taken their split worst than she did, so it seems. 

At the airport, it was just her and Michael.  He had to take some pictures with some fans, but for the majority of the hour that they were there, it was just them.  Jamie felt a sense of déjà vu, feeling in exactly the same position that she did 10 months ago: playing with Michael's fingers her head rested on Michael's chest, his fingers combing through her hair. 

This time, however, Jamie didn't feel so bad.  They only had 3 weeks before Michael was home for a while - only leaving the country for 2 weeks during the next four months.  She knew it wouldn’t be so bad, and she knew they would be like they were a year ago.  A proper couple with no jealous or self-doubt issues; just how they should be.  And this time, waiting for that final call to sound on the intercom, Michael quietly sang one of the band's songs.  Jamie smiled, recognising the song as hers, and Michael felt her lips turn up on his chest; smiling as well as he kissed the top of her head. 

They were okay now, not torn in two. 

 

 

 

[For a while we pretended that we never had to end it but we knew we'd have to say goodbye.  You were crying at the airport when they finally closed the plane door, I could barely hold it all inside. 

Every night I almost call you just to say it always will be you, wherever you are.

I wish I didn’t have to be gone, maybe you've already moved on, but the truth is I don’t want to know.

You can say we'll be together someday, but nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same. So why can’t I stop feeling this way?]

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