It was 5 years ago today that Harry and I broke up. 5 years of complete and utter sadness and the deep wound in my chest is still fresh. I used to be his world, or so he told me. But now, I'm nothing. I'm but a grain of sand in a desert now. Because he's Harry Styles, member of the popular boyband One Direction, and I'm just Annalise Evans a 21 year old bartender living alone in a one bedroom flat in Cheshire, England


1. A Drop In The Ocean (1)

As I stared at the bland calender that hung on the pale wall of my bedroom a depressed sigh escaped my lips. Today was the anniversary of the worst day of my life and the best day of his. Today is April 11th, the day my boyfriend and I broke up, and also, the fateful day when Harry Edward Styles tried out for XFactor.....and made it. 


Now some of you may be thinking, 'Why would that be the worst day of your life? Everyone has at least one bad break up."  But I assure you, that's not the case.  


Imagine this. You and your boyfriend  have been dating for  3 years. He was your first everything. Your first boyfriend, your first kiss, and your first time.  He sings you to sleep every night and texts you every morning with an 'I Love You' and a smiley face. One day he decides to try out for XFactor and you fully support him. The week before you shower him with love and positive words. "You'll do great babe I know it!" was said almost every day. Finally, on the day of Auditions you and he drive to the city theater and wait in line together. His name is called and he disappears behind closed doors. You hold your breathe in anticipation. Hoping for the best you close your eyes and  pray that he makes its. A few minutes later he reappears with a frown on his face. You instantly assume he didn't make it and envelope him in a hug. He buries his head in your neck and whispers "I made it." You sigh in relief and kiss him softly on the lips. "I'm so proud of you!" You say with a  smile. "But," He says a grim frown still tughing at his lips. "But what?" You question. "Will you still love while I'm gone?" You nod vigorously and kiss him again. "Promise me," You whisper. "You'll never forget me." Tears fill your eyes as you await an answer. " I promise I'll call you every day." He whispers. The next day you drive him to the airport so he can continue on with the competetion. You given him one passionate kiss before he boards the plane, and that is the last you'll see or hear from him again. Not one phone call, not one text. Nothing. Ever.


So now you see why this day brings me pain, physical and emotional.  I sighed and proceeded into the kitchen to fix myself breakfast.  After making myself a bowl I cereal  I walked to the living room and  turned on the T.V..


"Good evening Holmes Chapel! It's Rebecca Almes here with the number 1 boyband in the world, One Direction!" 


My heart constricted in my chest. There he was. Silent tears filled my eyes as the relatively fresh wound in my chest reopened. His curly hair styled effortlessly to perfection softly framed his beautiful face. And those eyes, greener than any emerald, shone with amusement as one of the other band members cracked a joke. By now my breath had now turned into shorts rasps, and I became dizzy from the lack of oxygen. Dark splotches filled my vision as I numbly shut of the television.


'Deep breathes Annalise. In and out. Slow down your breathing. Concentrate. In and out.'


I struggled to regulate my breathing, and the then short gasps for air became slower and I could feel the sweet oxygen flow down my windpipes and into my lung. I regained my vision and my mind became clearer. It's been a while since a had a panic attack. But then again, it's been a while since I've seen him. I sighed heavily as I got up and placed my empty bowl of cereal in the sink and grabbed my white iPhone off the counter. 

I returned to the sofa, phone now in hand, and had a mental debate with myself. After a few minutes I  had come to a decision. My fingers deftly flew across the keyboard before walking to the bathroom.

I entered the bathroom and glanced at my phone to make sure the message sent. It did. No turning back now. As I stare at my reflection in the mirror a sharp glint in my peripheral vision stole my attention. A lone blade laid on the side of my bathtub, its metallic shine winked at me as if trying to goad me into taking it down from its porcelain plinth and bringing it to my flesh.

My phone slid from my grasp and landed on the floor, its now cracked screen shining up at me. I payed it no attention as I deafly walked over to the tub and picked the slim blade up. The smooth metal felt familiar in my hand as I brought the blade across my scarred  wrist. The way the smooth metal slid across my pale wrist, leaving crimson blotches in its wake, was exhilarating. Once.Twice. Three Times. Five Times. Seven. Dark splotches began to fill my vision and the world began to spin. I shakily placed the blade back on the tub and slid to the floor. As I slowly lost all hold upon reality I slid sideways and laid on the cold tile floor. Finally, I was pulled into the dark oblivion as my phone laid sullenly upon the ground with a conversation currently open.


To: Harry

You Promised


It vibrates with a new message. 


From: Harry



A lone tear slides down my face as I lay unconscious upon the floor. As the stray tear mingles with the small  pool of blood on the floor,the irony is overwhelming. I am the tear, lost amongst the crimson. 




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