How To Give Up. Be Forgotten. And Disappear. A little poem about being overlooked. About how it feels to be ready to give up. And then do it.


1. Let Me Disappear.

I’m feeling myself disappearing. Every day feels like a nightmare. I don’t wanna go through more. Time stands still. Days go by like years. I can’t recognize my own reflection in the mirror anymore. I look at a girl with scars, ice-cold eyes and white skin. My thoughts are flowing throw my head like cold water in a river. It just goes by me without making any sense at all. Nothing makes sense anymore. I don’t feel like a person at all. My existent doesn’t fit in to this world. I could disappear and nothing would change. I’m not making a different in the world. I’m fighting against time, against the world, but mostly against myself. And I can’t win against myself. I tried so many things, but none of them worked out. I didn’t need someone to say they loved me. I didn’t need someone to let me into the circle. I just needed someone to say; “I care” But no one did. No one cared. Nothing changed. I am ready to give up. I’m just waiting to the perfect time to give up. So I can stop the pain in my heart and head. Stop the pain I can’t run away from, because I can’t run away from myself. I can only say hallo to the blue sky, the white winged beauty, there sings to me every night. That’s my only resolve, and I can’t change the outcome. The outcome is either white or black, but I am ready to take the consequences of my choice. I can only hope of the best. 

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