Hospital Whiteness

I remember how dizzy I was. I could barely keep my eyes open. The sounds of the loud sirens were fading. The ambulance was shaking, driving so fast, the doctors could barely keep their balance. I had this big, white mask over my mouth, helping me breathe normally. I ignored the whole situation and just disappeared into a half sleeping condition. My mother stood on my right side, held my hand. Black tears of mascara were pouring down her face. You could see the look of her face was screaming. She was almost screaming, but held it back. She held my hand tighter and tighter, in hopes of it would keep me awake and sane. I was scared, but at the same time, I was too exhausted to stay awake in the situation.


1. Waking up in white

My eyelids were painted orange on the inside, as I woke up. I opened my eyes, and the sun was burning them. I was tucked in tight in a white bed, in a white room. I barely remembered anything that had happened. A few machines were standing on both sides of the bed. I heard knocking on the door. The door opened slowly, as if they thought, I was still sleeping. It was a woman.

“Ms. Patricksen?” she whispered. She smiled at me, when she saw, I was awake.

“How are you doing?” she asked me, as she entered the room.

I stretched my arms and yawned.

“I’m fine, I guess”, I answered.

She had a tray with her. She handed it over to me, and put it in front of me on the bed.

“I brought your breakfast”, she said.

It was a glass half filled with orange juice. A bagel cut in half with ham and salad on each slice and an apple on the side.

“Enjoy”, she said, and walked out of the room. She turned around, walked back and said;

“Oh, and by the way, if you need anything, just click the gray button on your left.”

She smiled again and left.


I didn’t feel like eating, so I put the tray on the little table on my right. I noticed some flowers and a card on the table. The flowers were beautiful. Yellow roses that matched the white card. The card had a gray rabbit on it. It seemed like it was smiling at me. I opened the card, and sat on the bed. I guessed that I wasn’t allowed to get up, but I had to.

“Dear sweetheart.

I’m sorry it turned out this way. I knew it would happen, but not as fast, as it did. 

I’m sorry you ended in this situation. I wish I could have done something, but what could I do?

Love, mom”

Mother had left me card. I remembered the look on her face. I could feel the pain she felt, when she saw me. She was frightened, scared, panicking. I didn’t even know, what had happened. Did I do something?

The birds outside my window started screaming. I took the bagel on the tray, and walked over to the window slowly, just in case I wasn’t supposed to get out of bed. I opened the window. It made a sound, like a knock. I hoped no one heard it. The birds flew but stayed, floated in the air. I took some pieces of the bagel and put them in my hand. I reached it out to the birds, and they came closer. They ate it very fast and flew off to the sky. I let the window be open. I needed some fresh air.

As I walked over to the bed, someone knocked on the door and said;

“Mary? You have a visitor.”

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