Hospital Whiteness

I remember how dizzy I was. I could barely keep my eyes open. The sounds of the loud sirens were fading. The ambulance was shaking, driving so fast, the doctors could barely keep their balance. I had this big, white mask over my mouth, helping me breathe normally. I ignored the whole situation and just disappeared into a half sleeping condition. My mother stood on my right side, held my hand. Black tears of mascara were pouring down her face. You could see the look of her face was screaming. She was almost screaming, but held it back. She held my hand tighter and tighter, in hopes of it would keep me awake and sane. I was scared, but at the same time, I was too exhausted to stay awake in the situation.


10. Trust from a nurse

I had fallen asleep. I felt the same way I did the night I arrived at the hospital, when I was in the ambulance. Dizzy, exhausted and not able to focus. I heard a clock ticking. I recognized the loud, clear, deep ticking. It was the clock in my room at the hospital. I barely remembered what happened before I fell asleep.

I opened my eyes and was quickly aware of the situation. First thing I noticed: I was wearing that big mask again to help me breathe normally.

I wanted to know what time is was, but I couldn’t lift my head enough to see the clock.

As I tried to take off the mask, I couldn’t. My arms were stuck. They had tied me to the bed using big, white straps. Of course they were white.

I shouted for help, but doubted that anyone could hear me.

Several minutes passed by, and a nurse entered the room. I guessed she knew about the straps, since she wasn’t surprised at all.

She studied my expressions, my actions.

“You seem fine for now”, she said with a smile on her lips. Her nametag said Georgia.

She was black, had very short hair and a smile of an angle. She seemed really nice. I knew she wouldn’t harm me.

She took off my mask, and loosened the straps.

“How are you feeling, Ms. Patricksen?”

I sighted.

“I’m fine”, I said. “But why am I tied to the bed?”

She looked at the ground for a few seconds, then back at my face.

“We feared you might be in danger for yourself and/or others. Especially when you were sleeping. They have informed you about your disorder, right?” she asked.

I nodded. She could see that I didn’t want to talk about it.

She stepped a bit closer and said:
“You don’t seem like a crazy person.”

I grinned.

“Well, it is only when sleep, you know”, I answered.

“I don’t even know how it started.”

Georgia sighted and smiled.

“I’ll check on you later”, she said. “Now that you are re-energized, you can feel free to go to the dining room, board game room or wherever you’d like to go. As long as it’s on this hall, on this floor, and you have permission”, she added.

“Of course”, I said and smiled.

She walked out and closed the door.

I got out of my room, and went for the stairs.

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