Hospital Whiteness

I remember how dizzy I was. I could barely keep my eyes open. The sounds of the loud sirens were fading. The ambulance was shaking, driving so fast, the doctors could barely keep their balance. I had this big, white mask over my mouth, helping me breathe normally. I ignored the whole situation and just disappeared into a half sleeping condition. My mother stood on my right side, held my hand. Black tears of mascara were pouring down her face. You could see the look of her face was screaming. She was almost screaming, but held it back. She held my hand tighter and tighter, in hopes of it would keep me awake and sane. I was scared, but at the same time, I was too exhausted to stay awake in the situation.


9. Time for a talk

I shed a tear. I wasn’t scared anymore. I just wanted to know, what they were going to do about me.

“Homicidal somnambulism”, he said.

“This is very tough. There is no easy way to say this.”
Then I knew.

“My mother is dead, isn’t she?” I started to cry. I couldn’t hold it back.

“Homicidal somnambulism, also known as sleepwalking murder…”

“What?” I interrupted.

He took my hand and held it.

“It’s when you kill people in your sleep. It’s usually family members”, he said.

I cried. I wanted to scream, but if I did, he would just call the nurses and lock me in somewhere.

“This is crazy”, I said. “My mother was with me in the ambulance!”

“Your mother wasn’t with us in the ambulance. She was killed”, he said. He didn’t seem surprised.

“But…” I whispered. My head started spinning. I was screaming deep inside.

“She left me flowers… and a card.”

“Those are from your grandmother to your mother”, he said. “We put them on your table, hoping you’d remember.”

My eyes widened. It felt like they tried to pop out of my head. My head started to hurt. I felt insane.

I started breathing faster and faster and faster, until I hyperventilated. I had no idea of what was going on.

My fingers were stuck. I couldn’t move them, not even a tiny bit. I started to feel dizzy, like when I was in the ambulance. I started to whisper:
“No… no… no…”

Dr. O’Riley looked afraid of me. My reactions.

I kept whispering:

“No… You’re lying to me…”

He moved a bit closer to me to give me a hug, but I pushed him away.

“Stay away from me”, I whispered.

I was shaking. I was terrified. 

“Ms. Patricksen. Calm down. You are hyperventilating right now, I need you to relax”, he said.

That made me even more hysterical.

It got worse. I screamed. I did it, I screamed. I knew I shouldn’t have done that, but I couldn’t hold it back.

It was official: I was insane. I was killing in my sleep.

Dr. O’Riley took a little phone he had in his pocket and said:
“I need help in Room 805 right now.”

I hyperventilated loudly. I was panting, I couldn’t breathe normally. It was out of control.

Three nurses entered the room, and quickly turned on one of the machines next to the bed.

One of the nurses took a mask. She took its strap and put it around my head. She placed the mask on my mouth.

“Alright, Ms. Patricksen, I need you to relax. Take a deep breath and calm down”, she said.

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