How to Piss off the Akatsuki

Hime is an Akatsuki member, not really, mostly a servent, she comes up with an awesome idea, to piss off all the Akatsuki members, there will be a lot of drama and funny moments, and everyone is falling victim to Hime's evil plans...


8. How to piss off Kakuzu Part 1

A yawn escaped past my lips, I cracked an eye open and a blinding light appeared, I quickly closed them again and turned away from the light and attempt to open my eyes again to be greeted with an orange swirl mask. “GAH!” I shot back and fell off the bed, my heart pounded loudly and I scrambled to my feet to be faced with nothing but empty space. What the hell was that? I thought for sure it was Tobi, I thought, but as quickly as it came I shook the thought away and misread it as my imagination.
Suddenly the door started knocking and I looked at it curiously, I walked up to it and opened it, and to my shock, it was Itachi. I gulped and warily looked at him.
“O-oh hi Itachi, I’m really sorry abou-”
“What are you up to,” was all he said as he cut me off…impatient much.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I lied, knowing full well what he meant, but of course, I wasn’t going to tell him anything anytime soon.
“Don’t act stupid, your hiding something from the Akatsuki, and don’t think I haven’t noticed either,” he slightly narrowed his eyes at me. I looked away from him, but said nothing.
“Hey Itachi, Leader has a mission for us!” Kisame came out from the corner and said to his partner. He looked over at me and nodded towards me in greeting, I did the same.
Itachi looked at Kisame and back at me, “I’ll speak with you later,” and after that he left, Kisame in tow.
I lift my hand to my heart and could hear the loud thumping of my heart racing, why is everyone giving me jump scares today; it’s bad enough in the movies. I scratched the back of my head gingerly and sighed deeply. Oh well, it surely couldn’t be helped.
I headed towards the kitchen; the only present person there was Tobi who looks to be asleep on the bench. Taking this opportunity, I reached for my pocket and pulled out the piece of paper and read who my next victim was today. A smile cracked my lips and I read it.
Operation number six piss of Kakuzu:
1: Steal his clothes and dress Tobi in it

I raised an eyebrow at this, but nonetheless giggled and stashed the piece of paper away in my pocket. I walked towards the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice and started drinking it greedily.
“You know it’s bad to drink really fast Himey!!!” Tobi said who was now awake and staring at me in amusement. I looked at him with both of my cheeks puffed and filled with orange juice, kinda like a chipmunk, but then a hand slapped me in the back and I squirted the orange juice all over Tobi, I coughed and swerved around to see who hit me…great, it was Hidan.
“Well, well, look who’s up early for once hm?” he said, a smirk present on his face.
I sighed, “Good morning Hidan,” I said sarcastically and started to trot away from him, but unfortunately he grabbed my shoulder and turned me around.
“Not so fast there, I need your help with a few things is that understood bitch,” he sneered.
“Well, why would I want to help you if you’re gonna be rude to me like that huh?” I interjected.
“It’s not only me you know, leader and Sasori are helping too, and we would all fucking appreciate it if you helped too bitch!” he hissed. I looked at him with a blank face, how is he ever going to get someone to help him in life if he talks like that to them…god, is it that bad to learn some manners? I narrowed my eyes at him, and then sighed.
“Fine,” I mumbled. He smirked and turned around and signalled me to follow him.
We walked along the narrowed hallways to the training ground, I lift an eyebrow at this as we reached to door to the training grounds. I rarely go here, not that I don’t like training and building myself up to become stronger, but the last time I went to the training grounds, Deidara challenged me to a fight, and since I couldn’t chicken out cause most of the Akatsuki were there, I had to do it. But unlike Deidara, I’m really weak when it comes to the Akatsuki members; they’d beat me to a bloody pulp and MAN! That hurts.
Then a thought struck me as I started to ponder…where is Deidara? After the incident with Itachi, I hadn’t seen him since, he wasn’t on any missions at the moment or not that I know of, and he hasn’t shown up for breakfast, lunch and dinner, which is weird cause he was like a vacuum machine when it came to food. My heart clenched slightly and I frowned.
“Hey bitch! Are you coming or not?!” Hidan all of a sudden yelled at me which startled me. I looked at him bewildered, like he grown another head or something, that was honestly the first time I’ve heard him yell like that, and it’s quite scary believe it or not.
“Ah yes, I was just deep in thought,” I said, which was true.
“Tell that to someone who cares,” he waved me off and walked inside. I followed a suit grumbling under my breath of how rude and a bastard he is, but then I stopped my mouth wide open and my eye ready to pop out of my eye sockets.
In front of me was Konan and Sasori trying with all their might to push one boulder, Sasori had his back to the boulder trying to push it, though every time he did his feet would sink more and more into the ground by the pressure he was applying, while on the other hand with Konan, she was trying to pull the thing, though it was not going to budge one bit. I dumbly stood there, though I had the urge to laugh but it wouldn’t have made the situation any better. Seriously, what made Hidan think that I’ll be able to push that boulder, let alone having Konan and Sasori help?
I looked over at Hidan at the corner of my eye; he seemed to be trudging over to the boulder and was about to tell the others something, there focus wasn’t on me at the moment so this would be a good chance to get out of here while I still have the chance.
I casually stepped back a few, still keeping an intense gaze on them. I lost track on where I was heading and stumbled over a rock, I let out a little squeal and fell on my bottom on the ground. I gazed up quick and realised that Sasori was the only one to notice, while Konan and Hidan were arguing over something. He raised an eyebrow at me and I placed my index finger to my lips to signal him not to say anything, he nodded and turned his attention back to the fight.
This gave me the chance to bolt out of the room and away from the scene. I ran down the hallway but immediately stopped when I heard a noise in the bathroom. As for curiosity, it gets the better of me and I couldn’t help but peek in the bathroom to find Kakuzu getting undressed, he was practically butt naked in front of me. I blushed furiously but suddenly remembered…This is perfect! Once he hops in the shower, this could be my chance to steal his clothes and dress Tobi in them!
I watched as Kakuzu got fully undressed and went in the shower; I waited a bit then slowly creep my way over to where his clothes were. I snickered and picked up is clothes and quickly ran out of the room, then I ran down the hallways and into the dining room. “Okay, now I need to find Tobi….great,” I sighed in frustration, it was almost near impossible to find Tobi, when you don’t want to find him…he’s there, but when you do…he’s not there.
I poked my head in the kitchen and saw Pein looking through a magazine; I gulped and slowly walked back and ran out of the dining room. I walked through the hallways and….to my delight, Tobi was there, leaning against the wall playing with a bit of string….string? Odd, never had I thought Tobi would do something like that. I shrugged it off though and walked up to him.
“Hey Tobi, I got you something!” I said as I made my way over to him, this caught his attention and he quickly looked up.
“Oh hello Himey, What brings you here? What have you got for Tobi?” he said excitedly and jumped up and down in excitement.
I took out the clothes I’d been hiding behind my back and quickly dumped them into Tobi’s arms, “These are for you, I would very much appreciate if you were to put them on for me,” I battered my eyes at him and pouted a little.
“But aren’t these Kakuzu’s?” he asked and looks down at the clothes confusedly, then up at me.
“Oh yeah, they are actually a gift from him, he didn’t have time to give them to you personally so he gave them to me to give to you,” I answered with a wide grin on my face.
“OH BOY REALLY?!” he jumped up and down happily and gave me a quick hug before running off to put the clothes on. I clapped my hands together and nodded at my success, well, while I’m waiting for that chaos to happen, might as well read what I have to do next. I pulled out the slip of paper and read what I had to do next.
2: Keep asking him for money
Hehe, now that would be quite amusing, I stuffed the paper back into my pocket and started walking away whistling along the way. I walked into the lounge room and to my surprise; Deidara was there sound asleep on the couch. I crept up to him and peered at his face. He looked so peaceful…I furrowed my eyebrow and blushed and I took a glance at his parted lips. Okay Hime…enough of that, you two are only friends…nothing more. I sighed and stood up, looking away from Deidara. At least he’s okay, I thought.
Suddenly Deidara began to stir and for me, I dived behind the couch and out of eyesight from Deidara. I heard him yawn and move a bit, probably stretching or something. Then I heard him get off the couch and walk away. I poked my head up and saw that he was gone; I let out a relieved sigh and clutched my heart, which was thumping loudly. That was too close for comfort…but…why was I hiding from him?
I stood up and was about to walk out from the lounge room when something came crashing through the wall right next to me. I gave out a yelp and jumps slightly away.
“Damn it Tobi, what the fuck are you doing stealing my clothes for?!” A voice boomed out.
I stilled as I recognised the voice as Kakuzu…this wasn’t good.
“But…but Hime said you gave them to her to give to me?!” Tobi squealed back. I saw him hop up immediately just as Kakuzu came storming into the room. I paled and looked over at Tobi with wide fearful eyes, oh no…
“Hime huh, where the hell-” Kakuzu stopped mid-sentence and saw me awkwardly standing in the middle of the room. Oh shit….I’m so screwed….I’m going to die! I could see him crack his knuckles and menacingly walk over to me. I backed up a bit as he neared, the further away from him the better, but what I didn’t realise was that I was edging towards a wall, and when I felt my back press against it, I knew it was over……he was in front of me now, he threw his fist at me. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the pain that I was going to face any moment now…but nothing came. I cracked an eye open and well, saw the last person I expect to save me.
Itachi squeezed his hand tighter around Kakuzu’s wrist; he shot him a dangerous look. Kakuzu, paled slightly and back away. “Ah Itachi, I thought you were on a mission?”
“I don’t leave till another 20minutes,” he answered.
“I see, well then…can I just get on with my business then?” Business as in beating me to a bloody pulp you mean, I thought. Though I was then struck with sudden realisation…why is Itachi helping me? It’s obvious he doesn’t like me…especially after pissing him off. I slightly narrowed my eyes at him…what does he want?
“Let me handle it…” was all he said, before grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the room. All I could hear from Kakuzu were curses and sighs; well at least he cools down quicker than everyone else. But back on the subject at hand, I curiously took a glance at Itachi as he dragged me off to who knows where. I could see his face was void with any emotion, just his usual blank expression.
He suddenly stopped and opened the door to what looks like a room…his room, oh shit…he dragged me inside and let go of my arm. He stood there for a minute then turned around to look at me with a dark stare, which was not a good look.
“I want to ask you something, so answer truthfully,” Itachi said. I could feel an uncomfortable tension fill the room, it made me more and more nervous of what’s to come next. I gulped and nodded slowly, in a way, I think I know what he meant when he said that.
“Why are you pissing off the Akatsuki?” he said. I sighed, there was no getting out of this, I have to tell him, whether I like it or not…But…..
Tears started to leak from my eyes, I tried to wipe them away but more kept coming. “They were being mean to me, I don’t mean to piss them off, I’m just….just being myself you know,” I started sobbing uncontrollably, hiccupping every once and a while. This took Itachi off guard; he didn’t know what to do but just stand there and watch me cry. I could tell I was making him uncomfortable.
Itachi looked at me with a raised eyebrow; he never was the kind of guy that was good with these sorts of situations. He stiffly walked over to me and patted my back, but stilled. “Tell me something, why were you pissing me off then?” he then narrowed his eyes at me. My mind suddenly jumped into panic mode, SHIT!


A/N: YAY!!! Finally another chappy is up! And of course I left you on a cliff-hanger kinda hehe, I hoped you enjoy in and stay tuned for more! xD

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