How to Piss off the Akatsuki

Hime is an Akatsuki member, not really, mostly a servent, she comes up with an awesome idea, to piss off all the Akatsuki members, there will be a lot of drama and funny moments, and everyone is falling victim to Hime's evil plans...


7. How to piss off Itachi

A/N: Hey everyone, I know you probably already read this chapter, but I've added more onto it and it's hopefully better, that's all folks!!!

Konan and I walked into the dining room discussing about our next mission. It seemed that Konan has to travel to Iwa for an assassination mission, which kinda irked me because I’m not much of the killing type of person. My missions are quite simply, since I’m just a servant and all, not a full fledge Akatsuki member. So I just deliver important stuff to different countries and that, sometimes I engage into fights with enemies, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.
We made our way into the kitchen and started cooking breakfast for everyone. As I worked my mind pondered on Deidara, after the dodge ball game, Deidara and Tobi were sent into the medical room because they suffered worse damage than others. It was the third day now and there was still no sign of either of them waking up. I began to worry and less focus on other stuff than Deidara. Then a sudden memory of when his head was laying in my lap and me stroking his hair flashed into my head, and when I thought he was cute…I really must be stressing, I must have gotten hit pretty bad to be causing me to think of such silly things. He’s gay for god’s sake; at least I think he is? My heart dwindled a little and I shook the thought away.
Konan looked over at me and saw my distress. “Is there something the matter?” she asked and stopped what she was doing and turned to me.
A slight blush rose on my cheeks. I can’t tell her that I thought Deidara was cute, what would she think of me? But…she’s the only person I can talk to, I can’t just hide this forever, I’m terrible at keeping stuff from people…besides my wicked plan but other than that I just can’t. I sighed softly and slowly turned around to Konan and looking into her amber eyes. “You see,” I started fiddling with the corner of my shirt. The blush on my face intensified tenfold, making it super noticeable on my face, causing Konan to raise an eyebrow at me. “I-I…I think I like Deidara,” I mumbled out quietly, peeking up at Konan.
Konan just stood there and looked at me with a blank expression, her lips twitched and rose into a wide smile…and then she started laughing. I looked at her slightly shocked and mouth gaped. The blush on my face reached to my ears and neck, which made Konan’s laughing fit increase. She held the edge of the table with one hand and clutching her stomach with the other. My eyebrows furrowed slightly.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, keeping my voice level and steady.
Konan looked up when she calmed a bit, but when she did, she started laughing all over again. My temper was rising and I was tapping my foot on the tiled floor impatiently while crossing my arms. Then Konan stopped abruptly and looked at me with a full on serious look. “You like Deidara, Deidara?” she asked, looking at me with a questioning look.
“I don’t actually know, I’m not sure if it was some silly thought or that I had actually grown a crush for him,” I replied, face etched with worry and a hint of desperation.
“Thought? What do you mean by that?” Konan asked.
“Well, I kinda thought he was (cough) cute,” I said, covering my mouth a little with my hand and slightly looking away from her to the table next to me, looking at it with mid interest.
“Hm, well I guess the only thing I could say is that you’re finally experiencing love,” she said and turned back to slicing up some bread. I eyes bugled out of their pockets…not literally, I stared at her with disbelief written all over me. I lightly kept on shaking my head and gently pull the ends of my hair. Love, There is no way I can fall in love with a guy like him, not now, not ever.
Behind the other side of the kitchen, Tobi stood there with his ear against the wall, hearing everything me and Konan had said. A devilish smirk crossed his face under his mask and he chuckled lightly to himself. Well, this is something new, he thought.
“Hey, I didn’t know you were out of the medical room so soon,” a deep voice said that made Tobi whip around in fright.
“Ah, Kakuzu, I didn’t hear you coming. And yeah, I was let out early because I’m as good as new,” Tobi said quickly, he power walked past Kakuzu and to somewhere unknown. Kakuzu raised an eyebrow and this, he curiosity spiked. Tobi didn’t use third person when he was talking, he always uses third person, and it was almost like if he wasn’t Tobi at all. He narrowed his eyes to the side…what is Tobi hiding?
Konan was setting up the table for breakfast, which gave me time to see who was next to piss off. I looked down at the piece of paper I took out and read the name imprinted on it.
Operation number five piss of Itachi:
1: advertise glasses for blind people in front of Itachi

Oh…hell…no…I stared at the page like if it caught on fire or something, my lips twitched ever so slightly into a grin. This has got to be the most…excuse my language, fucked up way to piss off any Akatsuki ever. I mean, really, advertise glasses for blind people, let alone do it to Itachi. Who do they think I’m immortal or something? I laughed at the thought and shoved the piece of paper back into my pocket. Just as I did that, Konan walked in looking at me strangely.
“Did I miss something?” she asked. I shook my head and walked past her.
“Oh no, it was some silly joke I just remembered that’s all,” I lied and walked into the dining room where most of Akatsukis were. I walked over to the seat next to Sasori, he hadn’t realised I was there because he was doing some weird thing with his arm. The sound of clinging and clang noise began to irritate me to some extent. I gritted my teeth together from growling out loud as I turned to Sasori slowly. “Do you mind doing that, there’s a thing called a workshop you know,” I said.
Sasori jumped slightly and turned to me, dropping his equipment on the table. “W-when did you get here?” he asked, a little dumbfounded by the sudden intrusion. I rolled my eyes and shook my head slightly and turned to face the other way from him, mumbling softy “never mind,” I leaned my head in my hand and thought of how I was going to succeed with the first part of pissing off Itachi, although I have to be really careful, he’s dangerous and could easily kill me in a blink of an eye, but since his eyes are starting to fail on him, there would be a slight chance for me to surviving since the Sharingan won’t be so powerful than before.
“You know, Deidara is out of the medic room,” Sasori finally said, breaking my train of thought. I looked at him and a light blush rose to my cheeks. Oh no, he’s out of the medic room already, I can’t face him yet, what should I do? I started panicking inwardly, but the only word that came out of my mouth was, “really?” in a casual like tone. All Sasori did was nod his head and began working back on his wooden arm.
I sighed and let my head fall and hit the table with a loud thud. “You know, you could really damage your skull by doing that, not saying that it’s already damaged,” a sweet angelic voice spoke out to me. It filled my ears and a smile graced my lips at the soothing voice…wait that sounded like…I shot up and looked to my right to find Deidara standing there with a sexy grin plastered on his face. I could feel my face heat up and I covered my face, making it look like I was about to sneeze. A few moments passed and when I knew the blush had retreated I pulled my hands away and looked up at him.
“Oh hi Deidara, um, you’re out of the medic room early,” I said, rubbing the back of my head gingerly.
“Yeah, isn’t that cool, now we can both continued the…you know what,” Deidara said excitedly and fist pumped the air, a wide grin spread across his face. “So who are you…you know, pissing off,” Deidara asked, whispering the last bit to my ear. My face heated a bit and I moved away from him quickly and tugged on his cloak to signal him to follow me.
When we reached my room I closed the door behind me and faced him, “We’ll be pissing off Itachi,” I told him and watched in slight amusement as Deidara’s face light up and he started prancing around the room celebrating.
“Yes, hooray we get to piss off-” before he could finish his sentence I quickly jammed my hand over his mouth and place a finger to my lips signalling to be quiet. Deidara looked at me questioning and cocked his head to the side. I slightly nudged my head over a bit towards the door which meant that someone else was out there. He nodded his head in understanding and stayed quiet.
It seemed like hours we were standing there waiting for the person to move away, which really was like ten minutes, but for some reason, the mystery person wasn’t budging anytime soon. I looked over at Deidara and he looked at me, we both raised an eyebrow and slowly crept up to the door. When I opened the door…I screamed and closed the door again, my heart thumping wildly.
“Who is it?” Deidara asked, not getting to see who was on the other side of the door. He frowned when I stayed silent. I opened my mouth, but quickly shut it again, so I moved aside for him to see and when he opened the door, he squealed and slammed the door like what I did minutes ago.
“Why is there an axe through Tobi’s head,” he practically screamed. I shrugged. Then I heard soft laugher and I narrowed my eyes at the noise. Wait a minute, I thought and slammed the door opened to find Tobi clutching his stomach, holding a black headband with a plastic axe glued to it. My jaw dropped and my hands clenched by my sides.
Deidara popped out from behind me and started strangling Tobi. “You fucking idiot yeah, you nearly gave me a fricken heart attack!” Deidara screamed. Tobi was clutching onto Deidara’s arms yelled out apologies. I shook my head at this and walked back into the room, I really don’t have time for this. I looked around, still hearing the strangled cries coming from Tobi and found my case with all the equipment I need to succeed in pissing off Itachi. I grabbed it and dumbed it on my bed.
Deidara stopped strangling the life out of Tobi when he heard the case on the bed. He turned around and raised an eyebrow at me, loosening his grip of Tobi, and which Tobi took the chance to escape and run away. He walked up to me from behind and looked over my shoulder. “So what’s in the case?” he asked.
I smiled up at him. “The supplies in pissing off Itachi,” was all I said as I flung open the case and revealed clothing, cardboard and markers. Deidara smirked at me.
“Oh now this is just cruel,” he said sarcastically and chuckled. I grinned at him and pulled out a pair of glasses which old people would wear and a brown suit. I placed them on the bed and walked to my closet and pulled out a sign saying in big bold letters YOUR BLIND! THESE GLASSES ARE RECKONMENDED with a colourful drawing of glasses on the sides.
“Okay Deidara, here’s the plan, you wave around the sign and make some bouncy tunes while I dress as a salesman and advertise these glasses to Itachi, got it,” I said to him, he nodded and I got dressed.
Once I was done we headed over to the lounge room where Hidan and Kisame were watching TV while Kakuzu and Itachi were sitting at a small rounded table in the corner, seems that Kakuzu was handing money to him or something. I bravely strutted over to the small table, Deidara in tow and I stopped in front of the two men. They looked up at me.
I faced Itachi and broadly smiled. I placed the case in front of him and opened it. Deidara started waving the sign in the air and making popping noises or something similar.
“Hello there lovely man, would you be interested in a pair of shining (pulls out glasses and holds in front of him) glasses for your weary almost blind eyes,” I said business like.
Itachi blankly looks at me, obviously unamused by this. “What are you playing at Hime?” He said simply.
“Nothing at all good sir, but I noticed your eyes are poor and weak so these spectacular glasses will help you for all you needs,” I smiled and shoved the glasses in front of his face. He just looked at them in a bored manner and snatched the glasses out of my hands and crushed them.
“I’m not interested, if that was all, you may go,” he turned to Kakuzu, completely ignoring me. I stood there dumbfounded, Deidara long stopped his swaying around and leaned over to me and whispered, “It’s not working.” As if it wasn’t obviously enough.
My temper rose slightly, I refuse to give up and that was a fact, I slammed my hands of the table and leaned over so my face was just inches away from Itachi’s and smiled. “Your blind old man, I think you needed though glasses so you can see,” I said sweetly, the corner of my mouth twitching.
“I can see just fine thankyou,” he replied bluntly.
“No you can’t” I interjected.
‘Yes I can,” this time he slowly turned to me, eyes flashing warningly.
“No….you can’t” I grounded softly.
“Yes I can,” this time his eyes narrowed angrily at me, ready about to change to Sharingan.
Deidara and Kakuzu watched nervously. Hidan and Kisame were already out of the room gone; knowing full well what was going to happen.
“No…you…ca-” I didn’t get to finish as Itachi’s hand shot out and grasped around my throat and held me in the air. I grasped at it, trying to pry it off, air now cut off, my face started turning purple.
“If you so insist on wanting to die, then you should have asked long ago,” Itachi threatened and clutched tighter.
“Hey, let’s just calm down, she didn’t mean it,” Deidara frantically said and was about to advance forward until Tobi suddenly appeared and crash tackled Itachi to the ground.
“NOOOOO DON’T HURT MY HIME!!!” Tobi screamed and bit Itachi’s arm. Itachi let go of me immediately and I collapsed to the ground, feeling really dizzy and shaky from the event that just happened.
“Get off,” Itachi growled and tried to throw him off but it was proving to be difficult when Tobi latched onto him like a leech. I looked on with wide eyes.
“Tobi, it’s fine, you can let go of him now,” I said, and by this, Tobi immediately got off and hugged me, tears flying everywhere.
“Are you alright? Did he hurt you badly!!!” Tobi wailed and clutched me tighter.
“I-I’m fine Tobi….Thankyou,” I hugged back and whispered, a smile graced my lips. Itachi looked on with disgusted and pulled himself together and looked at me, I looked up from Tobi with worried eyes.
“If you do that again, I will make sure your death will be painful, I promise you that,” he said and walked away calmly.
I let out a relieved sigh and pulled away from Tobi. Kakuzu already left after Itachi to finish the payment they were in the middle of, and Deidara stood there, fist clenched by his sides at what was happening in front of him.
“Thanks Tobi, for once, I’m glad you came, I would be dead now if it wasn’t for you,” I said cheerfully. Tobi scratched the back of his head sheepishly and twirled side from side slowly.
“Aw, Tobi would do anything for you Hime, cause were super-duper friends,” he dramatically gave thumbs up to me and rushed off clumsily. Sasori walked in just seconds later, to look at me and Deidara questioningly.
“Now what just happened?” he said, mostly pointing to the massive bruise around my neck. I gingerly touched my neck and awkwardly giggled.
“Ah yeah, about that…” I faltered, and thought, I’m never going to piss off Itachi again, so I guess it was a success and a fail, guess I’ll skip him and move onto the next one then sadly. I sighed deeply and slouched. I looked over at Deidara, he looked pissed though, I raised a brown eyebrow at this and looked at him questioningly. He looked back at him, a faint smile on his face as he past me and Sasori quickly and out the door. My eyes followed after him sadly and now I was alone with Sasori, who was even more confused.
“I pissed off Itachi,” was all I said. He nodded in understanding.
“I see, guess it backfired, that’s what you get I suppose, but for now, let’s just worry about that neck of yours,” he motioned me to follow him as he turned around and walked out the door. My face dropped and I slouched and trudged behind him, how to piss of Itachi…failure/success.

A/N: Hope you liked this chapter everyone!

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