How to Piss off the Akatsuki

Hime is an Akatsuki member, not really, mostly a servent, she comes up with an awesome idea, to piss off all the Akatsuki members, there will be a lot of drama and funny moments, and everyone is falling victim to Hime's evil plans...


6. A Dodge Ball Disaster

Hey everyone, don’t fret, I’m still continuing my little evil plans, but this is one of those extra chapters. So I’ll explain before we continue, I’m bored, I need a break from pissing off the Akatsuki because…some people are starting to get very suspicious so, I’m going to lay low for a while. During that time I’m going to play dodge ball with all the Akatsuki members, I know…weird right. So enough of my talking and on with the show whoop! Whoop! 

I woke up with a start, stretching and yawning and then flopped lifeless on the bed again. I gazed up at the ceiling with a frown on my face. Itachi, and now even Pein are starting to get very suspicious of me, I can’t afford to let them know what I’m doing, it will ruin my whole work, all that effort I put in, all the pain I went through to get this far. My frown deepened, I have to back away for a bit, so they would ease off my shoulders and become less cautious again.

A knock on the door broke me from my thoughts and I turned and looked at my door. I expanded my chakra and sensed who was out at the front of my door…it was Tobi. Tobi, Tobi, Tobi. God I hate that name, why is he here at all, why can’t he just leave me alone for just one tiny second…no not ever that, forever it should be, yeah, forever he should leave me the heck alone. The knocking noise came again and I gave a loud frustrated sigh. I growled and grudgingly got off my bed and walked in a slumped manner to the door. Once I reached it I swung it open, a scowl etched my face.

“Hime, oh thank god you’re here, Tobi is so happy to see you!” Tobi shouted and hugged me…why the hugging, it’s a nightmare. I managed to block my ears before he said it and gasped for air when he hugged me.    

“Tobi, what are you doing here?” I managed to choke out, pushing at his chest with all my might.

“Tobi just wants to ask if you know any games we could play,” he replied, beaming at me in excitement.  

“We?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. If he thinks I’m going to play with him of all people…he’s got another thing coming, I thought.

“Yes of course we, I managed to persuade all the Akatsuki to play with me, isn’t that cool? I think my dreams are finally coming true, but I don’t know any good games we could play so Tobi came to you for any suggestions,” Tobi said.

I gaped at him like a goldfish, my eyes bulging out of their sockets. Is he for real, did he just say he managed to convince all that Akatsuki members to play with him? This must be some sort of miracles…wait, no, it’s not a miracle, it’s an apocalypse, Oh no, the world is ending! I panicked inwardly. I looked up at Tobi with a bewildered look on my face. “C-can you tell me how you so happened to succeed in that?” I mumbled at him.

Tobi shrugged his shoulders and scratched the top of his head, “I don’t know, I just asked them repeatedly until they finally agreed to play with me, I thought they were going to hit me or something though,” Tobi said. Ah so that’s why, I thought and inwardly bumped myself on the head, the Akatsuki members must have gotten so annoyed that they thought if they agreed to play with Tobi, then Tobi would leave them alone after that…now I get it. I peered up at Tobi; a slight smile graced my lips.

Then my mind went back into gears and back to the current situation I was in. Tobi wanted me to give him some ideas for a game for them to play, but honestly, I don’t really know much good games they could possibly play. I branch my thoughts out in search for a suggestion for a game…then it suddenly clicked to me, dodge ball, everyone loves dodge ball…but, do the Akatsuki even know how to play? Do they even know what a ball is? What a silly question to think Hime, what are they, stupid or something? Honestly not, their fricken S-class criminals for god’s sake. “Well…” I started and stopped immediately to look at Tobi’s face. It was blank, as usual, no-one can truly know what he’s thinking or anything, and it sends chills down my spine every time I know that I can’t search his face for emotions…stupid orange basketball mask, I cursed.

“We could play a game call dodge ball,” I said, but all Tobi did was cock his head to the side and look at me strangely. “What? It’s a game I used to play when I was a little kid, it’s really fun,” I explained. He just nodded slowly, still having no clue to what that game was, or if it was a game at all. It didn’t sound fun at all, it sounded like something to get hurt from. Like what, you have to dodge some kind of ball or something, or are it that other way around. Tobi’s mind started reeling in all different directions. I could see he was having slight trouble at what the game was going to be, I felt like face palming then. The name should be as obvious as anything…dodge ball, where you dodge a lot of balls that are thrown at you! Honestly, if Tobi doesn’t even know what the slightest clue to dodge ball is, then he’s a fricken retard.

“Okay, let’s go play dodge ball,” Tobi announced and fist pumped the air and bolted off. I shook my head and gradually followed after him.


Everyone was outside lazing around, practically doing nothing, I sweat-dropped at this and made my way to the middle of the group. Everyone turned their attention to me, I cracked a smile to my face and coughed a bit…tough crowd much, and I thought and turned my attention to them all. “Hello everyone, it’s such a nice day so I decided for us all to play a game,” I said.

“It better not be something shit like painting your nails or whatever girls do in their spare time,” Hidan said. Konan slowly turned around to him and glared at him; he slightly cowered away and closed his mouth for the remainder of the period.

“I assure you it has nothing to do with painting your nails or anything like that,” I said while I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him, which made him shrink back more. A satisfied smile occurred on my face and I proceeded to announce what they were all going to play. “Okay, so as I was saying, the game that we’re going to be playing is call dodge ball. Beside me,” I said and pointed to five medicine balls next to me, “are the balls you are going to throw at each other with. So before we begin, I’m going to go through the rules with you. Firstly, there are two teams, five on each team of course, after we do that we go on opposite sides of the field, there will be a line in the middle so you don’t cross over the line. When the whistle goes you run to the ball and grab it before the other team gets it, once so you can either retreat or throw it instantly, but of course do not cross the line or you are out, that also includes if you’re throwing the ball at someone and they get hit, their out, but if they catch it, then the person who threw it is out…get it so far?” I asked, eyeing everyone sceptically.

They all nodded. “Okay, so the team who gets all their opponents out is the winner. We’ll be playing one game because I know that a lot of us might get hurt...a lot, so don’t die or anything, and there is another rule I want to make clear before we start…there will be no Ninjutsu or Genjutsu alright?” they all nodded again, “alright, let’s get the game rolling shall we!” I said and fist pumped the air.

We all lined up in a straight line, me as leader one and Konan as leader two. I walked up to all the boys and gave them all a number of either one or two. Once they all got their number, they grouped around their leader. Deidara, Sasori, Kisame and Kakuzu were on my team and Pein, Tobi, Hidan and Itachi were on the other. I took a deep breath and peered at all the members on my team.

“Well…at least we don’t have Tobi,” Kisame said, breaking the silence between us all.

“Okay, my only advice here is not…on any circumstances get hit by the ball, okay,” I said, they nodded and made our way to our side of the field. The other team finished up and did the same. There was tension between everyone as they waited for Zetsu to do the signal. As we waited, I looked around my group. Deidara and Kisame looked about ready to charge for their lives at the balls placed before them, Sasori had his arms crossed and blankly staring at the balls in front of his and Kakuzu was eyeing Zetsu, just simply waiting to get this started.

Then the whistle blew and Kisame and Deidara bolted for the balls as did Hidan, Pein and Tobi. When they reached the balls Kisame was lucky enough to grab two balls and run back to my side, Deidara grabbed a ball, but Tobi so happened to have grabbed it as well. Deidara scowled at him.

“Let go, I got to it first,” Deidara announced and tried tugging the ball out of Tobi’s iron grip. Tobi frantically shook his head.

“No, Tobi got to it first,” he shot back, making the blond bomber groan in frustration.

“Let go,” was all he said, but Tobi was too stubborn and held on.



“N-” Tobi was about to reply back but Kisame threw the ball at his head and making him loosens his grip on the ball. Deidara saw this and quickly snatched the ball from him and threw it at his stomach. It rebound and Deidara caught it and retreated back to his side of the field. Tobi yelped in pain and clutched his head and stomach in agony.

“Tobi, you’re out!” Zetsu called from the sidelines and pointed to the chairs behind him. Tobi just weakly nodded and sat on one of the chairs.

I looked at Pein and Hidan with caution as the succeeded in getting a ball. Hidan threw one at me and I narrowly missed it by an inch, a few beads of sweat rolling down my face.

“Nice, dodge, it would have been really disappointing if you actually did get hit by the ball, you don’t want to end up like Tobi now do you?” Sasori said and walked over to me, picking up the ball by my side. I nervously laughed and faced back to the game.

Kisame charged at Konan with the ball in his hand and threw it at her, but Pein appeared instantly in front of her and deflected it away and seconds later threw the ball at Kisame, hitting him straight in the nuts. Kisame groaned loudly and shielded his sacred area with his hands.

“Kisame, you’re out!” Zetsu called out and pointed to the chair next to Tobi. Kisame slowly made his way to the chair and collapsed onto it, still holding his member with gentle care. Deidara and Sasori saw this and subconsciously shielded their hands to their nuts.

Hidan was next to make a move and headed straight for Sasori, he chucked his ball at him. Sasori eyed the ball coming towards him and swiftly caught it like it was the easiest catch in the world. He looked and Hidan and smirked at him. Hidan frowned and gradually walked to the sidelines.

“Well, you certainly have nice reflexes,” I commented and smiled at him. He just chuckled lightly and tossed the ball over to me. I stared down at the ball in my hands and looked up at him with a questioning look. “Aren’t you going to throw the ball?” I asked. He shook his head.

“I’m only good with catching the ball, not so much with throwing it though,” Sasori said. I shrugged and walked over to Deidara who was cautiously looking at Itachi who had a ball in his hands and was lightly chucking it up and down in his hand. Deidara turned to me, not breaking eye contacted with Itachi and whispered. “Hime, I want you to throw the ball at Itachi first, and then I’ll throw mine seconds later after yours, okay yeah?” I nodded in understanding and side stepped a bit.

I ran up to the line, once I reached it I threw the ball directly at Itachi’s face. He sensed the ball and deflected it away from him  and threw his ball and me, at the same time Deidara tossed his and succeeded in hitting Itachi as he was currently distracted by the ball he had just throw, which unfortunately got me and I doubled over and fell to the ground. I coughed up a bit of blood and saw from the corner of my eye that Deidara was running up to me.

“Hey, are you alright yeah?” Deidara asked and knelt before me. I looked up at him and smiled, nodding my head. Just then a ball came flying at Deidara, him  oblivious that it was coming towards him and got smashed in the face and flew back a couple of feet from the impact of the ball that hit him at the side of the head.

I cringed at the sound of bone snapping and I stood up and ran to him. He was apparently unconscious so I picked him up and dragged him over to the side lines; laying his head on my lap and gentle weaving my fingers threw his short hair. What a tragic, I thought. First he loses all his hair, and now his face is all bruised and cut.

There was only Sasori and Kakuzu and Pein and Konan left. Tobi stood up and cheer for Pein. Pein just scrunched up his face in annoyance and threw his ball at Tobi, right in the middle of his face and instantly knocking him out and giving him a badly broken nose. Everyone sweat-dropped and shifts away from the twitching Tobi.

“Hey Sasori,” whispered Kakuzu who walked up to Sasori and held up his ball. “We only have one ball and Pein and Konan managed to have the rest, I’m not sure we’ll be able to win this.”

Sasori stilled slightly and looked at Kakuzu with emotionless eyes, then suddenly they blazed with life and he yanked the ball from Kakuzu’s hand and held it up dramatically and made a very awkward pose. Everyone stared bewildered at Sasori’s action and a big sweat-drop accompanied them. “We can win this; there is no way in hell I am going to lose to a piercing freak and a depressed girl,” Sasori stated a matter-of-a-fact. I looked at him as if he had grown another head or something. Was this guy really Sasori no Akasuna I know, I thought.

“Depressed girl, I’ll show you a depressed girl!” Konan yelled and charged up to them, ball in hand and threw it straight at Sasori, but he just leaped away from it like a ballerina and swung his ball at her, hitting her directly in the ribs. She coughed and held her side.

Pein stared wide eyed at this and chucked his ball with lighting speed at Sasori. The puppet master only had a few seconds to register what was going on before getting hit in the head; his head flew off his body and travelled with the ball to the ground. I raised an eyebrow at this and started laughing when Sasori’s body started idly walking around like a blind man trying to find his head. I stood up and gently place Deidara’s head on my seat and made my way to the cascaded head on the ground. I picked it up then walked over to Sasori’s body and placed the head back on top of the body. The head swivelled around to face me, which was kinda creep.

“Thank you,” Sasori mumbled and walked over to sit beside Kisame and Hidan. I shook my head at this and retreated back to Deidara and laid his head on my lap once again.

 Kakuzu began sweating badly, it was him and Pein now, and Pein was in a very pissy mood. He is never good news when he’s in a pissy mood. Kakuzu gulped loudly and reached for a ball near him and held in defensively in front of him.

“If you think that ball is going to save you from me, then think again because I’m going to win this one way or another,” Pein said and held his ball up ready to throw.

Kakuzu jumped out of his skin when the ball shot at him, he frantically looked around himself and dived in slow motion away from the ball, the ball just touched a bit of his robe, but did not count of being out. He then quickly stood up and ran at Pein. It was very intimidating facing the leader like this…in a game of dodge ball, but he kept his fears down and threw the ball. Pein caught it with ease and threw it back, landing hard on Kakuzu and fully breaking his jaw and cheekbone. Pein smirked proudly at this and puffed up his shoulders with pride. “I think this game is over,” was all he said and strode off back into the Akatsuki hideout.

I looked around me and noticed everyone in pain and groaning loudly, clutching at sore places to where they got hit. Well this game didn’t end well, I thought. Then I heard Deidara slightly mumble, “Did we win,” and fall back unconscious again. I slightly shook my head and smiled down at him, brushing away some of his golden tresses from his face. Even if he was beaten up, he still looked cute. My thoughts abruptly stopped and I quickly stood up, not caring if he fell off the chair. What was I think, cute, he’s cute? No, I must be deluding myself or something.

Kisame peered up at me and smirked, well, this is going to be interesting, he sniggered and turned away, starting up a conversation with Hidan and Sasori.

I sighed and shook away my blush, well, I guess I can continue back to my evil plans now, since everything seems to have cooled a bit, hehe, I wonder whose my next victim…

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