Dear Agony

I can't even anymore. Seeing them in the hallways, in our classes, at lunch, on Facebook and Instagram, and sometimes through my window when I'm lying around the house. It hurts like hell. I'm friends with them both but lately, it hurts more than usual. The moment I think I'm getting over them, I think of something or I see something, or some idiot says something, and it comes back full force.

(The title comes from the song Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin.)


7. Wednesdays Are A Bitch

Kaci's POV

I wake up to Alex jumping on me and shouting, "KACI WAKE UP! ITS TIME TO WAKE UP!" over and over again. I groan and look at my clock, 6:48am. I fall out of bed and scream, "Shit! Aly why didn't you wake me up?" She pouts, "I'm sorry boobear. You looked all peaceful and shit. I didn't have the heart to wake you up." I smile at the use of the nickname she gave me when we were kids. "You moaned a few times though, what were you dreaming about?" I blush crimson and look down, "Nothing." She laughs and says, "C'mon dude. We're gonna be late for school."

----------------------------------*Forty-five minutes later*---------------------------------------

We pull up to school in Alex's Mustang and everybody automatically crowds around me, asking if I'm okay. Alex tells them all to fuck off and that she's got this, and I smile up at her gratefully. I stand on my tip toes and peck her cheek. I laugh as she blushes, "Thanks, Aly. I don't think I could handle today without you." She smiles down at me and it's only then that I realize how much taller than me she is, "You know, with this height difference, I might have to start calling you Hazza." She tilts her head and grins, "So we're Larry Stylinson now, huh?" I shrug as she throws her arm around my shoulder and cryptically say, "Maybe, maybe not." We walk to class like that and I receive pitiful glances from people as we pass them.

In every class, people give me sympathetic looks and pass me notes asking if I'm okay. I just force a small smile and nod my head. At lunch, I sit with Aly and Addy. Everybody started whispering when Haley walked in. She looked as if she hadn't slept at all and there are dark circles under eyes. I start to feel sorry for her, until yesterday comes flashing back to me. Aly places her hand over mine on the table and I instantly feel a bit better. I flash her a grateful smile and keep eating my lunch.

After I finish my lunch, Addy, Aly and I talk a little bit but then, of course, Haley walks over. "H-h-hey Kaci?" I roll my eyes and Aly squeezes my hand and I smile at her. I turn to face Haley and I can hear my cold, emotionless tone when I answer her, "What do you want Haley?" She looks terrified but honestly, I couldn't care less. She hurt me without so much as a second thought and I will never forgive her for it. She swallows before answering me, "I know you said you'll never forgive me for sleeping with Jake but I was hoping that ma-" I cut her off because I know what she would say, "There is no maybe. I will never, I repeat never, forgive you for sleeping with my best friend. No matter how many days, weeks, months, years or even decades pass," I'm in her face at this point and everybody has stopped what they were doing to watch but I don't care, she hurt me and she knows how scared I was of letting her in after what happened with Camilla and she goes off and does some shit like this, "I will never forget this and I'll never forgive you."

She looks as if I slapped her again and she's crying now, but I still don't care. I'm still in her face and my voice is getting louder but I don't care because she deserves it and no teacher would do anything to me anyways. "You know how I scared I was of letting you in! You know what happened with Camilla! I told you the whole fucking story! And what do you do? You start sleeping with my best friend six months into our relationship. So fucking excuse me if I honestly can't even look at you or him without wanting to kill myself for being so. Fucking. Stupid!" I fall back beside Alex and she pulls me close and wipes away the tears I didn't know had begun to fall in earnest. I'm sobbing now and as I bury my face in Alex's hair, I know she's crying because she hates seeing me torn up like this when she can't do anything about it. I hear Addy tell Haley to leave and I think she does but I don't look up, just grip Alex tighter and try to fight the wave of memories and images that seem to be trying to drown me.

Alex and I leave school after telling the principal what happened - I'm his favorite student, so of course he let us leave. Alex walks us to her car, shooting death glares at anyone she catches staring, and puts me in the passenger seat before peeling out of the parking lot and going back to my house.

She helped me up the stairs and into my room. She sat me on the bed and got me a change of clothes. She was about to leave the room so I could change when I called her name, "Aly?" She stopped but didn't turn around, "Yeah Kaciboo?" I smiled at another one of her nicknames, "Thanks. I meant it when I said that I couldn't have gotten through today without you." She shrugs her shoulders but I can hear the smile in her voice when she answers me, "We promised we'd be bestfriends forever and I promised that I'd always be here." She turns around and looks me straight in the eye and my breath hitches because of how sexy she looks when she says, "Those are two promises I intend to keep until the day I die."

When she walks out, I blush as I change, thinking about how serious (and sexy) she looked. She seems to know exactly when I finish because she walks in right after I sit on the bed. And she's already changed into her shorts and favorite over-sized t-shirt. We watch movies for hours, The Notebook, Titanic, A Walk To Remember, even the High School Musical movies. We watch old shows on Netflix from when we were kids. Anything and everything to avoid talking about it.

We go to bed at a reasonable hour, after almost thirty minutes of arguing about it. We climb in beside each other in the same position as always, me in front and Alex behind me with her arm draped across my stomach.

I fall asleep first this time and I dream that Haley is sitting two tables over from us and staring at me longingly while Aly and I are laughing, smiling, and kissing. I can hear a whisper, it's faint and I can barely hear it but, it's there, This is how it's supposed to be, Kaci. You and Alex. She'd never hurt you, not like Haley did........She loves you, Kaci. 

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