1. my life

another day of hell its the story of my life I used to think ill never fit in with others , it's just about 6 a.m. I woke up early for school I hate it what's the point people always find me different would I really blame them... I just wish my mother could know what im going through I lost all my friends and all respect I had its like im stuck in this life of hate a never ending road that only leads me to more hate as soon as I walk into school im met with laughter and the fingers of haters I just hate school everyone picks on me I wonder whats the point no one would even care if im gone I feel like a broken chip on the wall you can't fix me once I fell apart no one knows my story no one cares they all took his side I don't want to see him but as I'm getting ready to put my stuff in my locker i turn to hear his voice get ready to get it tonight you ready stupid girl I might even kill you you'll never know this all sounded similar to me I used to think he was a gift sent to me as a gift of how much I took in my life, wrong it was a gift from the devil what did I ever do to deserve this I did nothing at all it all started in 9th grade  

beginning of flash back  

it was the beginning of October there was a murder that happened around 5 p.m. everyone wondered what who had killed him at the time my dad was an alcoholic he drank and came home odd hours of the night he used to beat my mom his reputation wasn't good either so as soon as they said muder oh it must be him and would I blame them... no why not? ? he seemed like he could do such a thing my childhood was the best either. as a father his job is to protect his family but he didn't beat my mother for just the fact that she needed to leave the house with a few hours he was a different person like demond devoured his Soul so one night he came home the fbi came in and knocked down my door right off of the wall it was a horrible sight the next day my friends backstabbed me when I needed them the most counselors just say be strong that it gets better it doesn't it just gets worse the pain just kills it turned into a black hole that just takes you in nothing but darkness I knew that I couldn't tell anybody I wouldn't I started cutting and crying more often than what I'm proud of but in all the darkness with the light at the end of my tunnel it was Eric he was like God's gift to me for being strong he said he loved me I loved him I should have learned not to trust so fast I remember the exact words he told me "melody I love you don't have anymore you love of my life if you let me in your life it would be a gift I'll take care of you never let you go" I didn't care what people told me my friend use to tell me he's not right for me I was just blinded by Cupid's Wings I didn't want to believe the things they told me it was to love "melody I love you meet me up tonight at the alley" "kay Bye love you" "love you too bye" thats the last real conversation I had with him before everything changed it was 10 p.m. I went to the alley got attacked by five guys I didn't know what happened I was surprised and shocked that I heard his voice "hahaha well what do we have here by the way thanks for coming you are a requirement here" "what are you doing I thought you loved me" "um melody I don't I don't even know what love is I never will never have never wanted to but falling in love it would just ruin my reputation, I just came to you cause you were weak" (silence) I didn't know what to say before if I could say something before I could sat something I got punched down to the ground just laid there thinking all about the times why did I listen to my friends listen I was just blinded by so called love I didn't even know what love means anymore I was in and out the mental hospital people telling me I was a lost case I go to school I get nothing but cold shoulders so what's the point in even trying to fit in they knew about my dad they knew about my love life I use to have the perfect life by me and trusting so fast I ruined my life in a matter of seconds but I'm not so innocent it was probably my fault and left me it probably was people probably got tired of standing by my side I was dragged the people around me down it sucks I just wanted to be a normal person again without all the hate if I could turn back the clock in change the past I would but I'm getting what I deserve for hurting everybody "melody melody melody" "oh yeah I'm sorry what happened" "I'm very disappointed" I didn't mean to not pay attention I just got distracted by my past "i think you should go home I'll take care of everything for you" "thanks bye" walking home was like the walk of shame that gave me even more time to think about my past I knew I had to hide from Eric it's not safe where do I go have nobody to help me or save me but my house isnt safe but I also know that I have no other family members I decided it's time to face him I can't keep on running I'm tired of running away from my life what's the point if I'm going to be stuck in this horrible life I must get out of this life I slowly went home to see my little sister crying ignoring me as if I wasn't there it was like I was made out of glass and she just hates me I was looking all over for my mother when I got to the kitchen I saw something I wish I could never see my mother was laying on the floor with a pool of blood beside her was a note 

I couldnt find you so i did it to her 


I wondered why why her I know she really never loved me but she wasn't that bad at all I just wanted another house now I have no one I just wanted to die but I need to stay strong for my little sister I need to take care of her love its all your fault you did it if you just came you would have died not her not my fault and love mom just as much as you do you think I feel any better than you do no I don't care it's your fault okay everything's my fault huh what is your fault too I can't believe you would blame me for her death blame me for her death I know it wasn't supposed to be her I will always blame myself for being gone if I was just there early I she could have been here my stupid hesitation i then called 911

911 call 

911 what's your emergency yes please help I need to please what mamm my mother has been killed okay location?? hurry plase I cant live without my mum okay tracking location now I cant live without my mum.... I stare at my mom getting carryed away in a white body bag that was the hardest thing any person can go through that the most important woman in your life would never talk to you ever again she gave birth to me of course its hard

the next day

i was just sitting in regret i cant believe this actually happned i wanted to get revenge i needed to get eric but im just too weak i cant my little sister doesnt know the truth about what happned to mommy and i need it to stay that way even though she should know what happened i walked outside my flat i needed a walk to clear my mind im not old enough for this responicliblity of taking care of another human being i cant have her get her like my mum did i cant i sit under my favorite willow tree and thought about everything that just happened i couldnt get all of this out of my head it was tsuck in my memorie but it just wanted to leave my head im mentally scared forever with this memory if it wasent for me my mum would still be here with me to help but because of my stupid mistake she will never get to say hello to me again from that day on i always thought of guys differently its not like i actually hate them but i dont know i just dont feel the same about them as i did before i took out my dairy from my bag

Dear diary,

help i dont know what to do anymore my mom is gone and eric is still out there somewhere waiting for me to find me if i could have just been home earlier he would have taken me not her but im an forever unbroken i will heal my scars that prove how much ive been through and ill make sure he would get what he deserves i dont want to sound like a crazy person uhhhh i dont know anymore i just want my mom back.

i closed my diary not knowing what to write anymore i dont know whats wrong with me soon they would put me in the looine house if i keep thinking this way i need a plan to ambush him but for now i need to buld up my confidence and clear my head of all thoughts since my sister was in school i got pleanty of time for that i walked back to my flat to only see the house had got broken into since i had all my important stuff i ran in to my car knowing that eric might be in my house i put the keys in the engine and just started to drive to pick up my sister and i contiuned i remembered what my mum said "if your ever alone and need to get away i have this house in cali that you guys could go to" she gave me the location that day just before she died as if she  knew it was her time as if she knew we were going to need it..... a few hours later we got there "sis wake up hon we are here" "huh? what" she replied "darling we are in moms house remember the one she said she owned in cali yup we are here dont worry about school i told them you wouldnt be going there for a while" "Melody i dont want to live here i just want to go home" "babe we arent safe back at home we need to stay here for a little while longer" "uhhhhh fine" thanks hun, now lets go inside"

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