Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


60. 'Two Worlds'


Hi lovelies! Soo on Sat, I said I wouldn't update until the weekend, but I was actually able to write a whole chap already!! :) next update will probably be Mon or Tuesday :)

Anyways, the name for this chap is cause Mag and Louis are in two different world, in their minds, like how they feel atm and dealing with things. Anyways, I was listening to Same Mistakes, during Mag's part and The Only Reason (5sos) during Louis' part and I think those two songs describe exactly how they're each feeling!! sooo

remember to Comment!!!! please?? like&fave! :) love u lots!

Enjoy, xoxo M. ;)

Chapter 54

"Two Worlds"

Louis' P.O.V.

I clenched Harry's phone before throwing it against the wall, just missing Niall. 10 seconds later Tally dragged me, by my freaking ear, downstairs just to scold me!

Honestly it hardly hurt my ear at all, because I was filled with too much rage inside of me, and she should happy that she was a girl. If any of the boys had tried to touch me, I would of punched them, and a real punch as well, not like what I did to Liam. As soon as Tally finished her blabbering - all I heard was blah blah blah - I got into my bunk, pulled the curtain and buried myself deep in my covers.

I didn't know who I was most mad at, at the moment - Mag, myself or that Calum guy! I may not know him, but I could still be mad at him for offering Mag to stay at his place. He had probably just wanted to take advantage of her, but she had probably been too drunk to notice and then he gave up! I knew nothing happened, of course I did, but what she said about not being commited was just too much, and I wasn't able to control my brain or my mouth.

Why would she say something like that?

I thought we finally really had something, even if she was in London.

She had said that she loved me, and even if we were not in a relationship, usually when you love someone, you wouldn't even notice someone else and that is a type of commitment. That's how I was commited to her, but shit, she didn't even care!

Maybe to her it was "out of sight, out of mind". I knew everything would get messed up when she left, and I had a bad feeling about her joining that band. This Calum obviously had a thing for her, and had all the time in the world to act on it, and she wasn't commited to me, well then what was to stop her from going with him?

Do you understand now why I acted the way I did?

Harry's phone was probably broken now. As if I gave a fuck! It's not like he couldn't afford a new one, and he could use one of the others' to call Lauren until then, as I knew that's probably what annoyed him the most. Him and his stupid longdistance relationship! Of course they didn't have any problems, because they were actually commited to each other, just like stupid Liam and Skye!

Tally and Niall didn't even have anything to worry about, they were together 24/7, and when Zayn was with Mag, it was the same. But as soon as Louis gets in the picture, everything just has to get screwed up!

No, I couldn't let this happen, I wasn't ready to give up on her, give up on us! I had to make it right.

I took out my phone, dialling her number. She must have gotten it back by now... No, she still wasn't picking up, dammit! Maybe she was too upset at me? So instead I dialled Skye as usual.

"So... it's you!" Skye said coldly, but I had expected this sort of reaction. Of course Liam would have told her everything!

"Hey, Skye! You heard what happened?"

"Yes I did. You really hurt her you know, with what you said. I could see it in her eyes, when she got home! How could you accuse her of something like that?!"

"I'm sorry, okay!" I blurted out, "I'm calling to apologize. Can I just talk to her?"

There was a few seconds silence before she replied,

"Sorry, she just left for the movies."

"Oh? When will she be back?" I asked, biting my lip nervously. To be honest, I was a bit afraid of Skye.

"I have no idea!"

"Well who did she go with?" I kept pushing, trying to get at least some information.

"She was gonna go with the band." Skye replied hesitantly, and I got a really bad vibe.

"Was gonna go?"

"Yeah, there was a change in plans..." She drifted off, and I felt my blood boiling again,

"Who did she go with Skye?" I asked bluntly.

Skye sighed,

"She went with Calum."

I hung up the phone, without another word and threw it out of the bunk, hearing a smashing sound.

Fucking great! I had ruined two phones in one day, that must be a freaking record!


I heard Liam's voice, realizing I had drifted off and groaned,

"Go away Liam!"

"It's past 9, aren't you hungry?"

"No, get lost!" I replied angrily.

"We have a show tomorrow..."

"I. Don't. Care." I replied, wishing he would disappear.

"You don't care?" Liam sounded shocked and offended,

"But... what about the fans?"

The fans. I hadn't thought about that. My mind was consumed by Mag and the twat Calum! Stupid guitarplaying, cooler-than-me, Calum!

"Fine!" I replied, still not turning to face Liam,

"Leave me the fuck alone, and I'll go the concert tomorrow, I'll sing my best, and when we get back, leave me alone again!"

I heard Liam sigh, and then footsteps indicating that he had walked away. Finally!

All I wanted right now, was to be alone with my thoughts, depressed and broken. I had barely eaten all day, since I only had a little breakfast before I started to try getting ahold of Mag and... well, we know how that all worked out. My appetite had vanished, and so had every other feeling in my body, except this indescribable pain lingering everywhere, setting up headquarters in my heart!

If I could just talk to her, and clear everything up, then it would be fine!

Until that happened, I would stay here in my bunk, only getting out to attend our shows, and maybe eat once in a while. Yeah, that was my lifeplan until everything worked out.

I would grow old on this tourbus, waiting for the girl who stole my heart, cut it open, ripped it apart, shredded it and smashed it into tiny un-fixable pieces.

And she didn't even do anything wrong.


Mag's P.O.V.

Calum picked me up at 4, texting me about being early, after I spent two hours wondering if I should cancel or not, after the information I had received from Skye.

While I took a, very much needed, shower, found an outfit and downloaded way too many apps, I thought over the pros and cons. Pros would be clearing my mind and seeing a, hopefully, good movie. Cons would be spending the whole time wondering if he was trying to make a move or not. Especially because Skye had told me how smooth he was, so I might not even know if he was making a pass at me or not.

I eventually decided to just go and play by ear. I mean, what was there to worry about? I wouldn't be falling for anyone, with Louis in my head, anyways.

"Hey! You look great, cool necklace!" Calum said, as I walked out the door to where he was standing by his car, looking cool as ever. How could a guy make simple black jeans, a grey t-shirt and black hoodie look so damn hot?

Wait, hot? No, I mean cool! Hey, that was funny, hot and cool. And didn't anyone is this city wear jackets? It was November!

"Um... should we...?" Calum asked gesturing towards his car, and I realized that I was just standing there laughing at myself.

Way to go Mag, showing off your weirdness perfectly!

"So what are we gonna see?" I asked, looking out the window of his car and realizing that most people actually were wearing jackets. Just not cool band people, apparently.

"Um change of plans..." Calum replied, and my head snapped towards him,

"There aren't really any movies worth seeing, but I figured you had to get out so I'm taking you somewhere else."

"Where?" I asked curiously, and a bit worried that he was trying to turn this into a date.

"Well it's 4 now, so we'll go get something to eat and then I wanna show you one of my favorite places in this city, but it closes at 8, which is why I changed the time. Sound alright?"

Okay, this was really starting to sound like a date! But hey, friends can go eat and then walk around London, right?

"Yeah, cool. Where we gonna eat?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't say some fancy restaurant.

"Whatever you're up for? It's not like I made any reservations at some swanky place. I'm more laid back."

Whew, that was a relief.

We ended up going to a Pizza Hut, because everybody loves pizza, and we happened to drive by one after randomly driving around Central London, for about 45 minutes.

Halfway through eating I noticed Calum staring at my shoulder which had become visible after my hoodie slid off it.

"You have a tattoo?" He asked, leaning over the table to look closer.

"Yeah, I have four actually. Well five, but two of them sort of fit together and got done at the same time.

"This one," I said wiping my mouth, and pointing to my shoulder at the red lips with the words "Mon Amour",

"was my first. It's kind of unoriginal, but I like it so whatever, especially the lips. And these," I said showing him my wrists with the music notes on my left and "live for the beat" on my right,

"were my second and third. A dedication to my undying love for music!"

Calum looked at them all in awe, and spent unnecessary long time running his thumb over my wrists.

Or maybe I was just being overly suspicious.

"What about the last two?" He finally asked.

"Can't show you here," I replied and he raised his eyebrow making me roll my eyes,

"Their on my shoulderblades! Don't get any ideas!" I said throwing my napkin at him.

"You can show me later then!" He replied with a smile.

"I guess so." I replied with a shrug, hiding how nervous I was. It occurred to me how difficult it would be to show him my shoulderblades without taking my shirt off or at least pulling it over my head.


"So, where next?" I asked, as we got back into the car after dinner, and shivered from the cold evening air.

"I can't tell you that! Would spoil the surprise!" He replied with a grin, starting the car.

We drove around for a while, and I had a feeling that we actually weren't going that far, but that he just really liked driving around. Finally we pulled up to a place, I recognized immediately. Kensington Gardens.

Calum got off the car, quickly rushing to my side, opening the door for me.

"Well who would have known you were such a gentleman?" I remarked, before I could stop myself. I had to get rid of this date vibe, it was starting to freak me out!

He smiled to himself, and I just couldn't deny that it looked really cute.

"It's only 7. Great we have a whole hour!"

"So is this it?" I asked, as we strolled through the park.

"Not exactly." Calum replied, and pointed a little further ahead, at some sort of statue.

Once we stepped up to it, I noticed it was a Peter Pan statue! I hadn't expected that.

"Peter Pan?" I asked, turning to Calum, who was just standing there, looking at it thoughtfully.

"It's my favorite place in the entire city," he replied, "When my mind is on turbo, I like to come here and just empty it! Thought it might work for you to?"

I walked up to the bronze statue, studying it closely. I chuckled, at how ironic this was. I went out to get my mind off everything with Louis, but this exact place made me think of him, "the boy who never wanted to grow up".

"This is my favorite time to come here," Calum's voice brought me back to reality, "when it's almost closing time, and there's hardly anyone around. I've never been here with anyone before though... except you."

He gave me a sweet smile, and I returned it with a friendly one.

"Most people don't share their "secret spot" with someone else." I said, looking at him questioning.

"I know you're not from here," Calum replied looking down, "and everyone needs their spot, you know. So I thought maybe you didn't have one in this city yet, and then I got the idea to share mine with you."

He looked up at me with a longing expression on his face, that he tried to mask with a casual smile.

Damn, Skye was right. He was good!

Luckily for me, I saw through him. I wouldn't let myself fall for him, but I could still be nice to him.

"Thanks, that was really thoughtful of you." I said turning back to the statue as he stepped closer, standing right next to me, and I could hear every single breath he took.

"Well you have been consuming most of my thoughts lately, so it makes sense, don't it?" He said, and I kept my eyes fixed in front of me, as I felt him turn slightly towards me.

Just then a breeze blew my loose hair in front of my face, and as Calum pushed my hair away, I turned to him per reflex.

He pushed the hair behind my ear, taking advantage of the situation to softly grip my neck, pulling my face closer to his and swiftly connecting our lips.


Zayn's P.O.V.

I was lazily watching Tally and Liam play Call Of Duty, with Niall cheering for his girlfriend, while Harry was on Skype with Lauren, telling her about the Louis situation.

It was almost 11pm, and he still hadn't emerged from his bunk. I guess he really meant what he told Liam, a couple hours ago, about not getting up until the show tomorrow. If only there was some way to get him to talk to someone, but he had totally shut everyone out at this point. We had all experienced him like this before, but only a couple times, so we knew this was the worst possible state he could be in, and it had been a long time since he last had been. When he had been like this before, it had only lasted a couple days, so we all hoped it wouldn't be different this time, or else we wouldn't know what to do.

I finally decided to get some sleep, since I was getting tired and bored from watching videogames and curly guys flirting with their girlfriends through a computer screen!

After brushing my teeth, I was about to get into my bunk when I heard sniffling from Louis' bunk. Strange, I thought he was sleeping. I stepped quietly over to the bunk and heard unmistakable sounds. He was crying. I listened closer, and heard low music. Well, it was low to me because obviously he had his earbuds in or he would have heard me before. My best friend was lying there listening to sad rock ballads, crying and I didn't even know what to do. I couldn't talk to him, because clearly he wouldn't listen. Then something hit me. I couldn't talk... but I could yell.

I took a deep breath, then pulled his curtain back as I yelled loudly,


Apparently he heard me over the music, because he ripped out his earbuds and faced me furiously with bloodshot eyes and still wet tears on his cheeks,

"What. The. Fuck. Is your problem?!" He scowled at me, and for a moment I regretted doing this, but I couldn't just let it go.

"I'm sorry for yelling," I began, sitting on the bunk across his, "but you wouldn't hear me if I talked, and I needed to get your attention. I'm really worried about you."

"Oh big surprise! Why don't you fuck off!" He snared at me, turning his back to me, but I kept on talking,

"So you love Mag, but fucked up and she left and now she's going around with some other guy. Does that really not sound at all familiar to you?"

Louis kept his back to me, but I noticed him slightly shift, meaning that he got the point. I had loved Mag, but I screwed up, and she broke up with me and started hanging out with Louis all the time.

"But there's a difference," I continued, knowing that I had his attention, "When Mag started hanging out with you, she had no feelings for me, but growing feelings for you, so of course it would amount to more than friendship. That's the difference. There was no way, I could ever get her back. But she has no feelings for this Calum, like she had with you, and she still loves you. I never had a chance, but you can still save this, if you would just lay aside your jealousy and realize that you're just pushing her away everytime you act out. And laying in your bunk, hoping that she'll make the first move won't help either! I heard her on the phone earlier and she was damn right. You need to trust her and prove it and once you accept that she has other friends than us, then she'll listen to you. Think about it."

Louis didn't reply, but I didn't expect him to, so I got in my bunk to go to sleep. I knew that Louis was in a state, where he hated to hear how he was wrong, but it was necessary to help him. I knew he had heard me, but I had no idea if I had gotten through to him. All I could do was hope that he had, for the group's sake, for Mag's sake and, most importantly, for his own sake.


Now before you freak out abt the Calum/Mag kiss.. You don't know yet if she kissed back or not ;) so you'll have to wait for the next chap for her reaction! don't hate me please. Anyways pleeease comment!! :)

Love ya! xoxo, M. ;)

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