Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


20. 'Trouble for Tommo'


Hey lovelys, I would reeeeally like to know, what you think about this chap (mainly the end), because I wasn't sure if I should do it or not, so please let me know your opinion :)

xoxo, M. ;)





Chapter fifteen


Niall’s P.O.V.

We were all in the bus, on our way to the first out-of-town venue, about four hours away, and the tension was thick! Liam had just talked to management, totally denying, that it was Harry and Louis on the picture, since we didn't know where they actually stood.

We weren't sure if management bought it, but they warned us to not speak of the picture at all, and to deny it if we had to. They would be in touch again, if things got out of hand.

"So Mag, your first One Direction concert, and you're even backstage, how do you feel?" I asked, dying to break the silence, but before she could answer, Zayn snapped,

"She's been with us for a month Niall, I think she's past the 'oh my god it's them' phase!"

He was clearly still upset at me, for telling Mag about the twitter thing.

"Excuse me, but I can answer for myself, and I am very excited! And don't talk to Niall like that, this is not his fault... Actually scratch that, I'm not talking to you! Niall tell Zayn I would enjoy being backstage a lot more, if he wasn't there!" Mag replied, glaring at Zayn.

I didn't know if she actually wanted me to tell him, or if it was just a snide remark, but she was looking at me expectantly, so I opened my mouth to speak but Zayn stopped me,

"Yeah Niall, I got it! And babe I said sorry like 100 times, I did it for your own sake!" He turned to Mag, who just ignored him.

"I would be upset if it was me, you shouldn't hide stuff from her." Louis commented, and Harry was quick to reply,

"Coming from you? I thought you were the master of keeping things secret! You know what, I'm gonna follow Mag... Liam, tell Louis I am not talking to him!"

I sighed deeply, but Liam had, had enough and stood up adressing all of us,

"That's it! I am sick and tired of this childish bickering! We are on tour guys, and the fans deserve better than a group of grumpy singers! Zayn, Mag, Harry and Louis, deal with your issues, talk about it and get over it!"

"Forget it, I'm not talking to Louis, when he can't even solve his own issues!" Harry exclaimed, and Liam said angrily,

"Whatever! Don't solve it then, but when we get up on that stage, we leave all of this behind! They paid to see One Direction, not Mad Direction, and we owe them our best! And when we get off, I'd even prefer the no talking, cause I am over with listening to you guys!"

Great, now Liam was upset too. You always know it's bad, when the one, who always stays calm and helps solve problems, even gives up. We had three more hours of driving, and I wish we would just be there already.

I didn't know how they would ever solve their problems, when they were all so stubborn!

With Zayn and Mag, it wasn't that bad, she just needed time to realize he did what he did with good intentions, and hopefully that wouldn't take too long.

Louis and Harry was more complicated. I didn't know the details, but I guess Louis had mixed emotions and Harry was tired of being thrown back and forth. In my opinion, Louis should have told Harry he needed time, before kissing him, and Harry had to accept that. But of course noone would listen to me. So I decided to text someone, who would listen to me. Tally.

Luckily, I had got to see her briefly one more time at one of our concerts in London, before we left, and we had made a secret promise to each other. Our "relationship" had evolved very quickly, since the party.

Of course there had been chemistry, the first few times we met, but at the party, it was like we only saw each other, and on our date, it just felt so right, so perfect. I knew we would both keep the promise.


Zayn's P.O.V.

Mag still hadn't talked to me, by the time we got to the venue, and I just didn't know what else to do. I knew why she was mad, it wasn't so much the fact that I had hid it from her, it was more because, in her opinion, I didn't think she would be able to handle it. I knew I had to think of something to make it right. This was only a little thing, and we were strong enough to handle it.

I wasn't sure about Harry and Louis though. I remember talking to Harry, about Louis not feeling the same, but that was probably when he had a crush on Mag. That was definitely over by now, or he wouldn't have kissed Harry. But it was obvious he wasn't sure about his feelings for Harry anymore, and I felt sorry for them.

I know, I had supported Liam in keeping them a secret, but afterwards I felt so selfish. They had it so hard the past years, and it wasn't fair they had to hide their feelings just because they both were guys. Harry was right, the rest of us would probably never fully understand how it was for them.

I wanted us all to be happy. I had Mag, Niall had Tally, and Liam was perfectly fine on his own. But we could all se that Harry was deeply hurt, and Louis felt awful for causing that, but he couldn't really help it. If he could just figure out how he felt, I would totally support them coming out, this time.

As we prepared for the concert, and had soundcheck, Mag stayed backstage, only talking to Niall, when we had a break, giving him advice on Tally. When she noticed me looking at her, she would just look away, making my heart ache. Before our concerts in London she would stay beside me, and encourage me, always giving me a kiss before we went on stage. Now she wouldn't even talk to me.

We were just about to go on stage, and Mag was still talking to Niall, wishing him good luck, and I felt myself getting jealous. It was really stupid, she was still my girlfriend, and Niall had Tally, but I just wanted her to talk to me.

"Good luck Zayn, although we know you'll be great."

I hadn't notice her approach me, but here she was, saying the same thing as always, though her smile wasn't the same. She still made me feel instantly better, and right before I ran on stage, she gave me a peck on the cheek.

So it wasn't the usual kiss on the lips, or the huge smile, but it was enough to make me smile widely at the huge audience. I knew she hadn't forgiven me yet, but I was working on it.


Maggie's P.O.V.

I hadn't completely forgiven Zayn, but I realised that I might have been overreacting a little bit. It wasn't a huge thing, but I got so furious because he thought I couldn't take the hate. I knew what I was walking into when I first started hanging out with them, and I had experienced hate my whole teen life. That's how it was living in a little city, and making all the wrong choices, but this was different. These haters didn't know me, they only hated me because of jealousy, and that was a lot easier to ignore.

If Zayn would just show that he understood me, instead of justifying what he did, I would forgive him right away.

I watched the whole concert from backstage, standing where they would run in and out, seeing everything from their point of view. It was surreal. Zayn would turn and look at me every now and then, and I would just smile slightly.

It was near the end of the concert, and they were thanking everyone for coming, when Zayn started to speak,

"I also want to take this opportunity, to say something to everyone out there. About a month ago, I met a girl, back in London, and she became a friend of ours. When little Harry here decided to post a picture of her and Louis on twitter, someone managed to find her, and things got crazy.

Now I don't know if any of you here participated, but I know this will get out to those who did. You know, everyone who started hating her, for no specific reason, other than she was a friend of ours.

I decided to keep it from her, not quite sure why, but I shouldn't have. I really just want everyone to stop the hate, because hating people we care about, does not make you better than them. But I know some will still continue, no matter what we say, and you know what? That's fine, because that girl is my girlfriend, and she is the strongest girl I know, and I'm sure she can handle whatever people have to say!"

I was in shock. I didn't even notice the crowd’s reaction, or how they ended it. I just stood there frozen. Zayn had made us public, stood up for me, and at the same time indirectly apologized for not thinking I could handle it. I had so many emotions at once, not even knowing which one was dominant. Until I looked up and saw Zayn standing in front of me, a little smile on his face, like he wasn't quite sure how I would react. I couldn't help it, I pulled him close and kissed him, not caring about the other boys around us. I usually wasn't much for PDA, but my feelings had got the best of me.

"Guys, please! There are kids here!" Liam’s voice pulled me back, and I turned to him, seeing he was covering Niall's eyes, making me laugh.

"Hey, I'm older than Harry!" Niall exclaimed, removing Liam's hand and added, "besides, we should just be happy that they've made up. One couple down, one to go!"

Niall turned to Harry and Louis, who glared at him and then at each other, before Harry said,

"No way, I'm not kissing Louis! That will just give him another chance to change his mind about how he feels!"

Louis crossed him arms, and was about to answer, but Liam stopped him,

"Guys! Not here, please!"

* * *

When we got back to the bus, later that night, we had barely sat down before Louis and Harry were at it again.

Harry went on about Louis misleading him, and not caring about his feelings, while Louis kept on apologizing and saying he needed time, and Harry shouldn't pressure him.

Liam tried calming them down, while Zayn, Niall and I sat awkwardly, not quite sure if it would be best to jump in, or leave.

Suddenly Harry said something, that made everyone go totally quiet,

"Well you know what Lou? It doesn't take a genius, to see what's holding you back. That day you came to my room, you told me, you had been blinded by your crush on Mag! Then last night, you didn't deny you were still in love with her, you said you had been confused because of your feelings for her, so since you're obviously still confused now, what does that tell us?"

"Crush on Mag", "still in love", "your feelings for her". Harrys words were stuck in my head, and Louis was staring at Harry, with a look I had never seen in any of them before, his eyes almost black. Niall and Liam were obviously in shock, first hearing of this now. Zayn was glaring at Louis, something telling me, that not all of this was news to him.

Liam was the first to speak,

"You had a crush on Mag?"

Zayn flew up from his seat, saying through clenched teeth,

"No, apparently Louis was in love with her. Although he told me it was just a crush!"

"Wait, you knew about this?" I asked, getting up from my seat.

"Did you know about this?" Zayn asked me, in reply.

Finally Niall got up,

"I think you owe us all an explanation Louis!" He said, and we all stared at him, though his eyes were still fixed on Harry.

"Oh do tell them Loubear," Harry said with an ironically sweet voice,

"You know, about when you first told me, that you loved her, yes I believe you used the word love. Of course I was with you, when you told Zayn, the same day, that you only had a crush on her. Then when Mag found out, of course you told her also, that it was only a crush. And in the meantime you would complain to me, about having it so hard because you love her, not giving a shit about how I felt, when you told me this. Then you kiss me, when you clearly still have feelings for her. But then again, you are quite generous with kisses aren't you?"

My eyes flew wide open. Harry would not tell them about the kisses between me and Lou! He couldn't, I had to stop him, but luckily Louis beat me to it,

"Shut up Harry, just SHUT UP! Stop acting like you're a victim, and that you know anything about my feelings! None of you know anything!"

And with that, Louis jumped off the bus, into the dark.


Louis' P.O.V.

"Louis! Get back here, are you crazy!"

I heard Liam's voice calling, but I just ignored it, and began to run. I just wanted to get away from there. I just wanted some time on my own, just a little while, was that too much to ask?

I found a bench, after running for ten minutes, and luckily there were no fans around here. It wouldn't be hard finding the bus again, I had run straight the whole way.

I couldn't believe what Harry had done! Telling everyone about my feelings for Mag like that, how could he? He was right though, I was confused, because I wasn't sure if I was over Mag.

I sat there in the dark, thinking about what to do and say, when I got back, when my trail of thoughts was broken,

"Excuse me, you're Louis Tomlinson aren't you?" A brunette girl asked me from the passenger seat of a car, that had pulled up to me. Weird, I hadn't even noticed. The last thing I needed right now was a fan.

I just nodded in reply, and she flashed me a big smile. She reminded me a little of someone, but I couldn't quite remember who.

"Boy, am I glad I found you here." She said in a weird tone, making me worried. I was out here in the dark all alone, with this stranger, and she definitely wasn't alone, as someone must be driving the car.

I registered a movement to my right, and I noticed the girls smile turn to a smirk, before everything went black.

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