Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


81. 'The End Is Near'


Hey lovelies!

We need an author's note before this chap! (I uploaded on my phone, sorry if anything looks weird)


Firstly if any of you are 5SOS fans, they don't exist in this story, Calum Hood is not the Calum Hood, Australian member of 5SOS. He is Calum Hood, who grew up with his aunt and sister Shay in Chelsea, UK, guitarist and singer.

This Calum is based solely on his looks, and voice if that makes sense. However the two songs featured in this chap ARE co-written by Calum soo...


Secondly the last part of the chap... I cried...

But I planned this like over a year ago, I had this planned ever since the Manchester chaps, and I've been dreading it but I've had this and the next few chaps planned for soo long. (Remember the hint poem, one of the hints happen in this chap)

The last many chaps have been sudden plot twists and improvs but this has always been part of the plan! It is important for certain things to happen...

Please forgive me... I love you guys, please comment your thoughts, whether good or bad!


(Try to) enjoy! xoxo, M.




Chapter 70

"The End Is Near"


*** End of Feburary ***

(2 months after last chapter)


Mag's P.O.V.

I was sleeping peacefully for once, when Skye woke me up by shaking me roughly, before opening my curtains letting the sun blind me.

Wow, sunshine in Feburary in London!

"Get up Mag! Why are you still in bed?"

I checked my phone and groaned. It was only 8.30 AM, and although it wasn't that early, it was my first day off in a week!

I had luckily got the job at the recordstore in the beginning of Janurary, and had taken every possible shift since then, so I would be able to get this coming week off, and there was a very good reason for that.

"Come on Skye, just 30 minutes more?" I begged, but she shook her head and crossed her arms,

"We have to be at the airport early! I haven't seen Liam for 2 bloody months! And I know you're excited about seeing your boyfriend as well!"

She smirked at the last part, and I couldn't stop a big smile forming on my face.

Boyfriend. My boyfriend Louis.

That had such a nice ring to it.


"Now I'm going to make breakfast! Meanwhile get yourself cute and ready for that man of yours!" Skye ordered before leaving my room.

I stretched, before getting out of bed to find an outfit and could really feel the excitement starting to kick in.

I hadn't seen Louis since they left again on Janurary 3rd.

After our kiss at the New Years party, we spent the next 2 days discussing our relationship, finally having a proper conversation and agreeing. The short time we had on the 3rd, was spent on saying goodbye for 2 months.

Now the tour was finally over.


After throwing clothes around my room, I finally decided on my favorite dark blue stonewashed jeans and paired them with my black button-up blouse and a burgundy pullover. Obviously not very sexy but it was winter and, unlike Skye, I needed layers!

It amazed me how Skye could wear skirts and dresses all the time! Of course she had thick stockings and kneesocks, but I would still have been freezing!


After putting on mascara, blush and lipgloss, I decided to just leave my hair loose, since I knew Louis liked it that way, and found Skye in the kitchen.


"Waffles, eggs, bacon and fruitsalad? Wow, Skye you outdid yourself!" I exclaimed, feeling my stomach growl, but when I looked at her she had an upset look on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"Liam just called," she sighed,

"Their flight has been delayed... They won't be here until tonight at like 11PM!"


My heart dropped and all the excitement slowly died down.

"Oh... But they're still coming... Just a little later." I tried to comfort her, but I could barely manage a smile myself.


Waiting another 12 hours, shouldn't seem so hard after waiting 2 months, but when you expected something at a certain time... Well, it was hard not to be disappointed.

I knew Skye was probably more upset because her and Liam were suppossed to leave the next morning for their trip to Hawaii, that she had bought for his birthday.

I had suggested that they meet up in America, where he was and leave from there, so he didn't have to fly back and forth, but the tickets were a direct flight from London. I told her that Liam could of course easily have them changed but, as Skye said, it was her gift for him and she didn't want him to interfere with that.

It sounded like they had already had this conversation, but I knew how stubborn Skye was and I knew that Liam didn't mind because he was just as in love with her, if not more, as she was in him and they looked passed each other's small flaws to see each other happy. Even if it meant flying back and forth across the Atlantic Ocean twice within 12 hours.


Since the boys weren't coming until the evening, I decided to join the band's rehearsal that I turned down at first. Our next gig was set a couple weeks away, but we still rehearsed whenever it was possible. You never knew who might be at a random gig and we were all waiting for our big break.


Skye gave me a ride to Jake's place, and decided to do some last minute shopping for the Hawaii trip.


"Mag! You made it!" Stacey's face lit up, as I entered the garage and I saw everyone was already set up.

"Yeah, the guys' flight was delayed."

Everyone sounded apologetical... Well, everyone except Calum.

I avoided eyecontact with him, as he had made it quite clear what he thought about my relationship with Louis.


*** Flashback ***

(The beginning of Janurary, after the boys left, when Mag got her job)


"Congratulations Mag! Your first job in London!" Calum gave me a hug, and I couldn't stop smiling.

This was definitely a milestone, making the whole "living in London" thing more real.

"Well, it may not be a very prestigious job, but it will pay the rent and put food on the table!" I replied with a smile, as we got in his car. He was the only one who had the time to give me a ride here, but I really had to start finding my way in the London Underground.

"Speaking of rent... Have you even found an apartment yet?"

"Still looking... It's not that easy, finding a place I can afford."

Calum looked thoughtfull, until he said,

"You could stay with me for a while..."

I turned to look at him sceptically,

"I'm pretty fine with Skye at the moment..."

"Yeah, but isn't Liam coming back soon? They're moving in together right? I think they'd like some privacy."

Calum was right, but I had already thought about that,

"Well if I haven't found a place by then, I'll stay with Louis... At his and Harry's place."

I added the last part as an afterthought, annoyed that I felt a need to do so while talking with Calum.

I shouldn't have to feel guilty about being with Louis; Calum and I were never a thing, and I couldn't help it if he had a problem. I had always told him that Louis and I were going to be together eventually.


"Right, Louis... I forgot about you guys being official now."

He said official with contempt, and his jaws clenched.

"Calum... Why do you hate Louis so much? What did he ever do to you?" I asked, always hoping that he and Louis eventually could be friends.


This was my boyfriend and my bandmate, and if they couldn't get along, it would bring complications that Louis and I just didn't need.


"I don't hate Louis, Mag." I was about to say something but he went on,

"I don't particularly like him but... Mag, I... I just don't get it!"

"What don't you get?" I asked confused, and he pulled over, to look at me,

"You and Louis... I've known you almost since you came to London to stay with Skye, and from what I've seen, Louis has hurt you and upset you again and again! You guys have argued so many times, yelled at each other... He accused you of sleeping with me, kissed Jenna... It's like, he hurts you, apologizes and then it's all okay until it happens all over again. I don't get how you can forgive him like that and trust that he will be any different now!"


What Calum said might have been true, but it still made me upset that he thought he had the right to critisize my judgement,


"You don't know Louis like I do, Calum! You don't know what we have been through from the start, and if you don't understand something, you have no right to talk about it like that! I know Louis, and I know his flaws just like he knows mine. We have discussed this! And I have had so many conversations with Louis since we met, even back when I was with Zayn and he had problems of his own... No one understands each other like he and I do!"


I got out of the car, and started to walk, but Calum followed me,

"Mag what are you doing? Get in the car!"

"Forget it Calum!" I said as I continued to walk,

"I can't be with you right now. How dare you talk about someone that you barely know? How dare you insinuate that Louis and I aren't capable of making it work? You know nothing about Louis and I! I'm walking home..."

I heard Calum get in his car again, and saw him drive past, but waited a couple minutes before I hailed a taxi.


*** Flashback over ***


I might have overreacted a bit with Calum, but I didn't regret anything I said.

Louis and I had been through a lot, but we learned from our mistakes and we were mature enough to grow from them and move on.

Both of us had hurt each other's feelings, but we always admitted our mistakes, and whenever there were problems we would work through them.

No more ignoring them or running away, we had talked about all this, before he left. Just like the fact that most of our former quarrels were based on jealousy, but now that we were finally together, there was no reason to be jealous. We both knew where we stood, and I wouldn't let anyone trash our relationship.



"So before we start, should we just make sure that the setlist is in order?" Jake asked, sensing the tension, and we all quickly agreed.


We were changing our former setlist and performing some different songs, including a whole new one that Calum had written.

It was the first time we were performing an original song, since we usually did covers, and I was pretty excited even though I hadn't heard it yet.

I knew Calum wrote quite a lot of songs, but he had always been reluctant about actually performing them, especially singing. Until now.


His song was the only one I wouldn't be singing, so we saved it for last, and I was glad for the short break.

Calum got ready by the microphone with his guitar, while Jake and Jamie tuned their own instruments. Stacey was all ready by the drums and Shay came to sit next to me.


"What's the song called?" I whispered, right before it started.

Shay avoided looking at me, but instead looked intently at her brother, as she replied with a sigh,

"Heartbreak Girl".


I listened to the lyrics carefully, and by the time he got to the chorus and looked right at me, I knew exactly who this song was aimed for, and why he suddenly decided to perform.

I sat there for the rest of the song, every word and look from him making me more upset.


After the second verse and another chorus, I was fuming. The final straw for me, was the bridge and when that was done, I got up from my seat, shaked my head at him and stomped out of there.


I heard the music stopping abruptly and footsteps behind me, before Calum grabbed my shoulder and spinned me around to face him,

"What's going on?" He asked, and I stared at him in disbelief.


"What exactly are you playing at Calum?"

"What do you mean?"

Did he seriously just say that?


"Oh come on! "He treats you so bad and I'm so good to you it's not fair"?" I quoted his song,

"I know someday it's gonna happen

And you'll finally forget the day you met him

Sometimes you're so close to your confession,

I gotta get it through your head

That you belong with me instead".

Are you telling me that those lyrics have nothing to do with me and Louis?"


I continued to glare at him, as he nervously ran his hands through his hair and finally let out a sigh,


"Okay fine! I admit it, when I wrote that song, I kind of wrote it for you... But I'm not using it to get to you or anything! No matter how wrong I think it is, I know that you're staying with him, and I just really want to sing this song. I want people to know that we're more than just a coverband, and I want everyone to finally see that I'm not just a cold hearted bastard!"


I sighed, wondering how I should deal with this. I couldn't deny it was a good song, and we all wanted the band to be more original.

But I was upset that he had even written that song. It was really personal, and I was also tired of him constantly badmouthing Louis and our relationship, which he knew nothing about.


Louis didn't treat me badly. I mean, yeah he had hurt me and I had vented to Calum a couple times, but Louis and I didn't have a simple love. We had issues and we both hurt each other, but we fixed it.

The Louis, who Calum sang about was a total jerk always breaking my heart and that was just wrong. I hated the fact that Calum actually saw him in that way!


"Look Calum... I understand that you want us to add some original songs, and you're a good writer... But I can't support you in this song. I'm sorry, but it's based on something that isn't true, and even though the audience have no clue who it's about, well I do and it's completely ridiculous."


I crossed my arms, as a way of showing that I wouldn't budge on this one, and Calum stared me down for a couple seconds as if he was testing my strength. Finally he looked away and sighed,


"You know I figured you would react this way."

"Then why did you decide to add this song?" I asked, wondering if he was deliberately provoking me.

"Because I wanted you to hear it," he replied with a shrug,

"I knew it wouldn't make a difference, but I still wanted to be heard."


Silence followed, as I had no idea what to say. I really didn't know what to think or feel. Luckily Calum broke the silence,

"But I knew you wouldn't agree to this song, so I prepared another one. I've rehearsed it with the band a few times and they love it!"

"What's it about?" I asked cautiously and he replied with a grin,

"Not you, don't worry! I wrote it a couple years ago when I was like 17, about this girl I knew back in Chelsea. It's called Try Hard."


Louis' P.O.V.


"This is so ridiculous!" I exclaimed, turning over in my bed, at the hotel room we had temporarily gotten at the LAX.


Our flight was delayed meaning we were leaving at 5AM for the 10-hour flight to London. Thanks to the timezones we would be arriving at 11PM London time, but if I was still on L.A. time it would feel like 3PM. So I would be wide awake, while Mag would probably be shattered.


I hated timezones and jetlag!

Actually I hated airlines and their stupid delayed flights.


It was now 2AM and Liam had just talked to Skye who clearly wasn't pleased about this change of events. I still thought it was stupid that he was flying all the way to England, just to fly back to Hawaii the following day, but it was really none of my business.


"Stop complaining Louis!" Zayn said lazily, from next to me with his eyes closed,

"You'll be back with your girlfriend soon enough."


He emphasized on the word girlfriend and then glanced at me quickly to see the wide grin spread on my face.


The boys amused themselves by seeing my reaction whenever they mentioned Mag as my girlfriend.

They would sometimes use it against me when I was upset, because they knew I couldn't resist smiling.


But honestly, could you blame me?

Mag was finally my girlfriend! After all this time, all the struggles and problems and tears... Not to mention the broken phones, frames, plates, cups and other fragile things.

The point is she was finally mine, and I was downright jubilant!


"Oh shut up Zayn!" I said hitting him in the head with a pillow,

"As if you weren't pining an hour ago about Ada!"

"I wasn't pining..." Zayn mumbled and Harry scoffed,

"You were totally pining!"

"That's rich coming from you!" Zayn retaliated,

"Oh Lauren, I miss you so much!" Zayn quoted Harry and I couldn't resist,

"Oh Lauren, I saw someone with curls and thought of you!"

Then Niall decided to join in,

"Oh Lauren, a scarf flew by and I ran after it so I could bring it to you as a gift!"

Harry glared at us mumbling "idiots", as we all laughed at him.


All in all things were going really good for us, and it was a huge relief after the last 8-9 months.

Everyone's lives had been turned upside down that day Zayn had decided to bring back a girl he met at the park. Even though Mag didn't know any of the girlfriends before us, she had a big part in bringing them into our lives.


I still found it weird that Zayn brought back someone he barely knew, even though I was glad he did.

She could have been a psycho or a crazy fan, but for the first time in my life I believed in fate.

How else could you describe the fact that he met her there, that he felt the urge to bring her back, that he wasn't mobbed by anyone the whole time they were out there?

Of course all of this was fate, and now everything was falling into place.


Liam's P.O.V.


** London, 11.30 PM **


"Do you think there will be any fans?" Harry asked, as we walked through the airport to get our luggage.

"I don't really know... Some of them know where we are all the time, but it will be fine. I'm gonna call Skye, she's suppossed to meet us here with Mag." I replied, pulling out my phone.


"Liam! You guys land?" Skye picked up immediately and I could hear Mag singing along to a song in the background.


"Yup! Are you guys on your way?" I asked, and heard Mag tell Skye to hang up and focus on the road.

"Yeah... shut up Mag! Sorry we're late... I had to... help my boss - Mag, I got it under control!"

"You're passing the speed limit!"

I heard Mag practically scream as Skye groaned.


"Babe maybe you should..." I started but was interrupted by Skye yelling at Mag,

"Oh my God! Mag, I've been driving for four years, don't you think I..."


"Skye, WATCH OUT!"


Mag yelled, and I heard a ear-splitting scream, followed by tires screeching.

"Skye!" I called out.


Then a sound I'll never forget.

The sound of a crash, and the line going dead.


"Skye! SKYE?!... Skye...?"



Mag's P.O.V.


Black. Darkness. Voices.


What was going on? Where was I?


I heard machines beeping, and hushed voices.


I forced my eyes open, and a pain surged through my head, my shoulder and my left leg.


I blinked at the flourescent lights, and realized I was in a hospital bed.

My leg was in a cast, and my hand flew up to my head which was in a bandage.


I looked to my side and saw Louis with his head buried in his hands, sobbing.


It all came back to me.

The drive to the airport, the car apprearing out of nowhere. The crash... And Skye!


Where was Skye?


"L... Louis?" My voice sounded weird, it was like a whisper and so weak.


Louis looked up slowly as if he didn't believe his ears, and then his eyes met mine and widened as he launched forward to embrace me,


"Oh my God, Mag! I love you, I love you so much!" He showered me with kisses as he kept on rambling,


"Thank God, you're okay! I - well, we were so worried, considering the circumstances... Oh my God! I'll never leave your side again, I don't care! You have no idea how scared I was, I couldn't bare the thought of losing you! I love you!"


He was still crying, but I needed to know where Skye was.


"Louis... Where's Skye?" I asked, and he pulled back, facing the ground holding my hand tightly as the tears fell from his eyes.


"Skye..." He started but his voice cracked and he waited a minute, before continuing,

"Skye was driving really fast... According to witnesses, she tried to overtake a car but she forgot to signal... there was a car coming up by the drivers side... The collide... It was fatal..."


"Louis... Where is she?" I asked again, my voice desperate, my mind not wanting to accept his words.

He was crying uncontrollably now, and I was on the verge of tears myself.


"Mag, Skye... Skye is..."


"No she's not!" I cried out, letting the tears fall.


Louis simply nodded, as his whole body shook due to the sobbing.


"No... No! She can't be!" I shouted unable to control myself.

"Skye! Skye!" I started yelling her name, not being able to act or think rationally.


Louis embraced me again, trying to comfort me but his tears mixed with mine wetting his already soaked t-shirt.


"She can't be!" I repeated myself, my voice shaking but loud at the same time.


"No!" I repeated over and over until Niall came running in, hugging me from the other side, patting my head,

"Shh... Calm down Mag... Calm down..." his voice was calmer than Louis, but it was obvious that he had been crying too.


"She can't be."



"One of them will forever depart"

I'm sorry... Don't hate me...

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