Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


67. 'Slipping Away'


Hey lovelies!

I'm not so good at this updating as I would like to be, but my life is a bit of a mess right now, and even though I know what to write, it's hard to find the time. But I will always update once a week! I have the rest of the chapters planned out and I'm pretty sure there's only 7-8 chaps left!!! Anyways next update in about a week! :)

Remember to COMMENT!! like&fave! :)

xoxo, M. ;)

Chapter 59

"Slipping Away"

Louis' P.O.V.

Mag and I sat on her bed, ready to talk about what happened before she left.

"So," she started fidgeting with her fingers, "I just want to know why. Why you didn't tell me what Zayn was up to and instead kept it a secret, and made into some type of competetion... some type of game? It made me feel like you didn't even consider my feelings. Like it was just about winning over Zayn, and I was just some prize, do you know how that feels?"

I frowned at Mag's words, realizing for the first time, just exactly how much I had hurt her. I never fully understood why she left, but now that I did, I couldn't blame her.

"I'm sorry Mag, I really am. I know I should have told you but... well the truth is, I was afraid. Afraid that maybe you weren't completely over him, and that his plan might actually work. I know that alone should have made me tell you, but to be honest, I thought you might not believe me.

When you told me the thoughts you had about me playing you, and I hinted that Zayn might not have good intentions, you defended him... and that made me really worried. Worried that you trusted him more than me, and how would it make me look telling you what he was up to? Can you honestly tell me, that you would have believed me?"

Mag bit down on her lip, doubt clear in her eyes as she hesitantly shook her head,

"I guess not. I'm not sure if I would have believed you. You know about my trust issues, and whenever somebody gets close, those issues just blow up and whatever trust there might have been slowly turns into doubt.

I guess it's sort of a defense mechanism, from all the times I got hurt when I was younger. I was really naïve and would pour my trust into the wrong people and make bad choices. After years of having my trust betrayed by people who made false promises, this is what happens. I get afraid of letting anyone in to close, and when I do I just can't help it. All the mistakes from before flash through my mind, and I'm reminded of the feeling of being betrayed.

Especially after what happened with Zayn; it didn't exactly help me to be more trusting in people. But when you kept that from me, I felt betrayed once more and I just got enough. I guess it's also my fault... if I had shown you more trust, you might have found it easier to tell me what was going on."

I had no idea that Mag felt that way. I mean, I knew about the trust issues, but I never knew how she had become this way. I wished I could just go back in time and crush every one of those guys who had hurt her. Maybe then she wouldn't have these problems.

"Nobody's perfect Mag," I said placing my hand on top of hers, "and I see now that we have alot of work ahead of us... but we'll make it. No matter how long it takes, love. We will make it, and when we do, it will have been worth the wait."

Mag looked up at me smiling, tears forming in her eyes,

"How do you always have this effect on me," she asked gesturing towards her tears, "at least, you only make me cry happy tears. That's hardly a bad thing."

I chuckled at her statement, and wrapped my arms around her.

Mag's P.O.V.

"Ouch!" I yelped as I banged my toe on the bed, and Louis came running to my room,

"What happened? What's wrong?" He asked, with a worried look on his face.

"I banged my toe!" I replied, breathing deeply through the pain,

"It happens to me all the time, thanks to my clumsiness!"

Louis smiled sweetly at me, while standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets.

"What's with the goofy smile?" I asked him, as the pain faded and I returned to examining my closet.

"Nothing," he replied walking over to me, "you're just pretty."

I smiled, blushing at his words. Compliments was never my thing. Whenever I got them, I didn't know what to say and would just smile awkwardly.

"So what are you up to?" He asked me, dodging the clothes I was throwing around the room.

"Trying to find something for the gig tomorrow... are you coming to rehearsals today?"

I picked up a blue sequined dress and then tossed it away. Definitely not the right style for our band.

"Of course I am... You know, why don't you ask for Lou's assistance?"

I looked at Louis weirdly,

"Lou... but you're... oh, you mean Teasdale, as in your stylist." I blushed once again at my stupidity.

"That would be great, except she's not here." I said, stating the obvious.

"Love, that's why there are such things as Facetime, Tango and Viber!" Louis smiled, grabbing my phone.

"You really have to get your own phone soon!" I told him, walking over to notice he was videocalling Harry on Tango.

A few seconds later, a smiling curlyhaired boy appeared with sunglasses and a Fedora.

"Hi Mag! And Louis, nice to hear from you!"

"Hey Harry, nice hat!" I said trying to hold back a laugh. He looked ridiculous with that hat!

"Is Lou around?" Louis asked, and I just knew what Harry would say,

"Yeah, I'm looking right at him?"

"You're such an idiot! I mean Louise!" Louis replied.

"Not around me, she isn't. I have to call you later, I'm going to throw Niall in the pool, bye!"

And with that he was gone.

Louis shrugged at me, and I groaned, taking at look at the bundles at clothes around me.

"I'll just ask Skye... now leave, I have to get ready for rehearsals!" I ordered Louis out of my room, and pulled out a random pair of jeans and sweater.


Stacey picked up Louis and I to go to Jake's place for rehearsal, since Skye was working late. She seemed a bit off, and was unusually quiet, but I didn't want to bring it up in case she would get upset.

We entered the garage, where everything was as usual. Shay was practicing on her keyboard, Jake and Jamie tuning their instruments and Calum... talking to a girl I had never seen before.

Her long black hair was styled to perfection, her brown eyes sparkling and thin lips shining ruby red. Her innocent face was matched by her dark blue sweaterdress and thick purple stockings, an outfit that would look weird on anyone else, but on her it looked great.

Despite her look of innocence, the way she looked at Louis when he walked in, was far from innocent and I fought the urge to strangle her then and there.

"Oh hey guys! This is one of my good friends... Jenna." Calum introduced us, and she stood up shaking first my hand, then Louis',

"Hi, I've been looking forward to meeting you. I hear you're quite the singer Mag."

To anyone else she might have sounded friendly, but I had heard so much fake friendliness in my life, that I recognized it easily. Even if it was disguised by her upper-class accent.

I simply nodded, giving her a slight smile.

"And of course I know all about you!" She told Louis, touching his arm. It was only a light touch, but completely unnecessary. I glanced at Louis, to see his reaction, but he wasn't bothered at all.

"You're a One Direction fan?" He asked sceptically, taking in her look.

"Oh yeah, I mean I like some of your songs, but it's kind of my job to keep up with everything going on in the industry, and with One Direction's huge success, I find it important to keep up with you guys!" Her eyes never left Louis, just like the smile on her face, and something about it made me want to gag.

"So you work with music?" Louis asked, sounding genuinely interested. Why did he even care?

"Well music is pretty much my life! My main job at the moment is at a record shop, but that's just until I find something stable with my other job, which is writing music reviews for different magazines. It's pretty freelance, and I'm waiting for someone to hire me full-time. But most importantly, when it comes to keeping up with music trends and trending musicians, is my music blog. I just started it a couple months ago, but it's pretty popular, if I should say so myself. "

I rolled my eyes, just listening to this girl, rambling on about her life, and I couldn't help but notice, by the way Stacey looked at her, that this Jenna was the reason for her foul mood. I wondered what their story was.

"You know... I can't quite place your accent! Where are you from?" Louis asked, making me glare at him.

"Well originally my parents are from Sheffield, but now he's the Dean at the university in Manchester and my mother is a succesful author... at least within her genre. She writes about housewife things, you know like gardening and cooking, although they have several gardners and chefs. I moved here to London when I turned 19, two years ago. I'd rather make it on my own, then live in success caused by my parent's influence."

"That's very admirable." Louis said with a smile, and I just wanted to scream "oh come on!" All she had done was do what all kids do when they grow up: move away from home and have their own life.

Why was it so admirable, just because her parents were rich upper-class people. And what was it with her and having long elaborate answers for every little question.

"Yeah that's all great Jenna!" Stacey finally caught everyone's attention, since they had all seemed so caught up in this chick.

"But we have a gig tomorrow, and this is our final rehearsal, so let's do this shall we?"

Jenna smiled at Stacey as if to say "okay", and the turned back to Louis. They sat on the side next to each other, and I grinded my teeth, before stepping up to the microphone, to start this thing off.

After going through the set two times, we finally decided to take a break, and I joined Stacey in the kitchen.

The look of annoyance was still plastered on her face, and I had noticed it coming out in her furious drumming.

"So Stace," I said, grabbing a Pepsi from the fridge, "what's the deal with Jenna?"

I swear, I heard her growl.

"I just can't stand that fake, pretentiois, conceited... ugh!"

Wow, she hated her alot more than I thought.

"Care to explain?" I asked carefully.

She was silent for quite some time, just glaring at thin air, before she finally replied,

"Calum has known her since he moved to the city, almost two years ago and she was every bit of annoying back then as she is now. You know that little speech she made about wanting to make it on her own? It's just a load of bullshit! She lives in a damn luxury flat, paid for by her parents and they still send her monthly allowance, it's ridiculous! But besides all that fakeness, she is like a female Calum!"

I looked at Stacey confused about what she had just said.

"Oh yeah, in case you haven't noticed, Calum is kind of a... well... a lady's man."

I nodded my head, smiling. Yup, I knew all about Calum.

"Well Jenna is just like that, and just like Calum she always gets what and who she wants!"

Stacey had just missed out on one little thing: Calum hadn't got me. But of course no one knew about what had happened between Calum and I.

"Well I'm starting to see why you dislike her so much." I said, and she let out a chuckle,

"Yeah well, I'm not done. Like I said, Jenna always gets who she wants, no matter who it effects. You know how many couples she has broken up, just because she liked the guy? And then she would dump him anyways like after a couple weeks. Months of happiness down the drain just so Jenna can have her two weeks of fun!"

Okay, I was really starting to hate this girl now,

"So she'll just like... steal these guys away from their girlfriends?" I asked, wondering how someone could be so evil.

"Not exactly," Stacey replied seriously, "you've forgotten that Jenna is upper-class. Of course she works more sophisticated than just stealing some guy away. She usually comes up with some big plan to break them up or at least turn them against each other, and then she makes her move."

Wow, she was like taken out of some teen soap-opera.

"And you know what's worse?" Stacey continued, "the guys never see it coming. No matter how much you try to warn them, or convince them that she's bad news, they just won't listen. Jenna is trouble."

Stacey finished her grape juice and returned to the garage, leaving me to my thoughts. Everything she told me about Jenna was awful, and definitely reason enough to worry. What if she was after Louis? Stacey said that she had broken up couples, who had been together for months, and that the guys never saw it coming. Would she be able to do that with Louis and I?

I spent the rest of rehearsals watching Louis talking and joking with Jenna. With every smile he sent her, and every laugh he made at her jokes, my rage grew bigger and bigger.


Louis' P.O.V.

The band's rehearsal went really good, and I entertained myself, talking with Jenna, who was really nice, friendly and funny.

But on the ride back to the flat both Stacey and Mag were strangely quiet.

Skye was working late again, so it was only Mag and I at the flat for at least an hour.

"It's getting late, should we call for pizza or something?" I asked Mag, as my stomach growled for the fifth time.


I furrowed my eyebrows out of frustration. Mag had been replying with one-syllable words, ever since we came back.

I sighed and found the number for a local pizzeria.

"Any special requests?" I asked, hoping to get some more words out of her.

"Cheese. Meat."

Wow, she even found a way to one-syllable her way out of that one. I had no idea why she was upset with me, because she clearly was. After our talk last night, everything had been fine, and she had been i a great mood before rehearsals, meaning something must have happened there. But what in the world could it be?

I ordered our pizza, and sat down next to her, as she flipped through channels without really looking. I could tell by her expression, that her mind was far away from the screen in front of her. When she landed on a nature channel I snatched the remote away from her, making her send me a murderous glare.

"Now why would you look at me like that, because of Animal Planet?" I asked her, and she turned back to the screen crossing her arms,

"Maybe because I don't want to see some stupid show about stupid hippos and their ridiculous stupid lives!"

"Whoa, you really have something against hippos, huh?" I tried to joke, but her expression didn't change one bit. In fact, she looked even more annoyed,

"Could you just shut the fu... just stop talking!"

"You were gonna curse at me!" I said pretty shocked, widening my eyes.

In all the time I had known her, Mag had never cursed at me. Actually I couldn't recall her cursing at anyone, at least not with the word "fuck".

"You were just about to tell me to shut the fuck up, weren't you?"

"Yeah and so fucking what?!" She snapped, before stomping off to her room, me following behind, and slammed the door in my face.

I didn't even wait one second, before opening the foor, and found her sitting on the bed, with crossed arms and legs, as if she knew I was going to come in after her.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" I demanded to know, pretty upset myself. I had done nothing wrong, and here she was cursing at me.

"Nothing is wrong with me, what's wrong with you?" She replied sassily, narrowing her eyes at me.

"What? I haven't done anything at all to make you this upset!"

"Oh, really?"


"Nothing at all?"

I searched for some type of hint as to what I could have done, but came up with nothing,

"That's right."

Mag got on her feet and walked over to me, placing her hands on her side,

"So I guess, ignoring me and flirting with Jenna right in front of me is nothing!"

What in the world was she talking about? Flirting with Jenna? We were just talking, and I had definitely not ignored Mag. During their breaks she would disappear to the kitchen with Stacey, and during the songs she didn't sing in, she would sit in the opposite side of the room. Close to Calum.

"You have got be kidding me! I did not flirt with Jenna!"

"Oh come on, Louis! She was all over you, and you certainly didn't seem to mind!"

"Jenna and I were just making friendly smalltalk, and joking around a bit. You're totally overreacting! Besides you were the one who couldn't stay more than three feet away from Calum during the whole rehearsal!"

Mag's jaw dropped, and she looked at me with wide eyes,

"You can't be serious! I am not going through this whole Calum thing once again!"

"You've been spending the last two and a half weeks with Calum, far away from me. All I did was talk to another girl for a few hours, and you were in the same room. So who's being unreasonably jealous now?"

Mag let out an exhausted sigh, and walked over to her bed, sitting down again,

"What are we going to do Louis? How are we ever going to make this work?"

I sat down next to her, staying silent as I didn't quite know what to say.

"We are both far too jealous and overreact over little things. How will that ever turn into a healthy relationship?"

"Maybe it won't." The words left my mouth, before I could stop them and I mentally kicked myself.

"What?" Mag looked up at me, her big eyes wearing an expression I had never seen before. A mixture of anger, sadness, hurt and despair.

"Mag I... I didn't mean that..." I tried, but she cut me off,

"No you're right. We keep on saying that we have a long road ahead of us and just yesterday you said that we'll make it work but... Neither of us know how to handle these issues. It's one thing saying we will make it work, but it's a completely different thing figuring out how to do it. What if we can't figure it out?"

"But we can!" I desperately took her hands in mine, "What happened today... It was a natural reaction. We've only just begun, and these things take time. Years of jealousy and mistrust won't just disappear overnight.

What we both need to do is focus on trusting one another and not letting our doubt get the best of us. It will be hard, of course it will and there will be arguments along the way... But I stand by what I said yesterday. We will make this work. I love you, and I'm not just going to let you go."

"Maybe the next couple months apart will be good for us." She said, gazing off into nothing,

"We'll see each other during Christmas next month, and then you only have two months left of the tour. I think it will be easier to work these things out, on our own."

The words were coming out of her mouth, but not from her heart. They were dripping with insincerity and I knew she didn't believe them herself. I had no idea what to say now, because what she said did make sense to me, but apparently not to her. I tightened my grip on her hands, but I knew it wouldn't make any difference.

She was slipping away.


p.s. I want to quickly mention GoodbyesA2ndChance, as she suggested some cover songs which I fell in love with and think you should check out:

Boyce Avenue - Story Of My Life

Jasmine Thompson - Let Her Go ( I love this more than the original!)

Madilyn Bailey - Titanium

Megan Nicole & Madilyn Bailey - Royals

They're amazing!!!

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