Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


2. Prolouge 'Goodbyes'



Maggie's p.o.v.
"You're making a mistake, marrying so young", "you barely know him"


All the voices sounded in my head making me dizzy as I walked to my car. I just had to go home, away from all these people, and hopefully the voices in my head. I looked around, slightly hiding my face, under my black hat, to see if anyone noticed me, but they were all inside. As the "hostess" of this thing, I ought to go say goodbye to everyone, but surely they would understand me later.


Finally inside my car, I removed my hat and relaxed for the first time all day. As I sat there, staring straight ahead, I wondered if the voices were right. Maybe I did marry too young, I was only 19 then? Maybe, if I had waited, I wouldn't have had to deal with this, at an age of only 20. But then again, it wasn't the first time I was "too young" according to society... I shut out the voices and rushed home, where I immediately started packing. I couldn't stay here a minute longer!

2 weeks later

"To London? But you don't know anyone there?"

My mother looked at me confused, while setting down my mug of tea and a plate of cookies in front of me. I sighed and explained once again,

 "Exactly mom. The reason why I'm going, is to get away from everything that has happened. I need a vacation, a change of environment, and that's why London is perfect!"

I smiled enthusiastically but my mom was not convinced and went on complaining about how I should be with family, in times like these, how a young woman shouldn't travel alone, that I didn't have to leave the country. I just let her rant, but shut her words out, while I stared out the window dreamingly.

I was actually looking forward to travelling alone as I had never done that before. Sure, I had been around - Thailand, many places in Europe, even New York and Washington, but those trips were with school or family. Never me, on my own, planning my own time and doing what I want. Now was MY time.

I had drawn the money from the savings account, that my parents started when I was 3 and opened on my 20th birthday a month ago, my own savings account and my regular account , noticing that saving really did pay off. I had enough for the ticket, the hotel and to survive on my own for at least a few months, and that was including shopping and other fun outings. Especially the savings account my parents had opened was very kind to my wallet!

After another cup of tea at my mom's, I went back to my apartment, checked that everything was packed and ready, had a early dinner, and went to bed full of excitement, though also sad thinking of the reason I was leaving.

At 7am my alarm went off, and I jumped out of bed for the first time in my life. My flight wasn't untill 5pm and it was only a 1,5 hour ride to the airport, but I wanted to be sure, nothing went wrong.

My friend Camilla would be taking over my apartment while I was gone, or for forever if I found something else. She always loved my place and now it was free. We had handled the contract with the landlord last week, and she came to my place at 9.30 am like we had planned.

We ate breakfast together and spent half an hour on an very emotional goodbye. We'd been friends for ten years, and hadn't spent more then three weeks apart, but now I was leaving for at least two months. At 11am my dad picked me up. I was having lunch with my parents and older siblings and then my parents would drive me to the airport between 1 or 2pm.

Everything went as planned that day. Lunch was lovely, people were kind, goodbyes were not awkward and I was on time for my flight.
As the plane took off and we were in the air, I felt overwhelmed with all the feelings from the past months, and with no control, I let the tears flow down my cheeks.


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