Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


16. 'No Turning Back'


Early update, mostly for team Zayn, since he wasn't in the last chapter, and I think you're gonna love this! Maybe I'll update again tomorrow ;)

Enjoy, xoxo M. ;)










Chapter eleven

"No Turning Back"

Zayn's P.O.V.

As soon as I woke up and got dressed, I drove straight over to Harry's and Louis' apartment. I didn't want to stay one more minute away from Mag, even though I was almost sure that Louis' crush had faded. That was why I hadn't felt bad about not sleeping over last night, but now I really missed her.

I knocked on the front door, but noone answered, so I used the spare key, Harry had given up, and found Louis sleeping in the living room.

"Gep up J-Lo!"

The boy and I liked to tease Louis, about the amount of attention his arse got. Louis looked around completely desoriented,

"What? J-Lo... Zayn? Am I dreaming?"

"No sleepyhead, but why are you sleeping out here?"

He finally sat up, and realised his surroundings,

"Oh, I must've fallen asleep."

Wow, that boy was so clever!

"Yeah I figured, but the TV isn't even on, so were you just sitting here doing nothing, and then fell asleep?" I asked, truly curious.

"Well, I wasn't doing nothing, I must've been thinking about something right?" He said crankily.

"I'm not quite sure if you're telling me or asking me. Do you not know if you were thinking?" I just couldn't resist teasing cranky Louis.

"Oh shut up Zayn!"

"Ooh, what side of the couch did you wake up on?"

"There's only one side on the couch you twat!" Louis yelled back, going to his room and slamming the door.

Honestly, it was 12 o'clock, why was noone up yet? I decided to make breakfast, while wetting for them to get up, and if I was fast, I might even be able to bring Mag breakfast in bed. I was cutting some fruit, when Harry came out from his room, surprisingly, fully clothed.

"Wow I'm impressed! You even remembered a shirt!"

Harry looked at me strangely,

"Zayn? What are you doing here?"

Geez, what was it with people today?

"Harry, seriously you were the one who gave me the sparekey. It's past noon, and I came over assuming you guys would be up, by since you weren't I'm making some breakfast."

"It's past 12 already?" Harry asked scratching his head, "well I actually didn't fall asleep until like 4 o'clock. I was thinking about stuff."

"Oh yeah, like what?"

Harry then blushed, and hesitated before answering,

"Um... just stuff... about Louis and... stuff."

I knew what he meant, and I knew he didn't want to talk about it. He had told me a couple days ago, that Louis didn't feel like he used to, and he was actually very sad about it, although he tried to put on an act in front of Louis. They were still best friends of course but, and only us boys knew this, they were also in love with each other. Apparently Louis wasn't anymore now. I was gonna say something to comfort Harry, but then Mag walked in, with her cute pink pajamas.

"Good morning, babe! I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed, you mind going back in there?" I said, making her giggle, and starting on the pancakes.

"Aw thanks Zayn, you're so sweet! When did you get here? I know it's late, but I was up until like 3 or 4 o'clock, thinking about stuff."

What was it with people in this house and "thinking" last night?

"Really? What about, Harry and Lou were also up late thinking about things, has something happened?"

"Well," Mag said moving closer, "I doubt we were thinking about the same thing. I have something I want to tell you, something important, but not right now. Later."

She was looking at me seriously, and I was very curious what she was going to say.

Maggie's P.O.V.

Liam and Niall came over at 1PM and ate lunch, while Harry, Louis and I ate the breakfast Zayn had prepared. When Zayn had told me about Louis being up all night thinking, I had a feeling of what was on his mind, but I didn't want to mention it in front of Zayn. He didn't know about Louis' feelings, and I didn't want him to get jealous, since Lou had said that he would get over me soon anyways.

"So, I have an announcement to make!" I said, as I finished eating.

"You're not pregnant are you?" Harry asked, narrowing his eyes, and I just stared at him, as did the rest of the boys.

"Harry, what...? Why... how would she be pregnant?" Zayn asked, having trouble getting the words out.

"Would you like me to explain the process to you Zayn? It's really not that complicated." Harry replied, and I wondered what had suddenly gotten into him.

"Hazza, what is wrong with you?" Liam asked, looking very upset.

"Oh, Harry is just sexually frustrated." Zayn answered with a smirk, recieving a death glare from Harry, and Liam immediately stood up, staring the two boys down,

"Guys! What is wrong with you two! You were perfectly fine like a minute ago!"

"Well, he started it with that stupid pregnant comment." Zayn answered muttering, and Harry was about to reply, but Liam stopped in to let me speak.

"Wow, okay I'm just going to pretend that didn't happen, before I change my mind..."

"Change your mind about what?" Niall asked excitedly, and all the boys now looked at me expectantly.

"Well... I've done alot of thinking and... I've decided... I'm going with you on tour!" I exclaimed, and everyone jumped up from their chairs hugging me and cheering.

"Hey, relax guys! Come on, I'm not the queen or anything!" I tried to calm them down, but they were so excited and Zayn whispered in my ear,

"You're my queen." I then knew, that I had made the right desicion, and not only about the tour. I still had to talk to him, but I had no idea how since everyone was trying to talk to me at the same time,

"We have to go shopping!" Niall exclaimed, and Liam gave him a weird look,

"Why do we have to go shopping?"

"Well she probably needs new clothes right?"

"Niall, she's not going to like a party or special event! She's going on tour with us for several months, and she has plenty of clothes, she helped carry her suitcases up here." Liam explained to Niall, who now looked disappointed, muttering,

"I'd the say the tour is a special event."

"Actually Liam, I had planned to do some shopping myself, not because of the tour, but I haven't been shopping for in ages. It's just that, I've been in London for more then three weeks, and I've only been inside the mobile shop."

What I said cheered Niall up right away, and he started naming all kinds of shops I should go to, and i though they were all very expensive, considering their budget.

"That sounds great, Nini, but I'm just going to the nearest mall."

"Yeah, all these shops are in the center." Niall replied, looking at me stupidly.

"Oh well great, so can one of you give me a ride?" I asked, going to my room to get ready, but was stopped by Zayn,

"Babe, you really think no one is going with you? I mean, look how excited Niall is."

Niall nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm sorry Niall, but I always go shopping alone. I don't linger around in shops for hours, I just go in, find something I like, try it on and buy it, or just go out if there's nothing catching my eye. I'm really kind of stressing to shop with." I tried to explain, but he totally ignored me,

"I'm going along, I have to get some stuff, and I really want a girl's opinion!"

I realised there was no reasoning with him, so I gave in and it ended up with Zayn and Niall joining me, and then Liam wanted to come to keep an eye on us. Like we were children!

Zayn's P.O.V.

When we got to the center, Liam wanted us to devide in two groups of two, as it was easier to recognize us, when we were together. I didn't want to leave Mag though, and Niall wanted to go with us, so Liam went on his own, making me promise to control the other two.

I didn't feel like being recognized today, and I knew it made Mag uncomfortable when that happened, so I pulled my cap over my eyes, and pulled my hood over, zipping it up and Niall did the same as we walked casually into the center. A few people looked closely at us, but noone approached, and we got safely to the first store.

Mag went through rack after rack not finding anything interesting, and we walked out after only 5-10 minutes. The next store was far more satisfying, and a couple of minutes she walked over to the changing rooms loaded with different materials, colors and prints.

* *

"Come on, let me see!" I begged after Mag had refused to let me see anything she tried on for ten minutes.

"Fine, but I'm changing right now, so you don't you dare try and open the door!" She warned me.

"I would never do that!" I said offended, but if I thought I had the slightest chance of getting away with it, I totally would.

She finally pulled the door open, looking at me for approval.

"Wow!" Was all I could manage to say.

She was wearing a gorgeous, but very short light blue dress with gold sparks. It looked stunning on her, but was more revealing than what she would usually wear, and as much as I loved seeing her in it, I didn't want any other guys to see it.

"So what do you think, is it too much?" she asked, looking at herself from different angles.

"Well nothing is really too much when it comes to you, but it's quite short isn't it?" I said, trying to sound casual.

"Yeah, but that's the style! I know I wouldn't usually wear something so short like this, but it's just so beautiful!" She answered, and I tried to think of a reason, for her not to buy it. Luckily, Niall came over,

"Hey, I found some really cool shirts for you... Wow!" Niall stopped and was staring at her legs, making me step in front of her crossing my arms.

"What are you looking at Niall?" I asked sternly.

"That dress is very se... um... nice?" He tried, but I just stared at him, making him leave the shirts and hurry away blushing.

"Yeah, I don't think I'll be getting this!" Mag said, closing the door to change again.

Maggie's P.O.V.

After two hours I had five bags full of clothes and cosmetics, since I was running low, and I was totally shopped out. I never had been a big shopper, and today had been very overwhelming for me, but now I had to go with Niall to give him "a girl's opinion", and Zayn went to find Liam.

"So Nini, how come you need a girls opinion so badly? You usully don't." I asked, while he looked at two different shirts before grabbing both of them. He actually blushed at my question, making me more curious.

"Well remember Lou told us about the part in a few days, at El's place?" He asked picking up more shirts and a couple pair of pants.

"Yeah? By the way, I think it's so great that they stayed friends after they broke up, it's usually hard for most people." I answered, but not quite understanding where this was going.

Niall chuckled and looked like he was trying not to laugh, and I wondered why.

"Yeah that's not really a problem for them. Their breakup was very... formal, and they actually became good friends during their relationship..." he stopped midsentence, and looked as if he had said too much, so quickly changed subject, "anyways, El has some friends who have a friend, that we've met a couple times and she's coming to the party."

I finally understood what this was all about,

"Ah, and this friend, I'm asuming it's a girl, is she pretty?" he nodded, "and sweet?" He nodded again blushing.

"Don't worry Nini, I'll make sure you look fabolous!"

* *

After another hour and a half, Niall had almost twice as many bags as me, and we could finally head back to the apartment, I really wanted to talk to Zayn.

"Hey, you guys are just on time, Lou and I made dinner!" Harry greated us in the door, with a big smile wearing a apron that made me laugh loudly.

"Wow... you look so... pretty Harry! What's for dinner?" I asked trying not to laugh too hard, dropping all my bags in the entrance. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and now I was starving.

"Chicken with parmesan and spinach, but get this," Harry leaned in almost whispering, "Lou was baking, and you should have seen him running around with his apron, he looked totally cute!"

The way Harry talked about Louis, always reminded me of what a special friendship they had.

"Oh what did he make?" Niall asked, but not waiting for answer, as he rushed off to the kitchen.

After the delicious dinner, and Louis' banana cake and cupcakes (we were all very impressed), everyone was full and satisfied. Except Niall, who went looking for snacks, the hungry leprechaun he was.

"Zayn can I talk to you?" I asked quietly, as Harry, Lou and Liam were busy discussing the upcoming tour in about a week.

"Sure babe."

We went to my room, and I closed the door sitting on my bed next to him,

"Well before I decided to come along on the tour, I had to think some things through, and I realised that I've never told you why I came her and about... my past."

"I guess I always thought you wanted to keep it to yourself, and I just respected that." He replied, and I could tell he had wanted to ask about it before.

"Yeah well, the thing is, it's hard for me to talk about, but I kind of have to tell you because... well I'll explain everything, Just please be patient and let me say everything I have on my mind okay?"

He nodded, and I began to explain.

I told him everything. About meeting Chris, and when we got married, and finally about the accident and those eight months of waiting, and why I had come here. I had tried not to cry, but by the time I was done, a few tears slipped which he wiped away.

At least the hardest part was over.

Zayn's P.O.V.

I wiped her tears away gently, feeling my heart break for her. Now I finally understood everything. Why she had a hard time fully opening up to me and why had that look in her eyes carrying the sorrows of her past. I understood why that look in her eyes had drawn me to her, it was fate. I was meant to take this pain away from her, I just hoped she would let me.

"I'm really sorry you've had to be through so much, but I'm thankful that you're finally openin up to me and trusting me with this." I took her hands and smiled at her.

"Yeah well actually I'm not done." She said with a little smile, and I wondered what was coming next.

"I'm telling you this, because lately I've been feeling guilty. Guilty about being happy again, and about... falling in love again. I felt that I was a bad person, cause it's only been like three months, but last night I was thinking and then I realised something. It actually doesn't matter if it takes a month or a decade to recover and move on. I know that if I let this chance slip, I'll go my whole life thinking it's too soon. The thing is as soon as you feel yourself trying not to fall in love, you have to realise that there's a reason why you are falling in love. If I wasn't ready to have these feelings, I wouldn't be having them, and if I wasn't ready to move on and be happy, nothing I did with you guys would have made me happy.

So I don't know if all of this makes sense, but my point is that I'm finally being happy again, thanks to you guys, and that's why I decided to go along. And I'm finally ready to admit and acknowledge that I'm in love with you, and I'm ready to move on."

My heart was beating faster and faster as she talked, and when she said those last words and looked me in the eyes, I pulled her into a tight embrace, holding her like I'd wanted to since the first time I saw her,

"You have no idea how happy you've made me!" I said holding her tight, and then finally letting her go, so I could look her in the eyes and say,

"I fell in love with you, the first time you looked up at me and blushed. You're the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful girl I've ever met, and I've been waiting for you to say those words. Mag, I really want you to be my girlfriend, and make this official, of course only if you're ready. I know we've only known each other for a month, but all the time we've spent, we've practically been living together and I really feel..."

She stopped me, putting her finger to my lips,

"Zayn, I would love to be your girl."

And finally for the first time, our lips met, and I felt a rush through my whole body, telling me how right this was. I never wanted to let her go.

Louis' P.O.V.

"Where are Zayn and Mag?" I asked, when realising they had been missing for a while.

"Probably getting pregnant." Harry said, and Liam smacked him on the top of his head,

"What is wrong with you seriously?"

"Oh come on, I'm just joking!"

Then I heard Mag's door open and Zayn and Mag came out... holding hands. It took a minute, before everyone noticed.

"Um... have we missed out on something here?"

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