Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


69. 'Misunderstanding'


If you haven't heard the song "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri, you really should! It's the duet between Calum and Mag, I mentioned a couple chaps ago and the lyrics are important for why Calum feels the way he does about the song.

Also if this was a movie, I imagine the song "What Is Love" by Haddaway playing during the last "scene" with Mag and Louis. I was listening to it while writing that part, and it seemed really movie-like to me! I also think the lyrics really define their "relationship" at the moment. Just imagine the song starting when Mag's eyes meet his.

Anyways, pleeeease comment!! like&fave!

Enjoy! xoxo, M. ;)









Chapter 61



Mag's P.O.V.

The whole car ride to Calum was silent, except for the low music coming from the radio. I stole a couple glances at Louis in the side mirror, but he was always busy with his phone. Or pretented to be. I couldn't help but laugh quietly, everytime his long hair would fall into his eyes, and my heart skipped a beat when he would use his smooth fingers to push it out of the way. At one point, he did this about 3 times in one minute, and I caught myself staring at him while biting my bottomlip, and quickly looked away before he noticed. Although, I could swear, I saw him smirking.


My heart pounded faster and faster, every step up to Calum's place, mostly because I knew what would be happening tonight. Then an awful thought struck me. What if Louis thought I dressed like this, for Calum? But he couldn't possibly think that... right? He hadn't seemed upset, so he probably didn't put anything into it. I begged silently for Jenna to be looking hideous, coming up with all sorts of scenarios in my mind.

Jenna walking into a door, receiving a black eye, Jenna being attacked in the face by a vicious cat, Jenna having all her hair - including eyelashes- and brows - shaved off by some jealous chick... well basically anything that involved Jenna not looking freaking perfect. But of course I had no such luck.

Jamie opened the door, and there she was laughing loudly - and might I add fake - at something Calum had said. I couldn't help but stare at her surprised. Gone was the innocent look of sweaterdresses from yesterday, and in front of me was one of the most gorgeous girls wearing one of the sexiest, but still classy, red dresses I had ever seen, accompanied by sky-high heels and silky red lips. And she would be spending most of tonight with my Louis!

I shot Skye a glare, nodding discreetly towards Jenna, and she sent me a strict look. I knew what she was thinking. The night had just begun, and I was already getting jealous! I had to really pull myself together, and remember that Louis loved me, and had no intention of being with anyone else, including Jenna. But did he really have to smile at her with that blinding smile of his? Couldn't he just... smirk? No! No, that would be worse, Louis' smirk was irresistable! In my opinion, Harry's famous dimples had nothing on my Louis' various smiles. Why did I keep calling him "my Louis"? He technically wasn't mine.

"And whose fault is that?" A little voice said in the back of my head, but I quickly pushed it away. I knew what I was doing, when I decided to wait.

I was brought back to reality by Shay wolfwhistling at me, and I quickly blushed, even though I tried not to. I couldn't go around blushing like a schoolgirl when I was dressed like this.

"Someone got the Skye treatment!" Shay said nodding approvingly, although I wasn't sure if it intented was for me or for Skye.

"Yeah, I decided to go for a different look tonight." I explained, of course not revealing the real cause.

"Well, I expect the applauds to be absolutely raving tonight!" She said with a grin, and sat me down between her and Calum, across from Louis and Jenna who were talking and giggling. God, he was totally flirting with her again!

No, stop it! I reminded myself, that it was just friendly talking, and I had to keep myself occupied as well. I turned to Calum, who was already looking at me with a sheepish smile on his face.

"You look great!" He went straight to the point, scooting closer to me.

"Thanks. That's kind of what I was aiming for." I replied, trying to joke around, but my fake laugh just sounded awkward.

"I find it curious," he went on leaning in close to whisper, "that this change came so suddenly for this gig in particular." His eyes flicked towards Louis, and I knew, Calum was aware that Louis would be leaving the next day.

"Oh no," I said picking up on his hint, "this isn't for... it isn't for anyone in particular." I hushed my voice so noone else would hear it, and our faces were getting pretty close now.

"I'm not judging you Mag. Just wondering if it's a permanent change, or a one-time thing." Calum went on, scanning my whole outfit.

"I guess, we'll have to wait and see." I replied with a cheeky smile, feeling alot more brave than usual, and Calum seemed to notice,

"I see the clothes come with a personality as well. That's what happens when you borrow stuff from Skye, even her belongings have a mind of their own."

I laughed loudly at Calum's statement, causing him to smile proudly,

"I hope this new Mag is here to stay," he said leaning in again, "but you know I think you're fucking adorable either way."

Calum got up from his seat, leaving me slightly dumbstruck, and I glanced over at Louis. But he wasn't smiling and talking to Jenna. In fact, he wasn't smiling at all.

He was glaring at me, eyes glowing with rage.


Louis' P.O.V.

I watched in anger as Calum leaned into Mag again, continuing their whispering. After he left her, I walked straight over to Skye pulling her into the hallway,

"You know what, fuck this! To hell with your plan, I'm not gonna sit there and watch that shit all evening!"

"What are you talking about Louis?" Skye asked impatiently.

"Did you not see what happened in there?" I asked, pointing to the livingroom.

"Yes Louis , I saw Calum and Mag talking..."

"Talking!" I cut her off, "That wasn't talking! They were whispering seductively..."

I was interrupted by Skye laughing loudly,

"Seductively? Oh come on, Lou..."

"Well, what could they have to say to each other, that's such a secret, they have to whisper about it?"

Skye rolled her eyes,

"You're right Louis, they're probably discussing their secret engagement!" She said dramatically, and she was lucky to be Liam's girlfriend!

"Well, I don't want to wake up one day to discover that they're married and going running in matching tracksuits..."

This time it was Skye, who cut me off,

"What? Lou... I'm not even gonna try to understand that, but I know for a fact that Calum doesn't own a single tracksuit, and the only running Mag would do is to the closest McDonalds... But seriously, you have to get a grip! We just discussed this earlier, control your jealousy and realize that Mag is not interested in anyone but you!"

She walked back into the livingroom, shaking her head and muttering quietly.

I stayed put, taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself but Calum's lips inches from Mag's ear kept popping up in my head. I shook my head several times, in an attempt to get rid of the image and replayed Skye's words again and again,

"She's not interested in anyone but you."


It would be so much easier, if I actually still believed that... whoa, where did that came from?

Did I seriously just imply that I was insecure about how Mag felt?

Well, you couldn't really blame me. There had to be a reason why she wanted to wait with us, and her explanation about "clearing up our issues", was starting to sound vague and unimportant. Everyone seemed so sure that Mag still was in love with me, but how could they actually know that? Only Mag knew the truth about her feelings, and I had to decide if I still believed what she said.

She could just be trying to spare my feelings, and let the distance do its job the next few months, but it just didn't seem like something she would do. She wasn't the type of person to fool someone like that. I should have known something like this would happen; I let my jealousy get the best of me and feed my insecurity and that was the opposite of Skye's idea with this whole test thing. I was failing miserably, but the night was young. I could do this. I could convince myself not to get jealous, or let that Calum bloke infuriate me. I just needed to distract myself.

My eyes drifted off to Jenna, sitting there in her red dress, looking at me curiously. Right, a distraction. I knew exactly why Skye had picked Calum and Jenna for her plan. She knew I was already worried about him and Mag getting close, and that Mag was afraid Jenna was making a move on me. Well Skye, it was time to put your theories to the test now. I might have already fallen through, but let's see how well Mag could handle this.



"This place is packed! You guys must be so nervous!" Jenna exclaimed, as we entered the club. Apparently it was a new place with live music every week, and they were very lucky to actually get a gig here, but Stacey knew the owner's daughter so that was a big help.

"Are you kidding?" Jamie said with excitement in his eyes, "This is going to be perfect! One of our biggest audiences ever, and everyone is already buzzing in here!"

There were a couple hours till they were going on, so we decided to find a table and get some drinks, while checking out the band that was already on.

They were a pretty good, all-girl group except for the guy drummer, but Mag's band was better!

After a while we finally found a couple free tables and Jenna went to get drinks with Calum and Jake. Skye sat down next to me, looking at me as if expecting me to speak.

"What?" I asked, kind of rudely.

"Well? How's it going? Better?"

I thought about it for a second,

"Yeah actually. Jenna is a great girl!"

"Good!" Skye smiled brightly but quickly turned serious, "But be careful! You can't give her a reason to think you're flirting. Keep it on a strictly friendly level, okay?"

"Of course!" I replied quickly as the three came back, Jenna taking the seat next to me.

"That band sounds amazing! I'm really feeling this song!" Mag said nodding her head up and down, and we all looked towards the stage. I was about to say something but suddenly heard a choking sound and turned to see Calum caughing violently, Mag patting his back.

"Calum! Are you alright?" Shay asked, and he nodded finally breathing normal again,

"Yeah... I just... Wait a second..." Calum squinted his eyes towards the stage, and his eyes widened, right as the spotlight hit the female guitarist playing an amazing solo. It was so fierce that I could practically feel fire inside of me.

Jenna, Shay and Stacey let out a gasp and turned to Calum with wide eyes before quickly exchanging glances.

"Is that..." Stacey started but didn't have to finish, before Calum nodded,


"Wait, is this the Emily?" Jake asked, followed by Jamie,

"The Emily we heard about, before you joined the band?"

Calum simply nodded, eyes never leaving the stage and I noticed Skye and Mag exchange a glance as well. What was going on here?

"I thought she went back to Liverpool." Shay said confused.

"She did." Calum replied stiffly, "but apparently she's back."

"I'm feeling pretty left out here." I said awkwardly, and luckily Jenna was willing to explain,

"Emily is Calum's ex... They went out last year until... well noone really knows..." She drifted off, as Calum quickly spoke up,

"It was my fault!" He said a bit forcefully, staring blankly at the girl, "I was... I acted like a jerk."

There was something about the way he said it, as if he had rehearsed it or said it too many times. It just didn't seem right, and I realized that Mag looked like someone who really wanted to speak up but was forcing herself not to. Something else was definitely going on, that the others didn't know about either.

"Excuse me, I'll be right back." Calum said, as the song ended, and walked off towards the bathroom. After another song, the band was done and Calum returned looking to be in a better mood, and everyone decided to ignore what had happened and change the subject.

"So let's go over the setlist again!" Jake said, pulling out a paper and the band talked together excitedly, leaving Skye, Jenna and I to ourselves.

"I just spotted someone from work!" Skye said, looking at a girl waving her over, "I'll be back!"

Well, it was just Jenna and I. No problem for me.

We had gotten along even better than yesterday, and it was great how good chemistry we had, seeing as we had just met. There was no awkward silence, or lack of subjects to talk about, and we had many things in common.

"Oh, it's such a shame that you're leaving tomorrow!" Jenna exclaimed with a pout, toucing my arm,

"I feel that we could be really good friends."

"Yeah I know," I replied running my hand through my hair,

"It's not that often I get along with people so well, so quickly... I feel like..."

"We've known each other for years!" She said finishing my sentence and my jaw dropped in astonishment,

"That was amazing! Nobody has ever finished my sentences before!" I said truthfully, and she smiled at me sweetly,

"I guess, it must be fate then!" She said jokingly flipping her hair over her shoulder in a dramatic gesture, making us both laugh loudly.

"No but really, I think we just have a really good connection," She went on, touching my arm again, "Maybe it was meant to be that we two met and became friends. It really is sad, that we didn't have more time together."

"Well we can stay friends!" I offered and her face lit up, "I'm only on tour for a few more months... and I'm back for Christmas too."

"Oh how wonderful!" She exclaimed with a bright smile that reached her eyes, "we should meet up during the holidays!"

Another touch on the arm.

"Yeah... yeah, I'd like that." I replied with a smile that grew bigger as she smiled up at me.

I shot a glance at Mag, just in time to see her quickly look away, anger clear in her eyes.

Well, who was getting jealous now?


Calum's P.O.V.

I couldn't believe Emily was here! And she was in her band again, just as a guitarist, since she couldn't sing anymore. When did she become such a great guitarist anyways? And why was she back in London?

I thought that when she went back to Liverpool, I would never see her again but here she was. It made me burn inside that nobody really knew the truth about our breakup. Well except Mag. Everyone else thought I had been a total ass towards her, and at that time I didn't care, but I felt differently now. I felt like telling everyone the truth, but that would just seem pathetic and like I was holding a grudge. It would seem like I still cared about the whole thing, about her, which I didn't. The truth is, I wasn't mad because she hurt my feelings or because I wasn't over her.

I was mad that she even dared show herself her, after what she did. London was my turf; she knew damn well that this particular club was in my neighborhood, and I was willing to bet money that she had hoped to see me here.

Well, I hoped she did!

I hoped she could see how well I was doing with my life and with my own band. Not so that she would want me back, but so she could see what she lost and would never get back!


I turned to look at Mag, just as she looked away from Louis and Jenna, and was remembered of why I had brought Jenna in the first place. I knew there was no way, I could get Mag on my own when Louis was here, and even if he was leaving tomorrow, it would be in my best interest if they departed, not exactly on good terms.

I invited Jenna to rehearsals, simply because she was the best player in this game, and I knew she wouldn't be able to resist someone like Louis. He was a talented, famous musician and pretty handsome. I mean, come on I may be a dude, but I can recognize a hot guy when I see one. Basically Louis was the definition of everything Jenna wanted in a guy.

I wasn't expecting Louis to fall in love with her after only two days, it was nothing like that. I just needed her to distract him and create some drama between him and Mag, and so far it seemed to be working perfectly. The great part was that I didn't even need to tell Jenna to do anything. As soon as I invited her, I knew she would be all over him and I could just sit back, watch, wait and work on Mag while Louis was busy elsewhere. It was so simple, but I was actually willing to do anything to get close to Mag.

I wasn't in love with her, far from it but I did like her, and it was different than when I usually liked a girl. Usually if the girl wasn't interested, but most of them were, then I would lose interest as well. But not with Mag. From the start, she made it clear that her feelings lay with Louis, but I couldn't let her go. I wasn't used to being rejected and definitely not so blankly and it really got to me. It drove me to the point where I had to have her, partially just to prove to myself that I could and partially because I really did like her. Emphasizing the "like"! To sum up, I was going to win her over and make her forget everything about that sissy little boybander!


I noticed the expression on Mag's face and decided to make my first move,

"Are you alright? You look upset?"

"Hm?" She turned to me, her mind obviously far away,

"Oh yeah... I'm fine, just great! No problem at all, totally perfect!"

I gave her a sceptical smile, and she sighed,

"Too much?"

"Just a little." I replied with a slight smile.

"I think I know what your problem is." I said, nodding towards Louis and Jenna. Mag looked down, knowing that she didn't have to say anything.

"Hey," I tilted her chin up to look in her eyes, "Don't let it get to you."

"Thanks." She said after a few seconds of silence and smiled sadly.

"You'll feel better. when you get up on that stage, trust me!" I reassured her, before excusing myself to find Shay and Jamie. It was almost time to set everything up.



It was amazing! The lights were blinding, the crowd was incredible and everyone was on their a-game! I was even able to forget everything about Emily, until I spotted her in the crowd, but my anger towards her just made me play even better than usual.

Finally it was time for Mag and I to have our duet, and for the first time in my life, I was actually nervous. I felt like so much depended on this song, like this could change everything. If I could get her to really connect to me with this song, I was one big step closer to my goal. All I had to do was keep her eyes off Louis, because if she caught his eye, she wouldn't let him go during the whole song, and that would be fatal for me.

I stepped up next to her, grabbing my microphone. As Shay's fingers flowed swiftly over the piano, I looked down at Mag, sending her a bright smile before opening my mouth and singing softly, while holding her gaze. I turned to face the audience, scanning the crowd for Louis, while still glancing at Mag every few seconds. When she joined in, I finally spotted Louis looking intently at Mag, and I quickly glanced at her to see if she was returning his gaze. Lucky for me, right before she found him, Jenna walked up to him saying something with a smile, which he returned and Mag quickly looked away. I couldn't help but smile as I once again turned towards her, forcing her to face me as we sang the chorus together.

During the song, she only looked at Louis, who was preoccupied by Jenna, a few times and I was able to share quite a few moments with her. By the time the last chord rung out, the crowd erupted in applause and I clapped silently inside, at my wonderful plan.


We found Skye, Louis and Jenna at a table, by the time we had packed up everything up, but before I could grab a chair, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around slowly and found myself facing a pair of striking sea-green eyes. Her fair porcelain skin was accompanied by shoulderlength red and black hair, wild and untamed as usual. Her bangs kept falling into her eyes, in a way that reminded me of Louis, which made me hold even more contempt towards her.

"Emily." I managed to get out, although it came out so low, I wasn't sure if she heard me.

"Calum... can we talk?"

She spoke with such confidence, and it bothered me that she had the nerve to be so confident talking to me, after what she had done.

"Yeah... sure." I walked with her over to the bar, as I noticed Mag sending me a worried look. She was the only one who knew the truth.


"You were really good up there." Emily said, after we found a couple stools at the bar.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, not at all in the mood for small-talk.

Emily tucked her hair behind her ears and cleared her throat,

"I miss you Calum... Last year, when I went back to Liverpool, I realized that I wasn't happy and I thought it was because I missed being here. I broke up with André and a couple months later, I moved back here, got a job and joined the band again. But I still wasn't happy. You made me happy, and I can't be happy without you."

She laid her hand on mine, but I quickly pulled it away,

"Well, it's too late Emily. Anything I ever felt for you, went away when I found out about you and your boyfriend. For two months you lied to me, and the worst part is you knew what I had been through. You knew about my cheeting ex-girlfriend, and how I was with girls, yet you still continued your little game!"

"I know Calum... I'm so sorry, please you have to believe me!"

"Why should I? I believed you before, and look where it got me!"

"You have no idea how sorry I am!" Emily was now pleading but it had no effect on me. Yet.

"I doubt you're as sorry as I am for ever laying my eyes on you!"

"Please Calum... just one more chance?"

"You had your chance," I said, but I knew it took more than that to make her stop, and a thought occured me. I looked in Mag's direction and added,

"Besides, I have a girlfriend now."

Shock was written all over Emily's face, and she looked at me sceptically,

"You do?"

"Mhm." I nodded.

"Well then where is she?" She asked in a challenging tone, crossing her arms.

"I'll go get her." I replied, and rushed over to Mag.


Mag's P.O.V.

I glanced over at Calum talking to Emily, hoping he was alright. I knew how he had felt about her, and it must be hard for him to see her now. I was also tired of watching Louis and Jenna acting like best friends. Best fucking flirting friends! He was definitely pleased to go through with Skye's test, and it was getting harder and harder not to be jealous. If I couldn't even handle this, how would I handle the next few months, with him thousands of miles away.

My thoughts were interrupted, as Calum came rushing over to me,

"Mag, I really need a favor!"

"Um... okay, what's up?"

"Well I was talking with Emily and she started this crap about being sorry and wanting me back, which I really don't want. I know she will keep pressuring, so to get her to stop... I told her, I had a girlfriend!"

"Oh, God!"I exclaimed sensing where this was going,

"Don't tell me... you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend?"

"I know it's alot to ask Mag, but I really need your help! I'm afraid that if she goes on... I might fall for her crap again, and I really don't want that!"

His eyes were pleading and hard to resist,

"Isn't there anyone else..." I started but he immediately shook his head,

"Emily knows Stacey and Jake have been together a long time, and she knows Jenna and the fact that I would never be with her and honestly... you really think I could ask Skye to do something like that?"

He had a really good point, but I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach,

"Calum I don't know..."

"Mag... I'm begging you here... It's only for a couple minutes."

I finally let out a deep sigh,

"Okay, fine! But only a couple minutes and we will never talk of this again!"

"Thank you so much!" Calum smiled pulling me towards Emily, "I owe you big time!"

"Hell yeah, you do!" I muttered to myself, before flashing a bright smile as we approached Emily.

On stage she had been quite a sight, but up close she was downright breath-taking and I could understand why it was hard for Calum to resist her. I was also thankful that Jenna, gorgeous as she was, didn't look like this girl. Once I looked her in the eyes, I couldn't look away, and her whole aura was just magnetic.

"Emily, this is my girlfriend Mag!"

I snapped out of it, and smiled at her, as Calum sat on the stool pulling me onto his lap. I managed to shift myself, so I was sitting on the edge of his knee, as his sneaked his arm around my waist.

"So, you really do have a girlfriend." Emily finally said, narrowing her eyes at us.

"Yup! That's me... the girlfriend!"

Oh God, I sounded so pathetic! I would never be a good actor.

"How long have you been together?" Emily asked.

"About a month." Calum answered quickly, and Emily fired another question,

"How did you meet?"

"A mutual friend of ours introduced us." Calum seemed to have the answers to everything and I just sat there, starting to feel awkward and out-of-place.

"Okay," Emily studied me closely, "You look really familiar... have I seen you somewhere?"

Oh God, she knew who I was! She had probably seen me on Twitter or something, and knew about me and the boys... but that wasn't actually a problem. The public had no idea of my current personal status, or that there was anything going on with Louis and I.


"Oh yeah, you're that girl whose boyfriend is in some popband!"

"My ex-boyfriend!" I added, knowing she was referring to Zayn, "we broke up a few months ago... I'm with Calum now... and we're very happy!"

I tried to sound as genuine as possible, but had no idea if I had pulled it off. Calum and I waited with anxiety as Emily stared intensely at the both of us. I felt him squeeze my waist, and looked up at him. He sent me a sweet smile, which I returned and apparently that was all it took.

Emily blinked a couple times, looking at the floor and took a deep breath,

"Alright then... I guess, I did have my chance. I can see that you two really are in love, and I wish you the best. You're a lucky girl, Mag."

She stepped down from her stool, disappearing in the crowd and I jumped off Calum's knee letting out a relieved sigh.

"Thank you so much, Mag! I really..." Calum stopped midsentence, staring wide-eyed at something behind me.

I turned around curiously and felt the air being knocked out of me, as I stared into the blue eyes of Louis, standing only two stools away.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

This was not supposed to happen!

Louis kept his eyes locked on mine, and I saw the pain in them, almost making me break into tears. He shook his head slowly, before turning to walk away, and I quickly ran after him.

"Louis... Louis, wait!" I caught up with him, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around to face me,

"Listen, this is just a misunderstanding... Back there... I was just helping Calum out... His ex was bothering him and... He's not my boyfriend!"

I was stumbling through my words, wondering if I even made sense at this point, but Louis' expression didn't change one bit,

"I know he's not your boyfriend!" He snapped angrily, taking me by surprise.

"Y-you do?"

"Of course! If Calum and you were together, he would havd been rubbing it in my face!"

"Okay..." I said, not quite sure what to say now. I thought he was upset, because he thought I was with Calum. Apparently not.

"But you're a really good actor you know!" He said, his voice laced with irony.

"W-what do you mean?"

"You really had his ex fooled didn't you? Didn't take long to convince her, but I guess his arm around your waist and you sitting on his lap helped you there, didn't it?"

Louis spoke through clenched teeth, and I could see the fire in his eyes now, as his jaw tensed up waiting for me to say something.

"Louis, that was nothing," I tried to speak calmly, hoping he would follow my lead, "it had to seem real... she had to believe it."

"And she really did! You know why?" He asked, clearly not expecting an answer as he went on, "You heard what she said... "you two really are in love"... after she saw you smiling at each other! For a total stranger to get that from a simple look between the two of you, then it's hard to believe there really is nothing there!"

"Louis, I'm sure she just..."

"No, just stop! Cause I was there too. I actually saw you two looking at each other, and for a split-second... It sure looked like you were in love..." his voice broke, and I was using all my strength to not cry right now, "and then hearing her say it... I don't know what to believe any more."

"Believe in me!" I urged him desperately but he still wouldn't look at me,

"Why should I? It wouldn't be the first time you were wrong about your own feelings for a friend."

What he said took me completely by surprise, and I was utterly speechless. Never would I have expected him to use my feelings for him against me, but it was true. It took me a really long time to discover that I actually did have feelings for Louis, after denying them again and again.

"So tell you what... You find out how you really feel, and until then don't bother talking to me!"

I still hadn't found the words to say, when he walked away leaving me in the middle of the crowd, feeling more lonely than ever.

I spent the rest of that night, sitting at the bar watching Louis talk, laugh and dance with Jenna, until I couldn't bear it anymore and took a taxi back to Skye's, where I cried myself to sleep.

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