Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


13. 'Karaoke & Hiding Feelings"


Hey Hey Hey!!

Soo how is everyone feeling about the Zerrie engagement??! I really want to be happy for Zaynie but it’s too hard, and I feel a hole in my body when I think about it! So I’ve decided to live in a world where he isn’t engaged and have thrown myself over my writing ;) So I’ve written three chapters the past two days, but since I write them by hand, it takes like almost two hours to type on the pc, and my mom only lets me use her computer for that long like 2 times a week! But I’m trying to keep you guys satisfied!

Finally, this chapter wasn’t meant to be chapter, but I started writing the next chapter, and all of a sudden I had already written a chapters length without getting to the point at all, so it won’t be numbered, but hope you enjoy anyway! Keep commenting, like & fave (:

P.s. sorry if there are small mistakes, I didn’t really have time to proofread it totally. :b

Xoxo , M. :)




“Karaoke Night”

Zayn’s P.O.V.

I went with Louis to his room, for a little talk, to get something off my chest.

“What’s up Zayn?”

“I’ve just been wondering… do you have feelings for Mag?”

My question took him by surprise, and it took a while before he replied,

“Well yeah of course, friendly feelings, she has become a very good friend to me.”

I rolled my eyes at him,

“You know what I mean Lou, do you feel anything more than just ‘friendly’?”

I noticed how he tried to avoid eye contact when replying,

“Why would you think that?”

I didn’t quite know how to respond, it was just a feeling I had, and I tried to explain,

“I guess it’s because you’ve been acting strange, since last night. You’ve been avoiding us, and this morning I could tell you were upset, when you saw us together… It’s kind of like you’re jealous.”

I shrugged and tried to maintain eye contact, but he kept on avoiding my gaze, which just made me more suspicious.

“I’m not jealous of anything Zayn, you’re the one always acting jealous about our friendship. Maybe I’ve been avoiding her to stop you from acting like a jealous boyfriend, when you’re still not even dating yet!”

Now I was pissed off,

“Here we go again with the “not dating” thing! You just keep on bringing it up, probably because you think that as long as we’re not dating, then you still have a chance huh? Well maybe I should change the situation then!”

“Fine, I don’t care, Mag and I are just friends.” He said trying to sound indifferent, but didn’t quite pull it off.

“Good, that’s all I wanted to know!” I said, trying not to sound too angry, and walked out of the room.

I had no idea if he actually did like her or not, but I had a strong feeling, and I would be keeping a close eye on him, analyzing his every move. No one was taking Mag away from me.

Back in the living room, everything was ready, and everybody was just waiting for Louis and I. I sat next to Mag, who looked concerned,

“Is everything alright? Where’s Louis?” she asked, and it annoyed me, that she was asking about him, even if they only were friends.

“Yeah, it’s fine, he’ll be out in a minute.” I answered smiling at her.

Right then Louis came out, but headed to the door.

“Where you going Lou? It’s karaoke night!” Niall said stuffing his mouth with chocolate. Was he ever not eating?

Louis turned around to face out, but gazed at the floor while answering,

“I just… I need some fresh air, I’m not really up for it.”

Right away Harry got up, and walked over to Louis, who he had a very quiet conversation with, before turning to us, saying that they had to talk for a while, but would be back soon.

“But what about karaoke night?” Liam asked, sounding disappointed.

“I got an idea. Lou and I can pick up some food, and talk on the way, and then we can do karaoke night after dinner. It’s almost 7pm, and we all have to eat.” Harry suggested, and we all agreed.

Louis’ P.O.V.

We were on our way back to the hotel with pizzas, but hadn’t talked about things yet. Finally Harry turned to me with a concerned look,

“So are you gonna tell me what’s bothering you?”

I sighed, not wanting to talk about it, but I knew that I had to,

“Zayn knows, well he suspects, that I have feelings for Mag. I totally denied it, but I could tell he wasn’t convinced.”

“Oh. Well I don’t really know what to do about that. Maybe you should keep your distance for a while.”

I stopped the car, and pulled over to look at him, while answering,

“I’ve been avoiding her since yesterday, and apparently that just made him more suspicious. I’ve also noticed that Mag is wondering why I’m not really talking to her or spending time with her…” I hesitated before continuing, “I kissed her Harry.”

You what?!” Harry almost yelled, shocked.

“I kissed her last night, in the club. It just happened when we were dancing, and then she walked away. She’s probably forgotten about it by now though.”

Harry looked very upset, and I regretted telling him, but he was my best friend. He sighed deeply and answered,

“Lou… I know you like her but she is falling for Zayn, and he’s mad about her. Zayn has had a tough time with Perrie, and he deserves a happy relationship with complications. And so does Mag.”

I felt something boiling up in me, that I had kept in for a while and had to get out,

“And what about me Harry? You think it’s been easy for me stuck in a fake relationship for 19 months? You know how hard I’ve had it. Yeah, what Perrie did was awful, and he deserves to be happy, but so do I. Do you know how hard it is to spend day in and day out pretending you love someone you don’t, for one and a half years?”

“Of course I know, probably just as hard as pretending to not love someone you do.” He said looking at me sadly, and I knew what he meant, but I didn’t want to deal with that now.

“I… I love her Harry. I know it’s crazy, cause we’ve been friends only like three weeks, but I love her,” I said realizing it, for the first time, “ And now… I’ve spent one and a half years pretending to love someone, and now I have to spend, God knows how long, pretending not to love someone and see her with my best friend.”

I almost felt like crying, as the pain of the words I just said, cut through my heart.

Harry sighed again,

“I’m really sorry Lou, I am, but we’ll get through this trust me! I’ll find a way to help you through this. But for now the pizzas are getting cold, so try to cheer up. Just for tonight, for Mag’s sake.”

For Mag’s sake. I could do that.

I nodded, and started the car, driving back to the hotel.

“Hey, the pizza’s cold!” Niall exclaimed, after taking a bite.

“Sorry, but we hit traffic.” Harry said taking a large bite of his slice.

“Well since it’s cold, I should get a whole pizza for myself!” Niall said pouting like a small child.

“Niall, if you’re upset about the pizza being cold, why would you want a whole one?” I asked, trying not to laugh at how his face looked.

“Eat all the pizza you want Niall, but stay from the extra cheese pizza!” Mag said looking for it.

“But… that’s the one I wanted!” Niall said, now pouting even more, making Liam exclaim,

“Niall you never eat the extra cheese, you always eat the meat one, don’t be so childish!”

Niall and Mag stared at each other and then at the pizza box, before she grabbed it, and ran away with it lifted over her head, singing,

“I’ve got the cheese, I’ve got the cheese.” But then she tripped, and the pizza box flew out of her hands, sliding a few meters away. Niall ran over, grabbed the box and held it triumphantly over his head exclaiming,

“No, I have the cheese, weyheey! Horan is champion!”

“Zayn, he took my cheese!” Mag said crossing her arms, still sitting on the floor. I wished it was me, she came to for help.

“Give it back Niall.” Zayn said, concentrating on his pizza.

“But… Horan’s champion?”

“Give her the cheese Niall!” we all yelled, so we could eat in peace.

Niall gave her the box sulking, but she smiled at him,

“Lighten up Nini, we can split it. I can’t eat it all myself, well I probably could, but I’m not a meanie!”

Niall’s face lit up, and they split the pizza, and soon there was silence as we all enjoyed the cold but delicious pizza.


“Okay so here are the rules,” Liam said pacing back and forth in front of the TV, “there will be two team captains who each will choose two players. The teams switch to choose songs, and the machine counts points based on hitting the tones, singing the right words and stuff like that. Of course the team with most points wins!”

“Wins what?” Mag asked excitedly, clearly more enthusiastic about this whole karaoke thing.

“Honor!” Liam said proudly, but the rest of us booed.

“Let’s make this interesting!” Harry exclaimed.

“Fine, what do you guys suggest?” Liam asked, but we all fell silent.

“Let’s just figure it out after the game, come on let’s get this started!” Niall said, jumping up and down.

“Well who is team captain, how about Liam and I?” Harry suggested, but Zayn complained,

“It’s always you and Harry, let’s try something different. How about… Mag and I?”

“What, you think I’m not good enough to be on the same team as you?” Mag asked offended.

“Well of course you are, but it will be more exciting this way.” Zayn answered with his charming smile, making her smile back, and me grinding my teeth.

Mag got to pick first, picking Liam, and Zayn picked Harry leaving back me and Niall. She bit her lip, deciding between me and the Irish boy.

Please say Louis, please say Louis!

I wanted so badly for her to pick me, but I also sort of afraid of how Zayn would react. He already seemed suspicious when Harry and I had to talk earlier, but he must know that it wasn’t really up to me, if she picked me or not.


I looked up. She had picked me! I tried to conceal my excitement, it was just karaoke, not like she was marrying me or anything. I didn’t care if Zayn got mad, Mag and I were friends, why wouldn’t she pick me?

“You’re really hurting my feelings, picking me last!” Niall sulked, but we just ignored him, he was always acting like this.

“So this is actually a special karaoke machine,” I explained to Mag, “it was expensive but I had all the songs from our first two albums pre-installed, and several of our favorite songs, including some we performed on the x-factor!”

“Wow, talk about self-centered!” she teased, and I was happy that we were acting more normal around each other again.

Zayn’s team was choosing first, and Harry had chosen “Summer of ‘69”

“No way!” Mag immediately protested, “I saw the x-factor, I am not singing that song against Harry!”

Harry just smirked at her.

“It’s okay Mag. Not all 3 players have to sing all the songs, we usually start off one-on-one, I got this. You’re going down Hazza!” Liam took the pic, and put of his tough face.

“I’m gonna crush you Lili!” Harry said with his American accent, making Mag laugh.

“We take karaoke very seriously!” I whispered to Mag making her giggle, which made Zayn glare at me. He had to chill, I wasn’t doing anything a good friend wouldn’t do. It’s not like I was gonna start kissing her here and now, but I was going to treat her as the good friend she was and he couldn’t take that away from me.

To our teams dismay, Harry won, making his team take the lead. We went on for hours singing Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, Madonna, Spice Girls, The Beatles, our own songs but no real serious songs, and I really just wanted to hear Mag on her own, in a ballad or something, so I could hear her voice.

The two teams were almost in a tie, but Zayn’s team had a slight lead, since no one on our team could match Zayn’s high pitch in Aha’s “Take On Me”. We decided for three more songs, and the team who had the lead after the first two, would choose a one-on-one song for the final. We were picking the first song, and it had to be good.

“How about Valerie, the cover by Amy Winehouse?” Mag suggested, and I decided to take the chance,

“Okay, but only if you take the lead?”

“What? No I can’t!” she protested, but I kept on pushing,

“I’m sure you can, why else would you suggest it?”

“Well, I’ve heard you sing it and Valerie is my middle name, and I really love the song, and I love to sing it…”

“So you can sing it! Come on Mag, please!” I was almost begging, and I looked at Liam for help,

“You are the team captain, and you haven’t had a lead yet.” He said matter-of-factly and finally she agreed.

Mag would be singing the verses, and Liam and I the chorus, while Zayn was leading for the other team, and I knew it would be difficult as he was also very good at this song.

The music started, and I waited, excited to finally hear her properly.

“Well, sometimes I go out by myself,

 and I look across the water,

and I think of all the things, what you're doing,

 and in my head I paint a picture


'Cause since I've come on home,

 well, my body's been a mess,

 and I've missed your ginger hair,

 and the way you like to dress

Won't you come on over

 stop makin’ a fool out of me

(Liam and Louis)

Why don’t you come on over Valerie (…)”

As we sang the chorus, I couldn’t take my eyes off Mag, who was blushing from head to toe and looking at the floor. She had an amazing voice. Not the typical girlie “Beyoncé” voice; it kind of sounded actually like Amy Winehouse in the song, but it sounded beautiful. I knew that Mag was the type of girl who would never willingly sing or dance in front of anyone, thought she actually was a natural talent. I had to make her more confident of this.

Zayn took the next verse, not nearly as good as Mag, and we won, cheering and hugging Mag.

“Guys, we’re not over yet.” Harry reminded us, and we all came back down to earth.

They won the next round with Harry leading against Liam in “Torn”, and we all got sort of emotional reminiscing the X-Factor. Their team was in the lead again, and would be picking the final song, an opponent form our team. We hoped they would pick Liam, as he was the strongest singer on our team, but of course they probably wouldn’t. Zayn stepped forward, smirking at me,

“Me against Louis, “More Than This.”


Zayn’s P.O.V.

I could see Louis was surprised, by my choice of song, but it was the perfect opportunity. I had to see how he would handle this song in particular. Besides I knew he would have a hard time singing my part, and I really wanted to win.

I grabbed the mic, without removing my gaze from Louis, who looked nervous. I sang first scoring an almost perfect score. That meant that for them to win, Louis would have to get a totally perfect score.

I watched him close as he sang. He stared at the floor, sounding very emotional, but then something happened that surprised me. I don’t know what I had expected, or if I actually believed that he had feelings for Mag, but now I was almost sure.

He was about to sing his part, and he looked up for a second, his gaze locking on Mag, when his voice just broke, and he stopped singing!

Everyone looked puzzled, not understanding what was happening.

“Lou…” Harry started but Louis interrupted him,

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t feel so well, excuse me for a second.” And then he rushed off to his room, followed by Harry and then me. .

“What’s going on Louis?” I asked, sounding more upset than I had hoped to.

“Zayn, I think you should leave, I need to talk to Louis alone…”

“No I’m not going anywhere,” I said getting angry, “something is going on here, and I have the right to know, especially if it concerns me!”

Louis stood with his arms crossed stubbornly,

“Why would it concern you?” he asked in a rather childish way.

“Well if it concerns Mag, it concerns me!” I almost shouted tired of his attitude, and Harry stepped in,

“Wait, why… why would it concern Mag?” Harry tried to sound, like that was a stupid thing to say, but he didn’t succeed at all.

So he knew something. Of course he did, they were best friend and told each other everything!

I was gonna put an end to this,

“Just stop! You two are hiding something that I already know, so just admit it Louis. Stop this stupid act!”

Harry stepped back to let Louis speak, but he just stood there looking everywhere else but at me.

“There’s no point in pretending, don’t make it a bigger deal then it is.” Harry said, and I saw him and Lou having one of their telepathically conversations, until Lou finally sighed and said,

“Fine… I admit it, I like Mag. But it’s just a crush, not a big deal. I was worried you would make it into something bigger then it is, but it’s really no problem, it will probably blow over in like a week.”

“Just a crush?” I asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Yeah, it’s really not a big deal, and I’m not going to try anything. Don’t worry, she’s all yours.” Louis said, smiling at me, and calming me down.

Harry stood on the side, also looking relieved.

“Okay, well then I’m sorry for blowing up, but you should have just told me. If it’s just a crush, that will be going away soon, then it’s fine, I understand.” I said, and all three of us smiled.

I was glad we finally got that out of the way. I could handle a crush; Louis often had these small crushes that lasted only a few weeks. We returned to the others, who looked confused and worried.

“What is going on guys, is everything alright?” Liam asked, fatherly concerned.

“Everything is fine, we just had some things to sort out,” I assured them, and then remembered something, “but actually… there’s something I have to ask Mag, I think the rest of you know what it’s about.”

“Oh yeah I totally forgot!” Niall said, now very excited, and Mag looked at me curiously.

I took her over to the couch, sitting and down and sitting next to her.

“What is it Zayn?”

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