Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


59. 'Jealousy'


Hi lovelies!!

Well well, early update yaaay! a short note, the Calum in this story is 2 years older than the real one(so he's 19); thing is, besides the boys, when I base my characters on real ppl it's only based on the looks, not age, personality, origin etc. oh and Louis is a lot more bad tempered then I think he is IRL, but I do believe he is a quite jealous person!

Pleeease remember to comment!! especially on this chap!! :) like&fave!

also I updated this on my phone so hope it all looks like it should, and I probably won't update on Tuesday, since I just really wanted to update this chap early!! cause I love it!! so next update in about a week! :) (sorry for typos!!)

Love y'all!

xoxo, M. ;)

Chapter 53


Mag's P.O.V.

2 weeks. I had been in London for two weeks. Two amazing weeks!

I now spent most of my time with the... no wait, with MY band and the rest of the time I spent with Skye, who was always up for fun. I really missed the others though, especially Louis, and I couldn't help but wonder about that text he sent me, that I never got to read. Why didn't I get to read it? Well, when Skye and I came home that night after the gig, slighty tipsy, I went to fetch my phone in the kitchen and long story short, I dropped it in a glass of coke and after spending 5 minutes trying to get it out, it just blacked out! Okay so maybe I was more than slightly tipsy. So I had the choice to get it fixed or get a new phone, and of course I chose the last option. Therefore I never read that text, and because Louis refused to tell me what it was, I was naturally curious about it. I eventually blew it off, and decided that if he didn't want to tell me, it must not have been too important.

The band and I were chilling a bit at Stacey's place, trying to think of a new name. "The Foreigns" just didn't make sense anymore, and not in a cool way!

"I got it! How about... "Jake and the slayers"?" Jake suggested and we gave him a weird look.

"First of all," Jamie spoke up,"why should we use your name? And secondly the slayers? No, I don't think so!"

"It has to be something cool... unique and never seen before! But it also has to make sense to us as a band." Calum said strumming his acoustic guitar lazily. Apparently he had 5 different guitars, two of them acoustic and he would always carry one of them with him everywhere.

"The Potatoes!" Jamie exclaimed enthusiastically, making Stacey moan,

"Oh my God Jamie, get over it already!"

"What?" I asked confused.

"Last year Tally kept on coming with suggestions involving the word 'potato'. Now Jamie thinks that if we use that, she will notice us," Stacey explained and then turned to Jamie,

"She has a boyfriend! And now that Mag is with us, I'm sure you'll get to meet her more often then before!"

"You know what? We aren't getting anywhere with this," Shay said, pulling out her phone and playing some music, "so let's get some inspiration!"

We all shrugged listening to the song thinking hard.

"Sinful Saints!" Stacey suddenly yelled out, and we all turned to her confused.

"The name! We could be 'Sinful Saints'!"

That was actually pretty good.

"I like that... but it just doesn't really... click?" Shay said,

"It has to be like, when we hear the name all of us will just know! Like when naming a baby?"

"Yeah, cause you've named so many babies!" Calum said ironically.

"Oh shut up!" Shay fired back, changing the song to Green Day, our most covered band.

"How about 'Uncovered'?" I suggested, surprising myself, followed by a few seconds silence, before everyone started to speak.

"I like it..."

"Yeah, it makes sense weirdly..."

"Totally simple, but still cool!"

"And easy for people to remember!"

Everyone then turned to Calum anticipating, the only one who hadn't said anything yet.

"Well... it's great! Not exactly mind-blowing but I like the simplicity! And it makes sense because we're a cover band, so we never get covered so we actually are uncovered."

Everyone let out a sigh of relief.

"So it's settled then! Let's celebrate!" Stacey said happily.

"Skye will be here in twenty minutes," I said checking my phone, "we could go out somewhere?"

Everyone agreed, so we all waited for Skye to go celebrate.

I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water before we had to leave. As I was standing by the sink, pouring my glass, I sensed a precense and quickly turned around, to see Calum leaning against the doorway, smiling at me.

"Hey... what's up?" I asked, drinking my water and turning around, leaning my back against the sink.

"Not much really... Good job on the name though." He replied, stepping up to me, standing right where the sun through the window lit up his face.

"Hey, your eyes are brown!" I said, mentally slapping myself for being so idiotic and he smiled widely,

"Really? I always thought they were blue!" He replied ironically, chuckling.

"No it's just... They usually look a lot darker, almost black, when you're not in the light you know..." I blabbered, starting to blush.

Calum just looked at me for a minute smiling before saying anything,

"You know... you're pretty cute."

Then he turned around, and walked away leaving me dumbstruck, as I heard everyone greet Skye.

What just happened?


The club we went to was pretty packed, by the time we got there, and after only an hour Skye left, because she had to go early to work the next day. She offered to take me home, but I was having fun so I stayed with Stacey, Jake and Calum. Shay and Jamie had disappeared somewhere else.

I was standing at the bar, waiting for the bartender to notice me, which would take a while, since he was obviously gay.

"Hey! You've been here forever!" I turned to my right, where Calum had squeezed in, and nodded towards the bartender who was shamelessly flirting with a customer.

"Aha, well you'll be standing here all night!" He said with a slight laugh, making me roll my eyes,

"It's so unprofessionel! Why do they only have one barfender anyways? They should have like... ten!"

I yelled over the music, and then laughed at myself. Maybe it was a good thing that the bartender ignored me.

"Did you just say barfender?" Calum asked raising his eyebrow, and I blushed deep red.

"No, I didn't, you should get your hearing checked!"

Calum simply laughed at me, and then stared at me for a while. He did that a lot and it always made me nervous!

"You know, Stacey and Jake are M.I.A. How about calling it a night, and I'll take you home?" He offered, and I shrugged.

I was actually getting tired and it wasn't much fun just standing here.

"But you can't drive, you're drunk!" I said, suddenly remembering that he had driven us all earlier.

"Well my place is a ten minute walk from here."

"But Skye's isn't!" I informed him,

"Is it?" I added as I had no idea if Calum also lived close to Skye.

"Not really," he replied scratching the back of his head, "but I can call you a cab, except I don't remember her address!"

"But I know where she lives... I don't totally remember the address yet, but I have it on my phone!" I replied, starting to search through my bag.

Five minutes later, and still no phone, I tried to remember when I last had it...

"Oh crap!" I exclaimed, and Calum looked at me confused and worried,

"What's wrong?"

"I lent Stacey my phone to call, because her's died and I forgot to get it back!" I explained.

Calum then tried to call my phone, but there was no answer, and Jake, who definitely was with Stacey, wasn't picking up either.

"What am I gonna do?" I asked with a totally helpless expression.

Calum looked thoughtfully at me for a long time, as if really considering what he was about to say,

"You can crash at my place?"

"Um... Are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked hesitantly, getting a strange vibe from this situation.

"Yeah why not, Shay and Stacey crash there all the time!"

"But Shay is your sister and Stacey is dating Jake!" I said with a proud smile, as if I had just won a quiz.

"Your point being...?" Calum asked, and I just looked at him until he caught on,

"Wait... do you... are you afraid that I'll try something?" He laughed, making me feel stupid and blush violently.

"Well, is that so hard to believe? I mean, am I really that horrible?" I asked, fake offended and he shook his head, still smiling widely,

"Not at all! But I would never take advantage of someone in the state you're in."

Wow, what a gentleman! Well actually it just proved that he wasn't an asshole.

"I guess, I don't have any other option!" I finally replied.


Louis' P.O.V.

Why wasn't she picking up?

I had been trying to call Mag all evening and night, until I gave up and fell asleep. Now it was the morning and she still wasn't replying.

At least I was feeling better than last week. Harry telling me off, had helped buy only a little bit and I was still spending most of my time in hiding from the boys.

Why was I hiding from them? Well, I was just beyond tired of their constant wanting to "have a talk about things"! Harry would try to get me to talk on the phone with Lauren because she was "really good with advice", Niall did the same with Tally, Liam offered his own advice and Zayn had even suggested I talk to Ada! Yeah, she had helped me before, but I wasn't Zayn; I wasn't going to pour my heart out to anyone, I wasn't really close with.

Whenever I had problems before, I would share them with my mom, but I didn't think she could help me with this. Then there was Harry, but he was busy with Lauren. The only one left, I would talk to was, ironically the one person, I couldn't talk to this about. Mag.

I just couldn't take it anymore! I needed to see her, to hold her, to have her next to me. Sometimes it physically hurt when I thought about her and I had this ache in my chest. Talking and skyping with her helped a little but it just wasn't the same. Especially now that she was spending so much time with that band of hers!

At least I wasn't angry at the others anymore, or blaming them.

I finally decided to call Skye, she must know where Mag was!

"Hey Louis, what's up? Why you calling so early?" Skye said as soon as she picked up and I looked at my watch.

9 am wasn't that early, but then I remembered London was an hour behind.

"I can't get a hold of Mag!"

"Oh well, we went out last night," Skye replied as I heard her get into her car, "but she didn't come home last night, so I called my friend Stacey ten minutes ago, and apparently she accidently has Mag's phone but..."

"What?!" I cut her off abruptly, "why didn't she come back last night? Is she okay?"

I couldn't believe it! My mind was going crazy with all the horrible things that could have happened.

"Louis, relax! I left early, but Stacey told me that Mag was with Calum with she left with Jake. I don't have Calum's number, but I'll text you Stacey's number. I have to go, bye!"

She hung up before I could say anything. Why did she always do that to me?

As I was waiting for Skye to text me the number, Liam came down to my bunk.

"Payne! You have got to talk to that girlfriend of yours!"

I yelled at him, making him jump and back away.

"Are you going to hit me again?" Liam asked worried, referring to a couple days ago when I shoved and punched him, ever so softly, because he joked about Mag getting together with one of the band guys.

If his joke became true, I would kill him!

"Oh come on, Liam! I said sorry, okay? It was hardly a real punch!"

"Well what's going on with Skye?" He asked, still not stepping closer.

"She always hanging up at stupid times..." I was cut off, by an incoming text and I quickly blew off Liam to call this Stacey chick.

"Hello?" Stacey answered the phone, with a tired, and probably hungover, voice.

"Is this Stacey?"

"Yeah, who's this?" She replied, sounding as if she would drift off to sleep.

"Louis... um from One Direction... Skye's boyfriend's friend... Mag's..."

"Yeah yeah, I know who you are," Stacey interrupted me, "but why are you calling me? Did Skye give you my number? First she calls waking me up and now this, I will kill her!"

Stacey sounded alot more awake, and annoyed, now.

"Do you know where Mag is?" I asked her quickly, ignoring what she said.

"Well, she was with Calum when we left... Probably crashed at his place, cause he lives..."

I immediately cut her off,

"What?! Who the hell is Calum?"

Stacey groaned before answering,

"Our second guitarist who replaced Tally! Geez, you'd think that you would keep up with her life if you love her so much!"

How did she know about me and Mag? Probably that damn Skye, her and Stacey told each other everything according to Mag!

"Look... can you just give me his number?!" I asked her, feeling my blood boiling at the thought of Mag sleeping at some guy, who I didn't know anything about!

Stacey gave me his number and I quickly thanked her before dialling the third number in my search of Mag.

Of course he didn't pick up!

I paced back and forth in the small place, wondering what to do and trying to maintain my sanity.

"Harry!" I shouted and Harry instantly came running down the stairs, with a concerned expression.

"What's wrong?" He asked, and I was about to tell him but had a change of mind,

"Nevermind... Malik!" I then shouted and a few seconds later, Zayn joined us and they looked at me with confused expressions.

"Give me her number!" I demanded neither one of them in particular.

Harry and Zayn looked at each other weirdly, as if I had lost my mind and then turned to me,

"Who...?" Zayn asked hesitantly and I sighed deeply,

"Ada! Give me Ada's number now!" Zayn jumped at my voice and quickly pulled out his phone, giving me her number.


Mag's P.O.V.

I opened my eyes, and realized that I had gone blind! No wait... something was blinding me... I squinted my eyes, and noticed the sun was shining brightly through the window. I groaned, closed my eyes and turned in my bed... or so I thought. Instead I fell right onto the floor from the... couch?

What the...?

I sat up and looked around, completely confused until a figure appeared in front of me.

"Are you ok... why are you sitting on the floor?" Calum asked, clearly trying to mask a smile.

I then remembered last night, and how I ended up crashing at his place.

"I thought I was in my bed so I turned over... and fell." I replied simply, as if this happened all the time.

"What time is it anyway?" I asked, getting up on the couch and wondering how horrible I probably looked at the moment. Thank God it was just Calum here. Good old friendly bandmate Calum, to whom I didn't care how I looked.

"A little past 11. You hungry?" Calum replied and my eyes widened,

"That late? Shit! I have to call Skye!" I exclaimed and the look Calum gave me reminded me that I didn't have my phone.

"I just talked to Stacey, she'll be in like an hour with Jake and your phone." Calum told me, and I relaxed again, but only a little bit.

Skye probably figured out what happened, but I always called the boys at least once in the evening and again in the morning. I hadn't talked to them since yesterday afternoon and they were probably totally worked up and worried by now. I hoped that Skye had told Liam that everything was fine, but then she would have said that I spent the night at Calum's. As innocent as it was, if Louis found out he would not be happy, and we all know how Louis' temper can get the best of him!

"Can I use your phone?" I asked Calum, after making my morning tea, "There's someone I really have to call."

Calum nodded and handed me his phone, and I was about to diall Louis' number when I noticed a missed call. From the very number I was about to diall! Red alert lights flashed in my mind, why did Louis call Calum? Fuck fuck fuck! This could not be good!

I took a deep breath, steadied myself and dialled Harry's number instead.

"Mag? Oh thank God, finally!" Harry exclaimed in a hushed voice.

"Hey Harry... what's going on?" I asked, as I heard yelling in the background.

"Um well... Louis couldn't get a hold of you this morning so he called Skye and she gave him Stacey's number, then Stacey told him that you had spent the night at... what's-his-name... Calum! Louis didn't... take it well, and he tried to call Calum, but he didn't pick up, so he tried calling Ada, you know cause she helped Zayn, but she didn't pick up so... yeah."

That was a lot of information at once, but I was able to catch all of it. I remembered Louis telling me about meeting Ada, and I really hoped she could help him, like she did Zayn but unfortunately not today, when he needed it the most!

"How much damage?" I immediately asked, not having to elaborate my question.

"Luckily not much, since we're on the bus," Harry replied still in a hushed voice, "first he locked himself in the bathroom, where we let him be. Then he came out and started raging around. Threw a couple bags around, broke a couple cups and plates... We kept him away from the flatscreen area, then he locked himself in the bathroom again. He just came out five minutes ago and now he's arguring with Liam because... well he kind of blames Skye for this."

Shit, it was worse then I thought!

"Oh my God, he is totally overreacting! And this is not Skye's fault!" I said, and then heard a bit of commotion before a angry voice took over Harry's,

"Oh really? Then whose is it?"

"Louis..." I said, not at all ready for this. I wished Harry would take his phone back!

"Louis, listen... Skye had to leave early, she actually tried to convince me to come home with her, but I wanted to stay... I'm the one to blame, not her!" I said, trying to sound strict but hardly succeeding.

I was honestly a bit afraid, as I had never been on the receiving end of Louis' anger.

"Right... and where does Calum come in the picture?" Louis asked with his scary, angry-casual voice, and I tried to speak as calmly as I could to calm him down,

"Well, Stacey borrowed my phone and I forgot to get it back. Then she suddenly disappeared with Jake. I couldn't remember Skye's exact address to get a cab, and Calum lives close by, and offered that I could crash at his place..."

"And what else did he offer?" Louis cut me off, and I felt my anger building up as well,

"Don't be stupid Louis!"

"Oh so now I'm stupid! Well sorry, that I spent all night trying to call you, while you were out having a slumber party with another guy!"

What the hell was he insinuating?

"I didn't have any other option Louis! Unless you would rather have me sleep outside! And you know what? I can sleep wherever I want, I'm not in a commited relationship!" I spat out, before I could stop the words. I knew that was a really bad, hurtful move but he was pissing me off!

A few seconds silence followed, in which I noticed Calum standing across from me, awkwardly looking in the other direction.

I totally forgot he was there, and of course he heard everything. I didn't even feel embarressed, because I was too angry so I simply left the kitchen, as Louis spoke again,

"I don't know what a commited relationship is to you. And I don't know what it means to you to love someone but to me those two things usually go hand in hand. So when I tell someone that I love them, and pour out my entire heart... and that person says that she loves me... well then, I'm really freaking sorry for thinking there is any sort of commitment in those words! And I'm even more sorry that the commitment was only on my part!"

Every single word he shouted at me was true, and I wished I could take back what I had just said. But of course, regret was a major part of my life,

"I didn't mean it like that Louis... Nothing happened between me and Calum! Why would you even think that?"

"Maybe because you just said, that you're not commited!"

"Well, you know we aren't in a relationship Louis. I came here to think about everything between us!"

"Oh and thinking involves sleeping with other guys!"

That did it for me!

"Sleeping with other guys?! What the fuck are you thinking! You know me better than that and for you to say that is a huge fucking insult! And actually you are in no position to be angry at me right now! You are one of the reasons I am here right now, in case you forgot why I left, and all I did last night was sleep on a couch! So get your fucking facts straight along with some common sense, stop being a jealous asshole for no reason, and then maybe we can talk!"

After that I hung up, and threw the phone on the couch before sitting down next to it, taking deep breaths.

"Um... are you okay?"

I turned around to see Calum, standing in the doorway, with a concerned look on his face.

"Yeah... no... I just... I don't really wanna talk about it right now." I replied, staring into nothing as he sat down next to me.

"Fine with me... I was wondering if we should movie go see a movie later? With the others?"

I thought about his offer for a while, wondering if it was a good idea.

In a way, I wanted to just stay home and really think about everything, but my thoughts were so tangled right now, that a movie could be a good idea. I could just totally clear my mind, and think about things with a fresh take on everything.

"Sounds alright." I replied, trying to smile.

"Great! I'll text Shay and Jamie then we can ask Stacey and Jake when they get here!" Calum said, smiling at me with that undefinable look of his.


Harry's P.O.V.

He broke my phone. That idiot broke my damn phone!

As soon as Mag had hung up (we could all hear her yelling), Louis threw the phone across the room (well technically the bus), where it flew right past Niall's head and smashed into the wall!

There really was no hope for it.

Tally then dragged Louis, by the ear, downstairs where she started scolding him, for being so irrational and for almost injuring Niall badly. Louis completely ignored her and them buried himself in his bunk, yelling at anyone, who came close, to "get the fuck lost".

I didn't even feel like scolding him for breaking my phone, because honestly, it just wasn't worth it at the moment.

We all thought that Louis had totally overreacted, because all Mag did was borrow a friend's couch and, like she said, she didn't have any other option.

Unfortunately, Louis was already worried senseless about her finding someone new, while in London and his mood wasn't at it's best either. Put that together with his out-of-this-world jealousy and well... it wasn't much of a surprise, that he acted like that, even it was wrong.

I couldn't believe he actually accused Mag of sleeping with guy. She wasn't like that at all, and Louis knew that, but at the moment he wasn't himself. He had gone into his crazy mode, where all he thought about was Mag leaving him and being with someone else. But Mag didn't know about Louis' current state and everything just got so messed up over a tiny little thing.

I was worried about our show the next day!

As things were right now, there was a big chance that we would have to announce Louis as "sick", and it was really unfair to the fans that they only got 4/5 because of Louis' temper/jealousy issues. What he really needed was some sort of therapy! He had always had anger issues and broke things more times then not, but during the last few months they had really escalated. It took a lot less to set him off, and a lot more effort to calm him down.

It just couldn't go on like this. We had to do something about Louis!


Mag's P.O.V.

"Well hey there you party animal!" Skye greeted me when I got home after spending some time with Stacey and Jake at Calum's place.

"Yeah yeah whatever." I replied a bit harshly, but I really was in no mood for joking.

"What's up with you? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Or maybe just the wrong bed?" She said with a cocked eyebrow, and I sent her a glare,

"No, I slept on the couch. But Louis found out whose couch I slept on!" I replied, and I didn't to say anymore before she rushed to my side,

"Yeah... Liam called. You alright?" She asked, and I shook my head,

"Actually no I'm not. But I don't want to talk or think about it right now, so I'm going to the movies tonight." I told her, trying to sound enthusiastic.


"Well, Calum suggested we all go out, but Jake and Stace are busy so it's just him, myself, Shay and Jamie."

"Oh..." Skye replied with a weird look,

"I wish I could go along, but I got off work early to work on some new designs."

"It's fine really, I like hanging out with them." I said, but she still had that weird look.

"Yeah... are you sure Shay and Jamie are going along?" She tried to ask casually, but it sounded more suspicious.

"Um, well Calum texted them, but they haven't replied yet." I replied, giving her a questioning look.

"Okay... You know you're a good friend of mine, and of my boyfriend and my boyfriend's best friend is madly, and slightly psychotic, in love with you... So I feel like I should warn you," Skye said and I motioned for her to go on.

"I've known Calum for a long time and well... He is a... how would I say this nicely... well, he's a player! And he has a thing for... girls with musical talent, especially singers!"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, completely confused where she was going with this.

"Well, you know the whole player thing, and Calum is a perfect example. He goes after girls, usually more than one at a time, but never stays for more than a couple weeks. I don't think he actually officially dates them, so he doesn't promise them anything and in his mind, that justifies it. But anyways, usually these girls aren't just random chicks. He usually meets them at a gig, and they either play an instrument or, his favorite, sing pretty damn good!"

"You're kidding!" I exclaimed, finding this hard to believe.

"I wish I was! Last year he went out with this girl, who had an incredible voice. They lasted a whole month, a record for him but then something happened with her vocal chords so she quit singing and well... he dumped her a week later."

This was so different from the Calum I knew. He was always so down to earth and nice, but then again most players were nice to begin with.

"But what does that have to do with me?" I questioned Skye, "He's knows we're just friends and I love Louis, despite his issues."

"I know, but Calum is very smooth. Most girls don't even realize what's going on until they're in too deep and then bang bang, he shoots you down!"

I chuckled a little at her song reference (David Guette had ruined that song for me!), but then put my serious face on,

"Look, I'm grateful that you're looking out for me, but I don't think Calum will make a move on me and I'm wise enough to not get 'in too deep'. Besides I'm not interested at all, like I said, I love Louis and he's the only guy on my mind." I reassured her, ignoring those times when Calum's smile would make my stomach do somersaults.

"Okay... just consider yourself warned." Skye said seriously, before getting up, "I have to get to work, I'll be in my room."

I nodded and turned on the television, when I received a text.

From: Calum

"hey! Shay and Jamie bailed, looks like its just you and I tonight :) see you at 7 ;)"

Oh no, this did not look good!

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