Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


18. 'It Just Happens'

Chapter 13

"It Just Happens"

Niall's P.O.V.

I was so excited! Finally I was going on my first real date with Tally. It had been two days, since El's party, and only four days till the tour, so I was glad we got a day off from "preparation" so I could go on this date. The guys and Mag knew how important it was to me.

We had got to know each other alot better at the party, and we actually had many things in common, besides both being Irish. She could play guitar, she loved football (though she had a different team than me), and she had a big appetite. My type of girl.
We also liked some of the same music, like The Script and Michael Bublé, but she was mostly a band girl, and besides The Script she also loved Coldplay, Oasis and The Fray.
She had a great sense of humour, was totally carefree and not fake at all, she was so kind and of course gorgeous!
Her round face and cheeks were so cute, and her smile and laugh was just contagious. I couldn't wait for the date. I would take her to lunch, since it was in the afternoon, somewhere nice, and then we could take a walk in the park, since the weather was still pretty nice.

We had been texting, almost non-stop the past two days, and the others were constantly teasing me. I got ready in good time, so I could go by Harry's and Louis', before picking her up.

Maggie's P.O.V.

I was trying on several different outfits, while my boyfriend sat on the bed, telling I looked great in everything. I was meeting up with Eleanor for lunch, and it was my first "friend-date" in London, and with someone like El, I had to look amazing!

"What do you think Zaynie, the red shirt or the purple?" I asked holding up two different shirts, after deciding on my black jeans - always a safe choice.

Zayn looked thoughtful and then replied,
"I think you should cancel the date, and stay in bed with me all day."

"How tempting as that sounds love, I am going out with El. It's about time I also have a girlfriend over here, and this is the only free day before the tour." I replied turning my back to Zayn, changing into the purple shirt.

I was very concentrated on the gold buttons, when Zayn took my hands and turned me around to face him. He loved doing that.

"Exactly babe! Well, actually is the only freeday for us boys, which is why you should spend it with me. We're going on tour in only four days!"

"Yeah, and I'm going with you." I reminded him, and pulled my hair into a tight ponytail, before letting it loose again.

"I'm just going to miss you so much!" He exclaimed, looking me deep in the eyes and making me relax for the first time all day."

"I'm gonna miss you too boo, but you know what? I waited for you for three years, you can wait a couple hours!" I smiled cockily, grabbed my handbag and walked out of the room, before he could stop me.

* * *

Eleanor and I met at this cute little bistro she knew, and as always she looked fabolous. We ordered our lunch, and started talking as if we had been friends for years. After a while the fun subjects turned into something more serious.

"So tell me Mag, what brought you to London?" Eleanor asked, and my smile slowly faded.

"Um... it's kind of complicated..."

I drifted off, and fortunately Eleanor could tell, I was uncomfortable about the situation,

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, like if it's too personal or something."

"Thanks, I've actually only told Zayn about it." I confessed, and Eleanor smiled then hesitated, before saying anything,

"You know in the start, I thought you might end up with Louis," I almost choked in my water, "I mean he told me that he liked you, and it sounded like you would be great together, but now I can see that you and Zayn are perfect for each other."

I tried to smile, but was still processing what she said, as she continued,

"Of course Louis told me, that he had told you about his feelings, or I would never had said anything, Louis is a very good friend of mine." El said matter-of-factly and ordered more water.

"Yeah, he told me about the whole Elounor thing, about management and stuff." I said carefully, not quite sure how she would react, but she just laughed,

"Oh Elounor... yeah in the start it was kind of fun you knowm, but aftter a while it gets tiring. It's not easy faking emotions you know, but at least I made some good friends." She smiled, and as we had finished our lunches, but not talking, we ordered desert.

"I wish I could say I understand, but I really can't." I said apolegetically, but she just waved her hand,

"It's fine really, I'm just happy it's over! Though I really wish, that Louis would find someone to make him happy."

"Yeah, I felt bad letting him down, but I'm in love with Zayn, and he told me it would be easy to get over me."

"Really?" El asked surprised.

"Yeah, why?" I asked, wondering why she would be surprised.

"It's just that usually, it's hard to get over something like that." El said thoughtfully, but I didn't know what she meant,

"Like what? He said it what just a crush!" I said, getting a bad feeling.

Eleanor however had a unmistakable look as someone who had said too much, and tried to change subject,

"Right... a crush, yeah totally! So aren't Niall and Tally just the cutest?"

"El, please don't change the subject! Tell me, it's just a crush Lou has!" I said seriously.

She bit her lip, staying silent for a long time before finally sighing, shaking her head and replying,

"I'm sorry. I thought you knew, but Louis is way past the crush phase. He is very much in love with you."

She looked at me apologetically, and I was lost for words.

* * *

Niall's P.O.V.

Tally looked fantastic, and I could hardly keep my eyes off her as we walked through the park. She was wearing the cutest white dress, and looked like an angel when she smiled. It had been a great date so far. I took her to a nice restaurant, where the food was great and conversation flowing. I loved her carefree personality, and that we both acted normal around each other. We were now walking through the park, and discussing favorites.

"Favortie song by The Script?" I asked her.

"Hmm, thats a hard one... I'm gonna have to go with "You Won't Feel A Thing"!"

"Good choice, great lyrics in that song, cool beat!"

"Okay my turn, favorite member of One Direction?" she asked, smirking,

"You know I can't answer that, all the boys are great in their own way! But I would like to know, who is your favorite member?"

"Hmm..." she pretented to think hard over it, "oh, I just can't choose. I'm stuck between Harry and Liam." she smiled, and then laughed at the expression on my face, "I'm kidding Niall! It's you, honestly not just because we're on a date. I've always thought you were very talented. and a pride of Ireland!"

I smiled and blushed; this date was turning out to be very good.

"Okay, then favorite movie?" I asked, this was always interesting.

"Oh that's too hard, I love movies, but some of my favorite are "The Notebook", all "The Godfather" movies, "Romeo+Juliet", "Pitch Perfect", "Love Actually", "Star Wars" and "Scarface"!"

"Wow!" I said surprised, "you really don't stick to one style huh?"

"Like I said, I'm a huge movie lover, and a music lover, basically all that entertainment stuff!" She said, stopping to pick some pretty blue flowers.

"So Niall James Horan, what do you look for in a girl?" She asked, looking at me intensely, making my heart beat fast.

"I have to admit, " she added, "I haven't seen any of those videos where you guys talk about that, so I'm very curious!"

"Well, what I look for in a girl... First of all her looks; I like a girl who is pretty, preferably with goldenbrown hair, tanned skin and amazing greyish blue eyes. She would have to have a good sense of humour, and it would be cool if she liked the same music as me, and could play an instrument. Definitely a plus for being Irish, and liking football as much as me. Let me see... what else?"

Tally was smiling widely now, so I continued,

"Of course she would have to love all kinds of movies like... "The Notebook", "Godfather", "Romeo+Juliet" and... "Pitch Perfect"", I stepped closer to her, "and "Love Actually"", one more step, "and "Scarface"." I took the last step, and we were standing very close, as I finished, "but most importantly, she would have be standing right in front of me right now, in a white dress, and her name would be... Natalie Roxanne McCallum!"

* * *

Maggie's P.O.V.

I couldn't quite comprehend what Eleanor had told me, and I felt so bad for Louis, but I just didn't know why he had lied.

"El? Do you know why he told me, that he only had a crush on me? I mean, maybe you misunderstood something?"

"Oh he made himself quite clear, but I really shouldn't have said anything! I'm sure there's a reason why he kept it a secret from you. Can you just pretend I never said anything?" Eleanor pleaded, and I nodded slightly distracted by a thought in the back of my head,

"Can I ask you a question El?"

"Yes of course!"

"Okay, but what I tell you, you have to promise that you won't tell anyone; it's kind of a secret, only Harry and Louis know!" she nodded, "Right, well that night when Louis told me, that he had a crush on me, and before I had truely acknowledged my feelings for Zayn... well Louis kissed me, but instead of pulling away I kissed back, and I just don't understand why!" I still hadn't figured out why I had handled the kiss in that way, and it really annoyed me.

"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing Mag, you were probably just caught in the moment you know, don't worry about it." Eleanor said, signalling for the check.

"Yeah, I guess you're right, I've just been wondering but I'm sure it's nothing."

"Caught in the moment", she had said. The same thing I said to myself about the kiss in the club, but then I had found out that Louis had initiated that kiss, and we hadn't just been caught in the moment. So what did that say about the kiss the other night, if anything at all?

I had promised Eleanor to pretend, she hadn't told me about Louis, but it would be so hard. Knowing that he was in love with me, made me feel so sorry for him, but I also knew the last thing a person in his situation wanted, was pity.

* * *

Louis' P.O.V.

Zayn was sitting restlessly in the couch, looking at the clock, waiting for Mag to come home. She had only been gone for an hour, and knowing Eleanor, they could talk all day. Niall had just gone for his date, and I was looking forward to hear about it. I could tell he was really falling for this Natalie, or Tally as she was called. Harry was still in his grumpy mood, and Liam hadn't been around today. I was going to talk to him, when we had some privacy.

* 2 hours later*

"Babe, finally, I've missed you so much!" Zayn embraced Mag in a bearhug, and I just looked away. This happy couple thing was slowly starting to get on my nerves.

"I was only gone for 3 hours Zayn, take it easy! You've gone longer without me before."

"But not since we became a couple, wow I just love saying that." Zayn replied, and I prayed they wouldn't start kissing in front of me, so I distracted her, before it got so far,

"So how was lunch with El?"

Mag looked at me, like she had just noticed me,

"Oh Lou... It was - um - great, she's really nice."

There was an awkward silence for a couple seconds before she dragged Zayn off to her room.

* * *

"Harry I wanna talk to you." I stated walking into his room, where he was lying on his bed, staring into space listening to "They Don't Know About Us". I remembered when we wrote that song, and suddenly I realised, that maybe I knew why he was upset.

"Fine, then talk!" he answered, looking very cross at me, switching off the stereo.

"What's wrong with you, why are you upset with me?"

"I'm not upset..."

"Come on Harry! You know, you can't lie to me. I can see something how been bothering you the past few days, but I don't know what I've done!" I said lying down next to him.

He looked me in the eyes, and then sighed before replying,

"You haven't done anything Lou," he sounded more sad then upset, "honestly. I just, I don't get it."

"Get what?"

He was silent for a minute, before loudly exclaiming,

"Why did you have to kiss her Louis? Not at the club, but here the other day. Why?"

He took me by shock, and I didn't know what to answer, so I stayed silent, as he continued, standing up,

"I know why... it's because you... you love her, I get that... But you knew that she's liked Zayn from the start, so maybe you should forget her and start to move on! Do you know how many people would die for your attention? But noo, your mind is stuck on somebody, who is currently one of your best friends girlfriends! You're just so... so... oh forget it!"

I really had no idea what to say, as his outburst took me by surprise, and finally I had to say something,

"But why are you upset about my feelings for Mag? It's not like you're dating her..."

Then it finally dawned on me. It wasn't because I was in love with Mag that he was upset. It was because I was the one in love with her.

"Remember at the club, I told you that I knew about your feelings for her, and you would understand how, if you thought about it?" He asked sitting down, next to me.

Of course I remembered it now, but I had forgotten about it, the next day. Now it all came back to me.

"You always notice, when the person you love, has feelings for someone else." It was a quote I used often, and I quoted it now, looking Harry in the eyes, noticing how sad he actually was. Noticing how bloodshot his eys were, from lack of sleep, or crying. My best friend had needed me, and I hadn't been there for him. I had neglected him,

"Harry... I-I'm really sorry."

"Don't be sorry Louis, it's not your fault that you don't love me anymore!"

I wished he would look me in the eyes; did he really think, I didn't love him anymore?

"Harry... I still love you, don't ever think otherwise, this is a hard time for me too!"

Harry mock laughed as reply, and shook his head,

"Hard for you? What, because the girl you like, is with someone else? A girl you've known for a little over a month, and who has never been more than a friend? Then try losing someone, who actually has been more than a friend, for three years! Three years of loving each other, and then you just decide that it didn't mean anything!"

"That is not fair Harry! I haven't decided anything, you know, I didn't choose for this to happen, it just did. Just like us, we didn't decide to fall in love, it just happened! And just because I've known her for a month, doesn't mean it's not as painful, or do my feelings not count as much as yours Harry? And if you really think it doesn't mean anything to me... then maybe it's for the best that we are just friends."

I got up and walked towards the door, but Harry stopped me,

"Louis please... don't... don't leave."

The pain is his voice broke my heart, and as I turned around to face him, I saw his eyes starting to well up with tears, making all the anger I had felt vanish.

"I miss you Louis, I need you. I've been trying so hard to keep up a happy face, but I've been dying to hold you in my arms again, like before. I'm hurting, Lou, and I need you to take away the pain."

He walked towards me, and stopped right in front of me. As we looked each other deep in the eyes, all our memories came flooding back to me. I saw it all - every smile, every tear, every hug, every kiss, every feeling, every emotion - right there in his eyes. And I knew he saw it in mine.

Without a word I pulled him close, and held him in a tight embrace, as a tear fell from my eye. How could I have been so blind?

* * *

Niall's P.O.V.

"Hello? Harry? Louis? Mag? Zayn?" I called out, but got no respond. Weren't they home?

"Niall, how was the date?" Liam, of all people, emerged from the kitchen.

"Liam, what are you doing here? Did I drive to our place, instead of Harry and Lou's?"

"You're at the right place Niall. I just got here, figuring you would probably come by, after your date. I haven't checked the rooms, so I have no idea where everyone is." Liam answered switching on the TV.

"But how did you get in?" I asked curiously.

"Why do people keep asking me that question? I have a sparekey to everyones apartment Niall."

Of course he did. Unlike Liam, I decided to find out where everyone was, and went to Mag's room first, as it was the closest.

"Mag? Zayn?" I knocked on the door, and heard giggling from inside, before Mag opened the door, with a smile,

"Niall! Zayn, it's Niall! We've been dying to hear all about your date!" She said excited, and her and Zayn went to the living room, as I searched for Harry and Louis.

Louis' room was empty, so I knocked on Harry's door.

"Who is it?" Harry called after a few seconds. Harry ususally never asked, when we knocked on his door.

"Um... It's Niall, are you in there with Lou?"

I heard whispering, before Louis replied,

"Yes, and I want to hear about your date, we'll be out in five minutes!"

"Um... Okay, great!" I replied, wondering why they were acting so weird.

Both of them had been acting kind of strange lately, keeping to them selves and having crazy mood swings, but at the moment I was more occupied with Tally. I knew it would be hard on tour, to be away from her. In only four days we would have to say goodbye, and I was going to miss her so much. Now I understood, why Zayn hadn't taken no for an answer, about Mag coming along, but with only four days left, there was no way they would let Tally come along. Plus she had work, and she probably didn't like me enough yet, to actually come on tour. It was a total different situation then it had been with Mag. I kind of wished I hadn't met her, and fallen for her right before the tour, but these things can't be controlled. They just happen.

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