Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


49. 'Home Sweet.. Home?'


A quick note.. I'm jumping a few weeks so I just wanna explain what's happenin. They've started European tour, Mag and Louis are still best friends, taking it slow (sorry Lou/Mag shippers) and Zayn and Mag are also being friendly, Louis and Zayn are trying to stay cool to each other. I skipped Niall's birthday so sorry, but I had to get on!!

btw. the whole chap is Mag's P.O.V. :b

Pleeease remember to comment!! Like & Fave!! :)

Enjoy, xoxo M. ;)


Chapter 43

"Home Sweet.. Home?"


Mag's P.O.V.


"Mag, get up... C'mon love, take a look out the window!"

I heard Louis' excited voice, as my eyes fluttered open and I looked around completely disoriented.


I vaguely remembered drifting off in the van last night and someone, probably Louis, carried me up to the hotel room.

I looked down and was relieved that I was still fully dressed in my jeans and blouse.

"Did you sleep in here?" I asked, confused about how, and why he was in my hotel room at...


Was he crazy?

"No, but you were sleeping, when we arrived, so I got your room key, including an extra one. I figured you would be tired, and I wanted to be sure, that you woke up before we head out."

"Head where?" I asked, rubbing my eyes and looking forward to the long shower, I was going to take.

"We have some recording before soundcheck at the venue, but you won't be bored." Louis shot me a huge grin and waited, until realization finally hit me and my eyes widened, as I jumped out of bed, running to the window.

A smile formed on my face and a relieved sigh slipped out as I took in the familiar sight below me.



Capital of Denmark and, although I had never lived in this city, is was the closest to home that I had been for months. It seemed like so much longer than 4-5 months, since I had been here.


"Where's my phone? I have to call my parents and my sister!" I exclaimed excitedly, looking around feverishly.

"Actually," Louis said, stepping up to me with my phone in his hand,

"I called them last night. They'll be down in reception at 10, and I arranged for one of the crew to take you anywhere you please."

My jaw dropped, and eyes widened at my statement,

"You talked to my mom? Seriously, did she freak out?" I asked, remembering how she reacted the first time I called her and told her, who I had met.

"A little bit. I thought it would be fun, since you told me that you had turned her into a fan!"


Louis stood looking at me with a goofy smile, hands in his black jeans' pockets.

I wondered if I would tell, at least my sister, about Louis' and I's feelings for each other. I had only talked to my mom and best friend Camilla, about breaking up with Zayn, but that was only because they both kept asking how it was going with him, whenever they called.


"Thanks for setting everything up for me, I really appreciate it."

"No worries... I have to meet up with the other boys so I'll see you at the venue." Louis said, walking towards the door but stopped and turned around,

"Oh and your sister invited all of us to dinner after the concert!"

I didn't have to time to reply, before he flashed me a smile and left.


Why did my sister have to live here? Why couldn't she have stayed back in our hometown!

I couldn't begin to imagine all the embarressing stories they would be telling about me tonight!


* * *


After a long shower, I opened my suitcase and skimmed at my clothes to find an outfit. I really wanted to wear something new for this reunion, but I couldn't decide if I should go for cool, cute, flashy or pretty. I felt really happy, and how do you make an outfit happy?

Colors of course!

The main reason that I loved looking at my clothes either stacked, folded or in a closet was all the colors! Outfits in only black, and/or white or grey were really not my thing.


I settled for my silky salmonpink button up shirt with gold buttons tucked into my burgundy high waisted jeans and Tally's keds. Shoe shopping was definitely on my list today!

After braiding my still damp wavy hair, blushing my cheeks and mascara-ing my eyelashes, I grabbed my new burgundy handbag, my rockstar sunglasses and headed down to reception.


"Well well well, looky who we have here all stylish and shit!"

"Melissa, I will have none of that language!" My mom scolded my 24-year old sister and I smiled widely at the sight of my sister, mom and Camilla all smiling back at me.

I practically broke into a run and pulled them in for a long grouphug.

"God, I missed you guys!" I exclaimed, after finally letting them go.

"That's hard to believe! You've been hanging out and touring around with the very people you've been filling my ears with for three years! I still don't remember the last one's name!" My sister said teasingly, and I was about to reply, when I heard a familiar voice,

"His name is Niall mom!"

I squealed as my 4-year old niece came walking up to me, holding my oldest sister's hand.

"Maria, Gabby!" I yelled, picking up my niece, while hugging my sister.

"I missed you aunt Maggie! Mommy never want to talk about One Direction!" Gabby pouted and Melissa, her mom, rolled her eyes.


"Wow, you look beautiful babe!" Camilla exclaimed, but she always told me that, so it wasn't much of a surprise. She had always kind of admired me.

"Thanks! You're pretty hot yourself!" I said truthfully, checking her out playfully in her blue summer dress (my favorite on her), black jacket and light brown hair straightened to perfection. Camilla would hardly leave her place, without straightening her hair, whereas I never owned either straightener, curling iron or even a blow dryer! She was short and curvy, I was taller and slim. She tried to stay away from "unhealthy" foods, and I pigged out in fast food, chips, candy and chocolate all the time.

Camilla was social and outgoing, and I was, well used to be, very shy.


As different as we were, I had never had a better or longer friend, and we did have one big thing in common. When we were together we were weird as hell and acted crazy, especially with insider jokes!

I didn't expect to have much of that today though, since I wanted to spend time catching up, and not so much goofing around.


After the general small talk, we went out to the car that was waiting for us and decided to go to my favorite shopping mall in Copenhagen. The sun was shining now, but grey clouds were looming, and I'd rather not take my chances with the weather.


* * *


I spent most of the car ride, retelling my story of everything that had happened in the last months, leaving out all the personal and emotional stuff. I had never been good to talk about my feelings with my family, or even Camilla. That was one thing, I usually kept to myself. Until I met the boys. I had, at some point, been able to talk to every one of them about things like that.


My mom, Camilla and Gabby listened in awe, as my sisters were less impressed. They were hardly fans of One Direction, and weren't the types who got starstruck or went crazy, when meeting someone super famous.


"So is he a good kisser?" Camilla asked in a low voice, nudging my side.

"What? Who?" I asked nervously, and she looked at me weirdly,

"Zayn of course! Wasn't he the one you were dating?"

I smiled at her words, because I knew she wouldn't have remembered his name, if I hadn't mentioned him so much on the phone. Even though I had managed to turn Camilla into a sort of fan, after failing with my sisters, the only name she remembered was Harry. Partially because everyone had heard of Harry, partially because Camilla was spacey and had horrible memory and partially because "Harry is the one with the weird hair", as she said.

I always laughed at her statement, because every other girl on the planet adored his curls.

I refused to answer her question making her laugh and roll her eyes at my shyness when talking about such things.

I was relieved when we pulled into the parking lot at the mall.


"Where do you wanna go first?" My sister, Maria asked walking with Gabby.

If Gabby had a choice she would always much rather walk with Maria than her own mom.

"I have to get new shoes! I've been borrowing these from Tally for weeks now!" I exclaimed and she gave me a strange look,

"Tally? Isn't that a girl's name?" She asked, and I laughed loudly, at the fact that she thought Tally might be one of the boys.


Unlike Camilla and my mom, who I had managed to turn and unlike Melissa who I would fill with more 1D information than healthy, Maria knew pretty much nothing.

She was one of the few who didn't even recognize the name Harry Styles, not to mention any of the others. She was my oldest sister, at the age of 28 and with such a big gap, we had never been that close and I didn't even try to talk about the boys to her.


"No Tally is Niall's, one of the boys, girlfriend. She's also touring with us." I informed her, and it was clear that she wasn't even slightly interested.

"Can we get some coffee first?" My mom asked, just as I expected and I turned to her,

"Maybe you and Maria can go to a café, while we start at the shops and then you can join us?" I suggested, and fortunately everyone agreed.

"We'll take Gabby!" I exclaimed, taking the small girl's hand, as we entered the mall.


We went to four different shops before I decided to just get some classic blue Vans, and I also grabbed a black/red checkered pair along with a pair of biker boots, since fall was coming soon. I didn't know how much that would mean though, while we were on tour.


I was then forced to go to way too many clothes shops, after Maria and my mom joined us, so I spent most of the time entertaining Gabby showing her pictures and videos of the boys. Melissa never quite forgave me for making her daughter "obsessed with those guys", as she said, but hey I never actually forced her to listen to them. So what if I would play their music and talk about them all the time, since she was like 1 year old. It wasn't my fault that such a little girl had such good taste in music.


It was finally time to head to the venue, where I, for the first time, would be sitting in the audience (front row of course), joined by Camilla and my mom. After the concert we would all drive together to Melissa's flat for dinner.


We were heading towards the exit of the mall, after I called Louis, about transport when someone couldn't ignore the stares I had been getting all day, any longer.

"Auntie... Why all the girls stare at you?" Gabby asked curiously and I smiled at her innocence,

"I think they recognize me... Like they've seen me in pictures and things like that." I tried to explain it as simply as possible to the 4-year old.

"Because you're friends with Louis?" She asked, and I couldn't help but chuckle with a quick "yeah".


Gabby knew that Louis was my favorite, and even though she knew all the boys' names, she would usually refer to Louis, when talking to me. It surprised me at times, how smart and observant she was. It was funny that Melissa always forgot Niall, since he was Gabby's favorite. She would remember Louis, because of me, Harry because, well it's Harry and she always remembered Liam cause he was the only one she... Well kind of "admired" because of his rough life with health issues, bullying etc.


She would at times remember Zayn because he kind of stood out with his looks (I would tease her that her ex resembled him), but to Gabby's annoyance, she never seemed to remember Niall. I hoped that would change after tonight, and that she would finally understand my love for these boys.


* * *


"You guys, that was great!" I exclaimed, when I got backstage, with Camilla and my mom close behind me.

"Oh yeah, everyone this is Camilla, my best friend and my mom, Ann. Mom, Camilla this is everyone. Harry, Louis, Liam, Zayn, Niall and Tally... Niall's girlfriend, who is currently trying to suck off his face." I introduced them, and Tally pulled away with a quick "sorry".

It was amusing to see Camilla, and especially my mom act so giddy around them, but I would have been the same, if I wasn't in total shock when I first met Zayn. At least they didn't freak out and for the first time, I was thankful that they weren't that big of fans.


We all managed to fit into the 10-passenger minibus, and I gave Paul the address to my sister's flat in the outskirts of town.

"I can't wait to meet your sisters! And that niece of yours!" Louis said excitedly, and Niall piped up,

"Yeah, is she a good cook?"

I rolled my eyes, as Camilla giggled from behind me,

"Yes she is a wonderful cook, and I informed her that she will be feeding an army tonight!"

"I'm sorry but Ni-chum and I just have a healthy appetite. There is nothing wrong with that!" Tally added, and Louis and I looked at each other mouthing "Ni-chum?" before bursting into laughter.

"Could you guys just stick to the food nicknames, before I vomit?" Zayn said, receiving a glare from Tally,

"Watch it Bradford! I have glue in my bag!" She threatened, and Zayn held his hands up in defense chuckling.

"You holding up back there?" I turned around to my mom and Camilla, who sat in the backseats with Harry in between them. He had volunteered to sit there, leaving Louis and I alone in the middle, behind Niall, Tally and Zayn while Liam sat in the front.

"Yeah, I'm just showing Harry all the embarressing pictures I have of you!" Camilla flashed me a grin, and I looked at the phone in her hand currently showing a drunk picture of me making an inexplicable face and I shook my head. I knew she would do something like that.

I turned to my mom, who was totally into her phone, and I knew what she was doing,

"Facebook, mom?" I questioned with a smirk, and she glanced at me quickly,

"Yeah I'm just looking at Steven's..." She drifted off and I rolled my eyes again.

The past year my mom had become a full-on Facebook addict spending most of her time interacting with her good friend Steven, who lived in Sweden I think.

"You're sitting next to Harry Styles and chose to spend time on Facebook." I muttered, not loud enough to be heard and turned around again.


I wouldn't have been surprised if it was someone else, but I knew my mom really liked One Direction. I also knew that she had a weird hang-up with Harry, just because he was an Aquarius. My mom was a astrology freak, much like I had used to be, and she didn't get on with Aquariuses, so she blamed everything negative about Harry on his sign.


Ridiculous in my opinion. Capricorns, on the other hand, she loved and found Louis and Zayn hilarious. I didn't have the heart to tell her that they weren't exactly best friends at the moment, and I prayed nothing would be awkward tonight.


* * *


"So, why did you guys break up?" Melissa pointed at Zayn and I, and I dropped my fork on my plate, as the table fell silent.

"We... Uh, I... Well..." I stuttered, unable to form a sentence.

Luckily, Zayn came to the rescue,

"It just didn't work out. Unfortunately."

I looked at him, sitting across me with a sad smile and I killed my sister in my mind, for bringing up such a touchy subject.

"I would have thought, she would go after Louis, to be honest." She continued and I stared at her in disbelief. Why was she doing this to me?

"What is wrong with you?" I said through gritted teeth, and she laughed,

"Oh relax! What's the point of inviting them over, if I can't embarress you?" She asked seriously, and Louis grinned,

"Please do continue!" He urged, and I kicked him under the table.


"I'm just saying, I remember when you guys were on X-Factor, in the start she was like oh my God, Zayn is so beautiful but then she started on Louis, and there was one week, when you sang Eclipse Of The Heart, and she would watch this video every day, even up until now. Anyways when it was live, she started screaming 'oh my God they're singing my song and oh my God they're vampires!' Then whenever she would force me to watch the video on YouTube she would be like "listen you can actually hear Louis... Now... And now and look isn't he just gorgeous?' But the worst was 'Your Song'... She would pause the video on Louis' face and just stare at him..."

"Okay! Who wants more Lasagna?" I cut my sister off abruptly while the whole table, except Zayn, were holding back laughs. My face matched the colour of Louis' pants in "What Makes You Beautiful".

"Oh, Mag come on we wanna hear this!" Niall encouraged my annoying sister, and I buried my head in my hands, knowing I had no way to stop my her,

"So anyways, after X-Factor she waited and waited, still obsessing and finally you released "What Makes You Beautiful" and she heard it over and over watching that video like crazy and she was seriously like "aaaw Louis" looking at the screen with a smile. Whenever you released a new video, it was pretty much the same. Even when she just found out about a new single she bounced up and down."

I was glaring at Melissa, while Louis couldn't stop smiling. Liam was holding back a laugh, while Tally and Niall were laughing without sound.

"But you," she pointed at Zayn, and I froze,

"I used to ask her 'why is he always posing with his faces and she always laughed at me, and showed me this clip where Louis talks about how much of a poser Zayn is. It's like she turned everything about you guys into something funny."

"Or if I would leave my computer for a couple minutes," my mom joined in,

"She would go on google and leave a picture on of one of you guys, usually shirtless!"

My eyes widened and I put my hands on the table,

"Okay, let's stop this episode of fifty shades of awkward!"

"Oh relax, we're just joking around!" Melissa said innocently,

"But the obsession kind of died down a bit when you met Chris..."

I dropped my fork again, and silence filled the room.

"Oh Mag, I... I'm sorry, I just..." My sister started, but I cut her off,

"No it's fine. Don't worry about it." I tried giving her a half-smile, but it was hardly convincing.


I noticed five pairs of eyes looking at me confused, and remembered that I had only told Zayn about Chris.

I felt an instant pang of guilt, like when I first met the boys, until I felt a hand on mine under the table, and turned to Louis.

"Chris?" He asked curiously and I gave him a "I'll tell you later look".


"So when are you coming home?" Camilla asked, finishing off her plate,

"Not that I don't love having your, well mine now, apartment but I'd like to know when and if you'll be evicting me any time soon."

Home. I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't even know where home was anymore.

I didn't feel like my old city was home anymore. I felt more at home with the boys, in London. But I didn't have a flat or anything else there, and all my stuff was still in my flat here, except the clothes, books and random things, I had brought to London.


"I don't think you have to worry about the flat anymore." Louis answered for me with a smile, and I looked at him questioning,

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're not going to move back here, right?" He stated, as if it was something everyone knew, but the look on my and most of the others' faces said otherwise.

"You're not?" My mom and sister asked in unison, but once again Louis responded before me,

"I figured that after the tour, you would stay with Harry and I until you found your own place and got a job. In London."

I looked at him shocked, and had no idea what to say. Did he take it for granted that I, obviously would be moving to London for good? The thought had crossed my mind, but we had never actually discussed it.

"What? After everything we've been through with you, you were just going to pack up and leave, and we would never see you again?" Niall asked.

I had never thought about it like that.

"You always said, you wanted to move to England." Camilla added,

"After your education."

"You could go to a university in England you know," Harry joined,

"What do you want to study?"

My mind still hadn't processed the whole moving thing, but this question, I could answer,

"I wanted to be a teacher. English and religion. Of course being an English teacher in England is a bit different then in a non-English-speaking country."

English never was a problem for me, since it was my first language, which is why an English teacher seemed perfect, plus I wanted to teach ever since I was a kid.


"You could take an English degree at the university, no problem!" Tally smiled widely, and everyone looked at me expectantly.

"I don't really know. I haven't thought that far after the tour." I answered truthfully.

"Maybe it's about time to start thinking then." Melissa said, and I knew she was right.


* * *

After dinner, and after putting Gabby to sleep we all sat in the living room chilling out.

Niall and Liam were watching a football game with my mom, of all people, Camilla was interrogating Zayn and Harry about tattoos, Melissa was joking around with Tally exchanging "bullying" stories (my sister loved bullying me and Tally loved bullying all the boys).

I was watching them, quite amused when Louis sat down next to me.


"Are you mad at me?" He asked pouting, making me smile.

"Why would I be mad at you, silly?"

"For earlier. I just assumed, you wanted to live in London with us... With me."

He looked down blushing, making my heart pound.

"When you say "with you"..." I drifted off, not having to finish my sentence.

"I mean that we would get a place together. Of course only, if you're ready at that point. We're talking months from now."

To be honest, I wanted to live with Louis, I wanted to be with him, to be in a relationship but I knew that I still had to wait. It wasn't the right time, I could sort of feel it, however that was possible.


"I do want to live in London... But I can't give a definitive answer just yet." I said, and Louis nodded understanding.

"How are things with you and Zayn?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Good I suppose. We're starting to find our place as friends." I replied with a smile, but Louis looked at me with a doubtful expression,

"Are you sure Zayn also feels the same?"

What was he talking about?

"Of course, Zayn knows we're just friends now. He hasn't tried anything."

"Yet." Louis muttered, and I felt myself getting angry with him,

"What are you saying, Louis?"

"Nothing. I'm just wondering how you can be sure that he only has good intentions."

I glared at Louis. He didn't know anything about Zayn and I's friendship, yet he felt that he had the right to judge it. To question Zayn's intentions. For some reason it made me incredibly upset that those two were constantly badmouthing each other to me!

"How can I be sure, that your intentions are good?" I fired back, raising an eyebrow and he looked at me in disbelief.

"How can you..." He seemed lost for words, closing and opening his mouth a few times before saying anything,

"You know how I feel about you, Mag!"

"Do I really? What if you're just playing me?" I asked using Zayn's words, instantly regretting it as I saw the hurt look on Louis' face, but I didn't even get a chance to apologize.

"Playing... Well... Okay then, if that's how you feel." Louis got up and walked away, without looking me in the eyes and I wished I could rewind and take back what I had just said.


* * *

Uh-oh, drama coming soon, I warned y'all! I know this was kind of a filler, but yeah they come once in a while y'know :p..See you next Tuesday, and remember to comment!! Love you all..

P.S. a couple of you have told me abt your own stories and I do read them when I have the time, so even though I don't always have time to comment I AM reading them and you write some cool interesting stuff so keep it up!! ;)

xoxo, M. :)

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