Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


38. 'Gossip'


Hello lovelies!!

So I was going to update sooner, but I had technical issues so yh..

Anyways I HAD to update before 1DDAY, tomorrow!! Im so freakin excited, even though it will be from 8PM-3AM here, cus the boys are in US!! But I know some have it worse and I aint complaining!!

Anywaays, this is kinda the last chap in the "Manchester" part (I like deviding stuff in parts, don't judge me)

So for the Man. Part there was a lot of focus on all the boys, but Niall & Liam aren't technically main characters in this, but it was important to establish their relationships for later in the story.

So for the "TOUR" part, it will mainly be focusing on Mag/Zayn, Harry and Louis again, with a few Nally & Skiam (u got a better ship name?) moments here and there :)

btw, I couldn't make the font bigger and in bold like I usually do when the P.O.V. changes so sry for that :P

Well, I guess that's all for now, remember to COMMENT PLSS!!

Enjoy, xoxo M.





Chapter 32


Harry's P.O.V.

After the song ended, I put down the pretend microphone (Lauren's brush), and continued to stare at Louis who was looking at me with a half-hurt, half-angry expression.

Well he should have seen it coming. Every single word in that song described how I felt, and he needed to know that.

"Wow, Harry that was amazing!" Mag said, and I smiled taking my seat next to Lauren, giving her a kiss, as I felt Louis' burning gaze.

I hoped the others didn't sense my sincerity in that exact song. I really do wear my heart on my sleeve.


Lauren collected all the points and added up to announce the winner.

"Okay here we go! In third place we have a tie of 64 points out of 80... Mag with "Bleeding Love" and Skye with "Same Mistakes", great job girls!" Everyone clapped as the two girls stood up, bowed and high-fived each other.

"And in second place... With a score of 72 points... Louis with "Still The One", way to go Lou!" Lauren announced and there was another round of appluse, as he quickly glanced at me, smirking.

"Now, finally the winner..." Lauren continued dramatically, "drumroll please," we all started to do a drumroll,

"The winner is... With a perfect score of 80 points... HARRY STYLES "TAKEN"!"

Everyone clapped and cheered as I stood up, punching the air,

"Yeah! What's my prize?" I asked with a huge grin.

"You win this incredible trophy!" Lauren replied with a gamehost voice handing me a simple bowling trophy, with a note taped on it that had the words "SINGER OF THE NIGHT" written in gold on it.


"So what's next?" Niall asked excitedly, as everyone clearly was getting more into this "music night" thing.

"Next up is a concert with... "The Girlfriends!" Lauren replied, and we all looked at her curiously, before she explained,

"Well, I've discovered a girlband right here! Tally plays guitar, I play keyboard, Mag is an amazing lead vocal and Skye can play the bas and be backup vocal! We'll do without a drummer tonight, but once we find one, and come up with a better name, we'll be touring with you guys!"

Everyone raised their eyebrows, and far-fetched as it was, Lauren was actually on to something.

"Did you all know about this?" Liam asked the other girls, and they all shook their head.

"Wait, so Skye can sing, play bas and is an incredible fashion designer?" Zayn asked and Tally nodded enthusiastically,

"Yeah and a great photographer too, she has like five different types of cameras!"

"Actually it's seven." Skye replied in a small voice, blushing.

"So yeah basically, with the right connections she could either land herself a record deal, get a job at a high profile magazine, or have her own fashion line!" Tally added, and we all turned to the blonde girl, with impressed expressions,

"Well fashion is my passion and main goal, and I'm really not as good as Talls makes it sound!"

"Quit being modest, Skye, you totally are all that!" Tally said, making Louis head shoot up,

"Did someone say Modest? C'mon Skye, Modest is no fun!" He said with a smirk, making all us boys laugh.

As angry as I was with him at the moment, Louis could always make me laugh.

Even if he was an intolerable prick.


After "The Girlfriends" performed a few songs and their own version of "vas happenin boys", we ended the night watching "Grease" and "High School Musical" (Mag's choice), and had a huge slumberparty in the livingroom with lots of  pillows, covers and sleeping bags.

After talking about music, movies, telling funny stories and making jokes we all fell asleep completely exhausted.

* * *

Mag's P.O.V.

I woke up next to Zayn, by the sound of a phone ringing, and looked around, until I spotted Liam picking up his phone,

"Hello... Yes... No, we haven't... What... Well, yes but... I see... That you will have to ask Harry about... But we're leaving tonig... Alright... But she... Fine... Sure, I'll let them know... Bye."

He hung up, and sat down on the couch, rubbing his temples. I noticed, that no one else had woken up yet, so I tiptoed over to him, and said in a low voice,

"Hey... Who was that?"

Liam let out a deep sigh,


"What did they want?" I asked, sensing trouble.

It took a while, before he replied,

"Apparently we're the topic of several gossip magazines- and shows. Well not all of us. The fight between you, Zayn, Tally and Perrie is the main topic and sources have described it in detail. The other topic is Harry's new girlfriend. Apparently many fans are guessing, quite right, that he is together with the "local unknown female friend of Niall's new girlfriend" as the magazines put it. But all the Larry shippers think that she'll be his new so-called beard, after that picture of him and Louis kissing, even though they're not sure it was even them.

I told management to talk to Harry about Lauren, but... Well they already set up a interview for us at 12 noon... 2 hours from now. They want us to assure the fans that there are no complications, after the thing with Perrie and possibly answer questions about "these new girls"."

I looked at Liam with wide eyes. At the moment I was featured in several magazines and tv-shows? The fight was described in detail? Larry shippers thought Lauren was a beard?

"But there's more..." Liam added and I looked at him, wondering what more there could be.

"Well, since you were firsthand involved they want you, and possibly, Tally to join us in the interview."

My eyes widened to the size of saucepans, as Liam looked at me apologetically.

"What? But I... I'm not... I can't..." I tried to pull a sentence together, but my brain wouldn't cooperate with me, and Liam rested his hand on my shoulder,

"Mag, take it easy... Listen, I tried to convince them not to include you, especially since you have no training in handling the press, but they wouldn't have it, I'm sorry. They think the public should get to hear it from more than Zayn's point of view. But you'll be fine, don't worry. Listen help me make a quick breakfast before we wake these guys, and I'll give you a crash-course in interviewing."

Liam gave me a small smile, which I eventually returned, and we went to make breakfast.


After ten minutes, I got bored of interview tips, so I decided to change the subject,

"How are things with you and Skye? It looked pretty good when Zayn and I unconveniently interrupted you yesterday." I said, and Liam put on a huge grin,

"Well, we both really like each other, but I don't really know if we're a thing." He replied.

"You know according to Lauren, if you like each other, you're already a couple." I said winking at him, and he rolled his eyes, chuckling.

"So where are you going?" I asked, as I started taking out plates and glasses.

Liam looked at me weirdly, before replying,

"Um... We're all going to Bradford... Including you?"

I rolled my eyes and slapped his arm lightly,

"You're such a twat! I mean you and Skye! Y'know where do you see yourself heading? Like are you definitely going to do the long distance relationship like Harry and Lauren or just play by ear, when you move in together?" I asked, and he looked at me thoughtfully.

"I'm not quite sure... I mean whether we're in a relationship or not, we're going to miss each other and be faithful to each other... Well I guess if people want to call us a couple, that's fine."

I grinned from ear to ear, and let out a squeal,

"Oh my gosh! Liam has a girlfriend, you guys are so petfect!" I said hugging him, and heard groans from the couch area.

"Whoa, don't tell me you've turned into a... Tally clone!" He said pretending to be terrified, and I laughed as he finished up the scrambled eggs.

I was really happy for them. Even if Skye wasn't Liam's typical kind of girl on the outside, they're personalities suited perfectly. She was mature, down-to-earth, had been through things and was such a sweetheart. When you saw them together, they just seemed so right. I wondered if people also saw me and Zayn like that.


15 minutes later, I had finished the last pancakes, and it was time to awake the troops. I tried to think of a good way, and came up with the perfect idea.

I smirked, as I pulled out my phone, opened the app, and after a few seconds lightly tapped the screen.

A earsplitting horn was heard throughout the flat, and everybody flew up from their positions, a few of them screaming, the rest of them groaning.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Tally asked, looking at me furiously.

"That is not how you wake people up!" Niall added.

"Aw poor sleepy and grumpy!" I teased with a pout.

"Haha, a dwarf joke about me and Niall. How original!" Tally spat out, as she layed down again.

"Seriously guys, get up! We have to be out in an hour!" Liam spoke up with a stern expression and everyone looked at him confused.

"What are you talking about?" Zayn asked, peeping up from his covers and I smiled at my perfect boyfriend.

Liam explained to the others, everything he had told me, and they all stared at him in shock.

"Wait a minute, they think I'm a beard?" Lauren asked offended, and Harry looked furious.

"It's not fair to drag Mag and Tally into the interview! What, do they want to scare them off or something? It's so unnecessary!" Zayn added, and Liam held his hands up in defense,

"I'm just the messenger! Listen, I'm not happy about this either, but there's nothing we can do, so come on. Breakfast is on the table!"


During breakfast everyone was in a glum mood, and just looked at their food, muttering here and there.

"I can't believe this. It's our last day, and we have to spend it on this nonsense!" Harry said poking his food, without really eaiting.

"Don't worry, it won't take long, and we have the rest of the day together." Liam said, and I knew that when he said "together" he was aiming at himself and Skye.

Harry and Liam weren't taking their girlfriends along on tour, so it was extra hard for them to leave, even without having to spend time on the interview.

After eating, we all got ready pretty quickly, and left Lauren and Skye waiting, as we headed out.

I had no idea what to wear for an interview, but figured it should just be what I normally would wear, and decided on lightblue jeans, a burgundy jumper and my black converse. My hair was in a high ponytail and I only bothered with some mascara and lipgloss.

Paul picked us up in the van, and I was sitting in the back between Zayn and Louis, almost shaking due to nerves.

"Hey," I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked to boy on my right side,

"Don't worry. You'll be fine."

I smiled at him, but not very convincing.

"No, really. It's not that bad, the boys and I will guide you through... And I won't let the mean journalist get to you!" He flashed me a smile, and I felt myself calm down.

"Thanks Lou."


* * *

We were ten minutes into the interview, and so far had only talked about the tour. I was sitting between Tally and Zayn, on one of the couches, face red as a tomato, and feeling very awkward, until I heard a question,

"Do one of you girls have a comment on, the recent episode with Perrie?"

I suddenly felt everybody's eyes on me, and my palms were getting sweaty. I looked at the others, my eyes settling on Louis who gave me an encouraging smile, and as Zayn gave my hand a light squeeze, I cleared my throat to answer,

"Um... Well Ta... I mean Natalie, Zayn and I ran into Perrie at a club, and she was being quite rude so we got into a small argument and uh... Well it got a little out of hand, so we decided to leave."

I wasn't sure, how much the press had heard, so I didn't want to disclose too much information.

"But you were thrown out, weren't you? Because of a fight?" Now I got even more nervous but luckily Zayn took over,

"Like she said the situation got out of hand, but it wasn't big, and we have moved past the situation with Perrie. Hopefully there will be no more problems."

"Natalie? Who is this friend of yours, that we have been seing all of you hanging out with?" The reporter asked, and I turned to Tally, who didn't look nervous at all. We had talked to Lauren, and she didn't have a problem, with the public, finding out about her and Harry. They would find out eventually, and she wasn't fond of the beard rumours either.

"Lauren is a close friend of mine, and I introduced her to the guys. She lives here in Manchester, and as I am staying at her place, naturally we have spent time with her. All the boys and Mag have become good friends with her." Tally replied with a smile, and without a single stutter, making me wish I had the same outgoing personality.

"What about the rumours about her and Harry?"

Everyone turned to Harry, who had a smile on his face,

"It is true that Lauren and I are together." He stated simply and the reporter had a smirk on his face.

"So what about the Larry Stylinson rumours?"

At this point, we all expected Louis to take over. Larry was his area, as Harry wasn't allowed to talk about it, since he couldn't lie for shit. But surprisingly, the dimpled smile appeared as the curly haired boy spoke up,

"Louis and I are not together. Like I said, I am with Lauren, and am very fond of her. I'm sorry if anyone has a problem, but that's how it is."

Harry still couldn't lie for shit... So he told the truth.

Him and Louis weren't together NOW. He was very fond of Lauren. I noticed him smile proudly, like a kid reciting the alphabet for the first time, and I guess that was how he felt. It was the first time he was ever able to comment the Larry-topic, and actually deny it.

For a second, I thought I noticed a sad expression on Louis' face, but I quickly brushed it off, as I looked to the side, where a representive from management stood, smiling at Harry. I guess they were happy, not to worry about Larry anymore.

I was brought back, by the sound of my name.

"Mag, you're joining the boys on tour, how is life on the road?"

That question was far more easy to answer,

"Absolutely amazing!" I replied with a smile,

"Even though we've only been here in Manchester so far, I can see how it's going to be like, and the guys are the best to hang out with! The fans at the concerts are incredible too! I just feel so lucky to be part of this whole touring experience, and as of last night, we just found out that Natalie will join us too, so that will be great!" I was smiling widely, and felt proud of myself for not sounding nervous at all.

"Aren't you afraid of being distracted with these two gorgeous women with you?" The reporter asked, making us chuckle before Niall replied,

"No... I mean we're surrounded by thousands of girl when we're on stage, so I think we're used to it."

Tally looked at Niall with a weird expression, which he noticed and quickly added,

"I mean, we don't let ourselves get distracted. We focus on the job at hand. And without Natalie, I wouldn't have been much fun on stage at all."

He gave Tally a warm smile, which she returned, obviously liking this answer a lot more.

"So Liam and Louis, what about you and girlfriends?" The reporter asked, and I looked at Liam who started smiling,

"Well, there is a girl I like, yes but at the moment I can't say anymore about that. I don't know about Louis though."

We all turned to Louis, just as curious as the reporter, none of us knowing what was going on in his mind, or if there was anything between him and Lexy.

"I am not dating anyone at the moment, although I can not rule out that I might be interested in someone."

Well, that was vague!

Louis just said that maybe he liked someone, and maybe he didn't. The reporter looked a little disappointed but moved on.

For another 15 minutes, it went on talking about the tour again, what we had been up to in Manchester, and Tally explaining how excited she was.

To be honest, the whole interview seemed a bit unnecessary. Everything we said could basically have be explained in a few tweets, but apparently management just wanted to annoy the boys at time to time.

We were all relieved when the interview ended, and Harry and Liam couldn't wait to get back to their girlfriends as quickly as possible.


* * *

Niall, Tally, Skye, Liam, Lauren and Harry had all decided to go on a date before we left, so it was only Louis, Zayn and I left at the apartment.

I had convinced Zayn that we should spend time with Louis, and not just leave him all alone, while we snuggled in the guestroom.

I guess, I was still a bit worried about him. He was still acting a bit off, being overly cheerful whenever someone spoke to him. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but I could tell he was trying to pretend that he was fine, so I wasn't sure if he would answer truthfully.

Zayn went to the guestroom to call his mom, so I took the oppurtunity of being alone with Louis, to ask him,

"Louis... I can see right through you," my sudden statement took him by surprise and he looked at me weirdly before I went on,

"I can see that you want everyone to think you're perfect, but you aren't. I'm still your best friend, and I still care and worry about you, and I want you to tell me right now what is bothering you!"

Louis furrowed his eyebrows for a while before saying,


His reply took me by shock.

"No? What the hell do you mean 'no'?" I asked slightly irritated.

"I'm not telling you. You can see something's wrong, fine, but I'm not going to say what it is!" He replied sassily, crossing his arms.

"Lou... Please? I won't tell anyone. I just don't think it's healthy to keep things bottled up. Look how it turned out last time you did that!" I said, remembering him running out of the bus, and pointing to the place of his stomach where I knew his scar was.

"I guess, if I don't say it out loud, I hope it might not be true." He replied sadly, and I scooted next to him.

"Lou... Not saying it won't make it go away." I said simply, and he looked at me thoughtfully, before saying,

"Okay I'll tell you... If you tell me a secret!" He now smirked and I looked at him with wide eyes,

"What? No!"

"Come on Mag. Just something I can laugh about, before I pour out my heart." He said, and something in the tone of his voice, managed to convince me.

I took a deep breath to brace myself,

"Okay... When you guys came off X-Factor... You and Zayn were my favorites but... I also, and this is like 2 and a half years ago... I had a crush on Niall!" I said the last really quickly closing my eyes, and heard Louis laugh.

"Oh shut up Louis, it was a long time ago! What's so funny about that?" I asked smacking his arm.

He stopped laughing a bit to reply,

"Nothing I'm sorry... So how serious is it, like does Tally have competetion?" He started laughing again, and I crossed my arms waiting for him to finish.

When he finally did, I looked at him raising an eyebrow,

"Are you quite finished yet?"

He nodded, and I looked at him softly again,

"Well then, tell me what's bothering you?"

Louis let out a deep sigh and waited a minute, while staring at the floor.

"I'm in love with Harry."

Weirdly, his reply didn't come as much of a surprise.

"So you regret ending things with him, and are jealous of him and Lauren."

It was more of a statement, than a question and he nodded slightly.

"I don't know, Mag, it's like everything is wrong. I know it was selfish of me to end things with Harry, but it wasn't fair to him if I kept it going while I still had feelings for you... I just didn't expect him to find someone so quickly. Of course, I knew he would move on eventually, I'm not that naive, but I just didn't think it would be so soon. I guess I thought, I would have enough time to sort my head out and get back together with him, and I know it's selfish to think he would just wait for me.

What hurts me the most is knowing how much I hurt him. During the last three years, we have had plenty of complications, but I've never actually ended it, and I guess that's why it was so easy for him to move on. Because this time he was sure we were done. But I wasn't sure. I just wish, I hadn't ended it, we should just have taken a break like you did with Zayn.

I never wanted to really let him go. I love him, dammit! I always thought we would end up growing old together, but I know I've taken him for granted far too many times. I haven't been good at showing him that I feel exactly the same as he did.

At first, I thought he was just trying to make me jealous with Lauren, but then I realized he really likes her and that did it for me.

It broke me inside, and that's when I decided to pretend I was fine, hoping it would actually make me fine, but it didn't help at all.

I just have this emptiness inside of me... A hole where Harry used to be, and it's eating me up, sucking every bit of joy out of me until I am that hole. An empty shell. Pretty to look at, but completely useless!

And the worse part, is that it's all my fault.

I've been selfish, conceited, taken him for granted, not shown him enough love or affection, never proven to him that I love him... Damn, I don't even deserve him!

He thinks, I just want to be with him because he is taken, you remember last night? When he sang that song to me, I just wanted to cry, as I felt every piece of my body hurting. And it's my own fault that he doesn't know how much I love him, whether he is taken or not. I don't want him because he's with Lauren, I've always wanted him, but I had to get over you first.

Now it's too late, and I'll never get my Harry back.

His beautiful green eyes won't shine for me. His perfect dimpled smile won't smile at me. His wonderful curls won't be run through by my hands. His strong fingers won't be entwined in my smaller ones. His tall frame won't embrace my shorter one. Those wonderful lips won't kiss mine. That gorgeous voice won't speak loving words to me.

I love every single part of him unconditionally, but I've lost him forever, and I only have myself to blame for being in this unbearable dark bottomless pit!"

By the time Louis finished speaking he was crying, and I hugged him, rubbing his back as he sobbed, with his head buried in the crook of my neck.

I didn't even know what to say. I couldn't say everything would be okay, because Harry wouldn't just break up with Lauren. I couldn't say it wasn't his fault, because he was right; it was his fault, but he had his reasons. It hurt me to see him like this, not even having anything to say.

So I just continued to hug him, rubbing his back, gently rocking back and forth, as he cried his heart out.

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