Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


58. 'Chapter 52'


Hey lovelies.. so this chap is pretty short, like the shortest in the whole story and I'm rly sorry about that but I've been so busy and just didn't have the time to write everything I wanted to happen, so this is mainly a filler chap, forgive me! I tried to make up for it, but having a Harry P.O.V. cus it's been a while, and also I think this chap is good for you to prepare before the storm! ;).. well anyways, pleeease remember to comment!! LIKE&FAVE.. love you all lots!

Enjoy, xoxo M. ;)




Chapter 52


Mag's P.O.V.

"How about joining the band?"

I widened my eyes at Calum's question, utterly speechless. They wanted me to join their band? Like actually join them, as the female leadsinger? I mean, I loved to sing all the time, and sure this was a dream come true but... I never believed that I was actually good enough. They had only heard me sing three, pretty easy songs, and I knew that I would eventually hold them back from certain genres, because I just couldn't hit certain notes. Besides they already had a female singer.


"What about April?"

"It's May," Jake corrected me with a laugh, "and first of all you're better than her. Secondly she just hasn't been dedicated lately. Missing practices and such, this isn't the first gig she missed either, and we've all considered losing her, for a while now."

"Except we're all cowards!" Jamie added, "And we really liked having a female singer."


Joining the band would be a pretty big step. For one it would mean staying in London indefinitely, which would mean having to find my own place and get a job. Was I really up for this? And I was planning on going to the university next summer, but I could do that here? But was I ready to take that kind of step and actually... move here? Sure, I had considered it ever since I got so close to the boys, but with everything going on, I had pushed that thought to the back of my mind for months.


"Mag? You're spacing out." Skye said waving her hand in front of my face.

"If you're in doubt, you could just try for a while?" Calum offered, "It doesn't have to be permanent right away. Just come to a few practices and a couple gigs and see how you feel about it?"

He smiled at me, and I couldn't help but getting a little bit lost in those dark eyes.

"Are you really sure about this?" I asked them and they all nodded enthusiastically.

"You're a better singer than you think!" Jamie said, "and like Calum said, we'll try out and see how it goes."

I bit my lip as I went over everything in my head, and decided to do something I hadn't done before. I stopped overthinking and took a chance,

"Okay... I'm in!"

Everyone cheered and clapped, and I couldn't help but grin widely as I saw Skye with a proud smile.

"Welcome aboard!" Calum said with another smile making my insides flutter.

Uh-oh... that couldn't be good.



Louis' P.O.V.

I spent an hour writing, deleting and rewriting a long text to Mag, explaining everything I felt, until I decided a different approach. Why should I write a long elaborate message, when everything I felt could be in three short sentences. Nine words was all I needed.

I love you. I miss you. I need you.

I tapped out the message, pressed send and went to my room while the others went on about how great Mag had been. They were right, my Mag was amazing. She would always be my mag, no matter what happened.


I stared at my phone, not sure if I was expecting her to reply or not, but I knew she was still out and probably couldn't even hear her phone. When I saw her singing that song, with so much feeling, she could've started crying, I felt like my heart would give up. It pained so much, but not in a bad or good way. It pained in that way, which could only be love. Pure love, nothing else. Real love, something that one could spend their whole life searching for, but never finding. Something that so many people thought they had, but never actually knew or understood. There was no way to be mistaken, when you actually felt it, and first then you would realize that you were wrong every other time you thought it was real. I was lucky that I had found true love, so early in life but I didn't know if I would get to spend my life with her, and once you truly love someone, there was no way you'd love another.


"Louis?" I heard Tally knocking on my door, and went over to open it.


"Mag is on the phone... she wants to speak with you!" She told me with a slight smile and my eyes widened as she handed me her phone.

"H-hello?" I said hesitating, not knowing how to feel at the moment.

"Hi, Louis..."

I could hear in her voice, that she was just as confused as I was, but that didn't surprise me. Last time we had really talked was two nights ago, before she found out about things and got upset, and I hadn't even seen her since she told us that she was leaving. I didn't even go to say goodbye. I wouldn't blame her for being upset at me, so even though I was estatic to finally hear her voice and talk to her, I was a bit surprised.

"He-hey Mag... um... you... you were pretty amazing tonight."

"Oh thanks... yeah the others told me that you guys saw that..."

For the first time between Mag and I there was an awkward silence.



We spoke at the same time, and I chuckled a bit.

"You first." I said, and heard her take a deep breath,

"Did Zayn give you my... message?"

I bit my lip, to prevent my emotions flowing over,

"Yeah... yeah he did. It meant a lot to hear it, but I'm the one who's sorry. I should have told you about what was going on, instead of competing with Zayn. It was stupid."

"You're right, but I'm sorry for just leaving... I just feel that I need a break from everything." She replied sighing deeply, and I heard someone calling her name.

"I have to go, Skye is waiting... did you want to say something?"

"Oh yeah... um, did you get my text?"


"I texted you like ten minutes ago." I told her, biting my lip again as I got nervous.

"No sorry," she replied, as my heart sank, "I forgot my phone in the apartment. Skye lent me her phone to call. What did you text me?"

I thought if I should tell her, but the way I wrote it, wasn't really something you would just say

"Just read it when you have the time."

"Okaay," she replied in a curious tone,"well Skye is getting impatient, she's standing here tapping her foot! I just wanted to tell you, what I told the others... I got an offer, and I decided to accept it so... um... well... I'm joining the band!"


"You... you're... the band?" I was starting to blabber, unable to form a proper sentence at the shock of what I had just heard.

"Yeah, I..."

Mag was cut off by Skye who had, by the sound of it, grabbed the phone from her,

"She'll call you tomorrow Lou, we gotta go... hey Calum wait up... Bye!"


I stood there with the phone in my hand for about five minutes, after Skye hung up.

Mag was joining the band? But that could change so many things. What if she fell for one of those guys? What if it tore us apart? On the plus side, it could mean that she stayed in London, but if she wasn't staying with me, than it really didn't matter. I had a bad feeling about this whole thing.


*** 1 week later ***

Harry's P.O.V.

Sick and tired. That's exactly what I was! Sick and tired of Louis' bullshit!

Ever since Mag left and then announced that she was joining that band, he had just been complaining and whining all the time. He blamed everyone and everything for his misery, randomly having anger breakdowns and then when he talked on the phone with Mag, he was all butterflies and rainbows. His bipolar attitude was really getting on everyones nerve, and I was going to have a talk with him.


We were on the tourbus after a show, and Louis was in his bunk muttering something to himself.


"Lou? We need to talk!"

"No, we don't!" He replied turning after so he was lying with his back towards me.

"Yes we do, so grow the fuck up!" I growled punching his shoulder making him yelp,

"Ow! What the fuck Styles?!"

Well, it made him turn around.

"Listen to me!" I snapped, and he sat up, looking at me impatiently, so I went on,

"Everyone has had enough! The past week you have become totally unbearable! We all know you're going through a tough time with Mag leaving and stuff, but this isn't about you! This has been hard for all of us! If you really love Mag so much, then you should first of all, be happy for her about the band because you know it's a dream come true for her! Secondly you should accept the fact that she needs time to be think, and understand that she's doing it for you! Last, if you're really that worried about not seeing her so much, when we get back then you should man up and ask her to move in with us! She would probably be happy to not have to look for a place, and if you don't ask then I will!"

Louis stared at me with wide eyes, and I knew I had made some kind of breakthrough. It was actually Lauren who had guided me about what to say, and I was lucky to have such an insightful girlfriend. I was starting to miss her like mad, but it's not like I went around moaping like Louis. Lauren and I had already planned to spend Christmas together with my family, but that was over a month from now, and I didn't know if I could wait that long.

I snapped out of my thoughts and noticed Louis was still staring at me, speechless.

"Well," I said getting up, "that's what I had to say. Now get your ass upstairs and help Liam beat Tally and Niall in FIFA!"


5 minutes later, Louis joined us upstairs, and we all turned to him, anticipated. He would usually only join us to yell around so of course we were a bit afraid, but he just sat down next to Liam, looking at me thoughtfully.

"Need an extra player?" He finally asked Liam, nodding towards the flatscreen and we all let out a sigh of relief.

"Yeah..." Liam said, and handed him a controller nervously.

"Fine, another twat to destroy!" Tally exclaimed and we all looked at her with wide eyes, afraid that she had set Louis off, but surprisingly he actually smiled and let out a small laugh.

So Lauren was right. He really did just need a good scolding.

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