Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


74. 'Change Of Plans'


Okay guys, I know I promised Christmas in this chap but I got carried away and it's coming up in the next one for sure! You will also see that in the end of this chap! Anyways this is coming to an end soon ( I already have the name and cover for the sequel, yaaay!) and I know what I want to happen, I've had it planned for months, but it's a little hard for me to write at the moment, but I try my best to keep you updated at least once a week! :)

well you know the drill, like fave and COMMENT! :)

Enjoy! xoxo, M. ;)

p.s. I just coloured my hair for the first time ever yesterday!! I am now a ginger!! (well more like violettish/reddish but I love it!) just wanted to share that!

Chapter 66

"Change Of Plans"

Zayn's P.O.V.

"Would you stop fidgeting!" I scolded Louis for the umpteenth time, since we boarded the plane in Australia. We were now in the car in London on our way to pick up Ada, and the closer we got to Mag, the more nervous he got.

"I'm fine! Okay... I just... Hand me my water!"

I sighed and reached in my bag, retreiving the bottle and handing it to Louis, as I took out my phone to call Ada.

I glanced sideways at him, as I waited for her to pick up, and was worried by how hard he was shaking...

"Louis you idiot!"

His shaking had caused him to drop the bottle, spilling water all over his lap and onto the seat.

"Fuck! Now she'll think I wet myself!"

"Hello, Zayn? What's going on?" Ada picked up, hearing Louis' last words and I smirked at him as I replied,

"Louis pissed in his pants cause he so nervewrecked about meeting Mag!"

Louis punched me in the arm, and I saw Liam holding back a laugh in the front passenger seat.

"Well, I'm nervous too!" Ada exclaimed and I chuckled at her,

"Babe... what are you nervous about?"

"First of all she's your ex, second she doesn't know I'm your girlfriend or that I'm coming! You just told her yesterday that you had a surprise, and I'm afraid she might get upset, you know?"

"Don't worry, it will be fine," I assured her, "Mag's a good person, and I think she'll be happy to meet you. Anyways, we're at your cousin's place in 5 minutes so get your cute little arse down!"

"Stop talking about my ass!" Ada scolded jokingly and hung up.

I turned to Louis, who was just staring at his wet crotch and patted him on the shoulder,

"It's alright Lou. 21-year olds wet their pants all the time."

"Oh piss off!" He shoved me away and stared grumpily out the window. I liked him better when he was nervous.

"Louis... calm down." Ada said soothingly as we pulled up to the curb of Skye's building. Louis was totally freaking out and refusing to get out of the car.

"She hates me! She is going to slam the door in my face and then punch me... no she is going to punch me, kick me in the balls and then slam the door in my face!"

Whoa, leave it to the drama queen Louis to exagerate things!

"Get off it Louis, she does not hate you!" Liam said, rather impatiently and Louis quickly turned to him,

"How do you know that? Do you know something, has Skye said anything?"

"Oh just get inside!" Liam, tired of standing in the snow, pulled him out of the car and shoved him through the door, pulling both his and Louis' suitcase, including a rather large bag on his shoulder.

"I didn't know Liam was so strong!" Ada said with raised eyebrows and broke out in laughter when she saw my cross face,

"I'm joking baby!"

A smile spread across my face and I put my arm over her shoulder leaning down for a quick kiss.

"I really missed you."

"I missed you more!" She returned my kiss and we followed the other two boys inside, waiting for the elevator.

"This is such a bad idea. Stupid Haz and his curly head coming up with this!"

Louis kept muttering as we rode the elevator, and when it finally stopped on the top floor with a "ping", I swear he almost had a heart attack.

I decided to focus on Ada, finally being with her after such a long time. All I wanted to do was just look at her, listen to her talk, watch her laugh and smile and just feel her close to me.

I put my arm around her waist, surprising her slightly but her face lit up in a smile, and I kissed her on top of her head as we stepped out. I liked this soft, sensitive side to her, maybe even more than her usual tough attitude.

Liam was about to ring the doorbell, until he noticed that Louis wasn't behind him. We all turned towards the elevator and I ran over, sticking my foot between the doors just in time, before they closed with Louis inside.

"Stop being such a coward!" I told him, dragging him out and holding him close behind me, as Liam finally rang the doorbell.

I let go of him to put my arm around Ada and Louis saw his chance to hide, moving next to the door and out of sight from whoever would open.

I heard laughing inside and footsteps coming closer, and felt myself getting nervous as well, introducing Ada to Mag for the first time.

I'm not sure what I had expected but it wasn't what I saw when Mag opened the door, a big smile on her face and a guy I recognized as Calum next to her, arm loosely around her shoulder. It could be friendly, but it could also be so much more.

The smile on her face changed to surprised and confused as she saw Ada, but it didn't leave her face.

"Hi Mag!" Liam greeted pulling her in for a tight hug,

"And you must be Calum?"

Calum nodded shaking Liam's hand, and Mag turned to me,

"Zayn! So happy to see you... and you must be..."

"Ada," I cut her off,

"My girlfriend."

Mag's eyes went wide and she smiled widely,

"Oh my God, what a surprise! I'm really happy for you guys!" She said genuinely, giving Ada and I a hug as well.

That's when the mood changed. Louis had been standing next to Ada, and when Mag went in for her hug, her eyes landed on the distressed boy. The smile vanished as she quickly pulled back from Ada, as if by an invisible force.

Louis opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out and Mag mirrored his actions.

Finally Calum broke the silence,

"Louis... Nice to see you again."

The words sounded just as genuine as Pamela Anderson's breasts, but Louis stayed silent, eyes still fixated on Mag's.

"Let's go inside shall we?" Liam suggested, and we all stepped inside the apartment, where loud punk rock music was blasting from the kitchen. I hadn't really expected Skye to be playing "Christmas Hits 2013" or something like that.

It didn't take Liam a long time to find his way in there and we all heard a loud squeal.

"I'm guessing Skye is in there?" I asked and Calum nodded,

"Yeah, she's cooking something up."

Both Mag and Louis seemed to have lost the ability to speak and just sat across from each other staring into each other's eyes.

I admired Skye's elaborate decorated apartment and the cute little Christmas tree, which was so stacked with decorations that not a single branch was visible.

"So," Ada spoke up,

"I've been looking forward to meet you Mag, after all that I've heard."

Finally Mag snapped out of it and smiled at Ada,

"I hope you haven't only heard bad things." Mag said, signaling towards me with a slight chuckly, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh no not at all... Zayn is always telling me what a great person you are."

At that moment Skye and Liam emerged from the kitchen, arms attached to each other and Skye glowing. I knew that Liam had told her about the Louis plan, but she still didn't look too pleased to see him.

"Hey Malik and Ada I assume?" Skye greeted Ada, the two girls acknowledging each other's style.

"Hello Louis."


It was the first word he had said since Mag opened the door.

"Are you staying for dinner Calum?" Skye asked, ignoring the fact that Louis and Mag still weren't talking to each other.

"I'd love to if it isn't too much trouble."

His statement was directed to Skye, but I knew he also meant for the rest of us, especially with the Louis/Mag thing.

"Of course not, I'm sure the others would like to get to know you." Mag said with the sweetest voice.

"Yeah I guess." I shrugged, and looked forward to a long evening. At least, I had Ada.

Mag's P.O.V.

Finally it was December 23rd!

Zayn and Liam were coming to London and I would be leaving to Bradford the next day. Skye was planning tonight's dinner (something special for Liam), and I was in the middle of packing when the doorbell rang.

"Mag can you get that?" Skye called from the kitchen.

I thought it was a little early for them to arrive, and I quickly pulled on some sweatpants under my robe, and pulled my hair back in a ponytail so I would look a little bit presentable. It had been two months since I had seen them.

Of course when I opened the door it was none other than Calum wearing tight jeans, a hoodie and... a jacket! It was a batted collarless leather jacket and to be honest, he looked really hot.

"I take that as a good sign." He said cheekily, raising an eyebrow and I realized that I had been staring.

"Sorry... you look really good." I told him, touching his soft jacket, until I noticed that I was actually stroking his biceps and quickly pulled my hand away.

"So what brings you here today?" I asked sitting next to him in the livingroom, after I had quickly changed to dark green jeans and a red button up shirt. I was really getting in the Christmas spirit.

"Merry Christmas!" Calum replied with a smile, digging into the bag he had along and retreiving a beautifully wrapped gift.

My eyes lit up and my jaw dropped as he handed it to me. I wasn't surprised because he told me that he had gotten me a gift, but it was just so gorgeous with shiny gold wrapping paper and a mix of silver and red ribbon.

"Wow... Thank you so much!"

"No problem... I'm leaving for Chelsea tomorrow so I wanted to drop off your present first. But no opening until Christmas morning!"

Calum pointed at me strictly and I rolled my eyes, jumping up to get something from my room,

"I might as well give you this now then."

I handed him his smaller gift, and he accepted it, trying to rattle the thin box.

"Hey, no cheating!"

He held his hands up in defense, smiling at me with that adorable relaxed smile of his.

Wait, what?

No, Calum was not adorable. He was just... handsome.

We talked for a while, and I mentioned the big New Years party, thinking he already had plans, but he told me he would love to come if the others didn't mind. I really hoped they would let him come, even though I was worried about Louis.

I still hadn't talked to him since he left, and I was beginning to give up. I just couldn't understand why he hadn't tried to talk to me, if he was still interested in working things out. Maybe he got tired of trying so much and all the drama, so he decided to just drop it. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that.

Lately I was getting more and more frustrated about the whole thing and it was draining me mentally. If he was tired of trying, why should I be holding on to the tiny string of hope?

I looked over at Calum, still smiling and really studied him. He was attractive, very attractive. And he was sweet, really kind and also funny so he had all the basics I would look for in a guy, but I just didn't feel... it.

He was such a good friend, always looking out for me and seeming like he actually cared but I couldn't see us as anything else, probably because I didn't have any closure with Louis. I didn't even know if I wanted closure with Louis, but his recent distancing from me was pushing me further and further away.

"Mag, what's wrong?" Calum asked, stroking my arm.

He always noticed when I was upset, but so did Louis and any other of my friends.

"I don't know."

I really didn't.

"Ah, so it's Louis."

Wow, Calum had amazing insight.

"Maybe I can cheer you up." Calum offered and I gave him a doubtful look,

"I'm not so sure about that."

"I bet you £5 that I can turn that frown upside down!"

I raised my eyebrows at his bet and his choice of words and accepted.

I sat there waiting for him to make me smile when he suddenly attacked me, tickling my sides, making me laugh violently.

I had to stop telling people about my weekness in tickling!

"Calum! st- hahah- not... haha.. fair!" I tried yelling at him to stop, when the doorbell rang, and he finally let me go.

"Saved by the bell!" He winked at me, and I got up rolling my eyes and laughing at him.

"I did make you smile!" He added, putting his arm around my shoulder and followed me to the door.

My smile grew as I opened the door revealing not only the two people that I had expected, but three.

I greeted Liam and Zayn, who introduced me to Ada, his girlfriend. That must have been the surprise he meant and I was really happy about it. As I leant in to hug her, my eyes landed on a pair of blue eyes next to her and the shock of seeing them pushed me back.

What was Louis doing here?!

Louis' P.O.V.

Mag hadn't spoken a single word to me yet, and her reaction when she saw me was exactly what I had been fearing.

I had secretly hoped that she would jump into my arms, but no she just stared at me, and why was Calum there?

Mag spent a lot of time getting to know Ada, but the topic of Christmas hadn't come up yet and I needed to get her alone and discuss it.

I considered dropping the whole thing, after her less than warm welcome, but I had come all the way here and giving up was too pathetic.

I was just so upset to see Calum there and noticing how close they seemed, I wondered how much time they spent together.

"So Calum, do you come around a lot?" I asked, while Skye started to serve dinner.

I was surprised that she fitted all seven of us around the small dining table in the kitchen, and noticed the unmatching chairs that she must have collected around the flat.

"Yeah, I guess... Skye works more than me and weird hours sometimes, and I don't want Mag to feel lonely."

Oh God, he made me sick but not as much as the sweet smile Mag sent him.

Was she deliberately trying to upset me, or was she actually into him?

"That's really sweet." Ada added, making me glare at her but I was soon defeated by a deathglare from Zayn.

I had noticed that he was unusually protective of Ada, which was strange because she was a lot tougher than any of his exes. Apparently she realized what she had just said and remembered whose side she was on as she quickly added,

"I mean, it's nice that you have another friend her," she emphasized on the word friend and I smiled smugly, "Zayn made it sound like you don't know anyone else here."

"Well, I don't apart from Skye and the band." Mag replied and Ada's eyes lit up,

"Oh the band! I totally forgot about that, how is everyone? I haven't talked to Stacey for months, is Jake still struggling with the high notes..."

I zoned out while Ada and Mag got into a enthusiastic conversation about the band.

I was still trying to figure out how to get Mag on my own, when she seemed so hostile towards me, although I couldn't blame her.

Last time I was here, there was cursing, shouting and flying plates. But something told me that Calum also had a part to play. They hadn't been that close when I left, and now they seemed like really good friends. I was sure he had taken advantage of my absence and recent events to move in on her and I cursed him silently, stealing glances at him while eating my lasagna.

I noticed how he could hardly keep his eyes off Mag, and even smiled whenever she smiled or laughed, but I already knew that he fancied her. I just wished he hadn't had a chance with her, because of my idiotic actings during my drunk stupor.

It occured to me that I still didn't know what had happened that night, and I sometimes got a feeling that I could solve everything by finding out.


Liam's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.


"Skye was asking if you want desert?"

I looked up at Skye, whose face expression made it clear that she hadn't quite forgiven me for that night. In fact she looked like she wanted to shove the entire chocolate cake down my throat.

"Mag made desert, I discovered last week that she makes the most delicious chocolate cake in the world!" Skye said, setting the cake down and a blush crept onto Mag's cheeks.

She was never good at taking compliments.

"Yeah well, I have to be good at something right?" She said in her humble voice that I hadn't heard in a really long time.

She had gotten a lot more confident since going to London, and hearing that old voice of hers reminded me of those old times. It had only been a couple months but it seemed like a lifetime.

"Oh come on don't be silly," Skye said discardingly,

"Stop being so modest, you know you rock!"

"Coming from the most multi-talented girl I know!" Mag replied, and of course Liam had to step in,

"That's right. My talented girlfriend."

And of course that was followed by the two of them staring lovingly into each other's eyes.

"Guys, I'd love to talk about all our talent or... um... stare into my someone's eyes, but I think the cake is getting cold." Calum cut in, and thankfully Skye snapped out of it.

"Alright alright. You'd think everyone here was old enough to serve themselves!"

"I'm guessing hostess with the mostest isn't one of your many talents!"

Oh, that was good! Too bad that it came from Calum.

When we were done with desert, had moved to the livingroom and Calum still wasn't making any notions to leave, I brought it upon myself to get him on the move.

"You know, it's really started to get bad out there," I referred to the snow which was now falling rapidly,

"Could get hard to drive soon."

I glanced at Calum and he definitely noticed but still didn't move from his seat next to Mag. They had been sitting next to each other all day.

"Say Louis... what are you actually doing here?" He asked a bit rudely,

"As far as I understood only Liam and Zayn were coming to London before leaving to their respective cities."

The room fell silent and I couldn't help myself. My head snapped towards Mag, and it was like she suddenly realized something was up. She glanced from me to Zayn and Ada and then back to me.

"Actually," I built up every ounce of courage in me, while holding my stare at her,

"I need to talk to you."

Everyone knew I meant Mag; even if we hadn't been looking at each other, they probably would have known anyway.

Mag simply nodded and walked towards her bedroom, with me right behind her.

As soon as I closed the door behind me, I felt my heart rise up to my throat and any words I had planned, vanished from my mind as I watched her sit casually on the bed. She didn't seem as nervous as me, and definitely less nervous than she usually was when we had our talks.

She was just sitting there patiently waiting for me to speak, so all I could do was improvise,

"Hey... I missed you."

Wow, that was rich Louis!

"You can't do this Louis." Mag exclaimed, suddenly sounding frustrated.


"You can't just leave things the way they were, not call me for weeks and then show up like everything's fine!"

Well, I had no idea what to say to that.

"Why didn't you call me?" Mag got up from the bed and walked over to me, hands on her hips and I would laugh at how cute it was, if I wasn't afraid that she would punch me.

"I wanted to call you," I said truthfully,

"But I was afraid that you didn't want to talk to me."

"But you didn't even try Louis!" She was upset, disappointed and clearly hurt and I wished I hadn't been such a coward.

"Well, I was a coward okay? I was afraid of rejection and honestly I had no reason to think you would talk to me... Last time I saw you, you threw a plate at me!"

I knew an argument was coming up, I could feel it in the air.

"I had good reason to! You called me a bitch, you said I was overreacting..."

"Well, you kinda were." I cut her off, which clearly wasn't a good move.

"Excuse me? I was overreacting? You got drunk, snogged another girl and then went back to her place! Even though nothing happened, did you expect me to let that slide?"

"Mag I..." I stopped midsentence, realizing what she had just said and pointed my finger at her,

"You said though."

Mag looked at me questioningly and I continued,

"You didn't say if."

"Patience wearing thin Louis!" Mag was tapping her foot, rushing me to explain,

"You said even though nothing happened, instead of saying even if... which means... you know something!"

I looked at her in disbelief, shocked at what I had possibly just discovered.

Could Mag know what had happened? If she did she would have told Skye and Skye would have told Liam... which is why he had been avoiding me during their calls!

Oh, those sneaky little bastards!

"Do you know what happened?" I asked Mag, trying to stare her down.

"Perhaps." She replied, losing some of her confidence now that she was on the receiving end of the interrogation.

"I talked to Jenna and she told me everything!" She finally confessed throwing up her hands in defense, and I was utterly shocked.

She knew what had happened, knew that nothing had gone down and yet she didn't tell me?

"You passed out and Jenna watched you for a while, while you were sleeping... You know to make sure you were okay and..."

Mag stopped, looking down while biting her lip. She was obviously debating whether or not to go on.

"And what?" I urged her.

"You... you were saying my name in your sleep. You kept repeating it saying that you loved me, that you would never hurt me and that I was everything you would ever need."

My expression softened instantly and I took a few steps towards her, until Mag stopped me,

"But that doesn't matter Louis. What's the point of saying it in your sleep if you don't show it? Saying that you would never hurt me, while spending the night with another woman? Doesn't really add up, if you ask me."

She crossed her arms, looking at me dismissively and my mind was on turbo trying to come up with the right thing to say.

"Do you know why I came her Mag?"

I sat on the bed, my shoulders slumped and my eyes firmly on the floor,

"I wanted you to come with me for Christmas. I wanted to make everything up to you, have a chance to show you how much you mean without all these people around us. I think it would be the perfect oppurtunity to work everything out, once and for all."

I snuck a quick glance at her to see her reaction, but she didn't seem to keen on the idea,

"Why would it be different than every other time? We've tried several times, yet it always ends up with one of us getting hurt... And when we tried to put distance between us, it kinda worked," my spirits lifted, until she finished her sentence,

"But not too your benefit."

I didn't know what she meant, but I knew it wasn't good.

"What are you talking about Mag?"

"Well, these past few weeks have been... good for me. I mean, yeah at first I was quite depressed and stuff but lately, I've been doing better than for months. I've still been confused, but I've found myself being happier, deep down. Looking at the big picture, I've had more happy moments than in a long time, and I don't think it's coincidental that I haven't talked to you the whole time."

She was tearing my world down, piece by piece with every word.

"Didn't you miss me at all?"

I could have said so many things, yet I said that.

"Of course I missed you Lou, but I have been so confused. I thought you had given up on me..."

"Never!" I blurted out, walking right to me, so there was no distance between us,

"I will never give up on you, or else I wouldn't be standing here right now! I know we've tried and failed miserably but that's because others always got in the way. Zayn, Calum, Jenna... But this time it will be just us, the two of us working things out and once we do, noone will be able to get in between us again!"

Mag hesitated and I knew this was it, my final chance,

"Come with me Mag. Please."

Seconds felt like hours as I put my fate in her hands.

"Louis. I..."

Skye bursted in the room and I could kill her for interrupting at that crucial moment, which she definitely saw in my look,

"I'm really sorry but I have bad news guys! You might want to open your drapes Mag."

Mag and I looked at Skye confused, before she walked over pulling her drapes open. It was snowing outside. A lot. And it was obviously very windy, now that I listened I could clearly hear the wind blowing.

"So it's bad weather? We're in England?" I said, wondering how this could be bad news. If anything, it was bad old.

"No Louis, it's not just snowing," Skye explained,

"We were watching the news... We're looking at a huge storm coming up over night and tomorrow. Maybe even the next few days. There's no way anyone is travelling far before Christmas Day at the earliest."

"Skye, what are you saying?" I asked, hoping I was hearing wrong.

"I'm saying there will be no going to Wolverhampton. No Bradford for Zayn and Ada. No Chelsea for Calum. No Doncaster for you and... well I don't know how that's working out."


"So we're spending Christmas right here in the flat. All of us. Liam, Zayn, Ada, Mag, you, I... and Calum."

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