Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


11. 'Breaking Dawn'


This chapter is a little short, but I’m updating the next more exciting chapter tomorrow, since I didn’t have any more time tonight. Thing is I write my chapters by hand, since I only have a couple hours on the computer every day, and it actually takes a lot of time to write them over to the computer :P

And by the way this chapter has nothing to do with twilight despite the name ;)

Enjoy, xoxo M.







Chapter seven

“Breaking Dawn”

The ride back to the hotel, was very silent as we all were deep in thought, although I wasn’t quite sure what everyone was thinking about. I could imagine Harry, Niall and Liam thinking about the whole stalker thing, but I had pushed that aside and was wondering why Mag and Lou were acting so weird.

They weren’t being their usual cheerful selves, and both of them had hardly said a word since we left, which was very unusual. I really didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, since I knew they were just friends, but it actually annoyed me a lot. I calmed myself by coming up with a completely logical explanation: Mag was still a little in shock because of the stalker, and Louis was just worried about his best mate. Yes, that made sense. I immediately felt better, believing that their strange behavior had nothing to do with each other.

When we got back to the hotel Liam and Niall went straight to their room, after Liam reminded us all to be up by 11am, to take care of business. Mag, however said she needed to talk to me, and came up to the penthouse, where Louis and Harry went straight to their rooms, leaving us alone in the “living room”.

“Some night huh?” she said after we sat in silence, for about five minutes.

“Yeah, you know I’m really sorry we didn’t get spend more time together. I had really looked forward to having fun with you tonight.” I said, truly regretting not sticking with her from the start.

“It’s no problem Zayn really, I had a good time… well until the end.”

I noticed something in her eyes; she was worried and nervous.

“Babe are you alright?” I asked concerned, and she looked down, biting her lip, responding,

“Yeah, I just… well… to be honest, and I feel really pathetic right now, I just don’t wanna sleep alone, in my room I mean. I’m just sort of… scared?”

It was more of a question than s statement, as if she wasn’t sure about how she felt. She looked at me, with a sort of apologetic look on her face.

“Hey, it’s okay babe, don’t feel pathetic I understand. You can sleep her tonight. Take my room, I’ll sleep on one of the couches.” I said gently putting my arm around me, and resting her head on my shoulder, and she looked up at me thankfully,

“That’s okay, I can sleep on the couch. I just didn’t want to be all alone in my room, but I don’t want to take your bed away…”

I stopped her by putting my finger gently to her lips. I turned myself to face her, and held her shoulders gently saying,

“Listen babe. I don’t care what you say, but I’m a gentleman, and I will not let a lady sleep on the couch, while I sleep on the bed, understood?”

She giggled and nodded,

“But can I ask you something Zayn?”

I nodded and she smiled,

“Are you ever going to call me anything else than babe?”

I laughed and shook my head while replying,

“I don’t see why I should, I call everyone babe, even Louis. Of course it means something else when I say it to you.”

She smiled, and told me she had to run down and get her pajamas and toothbrush, so I decided to make a bed on the couch in the meanwhile.


Maggie’s p.o.v.

I couldn’t do it. On the way back to the hotel, I had prepared a whole speech to tell Zayn how I felt, and that I was falling for him but I just couldn’t bring myself to it. I wasn’t ready to be in love again, not yet. I had promised myself never to fall in love too quickly, as last time it had only brought my pain and agony that I hadn’t completely recovered from yet. This was another reason I wouldn’t accept my feelings for Zayn.

I felt it was too soon, and I felt guilty. I had promised to stay true to myself, and falling in love with Zayn Malik, was too unreal for me. Our lives just didn’t match, and I didn’t want to fall too deep. So I had told him something else, that wasn’t completely a lie, since I did feel a little uncomfortable about sleeping alone.

When I came up again, I had already changed into my PJ’s, and when I knocked on the door Zayn opened the door shirtless. Before I had got my own room at the hotel, I’d stayed in Zayn and Harry’s for two nights, and had almost seen Harry naked five times, and seen shirtless Zayn many times, since he liked to shower in the afternoon when we were all hanging out in the living room. Even so I wasn’t that used to half naked Zayn that it didn’t make me blush, and I quickly looked down.

“I guess that’s the second time within 24 hours,” he said and winked, making me think I was going to pass out, but I just stayed there frozen. I actually hadn’t even stepped through the door, until Zayn reminded me I wouldn’t be sleeping in the hallway.

I was on my way to the room, but Zayn headed towards the kitchen, and I suddenly heard my stomach growl, It must’ve been quite load, because apparently Zayn heard it too,

“You hungry babe? I’m making a sandwich, you want one?”

I nodded and sat in the couch waiting, when something inevitable happened. It was bound to happen. I had avoided it so far, but everyone knew it would happen sooner or later.

I heard a room door open, and naturally looked in that direction, where a very tired and very naked Harry walked out. I screamed in shock, and quickly turned around trying to forget what I had just seen. I didn’t see what happened behind me, but I must’ve startled Harry, because I heard a crash, like he had fallen and Zayn was furious,

“Oh my God Harry! What. Are. You. Doing?!”

“I’m really sorry, but seriously Zayn, I didn’t think anyone was up, and I didn’t know Mag was here!”

“It’s okay Harry I’m sorry, it’s not your fault.” I assured him but Zayn was still angry.

“Actually you don’t have to walk around naked Harry! Why are you up anyways?”

“I had to go to the toilet, why are you up?”

“I’m making sandwiches for Mag and I, she’s sleeping here tonight, and you please just go do what you got up to do, and get your naked self, back in your room!”

I heard Harry walk towards the bathroom, and felt kind of sorry for him. It wasn’t his fault, and I tried to convince Zayn of this,

“Zayn, it’s really no problem, I didn’t see anything, and you can’t blame him. It’s just his natural way, and he thought he was alone.”

Okay so I lied a little, about not seeing anything, but I was trying to calm Zayn down not stir him up. I think it worked, because Zayn said nothing more on the subject, and actually said goodnight to Harry, when he returned to his room.

By 5am, we had each eaten three sandwiches, but it was clear that we wouldn’t ready to go to bed.

“You do know, Liam’s coming up in like six hours right?” I asked, slightly scared of how Liam would react, if Zayn and I fell asleep during breakfast.

“I know, but being in a band, I’m used to not getting so much sleep, even though I usually take every chance I get. But now I’ve found something more important to me than sleep.”

I looked at him curiously, and his eyes sparkled when he said,


My heart skipped like a hundred times, and I really wondered how I could still be breathing, but tried to remind myself not fall in love, not to take this too seriously. He was making it really hard for me though.

“If you’re tired babe, you can go to bed.” He said sweetly combing my hair with his fingers. Why did he have to act so couply? And why did I like it so much?

“No I’d rather stay up and talk to you.” I answered, and we both got comfy on the couch/bed he had prepared.

“So what should we talk about?”

“How about… everything?”


Louis’ p.o.v.

I had just fallen asleep, when I heard a scream and a crash. I looked at my watch on the nightstand. 4.10 am. What was going on? I heard Zayn yell, but couldn’t make out what he said, as I was half asleep still. I heard something reply, probably Harry, and turned over to go back to sleep.

I woke up again to birds chirping outside my open window. It was still a little dark, but I could see dawn breaking through the clouds. It was only 6 o’clock and I wanted to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t. I heard voices in the living room, and thought it might be my imagination. Or maybe Zayn or Harry had fallen asleep in front of the television.

I didn’t want to go check, but even though I had only slept two hours I didn’t feel tired anymore. My thoughts were consumed by Mag. Why had I kissed her? Actually I knew exactly why. Because I was in love with her, she made my heart beat faster and I really wanted to. But it had been a big mistake. She had feelings for Zayn, it was obvious. When you have feelings for someone, it’s crystal clear to you if they have feelings for someone else. Even if no one else could see it. But to her, I was only a good friend. Maybe I could change that. If her feelings for Zayn weren’t too deep yet, I could get her to fall in love with me. But would I really do that to him, one of my best friends?

These thoughts went through my mind, as I saw the dawn break through and the beautiful sunrise outside my window. It was now 7 am, the sun was up, and I hadn’t even noticed the voices from the living room had stopped. I reckoned that whoever had fallen asleep by the television must have woken up to turn it off, so I got out of bed to see who it was.

I opened my door and looked over to the couches. One of them had sheets, pillows and a cover on it, and two people were half sitting/half lying under the cover, as if they had fallen asleep without knowing it. Zayn, with his arm around Mag. Questions built up in my mind, but nothing filled me more than rage and jealousy. It was perfectly innocent but it made my heart pound, and before I could stop myself I slammed my bedroom door loudly.

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