Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


66. 'Beanie & T-shirts'


Hey lovelies!!

Sorry for the late update but I've had one hell of a week!! The next chapter will be up within a week :) Things are gonna start to fire up !! ;) sorry for typos, I write and update on my iPhone (without spellcheck) and I can only read through it all a couple times so I might have missed some!

please remember to COMMENT, like&fave!! love ya all!! :)

xoxo, M. ;)

Chapter 58

"Beanie & T-shirts"

Mag's P.O.V.

"So what should we start with? Look After You?" Stacey asked and I went for the microphone but Calum stopped me,

"I think we should go for something else."

"What? Why, Calum?" Jake asked, as Shay groaned.

"Well, you sing it great," Calum told me, "but this time, I think we should start off big, with a bang! When you sang "Since You Been Gone" last time, you totally crushed it!"

Everyone nodded and mumbled agreements.

"Okay... If everyone's okay with it?" I asked looking around, and Louis stepped forward,

"What about you? Are you okay with it?" He asked me, and I felt Calum glare at him.

"Um, yeah... course." I gave him a smile, and Skye pulled him aside as everyone took their positions and Calum started the intro.

"Wow, that was amazing! You guys get better and better!" Skye applauded after the first song, and Louis gave me a thumbs up. I had a feeling that Skye had warned him to not interfere with our rehearsal and just be our test audience with her, only making small comments.

"You're really coming out of your shell Mag," Louis told me, "I'm really proud of you!"

I couldn't hold back a huge grin, hearing those words, especially coming from him.

"Yeah, thanks to these guys." I replied nodding towards the rest of the band. It was true, they had all really helped me during each rehearsal to be more and more confident, and I was hardly nervous at all anymore, about the whole singing thing.

This also meant that I was able to really unfold my abilities and realize I could sing notes and songs I had always thought impossible. This whole coming to London thing was really paying off in more ways than one.

"So, when should we put in 'Look After You'?" I asked, directing my question at Calum, since he had suggested the changes.

"Well actually," He said stretching his arms really showing his biceps, while glancing at Louis, "I've been thinking about your suggestion and discussed it with the rest of the band."

"What suggestion?" Skye asked, clearly excited.

"A duet!" Shay replied with even more excitement, and I noticed Louis head shoot up,

"What duet?" He asked, sounding both suspicious and worried.

"Well last week, we were all talking about doing something new," Jake started.

"And I suggested a duet," Jamie continued.

"While I suggested a slow song," Shay took over.

"So Mag suggested, a slow duet." Stacey ended and all eyes turned to me.

"What song?" Louis asked, his eyes burning me, and I bit my lip nervously.

"You know how Mag loves Twilight, right?" Skye said, clearly remembering what I had suggested.

Louis nodded, eyes still fixed on mine.

"Well I... um, you know in the end of Breaking Dawn pt. 2, with the end credits and all the actors and actresses... You know how much I love that scene... So yeah I suggested that song, 'A Thousand Years'." I finally managed to get out, and took a deep breath, while I waited for Louis' reaction.

I know I shouldn't be so worried about it, but the fact that I would possibly be singing a love duet, that meant alot to me, with another guy was not good for his jealousy. On the other hand, this could be good to see if he really was ready to work on the whole "jealousy" problem we had.

Everyone was silent for a while, and I stared at Louis carefully watching his reaction. At first he seemed pretty upset, and I watched as he tried to hide the deep breaths he was taking. He was obviously having a hard time trying not to forbid me from singing this duet or something like that, and I was impressed by his effort.

Skye must have noticed Louis' inner struggle, and decided to give him a push in the right direction,

"I still think it's a great idea and a beautiful song. A great way to show off this new... voice of yours." She said, discreetly nudging him in the side.

"Oh yeah," he finally said, avoiding eye contact, "yeah, that sounds good. I can hear your voice really has evolved and you should take advantage of that. You'll be... great."

His lack of enthusiasm was obvious but at least he tried, and I had to give him credit for that, and gave him a smile which he tried to return.

"So who are you - uh - who are you singing with?" Louis asked, as if he was afraid to hear the answer.

"Well, I'm out. We all know I'm no good for those type of songs." Jamie exclaimed holding his hands up and backing away.

"Yeah, you've got a point there," I said turning to his twin brother, "Jake? You're voice is certainly deep enough."

"Yeah... um, about that," I didn't like the sound of that, "I'd love to sing a duet with you Mag, but I'm not really feeling for the song... I mean, I feel it for you, just not with me."

I gave him a weird look, while Shay and Stacey looked at him confused. Skye however was glaring at Calum and Louis seemed to be in a whole different place right now, mentally.

"So I guess that leaves..." I started, but Skye quickly cut me off,

"Louis! You can have Louis do it as a special guest singer!"

"Um... I don't know about that." Louis replied, surprising me. I thought he would like to sing a duet with me, especially since Calum was now the other option.

"Don't get me wrong, but I don't want to... I don't know... steal anyones thunder, I guess." He looked at me, with a twink in his eye and I felt my heart flutter. I thought I heard Calum scoff, but it could have been my imagination.

Before anyone could say anything else, Calum spoke up,

"So I'll be taking it then?"

"Can you even sing?" Louis asked, narrowing his eyes at him, "I thought you could only play guitar?"

It was obvious that Louis was trying to patronize Calum, but Calum just smirked and started strumming a tune on his guitar. A very well known tune.

While keeping his eyes on Louis the whole time, Calum played and sang the first verse to "Hey There Delilah" perfectly.

The resentment was evident on Louis' face, while Calum was practically beaming. I had no idea how Calum knew that Louis had been far from satisfied with his X-Factor audition over three years ago, but it was obvious that his choice of song right now hadn't been coincidental.

"Okay," Louis finally said through clenched teeth, "so you can sing too. Perfect."

Unbearable awkward silence filled the room, as Louis and Calum still had their eyes locked on each other as if in a deathly "staring competetion".

"So let's get on with rehearsal then?" Stacey finally broke the silence, and Calum set his eyes upon me instead,

"Should we take the duet now, or later?"

"We should put it in at the end." Jake said before I got a chance to reply, "You know, like we start with a bang and then end slowly."

Everyone agreed, and we went on rehearsing all the other songs. We had changed the set list for our next gig, so that I had more solos, meaning that half of the set was actually "my" songs, and then of course the duet.

I was pretty worried about that. We only had today and tomorrow to rehearse it, and even if I knew it by heart, I hadn't a clue if Calum knew it well enough. I wasn't worried about the instruments, though. When I first brought up this song, we agreed that if we did it, it would only be with Shay on the keyboard, and she "totally had it down", as she put it. Apparently I wasn't the only Twilight freak around here.

After going through half the songs, we decided to take a break, since we were all pretty much finished. Skye and Calum had gone into the kitchen to get refreshments, but my throat was about as dry as Gandhi's flipflop, so I decided to get something myself.

As I approached the kitchen, I heard voices, and I could hear that Skye was upset, as I got closer,

"... if you think, I don't know what you're playing at!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Calum replied, but the smirk was clear in his voice.

"Listen, Calum... We both know that Jake doesn't just turn down a song because he isn't "feeling for it", and we also both know that he idolizes you and does everything you say, unless Stacey forbids it of course..."

I couldn't help but giggle at what Skye said about Jake and Stacey, but quickly covered my mouth as I continued my inappropiate eavesdropping.

"... I have no doubt, that you told Jake to back down, so you could have that duet with Mag!" Skye was using her hushed yelling voice now, meaning that she was really pissed.

"I didn't tell Jake to do anything," Calum was also starting to sound annoyed now, "yes, I am glad to be doing a duet with Mag, because she is a really good singer, nothing else. I haven't told Jake to do anything! How do you know it wasn't Stacey getting jealous about him singing with another girl? And by the way, what exactly are you playing at, offering Louis to sing at our show?"

It took a while, before Skye replied and I was listening anticipated, as if watching a soap opera,

"I don't see why that would be a problem. Louis in an excellent singer, and I know he would have great chemistry with Mag on stage... maybe that's what the problem is?"

I sort of felt sorry for Calum, that Skye was accusing him of this and that. I knew that Calum had promised to not make more passes at me, and I also knew the real Calum and his real story, unlike many others.

Skye was still under the impression that he was some womanizer who wouldn't stop at anything, trying to get his latest catch, but I knew better.

"You are so wrong, Skye! Louis is a world famous popstar! First of all, he would steal all the attention from our band, and secondly you know what people would say? That we used him to promote our selves. That we needed a internationally succesfull boyband-member to get any acknowledgement at all. Even Louis could see it would be a bad idea! So lay off, would you? I'm not after Mag, she's all his!"

I stepped away from the door before hearing Skye retaliate, and went to the bathroom before rejoining the others. I wasn't quite sure what to think about the conversation, I had just heard. Did Skye really think that Calum was after me? That he had convinced Jake to turn down the duet?

Could I even believe anything he had told me? If he really was the "smooth operator" that Skye had claimed, it could just have been a really good story to get girls. Playing the sympathy card was a popular move.

But I didn't even have to worry about that. I had Louis, and nothing Calum did or said could change that. We were just singing a duet together; professional singers did that all the time, without falling in love with each other, and how could I fall in love with Calum, when I was already madly in love with Louis.

Louis' P.O.V.

Rehearsals went on for a few hours, until everyone was satisfied, and the Mag/Calum duet wasn't as bad or hard to endure as I thought it would be. I'm pretty sure the fact that Mag was staring at me the whole time had a great deal to do with that.

By the time we got back to Skye's place, and had some Chinese take-away, Skye was already off to bed.

"Wait a sec," I called her, before she closed her door, "I'm here for a few days, where should I sleep?"

Skye sighed while taking a look around the apartment,

"You know Louis, I'm not exactly the hostess with the mostest... You can crash on the couch, or sleep with Mag, wherever you please!"

"I can sleep with Mag?" I asked surprised, seeing as her cousin wouldn't even let Nally sleep together, and they were in a relationship.

Skye however rolled her eyes at me,

"I'm not Lauren, okay? I'm 22 years old, and whatever you guys do or don't is your business. Extra covers, pillows and all that stuff is in the closet in the guestroom, Mag can show you, Goodnight!"

Skye practically slammed the door in my face, reminding me of a few days ago, when she kept on abruptly hanging up on me. There was something slightly "I get the last word" or even passive/aggresive over it, but hey that was Liam's problem, not mine.

I sat in the couch for a while, wondering if Mag would even let me share the room with her, when we weren't even together. Just the thought of being so close to her, and watching her sleep made me warm inside. How was I ever going to leave her again, to go back on tour? I finally got up and knocked on her door, figuring that I had to get my bedding from her room no matter what.

Mag opened the door, looking slightly shocked, wearing a t-shirt and her regular baggy pajama-pants.

"Louis? What's up?"

"Skye said, there were extra covers and..." I stopped midsentence, when I realized something strange about Mag. She was standing with her arms crossed, but almost as if she was hiding something... That's when I noticed, and a wide grin spread across my face.

"Is that my t-shirt?" I asked pointing at the "Leeds Festival" t-shirt she was wearing, and she blushed bright red, avoiding eye contact,

"N-no, of course not! How would I even have one of your shirts? Silly you..." She tried to force a laugh, and I raised en eyebrow at her. She looked at me, nervously biting her bottom lip before finally letting out a sigh,

"Okay, yes it is yours! I... um... I borrowed it."

"Without asking? Isn't that usually called stealing?" I remarked, holding back a laugh,

"When did you even take it?"

"Well... I got up early, before you and Zayn the day I left, and this shirt was... well it was lying on the couch, so I took it. I'm sorry."

I hadn't even noticed that the shirt was missing, and the fact that she felt so guilty was unusually cute.

"Don't be sorry Mag, it's not a big deal... I'm just confused... you were really upset with me when you left, why did you take something that would remind you of me?"

"I was pretty angry," she started, sitting down on the bed, "but I didn't stop being in love with you... I never did, and then I saw this shirt and I just wanted it with me."

"Do you always sleep with it?"

"In the start, I would wear it because I missed you, and it made me feel closer to you, like having a part of you with me... God that sounds weird... but then I just got used to it, and I really like wearing it."

I smiled at her, tugging at the hem of my t-shirt (the one she was wearing),

"No that's not weird. It's pretty normal when you're in love... Believe me, I know all about it."

Mag gave me a confused look, and I took her hand in mine,

"Let me show you something." I pulled her into the livingroom where my trolley still was, and opened it.

Pushing a couple t-shirts aside, I pulled out the dark red beanie and white "I love London" t-shirt. Recognition flashed through Mag's eyes, as she took them out of my hands and turned to me with a smile,

"How did you get your hands on these? I've been looking for my favorite beanie, and this was my most used sleeping t-shirt!"

"Well before you left Paris, I may or may not have snuck into your room, while you were in the lobby, and grabbed this," I held up the t-shirt, "from your bed and this," I held up the beanie in my other hand, "from the nightstand. Now I just take them with me everywhere. I've actually worn that beanie quite a few times, and thanks to you always sleeping in big t-shirts, I've been able to wear the shirt as well. So as you can see... I'm every bit as pathetic, as you might feel!"

Mag smiled slightly as she looked at the items in my hand.

"Except I'm more, because I took two things." I added, and she let out an adorable laugh.

"You know, we never got to talk about things before you left." I said sitting next to her on the bed.

"Yeah... I guess now is as good a time as ever."

Zayn's P.O.V.

I woke up later than the others, and was instantly told to get ready, since our flight to Australia was in a couple hours.

"Where's Lou?" I asked, noticing the empty bunk.

"In London." Liam replied casually and I widened my eyes,

"So he decided to go anyway?"

"Yeah... something about a weird dream with Mag, Calum and matching tracksuits," Liam said furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, "well anyways, he left early this morning. He'll be joining us in a few days."

I was happy that Louis finally decided to do something about his issues instead of just moping around. I hoped he and Mag would get to work things out, by the time he had to join us.

While I finished packing, I recieved a text, that made me smile widely as I replied.

"What are you smiling at?" I heard Tally's voice and looked up hiding my phone.


She eyed me suspiciously, as Niall stepped up next to her,

"What's going on pumpkin?"

"Zaynie is being sneaky." Tally said, and they both looked at me intensely as if trying to read my mind.

"You're keeping something from the rest of us!" Tally suddenly exclaimed, and I shook my head,

"No I'm not!"

"What's happening down here?" Harry joined in making me groan.

"Quiffy has a secret!" Niall smiled wiggling his eyebrows.

"Hey! Secrets aren't allowed!" Harry said fake offended and I looked at him stupidly,

"Shut up, I'm not hiding anything."

I walked past the three of them, inserting my earbuds and turning the volume on my iPod all the way up.

But they were right, I did have a secret.

A very sweet secret, and it didn't exactly effect the band, so it didn't hurt not telling them. They would find out when I was ready, and until then I just had to play it cool. It would probably be a while though. Nothing would be official until we were done with the tour, and by then Louis and Mag would probably also be a thing, and the others would be fawning over them. Maybe Skye and Liam would also have come out at that time.

I just wondered how the fans would react, when in a few months from now, they would discover that all five of us were taken.


soo you know what that means???? Zaayn has a secret girlfriend!!!! who could it be? ;) also I'll start publishing my other movella in a few weeks!! :)

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