Rubble and sins

Amy and Jason grew up together and had always been best friends. But when Amy is 14 sends her parents her to a boarding school far away and her contact with Jason fades away. Three years later they run into each other by coincidence and that’s where this story begins.
My entry for the “Inspired By A Song” competition. Inspired by Bastille’s Pompeii.


1. Rubble And Sins

When I walked out of the shower and to my closet, so come both the anxiety and panic like a hard fist against my stomach. My first instinct was to call Susan but I quickly put away that thought. To call and disturb her because of the fact that I can’t decide what to wear on my date with Jason was pathetic. Especially since I didn’t even know if it would be classed as a date at all. Everything made me so confused, I didn’t know what to think. Just the fact to meet Jason again felt like a dream. I had hardly believed my eyes when I saw him yesterday in the middle of town. I recognized him at once, and went into the nearest shop to hide. I didn’t want him to see me like this, I wanted him to still have the old memories of me. I thought I had gotten rid of him when I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I had turned around and there he was, Jason in his great splendour with his blond golden hair and crystal blue eyes. He had said he was relieved that it was me and not a stranger that he had knocked on the shoulder. He hadn’t been alone when we met. It had been a boy and two other girls with him, as if they were on a double date. That’s probably it. One of the girls had to be his girlfriend. He only said that he wanted us to meet and talk, fill the gaps from the last years and talk about the good old days. So why was I so nervous? It’s not a date. Jason would never date me. Not before, and certainly not now. I took a deep breath before I once again drew my attention to the closet. I didn’t want anything that made it look like I tried and thought too much about the matter. I didn’t want Jason to think that I saw is as a date, even though I hoped that it was. No, stop it! It’s not a date. I’ll just see an old childhood friend who I haven’t seen in a while. Which also had grown up to be a hottie while I had grown up to a freak. It was late summer but still warm enough so that I could wear shorts. I took out my black shorts and a sweater which was dip dyed in light pink and blue. It’s the only piece of clothing I own that’s pink. Most of the sweater is blue, which was the reason I liked it. If it had been full pink, I never would have used it. Pink just wasn’t my thing. It looked good with the black shorts. I didn’t want to be fully dressed in black, which I had been yesterday. I probably couldn’t have made a worse impression than I did yesterday in my black jeans and my black hoodie. Jason didn’t seem to care about it but his friends didn’t made an effort in hiding that they did. When I had my clothes on, I sat down on my bed and started to blow dry my dark brown hair. Even though it wasn’t so long, only to my shoulders, so was it really hard to get it dry since it was so thick. Once it was more or less dry I started with my makeup. Foundation to hide how pale I was, mascara and eye shadow to hide how tired my eyes were. When I felt that I was ready so took I my leather bracelet that I never left the house without, and put it on my left wrist. I checked the time on my mobile. It was half an hour before Jason and I were going to meet but I might as well start walking now. Take a detour and clear my mind, calm myself down. I went down to the hallway, put on my black converse and left the house without saying a word. Nobody would care about that I left. Nor for that matter if I never would came back either…

When I saw Jason was I filled with a rush of different emotions. Anticipation, fear, excitement, anxiety, happiness and sadness. Both good and bad feelings at the same time. I tried to shake off the bad feelings so I could manage to get a smile on and wave to him.     
“Amy!” he burst out and run up to me. He embraced me in a hug and lifted me up, my feet leaving the ground. I could not help but laugh in his embrace. He sat me down on the ground again, stroked my cheek with his big hands and put my hair behind my ear, looking into my eyes. It was as if he looked into my soul and I desperately hoped he didn’t. My soul is far from beautiful.
“I can hardly believe it’s you, it’s been so long since last time. You’ve grown” Jason said, smiling stupidly at me.
“You too” was all I said. He truly had. Last time we met was I the tallest one. Now Jason was the one looking down on me. Not only that, when we last seen each other was Jason still a little boy. Who I saw before me now was not a boy anymore, he was a man.
“So what do you say, shall we go and by us some ice cream like in the old days?” an simple question, yet it felt as if something burst within me as he asked it. I only nodded in response. Jason handed me his arm and I accepted his offer. We went linked arms to the old ice cream parlor that we always visited as children.
“Is strawberry still your favourite?” he asked me as we stood in line for the ice cream parlor. I was totally amazed that he was remembering what my favourite ice cream had been in all these years. Though when I thought about it, so did I.
“Yes it is. Is your still pears?”
Jason didn’t answer instead he just smiled. It was our turn to order and before I knew it so had Jason paid for the two ice creams, one strawberry for me and a pear for himself.
“You know, I had planned to pay for mine” I told him when he gave me the ice cream.
“You see I’m the type of guy who pays on the first date, so of course couldn’t I let you pay”
He smiled at me while I was totally stunned. Had he just said date?...
“Come, I want to show you something” he said and hooked my arm again.
We went through town together whit our arms linked. There were several people that looked at us and whispered. I recognized a few from my school, the rest was probably from Jason’s. Once I discovered it couldn’t I stop thinking about it and I felt my blood rushed up to my cheeks. Jason however, seemed not to notice anything, or he just didn’t care. He was probably used to people looking at him.
“Jason where are you taking me?” I asked and laughed a little nervously.
“You’ll see. You'll probably soon recognize it”
He led us out from downtown towards a hill were you could see the city we lived in, in all its glory. How could I have forgotten about this place? It was here that Jason and I always went as kids, this was our lookout point. We always used to sit in the grass on this hill and look out over the city, talking about our dreams and eating ice cream.
“Do you remember?” Jason asked and smiled at me.
“As if it were yesterday” I respond.
We sat down in the grass and ate the rest of our ice cream in silence.
“I can barely believe it. It’s crazy how much has changed” Jason said suddenly and watched the horizon. If you only know I thought and sighed.
“I mean before you could see the ocean from here. Now it’s not possible for all the buildings that’s in the way. The forest used to be behind this hill, now it has been cut down. It’s as if the city I used to love is tumbling down around me and I can’t do anything about it. Do you understand what I mean or dose it just sound crazy?” he looked carefully at me and his eyes told me that he was totally serious. He wasn’t joking around anymore.
“I understand what you mean. You don’t like the modern city with skyscrapers”  
“It’s not that I hate it. I just don’t like that they are destroying what used to be beautiful with this city to create it. I mean look around. Before you could see the beautiful landscape here, you and I used to look out towards the ocean and dream of adventures at the sea. Now you can only see buildings and grey clouds rolling over the hills from all the industries. It all has changed so much since we were kids”
“You have no idea” I said without thinking.
Jason looked at me questioningly, and I immediately regretted the words that had left my mouth.
“Forget what I said” I said, looking down at the ground, playing with the green grass with my fingers.
“Amy it’s me, Jason. Come on you can tell me. Wasn’t that the whole point of this, that we would tell each other what has happened over the years we were apart?”
I believed what he said just by looking at him. The crystal blue eyes looked at me with compassion and encouragement. I knew that if I told Jason he wouldn’t judge me. He eyes told me that he cared about me. So I took a deep breath, took a last look into his beautiful eyes before I looked out over the city and opened my heart completely to him.
“As you know, I never got along well with my parents. Believe it or not but it has actually gotten worse over the years. Now I barely even talk to them. I know they sent me to that damn school just to get rid of me. They never wanted me. I was that unplanned child that ruined their perfect lives. And being a child whose own parents doesn’t love you, who are sent away from their friends to a school that you hate more than anything else, it leaves its marks. I was left alone and the days went on without me feeling alive. I’m never happy anymore. I fell completely empty and cold inside. And I feel so terrible alone. It doesn’t matter if I’m in a room full of people, I still feel lonely. It feels like I’m drowning, while I can see everyone around me breathing. Then one day when it was too much took I a razor blade and cut myself. That’s why I have this leather bracelet, I never go anywhere whiteout it. It hides my scar. I’ve only done it once, but one is more than enough to make people stay away from you at my school. My parents didn’t even care. They said it was the school’s thing to take care of. That it was the schools responsibility. So the school fixed Susan to me. She’s a psychologist and really great. We met once a week during school. She became my friend. We have met a few times during the summer over a cup of coffee. I told her how I didn’t want to be home this summer, I don’t want to be near my parents. So she arranged a job for me. So I work all the time and on the weekends I’m most out walking with some music just to get away. When I met you yesterday had I just walking around downtown so that it would take more time for me to get home from work. So now you’ve heard my pathetic story”
I hadn’t looked on Jason while I told him what I’ve been through. I didn’t know how I expected him to react. Whiteout saying anything he came closer to me and hugged me. I couldn’t hold in my tears anymore and let them silently fall on my cheeks. I felt Jason’s big hands easily embrace my face and made me look at him. He whipped away my tears with his thumbs and looked deep into my eyes. He placed his soft lips against my forehead and kept them there for a while. Once he took them away, he looked down at me as if I was the most beautiful person he ever seen.
“So now it’s your turn” I said while forcing a smile.
“I guess that’s only fair” he said, almost laughing.
He held me still in his arms and I laid my head against his chest, felt how it rose and sunk as he breathed.
“I’m barely the person that you used to know Amy. I’ve made so many mistakes. I’ve sinned as my aunt would say”
“It’s okay” I whispered against his chest. “You can tell me”
Jason took a deep breath and sighed loudly.
“I don’t even know where to begin… I guess it all started when you disappeared. It was as if a piece of me disappeared with you, I didn’t feel whole anymore. You have always been special to me Amy, and always will be. Anyway, when I started school again so changed things quickly. Suddenly was I one of the popular guys. I couldn’t believe what was happening and it went to my head. The attention was like a drug to me. It did so I didn’t miss you as much anymore. I started to go to all the big parties, drank way too much. My grades began to drop, my parents become angry, I drank even more. I don’t even remember exactly when it started but during a party was I offered drugs. I took it whiteout even thinking about it. And I lost my virginity that night to a girl I don’t even like when I was high. I felt like crap the day after and regretted everything I’d done but I still did it all over again the week after. And it has been like that for a while now. I’ve tried to stop, but it’s not as easy as you might think. It's not as bad as it used to but I wouldn’t say that I’m clean"
Jason paused and let me take in the information that he’d given me.
“So we’re a depressed girl and a drug addict. Is that what you’re saying? What a pair we do”
“More like rubble and sins. But I think we make the perfect pair” Jason softly spoke and stroke my hair.
I looked up at him and saw how he was near tears.
“Amy, to see you again, have you in my arms, I never want to let you go. I could sit here forever as long as you were here with me. I finally feel whole again now that you’re here. It’s as if I close my eyes it feels like nothing changed at all. I don’t care if you have a small scar, certainly not since my own is much deeper. I just want you here with me. Amy, I love you. I have always loved you”
Jason bent down and kissed me. It was a soft and gentle kiss, as if he were afraid I would break and disappear. The both of us cried at this point, it was a mixture of sad and happy tears. We sat there on the hill and held each other for an eternity, long after the sun had went down. Eventually we left. Jason followed me all the way home and we walked hand in hand along the quiet streets. Once in front of my door gave Jason me a soft, yet desperate kiss. Since we both had to work the next day decided we to meet again on Saturday.

My stomach was full of butterflies as Jason banged on my door. When I opened the door and saw Jason felt it like my heart skipped a beat. I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a passionate kiss. He laughed at my behaviour and sat me back down on the ground.
“I have something for you” he whispered and I could feel his warm breath against my ear.
He held out a package to me that he had hidden behind his back. I opened it and found a beautiful watch with leather strap.
“I thought maybe you wanted it until you’re ready to show the world how beautiful and strong you are” he smiled at me and reached for my left arm. He took off my leather bracelet, lifted my wrist to his mouth and kissed my scar. He put gently on the watch. The clock itself was magnificent and had probably cost a fortune for poor students like us.
“Shell we go?” he asked me. “We don’t want to be late to the cinema”
I nodded in reply and placed my hand in his much larger one.
I looked up at his face, the golden blond hair, those crystal blue eyes, that wonderful smile he lips made, the lips that I just kissed. We walked in silent downtown, hand in hand, no words needed to be spoken. We had already opened our hearts to each other.
And for the first time in a really long time so didn’t I feel alone anymore.    

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