One Direction Imagines

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35. for miss payne direction

"You are so beautiful." My boyfriend complimented me. "I'm ok." I mumbled. We were Skyping each other. My boyfriend is THE Liam Payne from the band One Direction.He was on the plane home from a long time away from touring and I couldn't wait to see him. "Well babe, I'm gonna try to get some sleep so I'll be all fresh when I get home." I smiled. "Ok, sleep well. Love you." "Love you too." We each kissed our cameras. That's the closest thing we got to kissing when he's away. We hung up and I decided to go on twitter. Somebody made a hate page about me and I had so many notifications about it. My wrist burned. I got on the page and saw the comments. You're fat, ugly, slut, you're no good for Liam, go kill yourself. The tears came down my face. Now both of my wrists burned. I sniffed and went to the bathroom.

I slipped the bracelets off of my wrists. Fresh to almost dead cuts littered my bottom wrists. I pulled my shirt up and looked at my thigh. The cuts I made last week were starting to heal back. I searched in the drawers and found my blade. I leaned over the sink and held my left wrist out. "This is for being ugly." I touched the blade to a clean part of the skin. It wasn't doing anything, so I pressed harder letting the blade cut the surface of my skin. As I finished the first cut, adrenaline filled my body. Blood dripped from my wrist and into the sink. The blade had some blood on it to. I wiped the blood with the tip of my finger and held my right wrist up. "This is for being fat." The blade glided more smoothly now that there was blood on it. This time, the cut was deeper. I let a slight moan as I pulled the blade away. I continued to process for another ten minutes when I made the first cut to my thigh. My wrists were beginning to get boring so I started on my thigh. I squealed out in pain as I wiped the blood from my skin. I threw the blade in the sink along with the blood. I took a wipe and began to clean my wrists. The deeper the cut, the more it hurt. I felt really tired. I've never lost this much blood doing this before. As bad as it was it was the only way. All my feelings could pour out. I put the wipe on the sink and went to my room. I laid on the bed and passed out.

I have been doing self harm for about nine months now. At first I did it once and I told myself I wouldn't do it again. I lied to myself. I continued and never thought about it. Liam didn't know and I was keeping it that way. I felt someone shaking me. My wrists burned along with my thigh. "Chloe! Please baby don't leave me." It was Liam he had my hand up to his forehead. "Liam?" I mumbled. He was crying. "Chloe! Oh thank the lord you're ok! Why though? Why?" I sat up letting a slight scream out from the pain in my side. I was crying now. "The hate. I hate everything about myself. I don't deserve you." He hugged me slightly. "Chloe, never do this to yourself again. Think about how much I love you and how perfect you are to me. Think about how much the boys love you. Our fans love you. Please stop this habit. I can't bear to see my girl hurt." I hugged him. "Ok Liam. I'll try to stop." "If you can't stop, I can get you help." He looked at me and wiped the tears away. "Now, lets get you cleaned up."

It took a year but, I finally stopped doing self harm. Liam got me help and I spent a lot of time with the boys realizing how lucky I was. I then focused on all the good things in life. The scars still show, but they are going away. The happier I get, the more they seem to fade. Sometimes I don't see why I ever hurt myself. But I try to forget those painful nine months.
for miss payne direction, i hope its what you wanted, i didnt know if i shoulda wrote this or not. if by chance you do, do self harm, please stop. think of all the good things in your life. you may not know me but, i love you, i love everyone!! and i hate for anyone to be sad. im not a sad person :) :) and if you dont do self harm thats awesome!! :D :D so i hope its what you wanted!! :) :)

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